Issue154 教育类 寄托4人组 8-09

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

Issue154  第20篇 寄托4人组！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：50分（超时！）    520 words (502 words before polish)
从2005年8月9日8时25分到2005年8月9日9时45分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------提纲------
Position: + - -
B1:承认professional educator的不可取代性。
B2:指出educator、family和community之间的矛盾不可能由educator一方来解决。
B3:指出family和community在保证孩子健康成长方面的重要性。
------正文------
Nowadays, educators, parents and community are the three major forces influencing local public education. In order to provide a high-quality of education to our children, only professional educator is far from enough. In fact, all those three parts should be involved in this task.

To begin with, I concede that professional educators are paramount to the quality of children's education due to their expertise and sufficient experience. Firstly, most professional educators have college degrees in education related discipline. They are good at cognitive psychology, educational psychology and other complicate theories that devoted to understand and enhance people's learning at different stages. They know how to design curricula and construct environment that can facilitate learning for children at different grades. Secondly, professional educators are familiar with school related circumstances, and know very well of children's interests, problems and the like. This familiarity gives them advantage in guiding children and solving youth problems in school, say, conflict, violence and premature love relationships, etc. In short, due to the expertise and experience they have, professional educators are important to maintain the high quality of education, and whose work can never be substituted by parents or community.

However, since all three forces are involved, the decision making of children's education can not be relegate to professional educators alone. The main reason is that different parts have different expectations upon children, and there is always conflict among them. Concretely speaking, educators, good at academic training, usually incline to turn the children into scholars who may reach high level of academic achievements later. While children's parents might prefer education aiming at training basic job related skills. In addition, community may have its own distinctive expectations. For example, Hispanic community is likely to let their children learn their own language in order to strengthen their cultural identity. In this case, it is almost impossible and unrealistic for educators alone to make decision for children. Trade-off among these forces is necessary and indispensable.

Moreover, for the sake of all-around education and healthy for our children, both family and community should be involved to enhance the formal education system. In the first place, when children are off school and out of educators' sight, watch and care form their parents are necessary in preventing them form danger, drugs, obscene materials and even crimes. In the second place, the involvement of community can provide children social conscience and the value of citizenship. For example, more and more students have been benefited from activities that provided by some social organizations such as the Peace Corps and the Boy Scout which are dedicated to educating children with social values that are cherished by most common American citizens. In one word, family care and community involvement can support classrooms in their unique way to ensure the growth of our children be healthy.

In sum, on behalf of our children and their future, professional educators should use their expertise and experience to provide the best knowledge and wisdom in class; family and community also should add their contributes to children's education by their own method. Only in this way, can our children be well educated.

[ Last edited by bridgewalker on 2005-8-9 at 11:43 ]

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

占座！

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

Issue154  第20篇 寄托4人组！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：50分（超时！）    520 words (502 words before polish)
从2005年8月9日8时25分到2005年8月9日9时45分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------提纲------
Position: + - -
B1:承认professional educator的不可取代性。
B2:指出educator、family和community之间的矛盾不可能由educator一方来解决。
B3:指出family和community在保证孩子健康成长方面的重要性。
------正文------
Nowadays, educators[第一次出现，是不是还是用professional educators。。因为parents也可以算是一种 ], parents and community[用复数，和题目一致] are the three major forces influencing local public education. In order to provide a high-quality of education[去掉of，高质量作定语。提供的是教育而不是质量] to our children, only [by endeavors of？]professional educator is far from enough. In fact, all those[these] three parts[我习惯用parties] should be involved in this task.

To begin with, I concede that professional educators are paramount[good word！] to the quality of children's education due to[owning to据说这两个的区别是一贬一褒] their expertise and sufficient experience. Firstly, most professional educators have college degrees in education[连字符？] related discipline. They are good at cognitive psychology, educational psychology and other complicate[d] theories that [are不能少]devoted to understand and enhance people's learning at different stages. They know how to design curricula and construct environment that can facilitate learning for children at different grades. [两个at different。。重复了。而且上下两句建议合并成一句，尽管比较长，否则结构上有些散。 比如“stages；and they also。。”还有，be good at和know上下互换一下。] Secondly, professional educators are familiar with school related[建议连字符同上] circumstances, and know very well of[about？] children's [special]interests, problems and the like. [上下这种并列的陈述句太多了。建议这句改成：Secondly, being familiar with school-related environment, they know very well….]This familiarity gives them advantage in guiding children and solving [youth[似乎搭配不当] problems] in school, say, [似乎太口语了。换e.g.,吧。不过我不太确定。 ] conflict[都用复数], violence and premature loverelationships, etc. In short, due to the expertise and experience they have, professional educators are important to maintain the high quality of education, and[去掉and] whose work can never be substituted by parents or community. [从题目来看，作者没有否定professional educators的作用，而是强调其他两方面必不可少。在我看来这段的内容可以压缩，而把重点放在下面]

However, since all three forces are involved, [有些硬。上文没有关于三方involved的论述，只是开头做为现象点了一下，但我觉得用一句展开更好] the decision making of children's education can not[cannot 对这个我比较肯定。] be relegate[d] to professional educators alone. The main reason is that different parts have different expectations upon children, and there is always conflict [建议都用复数。用单数的麻烦在于冠词什么的。]among them[and conflicts among them always happen]. Concretely speaking, educators, good at academic training, usually incline to [最好换成一个“客观上”的词，老师不一定主观上就有这种想法。]turn the children into scholars who may reach high level of academic achievements later. While[连词。逗号，小写。] children's parents might prefer education aiming at training basic job related[这个词用的太多了。去掉也可以] skills. In addition, community[一律用复数] [建议这一句也放在上一句里，用分号隔开做为三个方面，都在Concretely speaking之下，开头可以改为“；communities， on the other hand,..”] may have its own distinctive expectations. For example, Hispanic community is likely to let their children learn their own language in order to strengthen their[own] cultural identity. In this case, it is almost impossible and unrealistic for educators alone to make decision for children. Trade-off among these forces is necessary and indispensable. [这段有走题之嫌。我觉得题目的潜台词是社区和家庭在学校的教育中invovle得不够，而不是三者在教育中的冲突。也可能我没有理解你的意思，这一点我们可以再讨论。]

Moreover, for the sake of all-around education and healthy for our children, both family and community should be involved to enhance the formal education system. In the first place, when children are off school and out of educators' sight, watch and care form their parents are necessary in preventing them form danger, drugs, obscene materials and even crimes. In the second place, the involvement of community can provide children social conscience and the value of citizenship. For example, more and more students have been benefited from activities that provided by some social organizations such as the Peace Corps and the Boy Scout which are dedicated to educating [请教一下，be dedicated to doing？] children with social values that are cherished by most common American citizens. In one word, family care and community involvement can support classrooms in their unique way to ensure the growth of our children be[ing] healthy. [最后一句的点睛之笔很棒] [我感觉这段的内容应该是用力着墨的地方，甚至可以分成两段分别叙述家庭和社区对孩子的作用。]

In sum, on behalf of our children and their future, professional educators should use their expertise and experience to provide the best knowledge and wisdom in class; family and community also should add their contributes to children's education by their own method. Only in this way, [去掉逗号] can our children be well educated.

对题目的一点疑惑：must be involved “in the local schools”，为什么是家庭和社区involve到学校中来？是说家庭和社区都应该参与学校的教学么，比如说，家长到学校看孩子演节目；社区来学校给孩子讲道德教育？有点儿较真，而且真是这样就太不好写了。就当我没说吧。
从内容上来讲，是不是还可以把教育分成不同方面，如学术教育，道德教育与公德教育，从而凸现学校、家庭和社区在教育中的不同地位。你在第二段提到了三者的不同作用，但似乎展开的不够，只是从举例上来说的。我觉得如果这么分类再组织全文的结构，似乎更清晰和深入一些。仅供参考！

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

其实，我这篇文章走的是另起炉灶的路线，可参见ETS的 "Duty of educator"那篇6分范文。

另外，B1的最后一句的确走题的。但B2是用来论证 “3方面力量共同参与是必要的。”

be dedicated to 后面要跟名词结构，所以doing了。

对题目的一点疑惑：must be involved “in the local schools”，为什么是家庭和社区involve到学校中来？是说家庭和社区都应该参与学校的教学么

我觉得是参与到培养孩子的过程中来。不一定仅仅是孩子在学校里的xxxxx。

[ Last edited by bridgewalker on 2005-8-9 at 20:06 ]

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

刚才借跑步的空档想了一下。我的思路是这样的：

B1：Professional educator不可取代。
B2：professional educator不是唯一。
B3：Parents和Communities也必要。
总结：3方都不可少。

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

好。但我觉得B1可以简单一点，毕竟speaker没说可以取代
但B2和B3怎么分开说呢？说一个不是唯一同时不就得说别的也必要么？所以我感觉还是分两段分别说家庭和社区的作用更清晰一点。而且用一段来练习表达家庭的作用，你会发现对别的题也很有帮助。

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

Originally posted by tangjihede at 2005-8-9 21:40
好。但我觉得B1可以简单一点，毕竟speaker没说可以取代
但B2和B3怎么分开说呢？说一个不是唯一同时不就得说别的也必要么？所以我感觉还是分两段分别说家庭和社区的作用更清晰一点。而且用一段来练习表达家庭的作 ...

嗯，有道理！

我主要是根据自己已掌握的资料和现有的驾驭能力来take position的。

meautoUID: 2116250

hoho顶下晚上写这个
bridge前途一片光明啊