Issue212 越写越离题, 晕!大家不要客气,狂砸吧!

fishtutuUID：199884

Issue212  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分2秒     667 words
从2005年6月31日19时33分到2005年6月31日20时45分
------题目------
If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
------正文------
The author asserts that we can achieve a worthy goal through any means. However, it is dangerous to say that any means is justifiable when it applied to attain worthy goal. We should obey the rules of the society when we pursue our goals.

Truly, we should take great effort to pursue objects that will benefit the society. Since without sweat we cannot attain the worthy goal, it always needs us to spend lots of energy and time to do some things that we think are worthy for us. But take great effort does not mean that we can take any means to reach our goal. It is a completely different concept. The author's assertion may mislead us in that it ignores the fact that no all the methods we used to attain our goal are justifiable. And the author confuses the word WORTHY. He may want to mean that any goal that can contribute great achievement to the society. But his expression is too vague, since the worthy goals are different from people to people, a goal that one man feel worthy may disparage by the other man. So it needs to carefully define the worthy goal. And even the worthy are a common one that most people agree with, it is dangerous to say that any means can used to achieve such goal. The author does not discriminate the means which have positive and negative aspects. There are just means and unjust means, and the formal one is advocated in our society while the unjust means are disputed by our society, society object the unjust means because we need to make sure that every body in our society has the equal right to pursue their just goals. In order to make sure that society can develop harmoniously while the masses pursue their goals; society needs some rules to constrain individual's behavior. That does mean that individual could not pursue their goals unscrupulously. And here comes a problem, a problem that the author does not consider comprehensively, the problem is that a goal deemed as worthy by individual may be disputed by the society. While individual use unjust or just means to attain the goals that society objects, it seems that individual need to give up their goal since the interest of society always overwhelm the individuals'. Thus in terms of individual's goal, it is society's responsibility to judge the just of the means that individuals used to pursue their goals. A means is justifiable only when it do not harm other individual and society's interest.

Of course, the author's opinion has its value in that it emphasizes on the achievement of the worthy goal. Society should take seriously about the worthy goal. Historically, we proceed by attaining every single goal that we deem as worthy goal. Our predecessors pave the way of exploring the unknown world by taking great effort; some of them even use their blood to exchange the goals. The independent war of American in the 18 century open a new era for mankind in that it build a democratic country which leads the world to pursue the holy goal of equality, liberty, fraternity nowadays. And it cost a lot, thousands of people died in this war. Similarly, the means we use to fight the Fascist maybe controversial since some of them seem immoral. The two atom bombs killed thousands of common people and left dreadful problem. However, compare with the goal we achieved, the immoral means maybe forgivable since without the atom bomb there maybe more immoral events happened. The face of the world may completely different if we do not use the controversial means to stop the Second World War. Obviously, when society pursue the worthy goal which may influence the fate of the mankind, it is justifiable to use any means.

In sum, we should not judge the just of a goal simply by the definition of individual's preference. It is necessary to discriminate the individual's goal from the society's goal.

phobeUID：199595

If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
------正文------
The author asserts that we can achieve a worthy goal through any means. However, it is dangerous to say that any means is justifiable when it applied to attain worthy goal. We should obey the rules of the society when we pursue our goals.

Truly, we should take great effort to pursue objects that will benefit the society. Since without sweat we cannot attain the worthy goal, it always needs us to spend lots of energy and time to do some things that we think are worthy for us. But take[taking] great effort does not mean that we can take any means to reach our goal. It is a completely different concept. The author's assertion may mislead us in that it ignores the fact that no[not] all the methods we used to attain our goal are justifiable. And the author confuses the word WORTHY. He may want to mean that any goal that can contribute great achievement to the society. But his expression is too vague, since the worthy goals are different from people to people, a goal that one man feel worthy may disparage[be disparaged] by the other man. So it needs to carefully define the worthy goal. And even the worthy are a common one that most people agree with, it is dangerous to say that any means can used to achieve such goal. The author does not discriminate the means which have positive and negative aspects. There are just means and unjust means, and the formal one is advocated in our society while the unjust means are disputed by our society, society object the unjust means because we need to make sure that every body[everybody] in our society has the equal right to pursue their just goals. In order to make sure that society can develop harmoniously while the masses pursue their goals; society needs some rules to constrain individual's behavior. That does mean that individual could not pursue their goals unscrupulously.[此处可以用一个定语从句合并嘛which does mean that]   And here comes a problem, a problem that the author does not consider comprehensively, the problem is that a goal deemed as worthy by individual may be disputed by the society. While individual use unjust or just means to attain the goals that society objects, it seems that individual need to give up their goal since the interest of society always overwhelm the individuals'. Thus in terms of individual's goal, it is society's responsibility to judge the just of the means that individuals used to pursue their goals. A means is justifiable only when it do not harm other individual and society's interest.[哇塞，真实一个超长的段落，真佩服作者的说理能力，可你不觉的这样有点缺乏说服力吗？因为缺乏例子啊，issue最重要的不就是例子吗？而且我觉得你写issue的语言怎么和argument 有点相近呢]
Of course, the author's opinion has its value in that it emphasizes on the achievement of the worthy goal. Society should take seriously about the worthy goal. Historically, we proceed by attaining every single goal that we deem as worthy goal. Our predecessors pave the way of exploring the unknown world by taking great effort; some of them even use their blood to exchange the goals. The independent war of American in the 18 century open a new era for mankind in that it build a democratic country which leads the world to[我记得lead to 中的to 是介词吧] pursue the holy goal of equality, liberty, fraternity nowadays. And it cost[costs] a lot, thousands of people died in this war. Similarly, the means we use to fight the Fascist maybe controversial since some of them seem immoral. The two atom bombs killed thousands of common people and left dreadful problem. However, compare[comparing] with the goal we achieved, the immoral means maybe forgivable since without the atom bomb there maybe more immoral events happened. The face of the world may completely different if we do not use the controversial means to stop the Second World War. Obviously, when society pursue the worthy goal which may influence the fate of the mankind, it is justifiable to use any means.[这一段我觉得总体还行吧，那个例子挺有说服力的]

In sum, we should not judge the just of a goal simply by the definition of individual's preference. It is necessary to discriminate the individual's goal from the society's goal.
总体来说，我觉得文章的body部分布局不是很合理，你主要是从个人和社会这个角度去论证是否应该不惜一切代价去实现，在个人方面论述略显枯燥，有点argument的风格，建议你把第二段润色一下加点例子。我个人认为body部分还是分3段的好，不如说第二段可以拆成2段，正着说：对于个人什么样的目标才能算WORTHY,然后给出一个例子例证；另一段可以写什么样的个人目标是UNJUST,不能那样用any means去达到。

不好意思，我是刚加入这个群的，你的文章是我改的第二篇，我是点击你帖子右右上角的“回复主题”，然后像你们一样把字体选成兰色，可是跳出一个对话框，让我输入内容，我是输入修改的内容了，可是插入后根本不显示兰色啊。无奈，我只好把你的文章贴到word上，再粘贴在回复主题上，所以只能是这个效果了，不方便阅读请谅解！再麻烦你告诉一下我你们是怎么作的吧，以后改进。

你的说理能力好强，词语有些也用的挺好，可以帮我改改我最近写的issue 科技算比较高频的吗，我发出去就很快被淹没了，有人看却没人改，郁闷！心里没底啊，也不知道写的怎么样，麻烦指点，尽量批评我。
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8月25号 北京鼎钧

fishtutuUID：199884

谢谢 phobe !
现在就去看你的:)

飞啊~飞UID：2121330

改色的方法: 点击回复主题,输入你写的内容, 光标选中改色内容,然后在颜色的下拉菜单里选blue,大功告成!^.^