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[i习作temp] ISSUE208 9月初考,大家帮忙看看 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-8-22 19:23:48 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
208 "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."  
 208. 人们的眼神、衣着和行动表现出他们的态度和兴趣。你可以通过观察人们的外表 和行为来获知许多这个社会的思想和价值观。

There is an old saying “ Don’t judge a person by his appearance”. However, can we judge a society by the appearance and behavior of its people, even if people say that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests? It seems that we have bogged down in the predicament whether we can know much about a society’s ideas and values through this means.

In fact, the appearance and behavior of people can indeed reflect some ideas and values of a society. It is known to all that jeans, T-shirts both originate in America. During the 1950-70s, it became the sign of rebellion and anti-tradition for people to wear them. Since then T-shirts have been used to express  free personal opinions, such as against Vietnam- war, champion for environment protection. They came to symbolize some ideas and values of the contemporary American society. Meanwhile, across the Pacific ocean, on the other continent, one country was famous for its people wearing the same “ blue”, called “blue ants”. Just like their blue-oriented clothes, their thoughts seemed to be all painted red- oriented. People could easily detect the society’s ideas and values from the same blue and read the same thoughts.
By observing the appearance and behavior of people, what we get is not only the surface, sometimes, but touches the deep beneath of it.

However, appearance is appearance. It can enthrall people’ eyes . Even sometimes, we can scratch the surface, realize the truth, but most of the time, we are captivated by the appearance and behavior of people.  Take the German for example, according to people’s observation, they are rational, caring for philosophy and literature. However, it is this nation that caused the two world wars and made the brutal holocaust to Jews. In Japan, the modest smile appears on every person’s face, the most polite behaviors are so naturally acted by its people. However, it is this nation that massacred countless people in 1937 Rape of Nanking. By observing the friendly appearance and polite behavior of Japanese, we cannot detect that the militarism is still prevailing in this society. Then we would ask ourselves “ do we really know this society’s values and ideas?”.

If we want to know much about a society’ values and ideas, observing the appearance and behaviors of its people is merely part of the whole process. It is necessary for us to get to know the history, the culture, the economy, and the politics of this society. History can tell us how this society forms, why the nation forms their own values. Culture can reveal the characteristics of the society. The economy and the politics determines the society ‘s structure. All the above is years of sediments, which people can not get by catching a glimpse of the appearance and behavior of its people.

In sum, as we know, society is made up of individuals. Individuals’ attitudes and interests can be revealed by their dress, looks and actions. Admittedly, we can get some information about a society’s ideas and values through observing its people ‘s behavior and appearance,  but it does not mean that we can know much of a society. Thus, truly knowing a society needs observe variety of aspects, which just like get to know a person, we always try to know his different aspects, and never judge him by his appearance.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-23 at 00:00 ]
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沙发
发表于 2005-8-22 20:21:09 |只看该作者

个人意见

There is an old saying “ Don’t judge a person by his appearance”. However, can we judge a society by the appearance and behavior of its people, even if people say that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests? It seems that we have bogged down in the predicament whether we can know much about a society’s ideas and values through this means.第一段是不是明确说明自己的观点比较好呢。用了It seems that似乎也并没有在首段表明自己的观点和态度.


第2段用了国外的例子是很好的,(想问一句:blue ants是什么东西?呵呵 我不知道)
第3段里写的日本,似乎有点咬牙切齿的感觉哦,我不知道好不好,但我自己会尽量避免这样.而且德国问题主要是由于希特勒,并非是人民,而且德现在也在忏悔.

一点点个人观点而已.
一起加油

argument 179
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=324577

[ Last edited by michel_shao on 2005-8-22 at 20:23 ]

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板凳
发表于 2005-8-22 21:16:30 |只看该作者
谢谢楼上的,看来日本人的例子写的太凶了,那我就把它改得温柔点哈,第一段,我还会再看看的,现在去看你的A,惭愧,我到现在还没写A呢,我试试哈
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地板
发表于 2005-8-22 23:09:44 |只看该作者
我自己顶
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发表于 2005-8-22 23:34:30 |只看该作者
我觉得LZ的语言很好,很值得学习(还想悄悄问一句,想短时间内提高这一点,有没有什么办法呢)

思路也蛮清晰的,关于第三段例子,两个属于比较相近的方面,
不知道可不可以这样考虑
现在各国的服饰,人们的打扮都逐渐趋同,
但是不同国家人们的价值观肯定存在很大的差异。

我觉得LZ的实在写的不错,都提不出什么意见呢

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发表于 2005-8-22 23:45:24 |只看该作者
谢谢楼上的鼓励,短时间要提高,这个。。。这个。。。我实在想不出特别好的法子,我觉的好法子就是多看好文,比如NCE4, 还有背些好的句子,不过语言是有创造性的,大胆地写是提高的快的最好方法。
恩,第三段我会再看看的,谢谢你的建议,我回去好好想想,今天太晚了,眼睛很痛了,要睡,还剩10天了,要拼命了,楼上的也加油哈
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发表于 2005-8-23 00:17:12 |只看该作者
208 "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."  
 208. 人们的眼神、衣着和行动表现出他们的态度和兴趣。你可以通过观察人们的外表 和行为来获知许多这个社会的思想和价值观。

There is an old saying “ Don’t judge a person by his appearance”. However, can we judge a society by the appearance and behavior of its people, even if people say that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests? It seems that we have bogged down(好) in the predicament whether we can know much about a society’s ideas and values through this means.(作者观点没有明确提出是什么?)

In fact, the appearance and behavior of people can indeed reflect some ideas and values of a society. It is known to all that jeans,(这里用and连接吧) T-shirts both originate in America. During the 1950-70s, it became the sign of rebellion and anti-tradition for people to(who) wear them. Since then T-shirts have been used to express  free personal opinions, such as against Vietnam- war, champion for environment protection. They came to symbolize some ideas and values of the contemporary American society. Meanwhile, across the Pacific ocean, on the other (other后面接复数名词)continent, one country was famous for its people wearing the same “ blue”, called “blue ants”. Just like their blue-oriented clothes, their thoughts seemed to be all painted red- oriented. People could easily detect the society’s ideas and values from the same blue and read the same thoughts.
By observing the appearance and behavior of people, what we get is not only the surface, sometimes, but touches the deep beneath of it.

However, appearance is appearance. It can enthrall people’ eyes . Even sometimes, we can scratch the surface, realize the truth, but most of the time, we are captivated by the appearance and behavior of people.  Take the German for example, according to people’s observation, they are rational, caring for philosophy and literature. However, it is this nation that caused the two world wars and made the brutal holocaust to Jews. In Japan, the modest smile appears on every person’s face, the most polite behaviors are so naturally acted by its people. However, it is this nation that massacred countless people in 1937 Rape of Nanking. By observing the friendly appearance and polite behavior of Japanese, we cannot detect that the militarism is still prevailing in this society. Then we would ask ourselves “ do we really know this society’s values and ideas?”.(例子可能会引起老外的误解哦)

If we want to know much about a society’ values and ideas, observing the appearance and behaviors of its people is merely part of the whole process. It is necessary for us to get to know the history, the culture, the economy, and the politics of this society. History can tell us how this society forms, why the nation forms their own values. Culture can reveal the characteristics of the society. The economy and the politics determines the society ‘s structure. All the above is years of sediments, which people can not get by catching a glimpse of the appearance and behavior of its people. (加点例子或名人名言就更好了)

In sum, as we know, society is made up of individuals. Individuals’ attitudes and interests can be revealed by their dress, looks and actions. Admittedly, we can get some information about a society’s ideas and values through observing its people ‘s behavior and appearance,  but it does not mean that we can know much of a society. Thus, truly knowing a society needs observe variety of aspects, which just like get to know a person, we always try to know his different aspects, and never judge him by his appearance. 总体感觉不错,但最后一段好象有点绕来绕去重复单词的感觉:)
8.20T
9.16G作文
10.22G
拼了!!!

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发表于 2005-8-23 02:54:36 |只看该作者
请教一下 能否分开论证
即支持“The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests”
但人们的态度和兴趣(随个人而不同)与社会的思想和价值观(被大多数人认可的)不完全是一回事
因此不能一概而论“You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people”

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发表于 2005-8-23 03:42:59 |只看该作者
还有我觉得最好不要对国家或宗教有明显的倾向性 鬼知道批你卷子的是哪国人 这个不同于学术纷争 没有道理可讲的所以可能引起不必要的麻烦
最好举远一点的 国际认同的东西
PS:blue ants这个例子是映射中国么?暴寒~~

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发表于 2005-8-23 05:02:06 |只看该作者
Originally posted by weiweiseu at 2005-8-23 02:54
请教一下 能否分开论证
即支持“The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests”
但人们的态度和兴趣(随个人而不同)与社会的思想和价值观(被大多数人认可的)不完全是一回事 ...

我和你的想法接近,你看我这样写行不?
我的Issue208:https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=323617


给LZ的意见:
语言真的很不错,限时的话更是了得啊!这么难的题。
第二个论证段我个人认为德国也好,日本也好例子都有些牵强,能换就换的好,战争和社会价值,总觉得不搭界,参加战争的又不是全国人民:lol一点拙见啊!
最后一段别那么绕了,我主张开头结尾都要简洁有力!

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发表于 2005-8-23 06:48:44 |只看该作者
楼上的xdjm的建议,这个怎么写最后一段是我的软肋呀,不知道怎么才能把它写好,我写的时候只知道要概括前面所提到的论点就没辙了,而且就象大家说的老饶来饶去,不知道可以给点建议么
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发表于 2005-8-23 09:43:41 |只看该作者
战争的问题一定是某些邪恶的国家元首造成的 要归咎于人民的话很有种族歧视的嫌疑
其他bad aspects 类推 除了人性的弱点

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发表于 2005-8-23 13:38:44 |只看该作者
There is an old saying “Don’t judge a person by his appearance”. However, can we judge a society by the appearance and behavior of its people, even if people say that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests? [COLOR=RED]最好不要直接复述原话[COLOR=BLACK] It seems that we have bogged down in the predicament whether we can know much about a society’s ideas and values through this means. [COLOR=RED]感觉应该直接提出自己观点比较好[COLOR=BLACK]

In fact, the appearance and behavior of people can indeed reflect some ideas and values of a society. It is known to all that jeans, T-shirts both originate in America. During the 1950-70s, it became the sign of rebellion and anti-tradition for people to wear them. Since then T-shirts have been used to express  free personal opinions, such as against Vietnam- war, champion for environment protection. They came to symbolize some ideas and values of the contemporary American society. Meanwhile, across the Pacific ocean, on the other continent, one country was famous for its people wearing the same “ blue”, called “blue ants”. Just like their blue-oriented clothes, their thoughts seemed to be all painted red- oriented. People could easily detect the society’s ideas and values from the same blue and read the same thoughts. By observing the appearance and behavior of people, what we get is not only the surface, sometimes, but touches the deep beneath of it. [COLOR=RED]deep应该去掉,前后应该是名词并列,而且not only 后面应该接but also, deep换成also[COLOR=BLACK]

However, appearance is appearance. It can enthrall people’ eyes . Even sometimes, we can scratch the surface, realize the truth, but most of the time, we are captivated by the appearance and behavior of people.  Take the German for example, according to people’s observation, they are rational, caring for philosophy and literature[COLOR=RED]caring用在这里感觉不太明白其意,LZ意思是指在文学和哲学中显得比较有同情心吗?[COLOR=BLACK]. However, it is this nation that caused the two world wars and made the brutal holocaust to Jews. In Japan, the modest smile appears on every person’s face[COLOR=RED]appear似乎也不太贴切[COLOR=BLACK], the most polite behaviors are so naturally acted by its people. However, it is this nation that massacred countless people in 1937 Rape of Nanking. By observing the friendly appearance and polite behavior of Japanese, we cannot detect that the militarism is still prevailing in this society. Then we would ask ourselves “ do we really know this society’s values and ideas?”.

[COLOR=RED]If we want不如去掉,句式简洁[COLOR=BLACK]If we want to know much about a society’ values and ideas, observing the appearance and behaviors of its people is merely part of the whole process. It is necessary for us to get to know the history, the culture, the economy, and the politics of this society. History can tell us how this society forms, why the nation forms their own values. Culture can reveal the characteristics of the society. The economy and the politics determines[COLOR=RED]determine[COLOR=BLACK] the society ‘s structure. All the above is years of sediments[COLOR=RED]感觉不太对啊~~好像用反了,个人觉得用sediments for years,楼主觉得呢?[COLOR=BLACK], which people can not get by catching a glimpse of the appearance and behavior of its people.

In sum, as we know, society is made up of individuals. Individuals’ attitudes and interests can be revealed by their dress, looks and actions. Admittedly, we can get some information about a society’s ideas and values through observing its people ‘s behavior and appearance,  but it does not mean that we can know much of a society. Thus, truly knowing a society needs observe[COLOR=RED]observing[COLOR=BLACK] variety of aspects, which just like get[COLOR=RED]也应该用动名词比较好吧~~~[COLOR=BLACK] to know a person, we always try to know his different aspects, and never judge him by his appearance.

大多是对楼主语言方面提的意思,因为结构问题我也没解决好,呵呵~~~LZ一起努力~~~
仁远乎哉?吾欲仁,斯仁至矣。

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发表于 2005-8-23 13:48:06 |只看该作者

抱歉,字体颜色没处理好,重新发,不是灌水~~~

There is an old saying “Don’t judge a person by his appearance”. However, can we judge a society by the appearance and behavior of its people, even if people say that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests? 最好不要直接复述原话 It seems that we have bogged down in the predicament whether we can know much about a society’s ideas and values through this means. 感觉应该直接提出自己观点比较好

In fact, the appearance and behavior of people can indeed reflect some ideas and values of a society. It is known to all that jeans, T-shirts both originate in America. During the 1950-70s, it became the sign of rebellion and anti-tradition for people to wear them. Since then T-shirts have been used to express  free personal opinions, such as against Vietnam- war, champion for environment protection. They came to symbolize some ideas and values of the contemporary American society. Meanwhile, across the Pacific ocean, on the other continent, one country was famous for its people wearing the same “ blue”, called “blue ants”. Just like their blue-oriented clothes, their thoughts seemed to be all painted red- oriented. People could easily detect the society’s ideas and values from the same blue and read the same thoughts. By observing the appearance and behavior of people, what we get is not only the surface, sometimes, but touches the deep beneath of it. deep应该去掉,前后应该是名词并列,而且not only 后面应该接but also, deep换成also

However, appearance is appearance. It can enthrall people’ eyes . Even sometimes, we can scratch the surface, realize the truth, but most of the time, we are captivated by the appearance and behavior of people.  Take the German for example, according to people’s observation, they are rational, caring for philosophy and literaturecaring用在这里感觉不太明白其意,LZ意思是指在文学和哲学中显得比较有同情心吗?. However, it is this nation that caused the two world wars and made the brutal holocaust to Jews. In Japan, the modest smile appears on every person’s faceappear似乎也不太贴切, the most polite behaviors are so naturally acted by its people. However, it is this nation that massacred countless people in 1937 Rape of Nanking. By observing the friendly appearance and polite behavior of Japanese, we cannot detect that the militarism is still prevailing in this society. Then we would ask ourselves “ do we really know this society’s values and ideas?”.

If we want不如去掉,句式简洁If we want to know much about a society’ values and ideas, observing the appearance and behaviors of its people is merely part of the whole process. It is necessary for us to get to know the history, the culture, the economy, and the politics of this society. History can tell us how this society forms, why the nation forms their own values. Culture can reveal the characteristics of the society. The economy and the politics determinesdetermine the society ‘s structure. All the above is years of sediments感觉不太对啊~~好像用反了,个人觉得用sediments for years,楼主觉得呢, which people can not get by catching a glimpse of the appearance and behavior of its people.

In sum, as we know, society is made up of individuals. Individuals’ attitudes and interests can be revealed by their dress, looks and actions. Admittedly, we can get some information about a society’s ideas and values through observing its people ‘s behavior and appearance,  but it does not mean that we can know much of a society. Thus, truly knowing a society needs observeobserving variety of aspects, which just like get也应该用动名词比较好吧~~~to know a person, we always try to know his different aspects, and never judge him by his appearance.
仁远乎哉?吾欲仁,斯仁至矣。

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发表于 2005-8-23 14:57:05 |只看该作者

互拍吧,我也是九月初考试

There is an old saying “Don’t judge a person by his appearance”. However, can we judge a society by the appearance and behavior of its people, even if people say that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests? It seems that we have bogged down in the predicament whether we can know much about a society’s ideas and values through this means (这个句子写的好,值得大家学习啊).首段没有列出自己的观点,同意、反对或者是复杂态度?如果这是作者的一种写法那么当我没说In fact, the appearance and behavior of people can indeed reflect some ideas and values of a society. It is known to all that jeans, T-shirts both originate in America. During the 1950-70s, it became the sign of rebellion and anti-tradition for people to wear them. Since then T-shirts have been used to express  free personal opinions, such as against Vietnam- war, champion for environment protection. They came to symbolize some ideas and values of the contemporary American society. Meanwhile, across the Pacific ocean, on the other continent, one country was famous for its people wearing the same “ blue”, called “blue ants”. Just like their blue-oriented clothes, their thoughts seemed to be all painted red- oriented. People could easily detect the society’s ideas and values from the same blue and read the same thoughts.
By observing the appearance and behavior of people, what we get is not only the surface, sometimes, but touches the deep beneath of it.

However, appearance is appearance(好句子). It can enthrall people’ eyes . Even sometimes, we can scratch the surface, realize the truth, but most of the time, we are captivated by the appearance and behavior of people.  Take the German for example, according to people’s observation, they are rational, caring for philosophy and literature. However, it is this nation that caused the two world wars and made the brutal holocaust to Jews. In Japan, the modest smile appears on every person’s face, the most polite behaviors are so naturally acted by its people. However, it is this nation that massacred countless people in 1937 Rape of Nanking. By observing the friendly appearance and polite behavior of Japanese, we cannot detect that the militarism is still prevailing in this society. Then we would ask ourselves “ do we really know this society’s values and ideas?”.
我和大家的意见一样,觉得不要都举国家的例子,如果从individual level到national level各举一个,那么层次感就更强了If we want to know much about a society’ values and ideas, observing the appearance and behaviors of its people is merely part of the whole process. It is necessary for us to get to know the history, the culture, the economy, and the politics of this society. History can tell us how this society forms, why the nation forms their own values. Culture can reveal the characteristics of the society. The economy and the politics determines the society ‘s structure. All the above is years of sediments, which people can not get by catching a glimpse of the appearance and behavior of its people.
这一段论述稍显薄弱,没有刚才的论述来的好。
In sum, as we know, society is made up of individuals. Individuals’ attitudes and interests can be revealed by their dress, looks and actions. Admittedly, we can get some information about a society’s ideas and values through observing its people ‘s behavior and appearance,  but it does not mean that we can know much of a society. Thus, truly knowing a society needs observe variety of aspects, which just like get to know a person, we always try to know his different aspects, and never judge him by his appearance.
那么我说一下总体感觉,结构还是很清晰的,对题目的两层意思也有所把握,我感觉是按照反对的态度来写的,为什么不在第一段列出ts呢?

issue 6 刚才写的,搂主帮着看看吧。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=325049

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RE: ISSUE208 9月初考,大家帮忙看看 [修改]

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ISSUE208 9月初考,大家帮忙看看
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-324612-1-1.html
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