issue93 寄托4人组 8.16作业

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

Issue93  第3篇
------摘要------
作者：寄托4人组     共用时间：59分35秒     632 words
从2005年7月16日9时24分到2005年7月16日10时59分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
1.        出于社会的考虑，个人的确要为自己的行为负责任
2.        但这不等于个人责任完全出自“社会的狡计”，因为个人不全是被外力所决定的
a的确，外力限制着我们
b但是，我们的自由意志始终存在。
On the top of those values which human beings care most writes freedom. Ironically, it never ceases debating whether freedom is nothing but an illusion or it really exists. The speaker holds that people's behavior is largely determined by external forces and therefore individual responsibility, as a liability to his or her free choices, is only a fiction, though necessary out of pragmatic concerns of societies. True as it is that individual responsibility is indispensable to maintain social order, I hold that it is primarily owing to our free will, not only pragmatic reasons as a trick of society, that this concept is justified.

To begin with, there is no doubt that individuals should be responsible for their deeds, out of concerning the greatest social interests. A war criminal cannot so easily claim him innocence by appealing to his obedience of order; a student cannot justify his cheat by proving that others do the same thing; a mother cannot be exempted from her carelessness to her children by imputing it to work. Without individuals bearing their own responsibilities, everyone could justify his or her misdeeds and the whole society will soon run into chaos. Therefore, no morality and laws--whose one important function is to maintain the social order--can overlook the concept of individual responsibility.

However, the speaker seems to hold that this conception is ONLY out of social concerns, since people's behavior is largely determined not by themselves but external forces. I cannot agree with this.

Admittedly, one is pushed by numerous external factors in making a decision. As Rousseau put, "Human beings are everywhere in shackles." We are born at the very beginning with chains that fetter our possible choices: historical context and nationality, gender and race, family background and social status, so on and so force. A solder who is facing an order to kill civilians might bear much more moral burden than he does in peaceful period.  External pressure should be taken into account here and sometimes it does lighten one's responsibility, as inferior soldiers who committed the killing are usually exempted from punishment by laws.

Although external factors constrain one's choices, this nevertheless does not follow that one's responsibility is totally an illusion, for one has power from within, i.e,. free will, to determine one's action. Fettered by mesh of external forces may constrain ones' body to do certain things, while no one could fetter his or her will. Sartre uttered this point in the strongest way: “Human beings are bound to free.” In the soldier case mentioned above, Sartre might argue that even a superior is forcing the soldier to shot civilians by pointing a gun to his head, no matter what the soldier chooses, he is responsible to his deed, for his inner freedom cannot be deprived by external forces. Sartre’s argument might be too extreme, but many cases do show that people can follow their own conscience in spite of suffering from strict external pressure. Schindler, who saved thousands of Jews during the rein of Nazi Germany, just gives us an example. Compared with him, those who committed massacres—even exempted from the punishment at the Nuremberg court—should not easily release their moral guilt, for they did have a choice at that moment. In a word external obstacles should not be the satisfying excuses for failing one’s individual responsibility, for we can always determine our own attitudes towards difficulties and strive to do something which is at least possible.

In the final analysis, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is not a fiction as it stands. Though external factors may force us to do something, our choice is always confronting our conscience, for we always bear free will to judge and decide: this is a power that external forces can never bereave.

631 words.

vieripingUID: 207712

On the top of those values which human beings care most writes freedom. Ironically, it never ceases debating whether freedom is nothing but an illusion or it really exists. The speaker holds that people's behavior is largely determined by external forces and therefore individual responsibility, as a liability to his or her free choices, is only a fiction, though necessary out of pragmatic concerns of societies. 这后半句不太懂 out of 可以这样用吗True as it is that individual responsibility is indispensable to maintain social order, I hold that it is primarily owing to our free will, not only pragmatic reasons as a trick of society, that this concept is justified.

To begin with, there is no doubt that individuals should be responsible for their deeds, out of concerning the greatest social interests. A war criminal cannot so easily claim him innocence by appealing to his obedience of order; a student cannot justify his cheat by proving that others do the same thing; a mother cannot be exempted from her carelessness to her children by imputing it to work. Without individuals bearing their own responsibilities, everyone could justify his or her misdeeds and the whole society will soon run into chaos. Therefore, no morality and laws--whose one important function is to maintain the social order--can overlook the concept of individual responsibility.

However, the speaker seems to hold that this conception is ONLY out of social concerns, since people's behavior is largely determined not by themselves but external forces. I cannot agree with this.

Admittedly, one is pushed by numerous external factors in making a decision. As Rousseau put, "Human beings are everywhere in shackles." We are born at the very beginning with chains that fetter our possible choices: historical context and nationality, gender and race, family background and social status, so on and so force. A solder who is facing an order to kill civilians might bear much more moral burden than he does in peaceful period.  External pressure should be taken into account here and sometimes it does lighten one's responsibility, as inferior soldiers who committed the killing are usually exempted from punishment by laws.

Although external factors constrain one's choices, this nevertheless does not follow that one's responsibility is totally an illusion, for one has power from within, i.e,. free will, to determine one's action. Fettered by mesh of external forces may constrain ones' body to do certain things, while no one could fetter his or her will. Sartre uttered this point in the strongest way: “Human beings are bound to free.” In the soldier case mentioned above, Sartre might argue that even a superior is forcing the soldier to shot civilians by pointing a gun to his head, no matter what the soldier chooses, he is responsible to his deed, for his inner freedom cannot be deprived by external forces. Sartre’s argument might be too extreme, but many cases do show that people can follow their own conscience in spite of suffering from strict external pressure. Schindler, who saved thousands of Jews during the rein of Nazi Germany, just gives us an example. Compared with him, those who committed massacres—even exempted from the punishment at the Nuremberg court—should not easily release their moral guilt, for they did have a choice at that moment. In a word external obstacles should not be the satisfying excuses for failing one’s individual responsibility, for we can always determine our own attitudes towards difficulties and strive to do something which is at least possible.
很好，从正反面论证，稍微有点长，可以简练一下

In the final analysis, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is not a fiction as it stands. Though external factors may force us to do something, our choice is always confronting our conscience, for we always bear free will to judge and decide: this is a power that external forces can never
bereave.
写的不错，尤其引用了不少名人名句，第三段论证不错，值得学习！
有空看看我的文吧https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

issue93 寄托4人组 8.16作业

Issue93  第3篇
------摘要------
作者：寄托4人组     共用时间：59分35秒     632 words
从2005年7月16日9时24分到2005年7月16日10时59分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
1.        出于社会的考虑，个人的确要为自己的行为负责任
2.        但这不等于个人责任完全出自“社会的狡计”，因为个人不全是被外力所决定的
a的确，外力限制着我们
b但是，我们的自由意志始终存在。
On the top of those values which human beings care most writes freedom. Ironically, it never ceases debating whether freedom is nothing but an illusion or it really exists. The speaker holds that people's behavior is largely determined by external forces and therefore individual responsibility, as a liability to his or her free choices, is only a fiction, though necessary out of pragmatic concerns of societies. True as it is that individual responsibility is indispensable to maintain social order, I hold that it is primarily owing to our free will, not only pragmatic reasons as a trick of society, that this concept is justified.

To begin with, there is no doubt that individuals should be responsible for their deeds, out of concerning the greatest social interests. (什么意思?你说个人应该为自己的行为负责，又说不用考虑社会的利益。什么逻辑?跟你后面的论据不符。我理解起来有点困难。) A war criminal cannot so easily claim him innocence by appealing to his obedience of order; a student cannot justify his cheat by proving that others do the same thing; a mother cannot be exempted from her carelessness to her children by imputing it to work.赞! Without individuals bearing their own responsibilities, everyone could justify his or her misdeeds and the whole society will soon run into chaos. Therefore, no morality and laws—whose one important function (这样表达是否妥当?) is to maintain the social order--can overlook the concept of individual responsibility.

However, the speaker seems to hold that this conception is ONLY out of social concerns, since people's behavior is largely determined not by themselves but external forces. I cannot agree with this.

Admittedly, one is pushed by numerous external factors in making a decision. As Rousseau put, "Human beings are everywhere in shackles." We are born at the very beginning with chains that fetter our possible choices: historical context and nationality, gender and race, family background and social status,(这些外部的东西你是列举出来了，但你没有点出它们跟个人责任之间的关系！) so on and so force. A soldier who is facing an order to kill civilians might bear much more moral burden than he does in peaceful period.  External pressure should be taken into account here and sometimes it does lighten one's responsibility, as inferior soldiers who committed the killing are usually exempted from punishment by laws.

Although external factors constrain one's choices, this nevertheless does not follow that one's responsibility is totally an illusion, for one has power from within, i.e. free will, to determine one's action. Fettered by (换词) mesh of external forces may constrain ones' body to do certain things, while no one could fetter his or her will. Sartre uttered this point in the strongest way: “Human beings are bound to free.” In the soldier case mentioned above, Sartre might argue that even a superior is forcing the soldier to shot civilians by pointing a gun to his head, no matter what the soldier chooses, he is responsible to his deed, for his inner freedom cannot be deprived by external forces.进一步说他可以拒绝执行杀人命令。 Sartre’s argument might be too extreme, but many cases do show that people can follow their own conscience in spite of suffering from strict external pressure. Schindler, who saved thousands of Jews during the rein of Nazi Germany, just gives us an example刚点到就结束了！. Compared with him, those who committed massacres—even exempted from the punishment at the Nuremberg court—should not easily release their moral guilt, for they did have a choice at that moment. In a word, external obstacles should not be the satisfying excuses for failing one’s individual responsibility, for we can always determine our own attitudes (这一点你根本就没有说透！) towards difficulties and strive to do something which is at least possible.

In the final analysis, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is not a fiction as it stands. Though external factors may force us to do something, our choice is always confronting our conscience, for we always bear free will to judge and decide: this is a power that external forces can never bereave.

总评：
Speaker认为：从社会的角度出发，人必须为自己的行为负责，但人的行为主要由外部力量决定，所以“个人责任”就是个虚无的概念。
你的驳斥点在：
1．        承认：“从社会的角度出发，人必须为自己的行为负责，”
2．        承认：“外部力量的确决定着人的行为，进而削弱的个人责任意识。”
3．        外部力量不能成为逃避个人责任的借口。(论证无力)

你的这篇文章有点怪，读起来没有逻辑上的顺畅感和清晰感！我也不知道为什么。
或许你应该把题目隐含的“对立的两面”再理清一下。

我可能有说得不对的地方，仅供参考！

[ Last edited by bridgewalker on 2005-8-16 at 18:33 ]

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

1。out of是出于。。啊，不是在。。之外。
2。whose one funcion我也不确定
3。对！应该点出来。
4。Schindler的例子没展开是觉得篇幅够长了，人们又熟。。还是说两句吧。
5。attitude也对！这是从很久一起的一篇草稿cut过来的，没细琢磨。。
6。关于提纲的第三点，我是想说虽然外力确实影响着个体的责任，但是，由于外力无法影响人的自由意志，个体无法完全将责任归到外力的头上。比如例子中说的，即使士兵不上法庭，他的良心也会谴责他。因而speaker的论断过于夸大了。我再按照你提的意见把第三点加强一下吧。
7。多谢！