argument238 寄托4人组 8.10 作业

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

Argument238  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分2秒     438 words
从2005年7月10日9时3分到2005年7月10日9时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
'At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills.'

提纲：
1.MV的学生真的不如GM的好找工作么？70% vs 90%； 工作的好坏；一半专业不对口，兴许对方这个比例更大。
2。就算是，也没有说明GM的成功是因为更多的商务课程和更多的counselors
3。就算是因为这些，GM的经验就能照搬么？学校性质不一样。商科vs理科。学生素质。counselors也不是越多越好。质量更重要。MV的学生总人数可能就少。
------正文------

By comparing the number of graduating seniors who had job offers of Green Mountain College (GMC) and Mira Vista College (MVC), the author tries to convince us that MVC should adopt GMC's experience, hiring more job counselors and offering more business and computer technology courses. A close scrutiny, however, will show that this suggestion suffers from several flaws.

To begin with, the author fails to prove that MVC seniors were not competitive in finding jobs. Although it seems that more percentage of students at GMC had job offers than MVC's, yet no evidence is provided to show that the real proportion of MVC's students who got offers, for the number "70 percent" does not include those who had jobs while did not inform the placement office that they would be seeking employments. If more than half of the seniors did not inform the office and most of them have found jobs, then the real percentage might be even higher than GMC's. Moreover, even granted that more percentage of GMC students got offers, this does not necessarily imply that GMC seniors beat MVC's. No detail is offered in the argument that what kind of jobs did GMC and MVC students have gotten. Maybe MVC seniors, though lost in percentage, won much more high-salary jobs. If this is the case, then it is too early to hold that MVC students lost in the job market.

Besides, even granted that GMC won the job campaign, it is still not the case that more business courses and more job counselors account for the success. We do not know how many students at GMC found jobs before these courses and counselors were provided. It is highly possible that GMC is a leading college and has a national fame for long and therefore, GMC always beats MVC in the job market. Maybe it is actually the fame, the high quality faculties and better enrollment that explain GMC's success, while more business courses and more job counselors contribute little.

Even granted that it is owing to these courses and counselors that GMC succeeded, it does not follow that MVC could repeat GMC's success by taking the same step. There might be such huge differences between two colleges that GMC's experience is not suitable for MVC. For instance, maybe GMC is much better in business while MVC excels in natural sciences; by imitating GMC's strategy, then, MVC might lose its character and hence lose those employers in science field. Moreover, maybe most students at MVC and their parents are not willing to study business so that MVC might even lose its enrollment. In addition, there is no data to show that more job counselors are necessary for MVC. For one thing, maybe MVC has far less students than GMC and the present counselors are enough to meet students' demands. For another, even though MVC has less counselors, yet they are so excellent that they did an even better job than GMC's, despite the number. Hence, there might be no rationale for MVC to hire more job counselors.

In sum, the argument the author gives is far form being persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the author would have to provide detailed evidence to show that MVC was really beat by GMC in job market, that more business courses and more job counselors account for GMC's success, and that the same strategy will work at MVC.

哥哥家有二师兄UID: 2124390

taken!

哥哥家有二师兄UID: 2124390

argument238 寄托4人组 8.10 作业

Argument238  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分2秒     438 words
从2005年7月10日9时3分到2005年7月10日9时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
'At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills.'

提纲：
1.MV的学生真的不如GM的好找工作么？70% vs 90%； 工作的好坏；一半专业不对口，兴许对方这个比例更大。
2。就算是，也没有说明GM的成功是因为更多的商务课程和更多的counselors
3。就算是因为这些，GM的经验就能照搬么？学校性质不一样。商科vs理科。学生素质。counselors也不是越多越好。质量更重要。MV的学生总人数可能就少。
------正文------

By comparing the number of graduating seniors who had job offers of Green Mountain College (GMC) and Mira Vista College (MVC), the author tries to convince us that MVC should adopt GMC's experience, hiring more job counselors and offering more business and computer technology courses. A close scrutiny, however, will show that this suggestion suffers from several flaws.

To begin with, the author fails to prove that MVC seniors were not as competitive as the GMC ones in finding jobs. Although it seems that more percentage of students at GMC had job offers than MVC's, yet no evidence is provided to show that the real proportion of MVC's students who got offers, for the number "70 percent" possibly does have  not included those who had jobs while did not inform the placement office that they would be seeking employments. 这句话从逻辑上上说好象说不通哦If more than half of the seniors did not inform the office and most of them have found jobs, then the real percentage might be even higher than GMC's. Moreover, even granted that more percentage of GMC students got offers, this does not necessarily imply that GMC seniors beat MVC's. No detail is offered in the argument that what kind of jobs did GMC and MVC students have gotten. Maybe MVC seniors, though lost possibly beaten in percentage, won much more high-salary jobs. If this is the case, then it is too early to hold that MVC students lost in the job market.

Besides, even granted 这个用了两次了that GMC won the job campaign, it is still not the case 可以再委婉些吧，因为也许这个是真的that more business courses and more job counselors account for the success. We do not know how many students at GMC found jobs before these courses and counselors were provided. It is highly possible that GMC is a leading college and has a national fame for long and therefore, GMC always beats MVC in the job market. Maybe it is actually the fame, the high quality faculties and better enrollment that explain GMC's success, while more business courses and more job counselors contribute little.

Even granted又一次 that it is owing to these courses and counselors that GMC succeeded, it does not follow that MVC could repeat GMC's success by taking the same step. There might be such huge differences between two colleges that GMC's experience is not suitable for MVC. For instance, maybe GMC is much better in business while MVC excels in natural sciences; by imitating GMC's strategy, then, MVC might lose its character and hence lose those employers in science field. Moreover, maybe most students at MVC and their parents are not willing to study business so that MVC might even lose its enrollment. In addition, there is no data to show that more job counselors are necessary for MVC. For one thing, maybe MVC has far less students than GMC and the present counselors are enough to meet students' demands. For another, even though MVC has less counselors, yet they are so excellent that they did 时态统一些好an even better job than GMC's, despite the number. Hence, there might be no rationale查了字典才知道啥意思：） for MVC to hire more job counselors.

In sum, the argument the author gives is far form being persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the author would have to provide detailed evidence to show that MVC was really beat by GMC in job market, that more business courses and more job counselors account for GMC's success, and that the same strategy will work at MVC.  

1。分析的很严密，语言也很有力
2。关于时态的问题，我认真研读了范文，还是比较少的用过去时，除了would， could，might等表示假设的情况

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

granted的问题我想拿到外面讨论一下。关于时态的问题，本文是在说去年的情况了，也都用现在时么？比如最后一个was，如果改成is觉得有些怪啊。谢谢!

哥哥家有二师兄UID: 2124390

的确这个最后一句用过去时还是好一些：）

xiaoqing0822UID: 205711

By comparing the number (就业率是不是更好)of graduating seniors who had job offers of Green Mountain College (GMC) and Mira Vista College (MVC), the author tries to convince us that MVC should adopt GMC's experience, hiring more job counselors and offering more business and computer technology courses.（较好） A close scrutiny, however, will show that this suggestion suffers from several flaws.

To begin with, the author fails to prove that MVC seniors were not competitive in finding jobs. Although it seems that more percentage of students at GMC had job offers than MVC's, yet no evidence is provided to show that the real proportion of MVC's students who got offers, for the number "70 percent" does not include those who had jobs while did not inform the placement office that they would be seeking employments. If more than half of the seniors did not inform the office and most of them have found jobs, then the real percentage might be even higher than GMC's. Moreover, even granted that more percentage of GMC students got offers, this does not necessarily imply that GMC seniors beat（色彩是不是有点重呀？） MVC's. No detail is offered in the argument that what kind of jobs did GMC and MVC students have gotten. Maybe MVC seniors, though lost in percentage, won much more high-salary jobs. If this is the case, then it is too early to hold that MVC students lost in the job market.

Besides, even granted that GMC won the job campaign, it is still not the case that more business courses and more job counselors account for the success. We do not know how many students at GMC found jobs before these courses and counselors were provided. It is highly possible that GMC is a leading college and has a national fame for long and therefore, GMC always beats MVC in the job market. Maybe it is actually the fame, the high quality faculties and better enrollment that explain GMC's success, while more business courses and more job counselors contribute little.

Even granted that it is owing to these courses and counselors that GMC succeeded, it does not follow that MVC could repeat GMC's success by taking the same step. There might be such huge differences between two colleges that GMC's experience is not suitable for MVC. For instance, maybe GMC is much better in business while MVC excels in natural sciences; by imitating GMC's strategy, then, MVC might lose its character and hence lose those employers in science field. Moreover, maybe most students at MVC and their parents are not willing to study business so that MVC might even lose its enrollment. In addition, there is no data to show that more job counselors are necessary for MVC. For one thing, maybe MVC has far less students than GMC and the present counselors are enough to meet students' demands. For another, even though MVC has less counselors, yet they are so excellent that they did an even better job than GMC's, despite the number. Hence, there might be no rationale for MVC to hire more job counselors.

In sum, the argument the author gives is far form being persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the author would have to provide detailed evidence to show that MVC was really beat by GMC in job market, that more business courses and more job counselors account for GMC's success, and that the same strategy will work at MVC.

xiaoqing0822UID: 205711

除了楼上提的问题，我也提出了两个小毛病，我的感觉是有些句子和词是自己造出来的，不太合乎英语习惯，如找到工作没把结果提交到学校有关部门；再有承认结果是对的是不是可以改为让步从句（even if），你也帮我改一下吧，https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

tonyteng0224UID: 2347549

only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking
employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation,
这句话如何理解，是学生中的70%向 placement office 汇报了他们的情况，还是说向 placement office 汇报情况的学生中70%的在毕业后三个月内找到了工作？
如果是后者，LZ 第二段的解释就会有偏差了。。。
值得商榷。。。。。。。。

tonyteng0224UID: 2347549

贴上我的一篇习作，请大家修改，谢谢!
In this memo the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) compared the job opportunities between MVC and Green Mountain College (GMC) and recommends that to help students find employment MVC should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills. The recommendation based on certain unsubstantiated evidence that made it unconvincing as it stands.

First, the president provides no evidence that students of the two colleges can be compared at the same level. Perhaps more job offers in GMC simply because students there have a better admission records and do better academically than in MVC rather than due to the courses and counselling(counseling) work. Lacking evidence students in the two colleges can be compared at the same level, the present can not convince the college's board of trustees that more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors can help increase students' job opportunities.

Even assuming that the two college students have same admission records, there are other possible explanations why GMC is better. Perhaps GMC has high quality faculties and teaching instruments than MVC. Without considering and ruling such all other possible explanations, the president can not make any convincing suggestion.

Additionally, it is quite possible that last year's condition is an aberration, in other years students in MVC have better job opportunities than in GMC. Perhaps in last year many business companies settled in this area and more student of business major were needed and in other years students of other majors have more job opportunities. If last year’s trend cannot be kept in the future, the president's statement would amount to poor advice.

Finally，the president provides no evidence that more courses in business and computer and additional number of job counselor will ensure more job opportunities for MVC students. Lacking high quality of these measures, it is quite possible these measures would do nothing to improve the students’ job opportunities.

In sum, the president made his recommendation relies on certain doubtful evidence that make it unconvincing. to bolster his recommendation the president must provide clear evidence that the admission record in the two colleges are at the same level; and that faculties and teaching instruments can be compared. And the president also need prove that more courses in business and computer and additional number of job counselor will ensure more job opportunities for MVC students.