Issue208

jogingUID: 2124905

Issue208

558Word, 写了1个小时，改了好久，痛苦ing

I fundamentally agree (whith the staement 据广州的王丹丹讲，同位语从句要比宾语从句高级)that observing （the observation of )the appearance and behavior of majority（of a society's people) can reveal a society’s ideas and values because the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests.(有反映个人的特点，就推出能反映社会的特点，不太充分，至少该论述一下大量个体与整体的关系啊） However, it is unjust and prejudiced to judge society’s ideas and values only by minority’s behavior and outer appearance.

To begin with, the society’s ideas and values can be reflected by the people’s outward appearance, such as the way people look or dress.（很第一段的那句很像啊，在关键句的位置还是不要重复好些） In general, outward appearance seems （to be ）personal deeds and varies from individual to individual, but embody some common ideas and values of a society to some extent. For example,（下面这句可以用the custom that.....represents the....) the veil that was often worn by Islam woman in the official （应是public）circumstance represents the attitudes and ideas of Islam society toward the women who was in inferior status, enforced on more restriction and have no the same status and rights as the man to attend the economic and social society. A society, such as some lagtin African countries(原文由拼写错误）, （in which most members seem .........)most of whose members seem bony and ragged in appearance is one that is(in) poor economic condition and desires for more rich lives. A society whose members dress traditionally is one that put high value on the tradition over modernization, while majority of people in society wear and make up dressily and faddishly will inform（inform的主语是？） us of ideas of a society going in for vogue and modernization in a society. Therefore, observing the appearance is one obvious method to
ideas and values of society.

Not only the people’s appearance and dress are accurate indicators of the society’s ideas and values, but also the way people behave provides accurate signals about the society’s ideas and values. People are deeply influenced by （the）society’s culture and value tendency, so they have some common characters in behavior that is distinct to a society. For instances, a society whose members prefer to spending money rather than saving money shows that this society emphasis the enjoyment and pleasure. A society whose members behave in a respectful and courteous manner toward one another is one that values human dignity, while people of a society who act in hateful manner toward others clearly place a low value on respect for others and on tolerance of other people’s opinions and beliefs. A society in which people could have freedom speech, the rights in parade and demonstration, the rights to attend political and society activity place a high value on democratic regulation and human rights. All these cases show the society’s ideas and values can be shown by the way people’s behaviors.

Admittedly, the behavior and appearance of minority cannot represent majority in a society and so cannot disclose a society’s ideas and values. It will draw an incorrect and unjust conclusion about values and behavior of society only based on majority. A society small part of whose members addict the drug and violate the laws does not mean lawless and disorder society because majority of its members is the legalists and place a high value on law and order. A society in which minor people do despise the virtues, such as honesty, persistence, and diligence, do not represent whole society’s ideas or values because most of its people place an important role on virtues.

To sum up, the society’s ideas and values can be revealed by the common ground of appearance and behavior of majority. And minority ‘s behavior amount to only represent their own preference and can not represent the whole society’s value and ideas.
我觉得这篇文章的结构太单调了，虽然提纲建议可以采取支持的写法，可是在具体到一段
的论证时完全可以增加一些层次感，还有就是通篇的巨型变化不太丰富。

zhaoll99 ，我也是没写很多issue，所以我的建议不一定合理就算是抛砖引玉吧。

KangxiaoluUID: 177984

I fundamentally agree that observing the appearance and behavior of majority can reveal a society’s ideas and values because the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests. However, it is unjust and prejudiced to judge society’s ideas and values only by minority’s behavior and outer appearance.建议换开头,我先看了你的正文,你的正文和开头水平不在一个档次哈,开头可以详细深入一些,正文好展开

To begin with, the society’s ideas and values can be reflected by the people’s outward appearance, such as the way people look or dress. In general, outward appearance seems personal deeds 什么意思?and varies from individual to individual, but embody some common ideas and values of a society to some extent. For example, the veil that was often worn by Islam woman in the official circumstance represents the attitudes and ideas of Islam society toward the women who was in inferior status, enforced on more restriction !more +名词?and have no the same status and rights as the man to attend the economic and social society.例子写得挺连贯,不错 A society, such as some lag Africa countries, most of whose members seem bony and ragged in appearance is one that is poor economic condition and desires for more rich lives又来了,还请楼主讲下这结构到底能不能用. A society whose members dress traditionally is one that 这个结构也不顺啊,呵呵 put high value on the tradition over modernization, while + themajority of people in society wear and make up dressily and faddishly will inform us of ideas of a society going in for vogue and modernization in a society. Therefore, observing the appearance is one obvious method to ? 打掉了?
ideas and values of society.
这段不错,第一个例子的语言感觉强于二\三例,楼主语言能力不错,但是有些句子感觉是勉强串在一起

Not only the people’s appearance and dress are accurate indicators of the society’s ideas and values, but also the way people behave provides accurate signals about the society’s ideas and values. People are deeply influenced by society’s culture and value tendency, so they have some common characters in behavior that is distinct to a society. For instances, a society whose members prefer to spending money rather than saving money shows that this society emphasis the enjoyment and pleasure. A society whose members behave in a respectful and courteous manner toward one another is one that values human dignity, while people of a society who act in hateful manner toward others clearly place a low value on respect for others and on tolerance of other people’s opinions and beliefs. A society in which people could have freedom speech, the rights in parade and demonstration, the rights to attend political and society activity place a high value on democratic regulation and human rights. All these cases show the society’s ideas and values can be shown by the way people’s behaviors.
哇,写得太好了,汗!!! 我都不敢改了

Admittedly, the behavior and appearance of minority cannot represent majority in a society and so cannot disclose a society’s ideas and values. It will draw an incorrect and unjust conclusion about values and behavior of society only based on majority. A society small part of whose members addict the drug and violate the laws does not mean lawless and disorder society because majority of its members is the legalists and place a high value on law and order. A society in which minor people do despise the virtues, such as honesty, persistence, and diligence, do not represent whole society’s ideas or values because most of its people place an important role on virtues.

To sum up, the society’s ideas and values can be revealed by the common ground of appearance and behavior of majority. And minority ‘s behavior amount to only represent their own preference and can not represent the whole society’s value and ideas.
写得不错,还望有空指教 谢谢
Issue208 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=326060

Argu147 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=327190

[ Last edited by Kangxiaolu on 2005-8-27 at 11:15 ]

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

谢谢Kangxiaolu，

首先：
1）
开头：我不想在开头上占太多的时间，开头主要表明通篇文章观点即可
当然如果有个特别不同凡响的开头更好，但我好象没有能力，不是牛牛:$

另外，我看别人的文章都是先看开头结尾，看完立场后才看全文，所以特希望简单明了。

，所以我想延续这种开头方式，不知道这种理解是否正确，拿出来讨论

2）
seems personal deeds 应该改为seems to be personal deeds ，看起来是个人行为。

3）
a society that +定语从句 is one that 从句，结构是对的，其中one表示society