issue141 v6战队,8.9,第一次限时成功,待拍

11yvetteUID: 2102418

因为是限时写,所以还有很多漏洞,希望大家不吝赐教,以便更好的修改,谢谢大家了~~

------题目------
Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity.

------正文------
The function of individual or the conformity is always argued. Some people believed that personal success especially economic success totally depends on individuals, while some others support that it is owing to the conformity. In my point of view, whether the personal economic success attributes to the individual or the conformity should be discussed within different fields people devoting.

Firstly, in engineering domain, conformity plays a more significant role than individual does. Since individuals are working at the assemble line, different stages of the line are relative isolated parts, without which the final commodity is not eligible, cooperation is the key to get the congregate success then the personal economic success. Also, for a software design company, the programmers are taking obligation in different modules of a brand new software. The success of the software can not be separated into individuality but the result of the conformity. In addition, in this field, only when personal success is conformed to the whole community, it can be brought to the largest profit when the whole is attaining the goal.

Secondly, in art and literature, the creation is a business of the artists or writers own. No one can intervene to the process of their creation, not saying the terminal success depends on the conformity. The solely but vital role they playing helps them get their economic success themselves. For instance, Beethoven wrote and composed his symphony only listened to his heart and without influenced by the surroundings even people around him, the masterpieces were created and shared perpetually. The personal success including economic one was conduced to his diligence and intelligence but not the congregate function. As a result, the artists and the writers who do their job with elaborate observation and devoted creation are brought their personal success by themselves.

Moreover, in the service industries such as health care, legal services and insurance, the reason for personal economic success is also the individual's factor. This kind of field is serving people in need, if the individual is working hard and effectively, the feedback is favored, and more and more people would like to be the clients of him or her, as a result, the personal economic success is followed. For these individuals, they know what their clients call for, and assist with their major ability to help the clients to the largest extent. They are considering for the clients who would more likely meet the success.

To sum up, people who work as a member of cooperation in engineering industry, they would think more about the conformity and perform the best status in their work to get to the whole profit in order to bring their own economic success. For people who work for themselves as artists, writer and so forth, the personal economic success rather attributes to their own diligence as well as people devote in the service industries, personal working attitude determines the personal economic success.

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

The function of individual or the conformity is always argued. Some people believed that personal success especially economic success totally depends on individuals, while some others support that it is owing to the conformity. In my point of view, whether the personal economic success attributes to the individual or the conformity should be discussed within different fields people devoting.

Firstly, in engineering domain, conformity plays a more significant role than individual does. Since individuals are working at the assemble line, different stages of the line are relative isolated parts, without which the final commodity is not eligible, cooperation is the key to get the congregate success then the personal economic success. Also, for a software design company, the programmers are taking obligation in different modules of a brand new software. The success of the software can not be separated into individuality but the result of the conformity. （In addition, in this field, only when personal success is conformed to the whole community, it can be brought to the largest profit when the whole is attaining the goal.这个观点不是很strong，我理解你的意思，你最好强调一下，对于这个领域的leader来说是这样的，否则对于employee来说，有没有conformity薪水还是有的，呵呵）

Secondly, in art and literature, the creation is a business of the artists or writers own. No one can intervene to the process of their creation, not saying the terminal success depends on the conformity. The solely but vital role they playing helps them get their economic success themselves. For instance, Beethoven wrote and composed his symphony only listened to his heart and without influenced by the surroundings even people around him, the masterpieces were created and shared perpetually. The personal success including economic one was conduced to his diligence and intelligence but not the congregate function. As a result, the artists and the writers who do their job with elaborate observation and devoted creation are brought their personal success by themselves.（写的不错，最好对individual强调的再多一些）

Moreover, in the service industries such as health care, legal services and insurance, the reason for personal economic success is also the individual's factor. This kind of field is serving people in need, if the individual is working hard and effectively, the feedback is favored, and more and more people would like to be the clients of him or her, as a result, the personal economic success is followed. For these individuals, they know what their clients call for, and assist with their major ability to help the clients to the largest extent. They are considering for the clients who would more likely meet the success.（我觉得这个领域太小了，不是很有说服力）

To sum up, people who work as a member of cooperation in engineering industry, they would think more about the conformity and perform the best status in their work to get to the whole profit in order to bring their own economic success. For people who work for themselves as artists, writer and so forth, the personal economic success rather attributes to their own diligence as well as people devote in the service industries, personal working attitude determines the personal economic success.
（总体来说，从语言和分析上问题不大，关键是思路上的问题。如果b1是同意conformity，b2,b3和b1之间应该有一个过渡，否则一下又同意individual感觉有点突然。对于b3我觉得应该修改一下，这个领域太小了，没有说服力，加油~~~）

mkb57288UID: 2105771

占位子

mkb57288UID: 2105771

The function of individual or the conformity is always argued. Some people believed that personal success especially economic success totally depends on individuals, while some others support that it is owing to the conformity. (昨天晚上翻了一下原来上新东方的讲义，发现黄予的开头模版里大部分都是这种，不过个人还是觉得这么写有凑字数之嫌) In my point of view, whether the personal economic success attributes to the individual or the conformity should be discussed within different fields （最好再具体一点把fields列出来） people devoting.

Firstly, in engineering domain, conformity plays a more significant role than individual does. Since individuals are working at the assemble line（个人觉得conformity和cooperation还是有区别的，conformity讲得更偏向于从众MW解释如下correspondence in form, manner, or character : AGREEMENT
2 : an act or instance of conforming
3 : action in accordance with some specified standard or authority）, different stages of the line are relative isolated parts, without which the final commodity is not eligible, cooperation is the key to get the congregate success then the personal economic success. Also, for a software design company, the programmers are taking obligation in different modules of a brand new software. The success of the software can not be separated into individuality but the result of the conformity. In addition, in this field, only when personal success is conformed to the whole community, it can be brought to the largest profit when the whole is attaining the goal.（文章写好的第一步就是不审错题，最基本的就是先搞清楚里面的key words，然后才谈得上分析题目的逻辑，今天改zehua的50也是这样的问题，看样子还是应该引起重视的）

Secondly, in art and literature,（在这个领域conformity大概应该是adherence to the entrenched aesthetic standards） the creation is a business of the artists or writers own. No one can intervene to the process of their creation, not saying the terminal success depends on the conformity. The solely but vital role they playing helps them get their economic success themselves. For instance, Beethoven wrote and composed his symphony only listened to his heart and without influenced by the surroundings even people around him, the masterpieces were created and shared perpetually. The personal success including economic （第一段也有especially，including这样的词，既然题目只说economic success别的就不用提了，这么写有点儿多余）one was conduced to his diligence and intelligence but not the congregate function. As a result, the artists and the writers who do their job with elaborate observation and devoted creation are brought their personal success by themselves.（不知道在艺术领域讨论conformity和不合适，个人觉得应该没问题，见Issue218，而且还真是很有可能获得economic success:)）

Moreover, in the service industries such as health care, legal services and insurance, the reason for personal economic success is also the individual's factor. This kind of field is serving people in need, if the individual is working hard and effectively, the feedback is favored, and more and more people would like to be the clients of him or her, as a result, the personal economic success is followed. For these individuals, they know what their clients call for, and assist with their major ability to help the clients to the largest extent. They are considering for the clients who would more likely meet the success.（这一段感觉比较模糊,好像也跟个人主义的关系不紧，毕竟individuality----total character peculiar to and distinguishing an individual from others的感觉和maverick的感觉比较象）

To sum up, people who work as a member of cooperation in engineering industry, they would think more about the conformity and perform the best status in their work to get to the whole profit in order to bring their own economic success. For people who work for themselves as artists, writer and so forth, the personal economic success rather attributes to their own diligence as well as people devote in the service industries, personal working attitude determines the personal economic success.

mkb57288UID: 2105771

关键是在动笔之前先搞清楚题目中的key words

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

题目讲economic success，你谈到哪里去了？

阿showUID: 209049

老美的逻辑是文学包含在艺术里面的呀！
老美288里面很多都是这样的
建议作者搞清楚