issue93 一小时写的，很是郁闷，拍得时候忍受一下吧，这个题目不好写的说

ahqiuUID：207682

Issue93
——题目——
The concept of individual responsibility is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
——正文——
Before we discuss this complex issue, it is necessary to have a true understanding of what individual responsibility means. As far as I concerned, individual responsibility can be define as a sense that people in the society should be accountable for the dreams of their own and their behavior in the society, which are largely determined by their survival values, the laws and the environment. Individual responsibility is important for both the society and human beings, although it is a fiction. However, I disagree with the speaker that people's behavior is largely determined by the outer forces.

To begin with, I have to concede that individual responsibility is indispensable for both individuals and society although it is just a sense created by imagination. To individuals, this sense of responsibility enables a person to be responsible for his dreams, which makes him try every effort and cling to his dreams. What the responsibility is in concrete? No one can easily describe it, since it advises people to do something so as to succeed, but what this “something” is, the individual responsibility does not show us. It is a fiction, which is essential to make the person not idle about his life, although not every one of us can make our dreams come true. As to the society, individual responsibility make most of people have a sense to abide by the laws, and be accountable for their behavior. It seems that people are more afraid of punishment of the laws than realizing their individual responsibilities subconsciously. That is to say, if everyone or most of us has a strong sense of responsible for the society, then some of the laws can be abandoned. Unfortunately, however, people have little sense of responsibilities, which can be illustrate that people often commit illegal behavior thinking that the laws omit that action. Individual responsibility is a fiction as to the society, but necessary, because people need an honorable reason to abide by the laws. In a word, the concept of individual of responsibility is just a context to the society created by the governor so as to better managing the nation, and also a motivator for an individual to run after his dream.

However, people's behavior is largely determined by themselves, not the power out of them. People have their own expectations and desires, their behavior serve for the goals, although it seems that it is largely determined by the environment. Some people may argue that a poor person even can not meet his basic need, how could he make his dreams come true, and his behavior is determined by the environment. It seems true superficially, but the fact is that his behavior is all around the goal. The reason why he should fulfill his basic need first is that he wants to make his dream come true, and it is the essential via to his goal. Moreover, some people never give up his dreams even though his basic needs are not fulfilled. For example, while Van Gore was keeping poor without selling out one piece of his paintings, and led a miserable life, but he never change the style to meet people's interests. People can determine their behavior, in the process of which individual responsibilities play an important part, although it may be restricted by the environment.

Moreover, the thought that people's behavior is not determined by the forces of their own making is a pretext which shows the person is not responsible for his behavior. In human society, actually, every person has his own difficulty, and how to face it? Some people are successful, for they find an appropriate means to solve the problems, such as a kind of active attitude, whereas some of them just use other maleficence to get an unearned wealth. For example, every year, there are such scandals that exposed the false account of the company, and multitudes of money evaporated to the air. People always say that they are compelled by the environment, and their behavior contradicts to their will. It sounds ridiculous because other people under the similar circumstances choose positive measures to solve the problem effectively. For instance, many companies have faced the budget deficit, but only few of them make false account. The truth is that the managers of these few companies never realize individual responsibilities. In this sense, people are capable to determine their behavior as long as they will, which is a reflection of certain responsibility.

To sum up, I admit that the individual responsibility is a n essential sense created by imagination. However, that does not mean people can not responsible for their lives and behavior. People’s expectations serve for their dreams, so they are capable of determine their behavior.

fircattyUID：166248

占座
抽象的题是不太好写
待会贴~
我的185，互相拍拍吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2
八卦一个，楼主什么时候考？

fhxyweiUID：157384

我考完了，是我回报你们的时候了，马上帮你改，等

ahqiuUID：207682

这篇实在是不好意思拿来见人
写了那么多字，而且越写越不对
重点给点思路上的建议吧写的我想撞墙

ahqiuUID：207682

Originally posted by fhxywei at 2005-7-29 19:12
我考完了，是我回报你们的时候了，马上帮你改，等

你先休息吧
怕你受刺激，这篇文章很郁闷
读不懂表怪我啊，反正考试遇到这种就死了

ahqiuUID：207682

狠狠拍吧，我是有点退步了
越写越绝望，废话特别多
先走了，休息去

fhxyweiUID：157384

Issue93
——题目——
The concept of individual responsibility is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
——正文——
Before we discuss this complex issue, it is necessary to have a true understanding of what individual responsibility means. As far as I concerned, individual responsibility can be define as a sense that people in the society should be accountable for the dreams of their own and their behavior in the society, which are largely determined by their survival values, the laws and the environment.[这个定义太广泛了吧？特别是后面被什么决定，好像有点和前面矛盾的感觉] Individual responsibility is important for both the society and human beings, although it is a fiction. However[这个however,改成moreover好些，因为这儿转折不是很强烈，因为前一句得主句也是讲个人责任的重要性，后面明显示是递进，你自己题会一下了], I disagree with the speaker that people's behavior is largely determined by the outer forces. [立场还算明确，其实这道题目本身就是一个自相矛盾的命题，前半部分讲个人责任 necessary,后半部分又说个人的行为有外因决定，所以立场清晰对写这个题目很重要]


To begin with, I have to concede that individual responsibility is indispensable for both individuals and society although it is just a sense created by imagination. To individuals, this sense of responsibility enables a person to be responsible for his dreams, which makes him try every effort and cling to his dreams. What the responsibility is in concrete? No one can easily describe it, since it advises people to do something so as to succeed, but what this “something” is, the individual responsibility does not show us. It is a fiction, which is essential to make the person not idle about his life, although not every one of us can make our dreams come true.

[建议从这儿分段，用个On a societal level开头]As to the society, individual responsibility make most of people have a sense to abide by the laws, and be accountable for their behavior. It seems that people are more afraid of punishment of the laws than realizing their individual responsibilities subconsciously. That is to say, if everyone or most of us has a strong sense of responsible for the society, then some of the laws can be abandoned. Unfortunately, however, people have little sense of responsibilities, which can be illustrate that people often commit illegal behavior thinking that the laws omit that action. Individual responsibility is a fiction as to the society, but necessary, because people need an honorable reason to abide by the laws.[这个理由也是你自己的诡辩：）个人责任有助于遵纪守法？] In a word, the concept of individual of responsibility is just a context to the society created by the governor so as to better managing the nation, and also a motivator for an individual to run after his dream.[这一大段，从两个方面讲，最好让层次清晰一些，分成两段也可以，全是理论分析，适当举个例子也未尝不可，虽然我很讨厌例子的冗长累积，呵呵]

However, [这个however,和我前面分析的一样，应当用递进，因为最终还是讲的个人内因的重要性]people's behavior is largely determined by themselves, not the power out of them. People have their own expectations and desires, their behavior serve for the goals, although it seems that it is largely determined by the environment. Some people may argue that a poor person even can not meet his basic need, how could he make his dreams come true, and his behavior is determined by the environment. It seems true superficially, but the fact is that his behavior is all around the goal. The reason why he should fulfill his basic need first is that he wants to make his dream come true, and it is the essential via to his goal. Moreover, some people never give up his dreams even though his basic needs are not fulfilled. For example, while Van Gore was keeping poor without selling out one piece of his paintings, and led a miserable life, but he never change the style to meet people's interests.[强调一下是他的inner conviction起作用会更好一些] People can determine their behavior, in the process of which individual responsibilities play an important part, although it may be restricted by the environment.

Moreover, the thought that people's behavior is not determined by the forces of their own making is a pretext which shows the person is not responsible for his behavior. In human society, actually, every person has his own difficulty, and how to face it? Some people are successful, for they find an appropriate means to solve the problems, such as a kind of active attitude, whereas some of them just use other maleficence to get an unearned wealth. For example, every year, there are such scandals that exposed the false account of the company, and multitudes of money evaporated to the air. People always say that they are compelled by the environment, and their behavior contradicts to their will. It sounds ridiculous because other people under the similar circumstances choose positive measures to solve the problem effectively. For instance, many companies have faced the budget deficit, but only few of them make false account.[这个假帐的例子说明什么呢？逃避责任？] The truth is that the managers of these few companies never realize individual responsibilities. In this sense, people are capable to determine their behavior as long as they will, which is a reflection of certain responsibility.

To sum up, I admit that the individual responsibility is a n essential sense created by imagination. However, that does not mean people can not responsible for their lives and behavior. People’s expectations serve for their dreams, so they are capable of determine their behavior.

考场上能写成这样，那就不错了，不过，建议你把层次分清楚些，把这个题目得逻辑关系分析清楚先：）

我爱吃DoveUID：2116071

说实话，不是太懂，基本作了些小修改，感觉还是很通顺的！加油阿！
也顺便看看我的吧~~呵呵，本以为挺好写得，却总感觉跑题了~~

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=308421

Before we discuss this complex issue, it is necessary to have a true understanding of what individual responsibility means. As far as I concerned, individual responsibility can be define as a sense that people in the society should be accountable for the dreams of their own and their behavior in the society, which are largely determined by their survival values, the laws and the environment. Individual responsibility is important for both the society and human beings, although it is a fiction. However, I disagree with the speaker that people's behavior is largely determined by the outer forces. （写得好长的开头阿~~佩服！）

To begin with, I have to concede that individual responsibility is indispensable for both individuals and society although it is just a sense created by imagination. To individuals, this sense of responsibility enables a person to be responsible for his dreams, which makes him try every effort and cling to his dreams. What the responsibility is in concrete? No one can easily describe it, since it advises people to do something so as to succeed, but what this “something” is, the individual responsibility does not show us. It is a fiction, which is essential to make the person not idle about his life, although not every one of us can make our dreams come true. As to the society, individual responsibility make most of people have a sense to abide by the laws, and be accountable for their behavior. It seems that people are more afraid of punishment of the laws than realizing their individual responsibilities subconsciously. That is to say, if everyone or most of us has a strong sense of responsible for the society, then some of the laws can be abandoned. Unfortunately, however, people have little sense of responsibilities,（这句话似乎有点累赘，已经说过一遍了，两个红色的话似乎一样的句式） which can be illustrate that people often commit illegal behavior thinking that the laws omit that action. Individual responsibility is a fiction as to the society, but necessary, because people need an honorable reason to abide by the laws. In a word, the concept of individual of responsibility is just a context to the society created by the governor so as to better managing the nation, and also a motivator for an individual to run after his dream.（说实话，看不太懂，呵呵，大概是说人类责任和法律的关系吧~~）

However, people's behavior is largely determined by themselves, not the power out of them. People have their own expectations and desires, their behavior serve for the goals, although it seems that it is largely determined by the environment. Some people may argue that a poor person even can not (顺序似乎怪怪的) meet his basic need, how could he make his dreams come true, and his behavior is determined by the environment（可以不用再写这个句子了吧，已经表达清楚了）. It seems true superficially, but the fact is that his behavior is all around the goal. The reason why he should fulfill his basic need first is that he wants to make his dream come true, and it is the essential via to his goal. Moreover, some people never give up his dreams even though his basic needs are not fulfilled. For example, while Van Gore was keeping poor without selling out one piece of his paintings, and led a miserable life, but he never change the style to meet people's interests. People can determine their behavior, in the process of which individual responsibilities play an important part, although it may be restricted by the environment.

Moreover, the thought that people's behavior is not determined by the forces of their own making is a pretext which shows the person is not responsible for his behavior. In human society, actually, every person has his own difficulty, and（so是不是更好？） how to face it? Some people are successful, for they find an appropriate means to solve the problems, such as a kind of active attitude, whereas some of them just use other maleficence（maleficences） to get an unearned wealth. For example, every year, there are such scandals that exposed the false account of the company, and multitudes of money evaporated to the air. People always say that they are compelled by the environment, and their behavior contradicts to their will. It sounds ridiculous because other people under the similar circumstances choose positive measures to solve the problem effectively. For instance, many companies have faced the budget deficit, but only few of them make false account. The truth is that the managers of these few companies never realize individual responsibilities. In this sense, people are capable to determine their behavior as long as they will, which is a reflection of certain responsibility.

To sum up, I admit that the individual responsibility is a n essential sense created by imagination. However, that does not mean people can not (be) responsible for their lives and behavior (behaviors). People’s expectations serve for their dreams, so they are capable of determine their behavior.

polymathUID：179557

刚刚说帮你改！现在却拉到后面了！不过还是说几句！:)

——题目——
The concept of individual responsibility is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
——正文——
Before we discuss this complex issue, it is necessary to have a true understanding of what individual responsibility means. As far as I concerned, individual responsibility can be definedefined as a sense that people in the society should be accountable应该是responsible 吧！ for the dreams of their own and their behavior in the society, which are largely determined by their survival values, the laws and the environment感觉这个句子头轻脚重啊！能不能改写一下！;). Individual responsibility is important for both the society and human beings, although it is a fiction. However, I disagree with the speaker that people's behavior is largely determined by the outer forces. 开篇托出主要观点，不错！

To begin with, I have to concede that individual responsibility is indispensable for both individuals and society although it is just a sense created by imagination. To individuals, this sense of responsibility enables a person to be responsible for his dreams, which makes him try every effort不惜一切代价这么说啊！ and cling to his dreams这么改怎么样啊？which makes him cling to his dreams at all costs. What the responsibility is in concrete? No one can easily describe it, since it advises people to do something so as to succeed, but what this “something” is, the individual responsibility does not show us. 写的很好啊！It is a fiction, which is essential to make the person not idle about his life, although not every one of us can make our dreams come true. As to the society, individual responsibility make most of people have a sense to abide by the laws, and be accountable for their behavior. It seems that people are more afraid care怎么样？afraid太恐怖了，也没有那么严重！of punishment of the laws than realizing their individual responsibilities subconsciously. That is to say, if everyone or most of us has a strong sense of responsibleresponsiblity for the society, then some of the laws can be abandoned. Unfortunately, however,去掉，表示转折和Unfortunately重复！ people have little sense of 照应一下，换成suchresponsibility吧！ responsibilities, which can be illustrated that people often commit illegal behavior thinking that the laws omit that action这句最好改写一下！that 短语用的不当！. Individual responsibility is a fiction as to the society, but necessary, because people need an honorable reason to abide by the laws. In a word, the concept of individual of responsibility is just a context context是上下文的意思！用在这里不妥吧！是不是想用content呀？to the society created by the governor so as to better managing the nation, and also a motivator for an individual to run after his dream.as to 的用法我一直没搞明白？能否详细说一下！thanks!:)

However, people's behavior is largely determined by themselves, not the power out of them. People have their own expectations and desires, 觉得前面加个and,去掉“，”比较好！their behavior serve for the goals, although it seems that it is largely determined by the environment. Some people may argue that a poor person even can not meet his basic need, how could he make his dreams come true, and his behavior is determined by the environment. It seems true superficially, but the fact is that his behavior is all around the goal. The reason why he should fulfill his basic need first is that he wants to make his dream come true, and it is the essential via to his goal. Moreover, some people never give up his dreams even though his basic needs are not fulfilledneeds用fulfilled不太好吧？换成addressed/meet. For example, while while 和but搭配？改为though啦！Van Gore was keeping keptpoor without selling out one piece of his paintings, and led a miserable life, but he never change the style to meet people's interests.加个So People can determine their behavior, in the process of which individual responsibilities play an important part, although it may be restricted by the environment. 例子举得还行！但是感觉论证的不太好！

Moreover, the thought that people's behavior is not determined by the forces of their own making is a pretext which shows the person is not responsible for his behavior. In human society, actually, every person has his own difficulty, and how to face it? Some people are successfullucky, for they find an appropriate means to solve the problems, such as a kind of active positive积极的attitude, whereas some of themsome of them容易引起歧义，改为a few others just use other maleficence to get an unearned wealth. For example, every year, there are such scandals that exposed the false坏帐就是死帐，我觉得用dead更合适！ account of the company, and multitudes of money evaporated to the air一个句子两个主语？. People always say that they are compelled by the environment, and their behavior contradicts to their will. It sounds ridiculous because other people under the similar circumstances choose positive measures to solve the problem effectively. For instance, many companies have faced the budget deficit, but only few of them make false account. The truth is that the managers of these few companies never realize individual responsibilities. In this sense, people are capable to determine their behavior as long as they will, which is a reflection of certain responsibility.总感觉有点不对劲！

To sum up, I admit that the individual responsibility is a n essential sense created by imagination. However, that does not mean people can not beresponsible for their lives and behavior. People’s expectations serve for their dreams, so they are capable of determinedetermining their behavior.

:cool:想问一下！这是早期的作品吗？文中有很多语法和句式错误，论述还算可以，但感觉分析的不够深刻！一点见解！望海涵！:):)

[ Last edited by polymath on 2005-7-29 at 21:44 ]

翦瞳UID：184872

我就不改了，因为我的思路比ahqiu更乱，不知道写什么才对，很乱，我怕误导ahqiu啊！
赞一个：  
fhxywei  
^ @^这样的好人不多了！

fircattyUID：166248

Issue93
——题目——
The concept of individual responsibility is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
——正文——
Before we discuss this complex issue, it is necessary to have a true understanding of what individual responsibility means. As far as I concerned, individual responsibility can be define defined as a sense that people in the society should be accountable for the dreams of their own and their behavior in the society, which are largely determined by their survival values, the laws and the environment. Individual responsibility is important for both the society and human beings, although it is a fiction.逻辑不对啊 However, I disagree with the speaker that people's behavior is largely determined by the outer forces.

To begin with, I have to concede that individual responsibility is indispensable for both individuals and society although it is just a sense created by imagination. ToFor individuals, this sense of responsibility enables a person to be responsible for his dreams, which makes him try every effort and cling to his dreams. What the responsibility is in concrete?单句可以这样倒装？ No one can easily describe it, since it advises people to do something so as to succeed, but what this “something” is, the individual responsibility does not show us. It is a fiction, which is essential to make the person not idle about his life, although not every one of us can make our dreams come true. （As to the society, individual responsibility make most of people have a sense to abide by the laws, and be accountable for their behavior. It seems that people are more afraid of punishment of the laws than realizing their individual responsibilities subconsciously.） 感觉这里逻辑有点矛盾，到底是责任感让人们遵守法律，还是法律规定了责任？That is to say, if everyone or most of us has a strong sense of responsible for the society, then some of the laws can be abandoned. Unfortunately, however, people have little sense of responsibilities, which can be illustrate illustrated that people often commit illegal behavior thinking that the laws omit that action. Individual responsibility is a fiction as to the society, but necessary, because people need an honorable reason to abide by the laws. In a word, the concept of individual of responsibility is just a context to the society created by the governor so as to better managing the nation, and also a motivator for an individual to run after his dream.似乎明白楼主的意思了，不过建议在这一段的TS中就强调是责任感这个概念重要，而并非责任重要，因为你认为根本就不存在责任。是不是这个意思？还是觉得比较糊涂

However, people's behavior is largely determined by themselves, not the power out of them. People have their own expectations and desires, their behavior 复数 serve for the goals, although it seems that it is复数 largely determined by the environment. Some people may argue that a poor person even can not meet his basic need, how could he make his dreams come true, and his behavior is determined by the environment. It seems true superficially, but the fact is that his behavior is all around the goal. 如果说goal是你定义责任用到的，举例的时候应该把它具体化，穷人的什么goal? The reason why he should fulfill his basic need first is that he wants to make his dream come true, and it is the essential via to his goal. Moreover, some people never give up his 复数dreams even though his basic needs are not fulfilled . For example, while Van Gore was keeping poor without selling out one piece of his paintings, and led a miserable life, but he never change时态 the style to meet people's interests. People can determine their behavior, in the process of which individual responsibilities play an important part, although it may be restricted by the environment. 这一段第一个例子不好

Moreover, the thought that people's behavior is not determined by the forces of their own making is a pretext which shows the person is not responsible for his behavior. In human society, actually, every person has his own difficulty, and how to face it? Some people are successful, for they find an appropriate means to solve the problems, such as a kind of active attitude, whereas some of them just use other maleficence to get an unearned wealth. For example, every year, there are such scandals that exposed the false account of the company, and multitudes of money evaporated to the air. People always say that they are compelled by the environment, and their behavior contradicts to their will. It sounds ridiculous because other people under the similar circumstances choose positive measures to solve the problem effectively. For instance, many companies have faced the budget deficit, but only few of them make false account. The truth is that the managers of these few companies never realize individual responsibilities. In this sense, people are capable to determine their behavior as long as they will, which is a reflection of certain responsibility.这一段是说人们迫于外力的说法是逃避责任

To sum up,（ I admit that the individual responsibility is a n essential sense created by imagination. However, that does not mean people can not responsible for their lives and behavior.）全文的TS应该就是这个了，可是我觉得这本身就是有逻辑错误的，既然不存在责任，何来负责任？ People’s expectations serve for their dreams, so they are capable of determine their behavior.

个人觉得本文要做大修改了，抽象得不好写，加油

fircattyUID：166248

刚看了一个提纲
大概是这样的
反对，也就是承认individual responsibility的存在，尽管人确实受到外界的约束（写一段），但是仍然有很多选择，有人放弃选择，有人坚持individual responsibility，名人的例子有比较多的这样的（又一段）。社会应该加强教育，提高个人的责任感。（最后一段，不知道这样算不算跑题？？？）
ahqiu你觉得呢？

ahqiuUID：207682

Originally posted by fircatty at 2005-7-29 23:20
Issue93
——题目——
The concept of individual responsibility is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely dete ...

唉，是啊
自己写得很糊涂
是要大改了，你还能看懂，我自己都不敢看的说

ahqiuUID：207682

Originally posted by fircatty at 2005-7-29 23:32
刚看了一个提纲
大概是这样的
反对，也就是承认individual responsibility的存在，尽管人确实受到外界的约束（写一段），但是仍然有很多选择，有人放弃选择，有人坚持individual responsibility，名人的例子有比 ...

觉得最后一个观点有点跑题

leosmileUID：2115607

怎么700多字吖？
多少字就够了？