argument117 决战830拍砖组15日作业

zhizhiUID: 2123761

Argument117

仍然是限时，这次感觉时间利用的比较充分，提前也没有看题目，大家狠狠砸阿:)

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：29分33秒     459 words
从2005年7月15日14时44分到2005年7月15日15时29分

------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'

------正文------
         In this memo, the business manager of Valu-Mart recommends that all the Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and that of office supplies to increase profits. Unfortunately it suffers from several fallacies, all of which undermine the argument together.

         In the first place, the survey cited by the manager is too vague to be informative. Whether the respondents are representative of the general group is open to doubt. There is no information concerning what kinds of person are selected in the survey. It is entirely possible that these people who are required to take more work home do not need any home office machines or even home office supplies at all. Without further information provided, the manager cannot rely on the survey to make a further inference. Moreover, the total number of the respondents is not provided, without which it is hard to judge whether there is a significant increase in the number of people who are required to take work home.

          In the second place, even if there are more people who are required to work at home, and their job is related to the office supplies and machines, there is no guarantee the demands for such kind of supplies will increase. It is entirely possible that these people have already bought such kind of office machines or supplies before and do not need them at all. It is also possible that some of them may do the typewriting work outside since some little shops can provide such service as typewriting and so on. If the manager cannot rule out such possible conditions, then the assumption that the demand for office machines and office supplies will increase will be ungrounded.

          In the last but not least place, the manager fails to demonstrate that the strategies will necessarily followed with a increase in the profits. On the one hand, even if the demand for office supplies and machines do increased, there is no guarantee that people will prefer to purchase these production in Valu-Mart stores. On the other hand, when it comes to profits, there are two important factors that can never be neglected, that is cost and market price. It is presumptuous to draw a conclusion without such kind of information provided. What is more, the manager fails to provide any information concerning the reason for why Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past. It is quite possible that the Valu-Mart have suffered great problems in the service, management or some other respects, which may contribute to the sales condition.

         In sum, the recommendation made by the manager may be neither necessary nor sufficient to increase profits of the Valu-Market stores.

林森森UID: 163922

厉害 这么短的时间现构思还能写这么多!!  我来看看

林森森UID: 163922

Argument117

仍然是限时，这次感觉时间利用的比较充分，提前也没有看题目，大家狠狠砸阿

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：29分33秒     459 words
从2005年7月15日14时44分到2005年7月15日15时29分

------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'

------正文------
         In this memo, the business manager of Valu-Mart recommends that all the Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and that of office supplies to increase profits. Unfortunately it suffers from several fallacies, all of which undermine the argument together.

         In the first place, the survey cited by the manager is too vague to be informative.1. Whether the respondents are representative of the general group is open// 这个OPEN怎么理解呀//to doubt. 2.There is no information concerning what kinds of person are selected in the survey. It is entirely// quite 吧 太绝对的词了// possible that these people who are required to take more work home do not need any home office machines or even home office supplies at all. Without further information provided, the manager cannot rely on the survey to make a further inference. //好句子 喜欢~//3.Moreover, the total number of the respondents is not provided, without which it is hard to judge whether there is a significant increase in the number of people who are required to take work home. 这段statistics vague 论证的很充分!

          In the second place, even if there are more people //who are 删//required to work at home, and their job is related to the office supplies and machines, there is no guarantee the demands for such kind of supplies will increase. It is //entirely// possible that these people have already bought such kind of office machines or supplies before and do not need them at all. It is also possible that some of them may do the typewriting work outside since some little shops can provide such service as typewriting and so on. If the manager cannot rule out such possible conditions, then the assumption that the demand for office machines and office supplies will increase will be ungrounded. 最后一句还不错 , 中间两句语言过于简单了

          In the last but not least place, the manager fails to demonstrate that the strategies will necessarily //followed// with//什么时候用by呢// a increase in the profits. On the one hand, even if the demand for office supplies and machines do increased, there is no guarantee that people will prefer to purchase these production in Valu-Mart stores. On the other hand, when it comes to profits, there are two important factors that can never be neglected, that is cost and market price. It is presumptuous to draw a conclusion without such kind of information provided. What is more, the manager fails to provide any information concerning the reason for why Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past. It is //quite 呵呵 终于用它了// possible that the Valu-Mart have suffered great problems in the service, management or some other respects, which may contribute to the sales condition.

         In sum, the recommendation made by the manager may be neither necessary nor sufficient to increase profits of the Valu-Market stores.
总的来讲,  全文结构相当好, 观点例证也很充分, 唯一欠缺的是语言不够多样话,比如It is .. possible...至少用了4次以上. 没主意到吧  呵呵  提问: 怎么在29MIN写到450字, 我觉得根本不可能啊...

zhizhiUID: 2123761

open to doubt 应该是值得怀疑的意思
be followed with 好像也是固定搭配吧 根lead to 之类差不多把
多谢拍转 呵呵 我会注意的 大家共同努力:)

yxepochUID: 2124411

------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'

------正文------
         In this memo, the business manager of Valu-Mart recommends that all the Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and that of office supplies to increase profits.(so as to increase the profits) Unfortunately it suffers from several fallacies, all of which undermine the argument together.
开头稍微单薄了一点,再加个一句吧,什么to substantiat....

         In the first place, the survey cited by the manager is too vague to be informative. Whether the respondents are representative of the general group is open to doubt(doubted比较保险一点). There is no information concerning what kinds of person are selected in the survey. It is entirely possible that these people who are required to take more work home do not need any home office machines or even home office supplies at all. Without further information provided, the manager cannot rely on the survey to make a further inference. Moreover, the total number of the respondents is not provided, without which it is hard to judge whether there is a significant increase in the number of people who are required to take work home.

          In the second place, even if there are more people who are required to work at home, and their job is related to the office supplies and machines, there is no guarantee the demands for such kind of supplies will increase. It is entirely possible that these people have already bought such kind of office machines or supplies before and do not need them at all. It is also possible that some of them may do the typewriting work outside since some little shops can provide such service as typewriting and so on. If the manager cannot rule out such possible conditions, then the assumption that the demand for office machines and office supplies will increase will be ungrounded.

          In the last but not least place(我觉得用last but not least就好了), the manager fails to demonstrate that the strategies will necessarily followed with a increase in the profits. On the one hand, even if the demand for office supplies and machines do increased(increase), there is no guarantee that people will prefer to purchase these production in Valu-Mart stores. On the other hand, when it comes to profits, there are two important factors that can never be neglected, that is cost and market price. It is presumptuous to draw a conclusion without such kind of information provided. (What is more, the manager fails to provide any information concerning the reason for why Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past. It is quite possible that the Valu-Mart have suffered great problems in the service, management or some other respects, which may contribute to the sales condition. )(这一段可以改一改放到最后一段去,最后一段按照范文来说太单薄了)
         In sum, the recommendation made by the manager may be neither necessary nor sufficient to increase profits of the Valu-Market stores.

整篇文章的思路不错,写地也不错,就是最后一段太少了,才一句话.充实一下就完美了哦!