Issue136 第3篇宪时 帮忙看看，有拍必回，互改交友

flfengUID: 2111823

Issue136  第3篇 帮忙看看，有拍必回，互改交友
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分4秒     601 words
从2005年7月27日13时8分到2005年7月27日13时45分


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The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.
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Is our daily life full of choice or are we deprived of the rights to make decisions? The speaker claims that the absence of choice is very rare and I agree fundamentally. Although sometimes people are forced to make decisions or take actions which are not out of their own will, we still have to believe the world that we live is the sea full of choices.

Choice is the essence of life and most of the individuals thrive or prosper under their own choices. For examples we need to look no further than the case of the Microsoft Bill Gates who dropt out the university and set up a software firm, which now leads the software industry, under his own minds. It is safe to make the conclusion the world is full of choices, otherwise, we will have no so many giant companies and successful business men.

Some people believe that the choice we talk about is just the game of those geniuses, which I take leave to doubt, It is those people who look down upon their choices but not they are deprived of the great fundamental rights. Maybe choices of the common individual is not as significant as those made by world famous elite. But I'd like to say, it is not the elite make their choices significant but that their choices endow them the fame. Henry Ford made the choice of extending the car production by introducing the assembly line, soon his fame surges and made him not just a businessman but a world leading industry reformer. Martin Luther King's choice of leading the people to fight for the equality rights distinguished him the Noble laureate.

Even if our own choices are minor compared to those world famous leaders, they have great influence on  own daily life. The high school graduates' choice of entering a university will profoundly influence his future life and the family's investment in a particular stock will not only affect the economic situation of the members but also bear an influence on its stability. What is even minor, the choice of choosing a course in a college, will also affect the values and skills of a person. Doubtless that we made thousands of choices everyday, whatever it is no matter how trivial it will be, at least we possess the rights to make them.

Yet, we have to concede, under certain circumstances, our choice is greatly affected by the regulations, laws, moralities and so forth. The respect of the elder people prohibit us from quarrel with the old men even if they made mistakes and illegal actions such stealing and cheating are absolutely forbidden that if we want to make these choices, the law and jail are waiting for us. Another circumstance is that the people in a none democratic country will have less chance to make choice for the law doesn't give them the rights but just protect the interests of the governors and leader. The saddam's regime is the best example where people don't have right to freely express themselves and make choices under their own will.

In sum, we get a clear view that the absence of choice is very rare in our daily life. Even if sometimes we feel that we oppressed and don't have many choices, I see it is not because the choices are limited but that you do not take the venture to explore them. Also the choice is everywhere, only those who have great minds and strength and have been well prepared for them can make the best use of the choices.

hilucyUID: 209731

geniuses-->genius
你好，我觉得这片文章思路清晰，文笔流畅，结构也不错，作者的功底很扎实，我的水平肯定比你差远了，但还是冒昧提一点建议：
1，Some people believe that the choice we talk about is just the game of those geniuses，我觉得这里应该稍微润色一下，我觉得这里你肯定是想采用先抑后扬的方式，但我觉得读者可能觉得突然话峰变了，如果你能改成“选择不仅是天才们的专利，平民百姓同样拥有选择的权力,,,,”，在这里再进一步强调就更有说服力了。我的一点愚见。
2，我觉得在阐论平凡人的选择的时候福特和马丁路德金的例子似乎不太具有说服力，如果是周围的朋友更好，我觉得有时的论据可以选择平凡人，而且要紧紧抓住“处处皆有选择这个观点”
3，开头和结尾都用了in our daily life，结尾的句子稍微没有前面流畅。
呵呵，一起努力啦

nksisiUID: 2101023

第二段，‘for example’，gates的例子说的有点极端，不是under his own minds吧，最后一句的and successful business men，不通
倒数第二段，under certain circumstances，应该是 in 吧；our choice is －－our choices  are；such stealing and cheating －－such as stealing and cheating
最后一段，I see it is not because the choices are limited but that you do not take the venture to explore them.这里用you不好吧，不舒服^_^

总体挺好的，呵呵，真佩服能写这么多字，呵呵

love-yogurtUID: 171347

这么难的文章，限时也能写到600字？！佩服佩服！
不过第四段是不是有点跑题呢？they have great influence on  own daily life.有没有影响的问题和是否rare的问题好像没什么关系。也就是说，即使你证明了选择很重要，对人生有很大影响，it lends no support to the conclusion.

看看我的文章吧！
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D103

[ Last edited by love-yogurt on 2005-7-27 at 23:25 ]