issue51 寄托4人组 8.9作业

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

Revised:

Issue51  第2篇
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分7秒     414 words  653 after polish
从2005年7月9日10时17分到2005年7月9日11时45分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------
The issue about what is the truly effective way of education[这个从句语法上对么？] never ceases debating. The speaker seems to hold that education should satisfy every individual's interests and needs. This view does bear some truth since interests and personal needs play an unneglectable [?不容忽视怎么说？] role in education; however, I cannot agree that interest-oriented education is the indispensable method to make education really effective.

No doubt, interests are very helpful for students to learn effectively. Different students may have distinctive interests in the fields of study. As the common saying goes, "interest is the best teacher of a student." Personal interests irritate students' thirst for knowledge, lead students to academic fields they want to explore, and impulse them to continue contributing their efforts. Contrasted with subjects that they have no interest, students are usually easier to excel in their favorite area, for it is human nature that people can do things better when they love to do. This accounts for the reason why a good educator, as we see, often tries to attract students’ curiosity on a new subject. Learning without interests is quite like a marriage without true love, which will soon make both parties boring.

Significant as the role of individual interests is, it should nevertheless not run into another extreme. A learning guided only by personal interests and needs could be adverse for students to fully develop themselves; while a society devoting educational resources into each individual's interests will as well fail to achieve its goal. In a word, this kind of education is hardly effective for both sides.

First, it is quite doubtful that an interest-oriented education could be truly effective for students themselves. For college juniors and seniors, interests might be more significant since they have already had a relatively broad horizon and mastered fundamental disciplines. It is time for them to decide which programs are really suitable for realizing their personal future plans, where colleges should do their best to render academic supports to them. As for elementary and high school students, even for college freshpersons, however, they have not totally gained the capacity to decide their own preference. Without an understanding of different subjects, it is too quickly to dive into one specific field and know nothing about other wisdoms. It is thus of necessity for education experts to make systematic programs for those students, including natural sciences and social sciences, humanities and all other disciplines a student needs to know. Although they probably do not enjoy all of them at the very beginning, yet their interest might be aroused with knowing more; and what is more important, as growing older, they will gradually understand the significance why study all these subjects: it is vital to be a fully developed person with a wide ken of knowledge, based on which can they finally find their really interest.

Second, interest-oriented education is far from being effective for society either. The personal interests of students could be so diverse and whimsical that it is hardly possible for any society to provide personalized education for every student. This task would put on school educators so much work that they will soon be too tired to care each student with all their enthusiasm and talent. As a result, it is highly possible that they could only pay more attention to part of students while less on others; this will in turn result in unfairness in education and thus violate the goal of formal education.

In the final analysis, it is too hasty to advocate interest-oriented education for every student. Indeed, interests are valuable in learning and personal needs should be met if they are reasonable and beneficial; nonetheless, they should not be regarded as the only methods to make education more effective. Educators should take their charge for framing plans for young students: this is their responsibility both for students, and for the whole society.

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

下午看托福语法，发现advocate后面要接doing而非不定式，吓出一身冷汗。来这儿一看，发现好在在最后一段当时用的是名词。提醒大家注意一下。

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

issue51 寄托4人组 8.9作业

Revised:

Issue51  第2篇
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分7秒     414 words  653 after polish
从2005年7月9日10时17分到2005年7月9日11时45分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------
The issue about what is the truly effective way of education[这个从句语法上对么？] never ceases debating. 可不可以换成：The issue above reveals current ceaseless debate over …?The speaker seems to hold that education should satisfy every individual's interests and needs. This view does bear some truth since interests and personal needs play an unneglectable[不容忽视怎么说？] (查办天没查到，我也拿不准。问问英专MM二师兄) role in education. However, I cannot agree that interest-oriented education is the indispensable method to make education really effective.

No doubt, interests are very helpful for students to learn effectively. Different students may have distinctive interests in the fields (指代不明?) of study. As the common saying goes, "interest is the best teacher of a student." Personal interests irritate (这个词是不是按中文意思用的？换！) students' thirst for knowledge, lead students to academic fields they want to explore, and impulse them to continue contributing their efforts. Contrasted with subjects that they have no interest, students are usually easier to excel (becoming outstanding好点儿?) in their favorite area, for it is human nature that people can do things better when they love to do (改成：can do things they love better?). This accounts for the reason why a good educator, as we see, often tries to attract (跟curiosity搭配不当!) students’ curiosity on a new subject (new subjects?). Learning without interests is quite like a marriage without true love, which will soon make both parties boring.感觉一下子刹了车！似乎还有话说！缺个小结！
论证转圈、空洞！完全可以举几个因兴趣而成功的大牛embody一下！

Significant as the role of individual interests is, it should nevertheless not run into another extreme. A learning guided only by personal interests and needs could be adverse for students to fully develop themselves (可否改成：Learning guided by personal interests alone might impede students’ full development?); while a society devoting educational resources into each individual's interests will as well fail to achieve its goal. In a word, this kind of education is hardly effective for both sides.
结构很怪！这一段你要说的2点为什么不放到你后面的2段中作为TS? 其实你后面2段完全可以从personal和societal level的角度来分别阐述interest-oriented education的弊端。这样岂不是清晰很多？

First, it is quite doubtful that an interest-oriented education could be truly effective for students themselves. For college juniors and seniors, interests might be more significant重复使用咯！ since they have already had a relatively broad horizon and mastered fundamental disciplines. It is time for them to decide which programs are really suitable for realizing their personal future plans, where colleges should do their best to render academic supports to them. As for elementary and high school students, even for college freshpersons (freshmen?), however, they have not totally gained the capacity to decide their own preference. Without an understanding of different subjects, it is too quickly to dive into one specific field and know nothing about other wisdoms (理解起来好像缺东西！你再看看!). It is thus of necessity for education experts to make systematic programs for those students, including natural sciences and social sciences, humanities and all other disciplines a student needs to know. Although they probably do not enjoy all of them at the very beginning, yet their interest might be aroused with knowing more; and what is more important, as growing older, they will gradually understand the significance why study all these subjects: it is vital to be a fully developed (换an all-around?) person with a wide ken of knowledge, based on which can they finally find their really interest.
其实你应该重点谈小学生们如何的premature, lack ability to discern, choose, judge等等。而不是在后面谈“how”。Issue是不涉及how的！这一段也是绕弯，没有具体的东西！

Second, interest-oriented education is far from being effective for society either. The personal interests of students could be so diverse and whimsical that it is hardly possible for any society to provide personalized education for every student. This task would put on school educators so much work that they will soon be too tired to care each student with all their enthusiasm and talent. As a result, it is highly possible that they could only pay more attention to part of students while less on others; this will in turn result in unfairness in education and thus violate the goal of formal education.
你的思路还呆在classroom里面。为什么不上升到社会存亡与发展的高度？谈谈interests of our society.

In the final analysis, it is too hasty to advocate interest-oriented education for every student. Indeed, interests are valuable in learning and personal needs should be met if they are reasonable and beneficial; nonetheless, they should not be regarded as the only methods to make education more effective. Educators should take their charge for framing plans for young students: this is their responsibility both for students, and for the whole society.

总结一下：
1．思路：打得不开，见B5。
2．结构：有问题！B3、B4、B5建议融合为2个B。
3．论证：空洞，通篇存在！即使是纯论证，语言也比较wordy，见B3。
4．语言：动词搭配不太恰当！

优点就不说了！弄点儿关键的！
我可能有说得不对的地方，仅供参考！
我拍人一般都比较狠，表介意！

[ Last edited by bridgewalker on 2005-8-9 at 19:21 ]

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

说的是，写这篇文章时没想着好的例子，所以通篇是论述，而且绕来绕去找话说。B2本来是想试验一下过渡段，但是并不成功。下次改掉。你提的B5上升到社会的高度简直是灯泡啊！赞！