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amostimeUID: 2117906

------摘要------
作者：even     共用时间：32分11秒     402 words
从2005年6月29日0时8分到2005年6月29日0时32分
------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
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The business manager of Valu-Market stores suggested that by increasing the stock of office supplies such as paper, pens and staplers, the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores. However, the evidence on which the conclusion is based is logically flawed, which renders it unconvincing as it stands.

To start with, the mere fact that 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they now have to carry back home more work than they used to do is scant evidence that there is a work-at-home trend. The manager did not tell us how many people took part in the survey, nor did he tell us whether these people typify all of the consumers. As a result, the mention of 70 percent can not convince me that it is proportionally significant and can reflect a trend for working at home.

Even if the respondents of the survey do represent the mass public and there has really been an increase in work carried back home, it might still not be an advantage for the mall to catch. No further information about how long this trend will last is offered, and there is possibility that the increase will soon be replaced by an abrupt decrease, thus rendering the market for home office supplies unprofitable.

In addition, the suggestion to increase stock for both home office machines and supplies for the mall does not necessarily guarantee a surging margin. As though more people are bringing more work to home, they might not need additional office machines. They might be doing documentary work that only needs a computer or conducting telemarketing with nothing else but a telephone line. Without considering and ruling out these possibilities, the manager's assertion is ungrounded. Even if consumers do need more office machines and supplies at home, whether the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores is questionable. As no information is given about the status quo of other departments, in this way, it is equally possible that though the office-supply departments are growing in profits after the changes, other departments are having more eminent performance.

To conclude, the manager's notion that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart is not convincing unless he can prove that people are using more home office machines and supplies as the result from a long-lasting work-at-home trend and the other departments do not override the home-office departments. To better evaluate the assertion, I need more information about the work load of an average person at home and the sales of other departments.

[ Last edited by amostime on 2005-7-29 at 01:20 ]

tz0412UID: 180794

The business manager of Valu-Market stores suggested that by increasing the stock of office supplies such as paper, pens and staplers, the office-supply departments will (would)  become the most profitable component of their stores. However, the evidence on which the conclusion is based is logically flawed, which renders it unconvincing as it stands.  经典开头阿，呵呵。

To start with, the mere fact that 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they now have to carry back home more work than they used to do is scant evidence that there is a work-at-home trend. The manager did not tell us how many people took part in the survey, nor did he tell us whether these people typify all of the consumers. As a result, the mention of 70 percent  (加个statistics？)  can not convince me that it is proportionally (你前面并没有对70%这个数据展开攻击，这里用proportionally不太恰当坝？)  significant and can reflect a trend for working at home.

Even if the respondents of the survey do represent the mass public and there has really been an increase in work carried back home, it might still not be an advantage for the mall to catch （mall?） . No further information about how long this trend will last is offered, and there is possibility that the increase will soon be replaced by an abrupt decrease, thus rendering the market for home office supplies unprofitable.

In addition, the suggestion to increase stock for both home office machines and supplies for the mall(明白了，mall是指代store，两者绝对等价吗？而且vw我觉得是个销售集团把) does not necessarily guarantee a surging margin. As though more people are bringing more work to home, they might not need additional office machines. They might be doing documentary work that only needs a computer or conducting telemarketing with nothing else but a telephone line. Without considering and ruling out these possibilities, the manager's assertion is ungrounded. Even if consumers do need more office machines and supplies at home, whether the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores is questionable. As no information is given about the status quo（我一直再北美范文里不懂quo这个单词的意思，请你看到这里一顶记得回帖告诉我一下啊，谢谢） of other departments, in this way, it is equally possible that though the office-supply departments are growing in profits after the changes, other departments are having more eminent performance. 这一段论的好，如果有时间的话，还可以插一段说销量上升并不代表利润上升，因为未考虑成本。

To conclude, the manager's notion that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart is not convincing unless he can prove that people are using more home office machines and supplies as the result from a long-lasting work-at-home trend and the other departments do not override the home-office departments. To better evaluate the assertion, I  （also）  need more information about the work load of an average person at home and the sales of other departments.结尾也很不错啊

来回拍了，觉得你写得很好啊，结构和文字都不错。 我觉得任何一篇文章的逻辑错误都不只三个，所以大家攻击的错误可能不一样，但是最重要的错误一定要找到。 所以我觉得你在我的文章中指出的我没有发现office department成为所有部门中利润最多的这个漏洞（重要漏洞）这个意见对我非常有帮助啊，谢谢啦。
希望以后多多帮助啊。

iwltwsUID: 157821

status quo

MW 解释
existing state of affairs

CIBA &babylon 解释
现状

AHD 解释
The existing condition or state of affairs.

[ Last edited by iwltws on 2005-7-29 at 23:49 ]

tz0412UID: 180794

Originally posted by iwltws at 2005-7-29 23:47
status quo

MW 解释
existing state of affairs

CIBA &babylon 解释
现状

AHD 解释
The existing condition or state of affairs.

多谢了 ：）