issue114 快考了，帮忙改改，另有谁愿意与我结伴改作文

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

114."Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity." 114．


Have technological innovations changed the overall condition of humanity over the past century or so? As far as I am concerned, technology has the significant positive impact that modern industrial and computer revolutions have had on the quality of life, however, there is no technological solution to the enduring problems, such as war, violence and poverty.

Admittedly, many technology developments during the last century greatly helped reduce human suffering, enhanced the overall standard of living and comfort level, and provides more choices for people to enjoy the lives. For instances, the invention of electricity make the large-scale production possible and bring about great conveniences to people’s ordinary lives. The advent of assembly-line manufacturing makes work more specialized, greatly improves the efficiency, creates the countless jobs, stimulate economic growth and supply a plethora of innovative conveniences. Computers and Internet technology have helped free up our time by performing repetitive tasks, and have made possible universal access to information. Advancements in the medicine extend the life expectancy and make the 疑难病症irremediable diseases curable. Few could disagree that humanity is the beneficial of myriad of twentieth-century innovations in medicine and medical technology—from organ transplants to vaccines and lasers. In a word, all these technology innovation improve the condition of living and comfort level.

However, no technological solution can solve such enduring problems, such as the poverty, war and violence, for the reason that they stem from certain aspects of human nature – such as aggression, greed, desires and so on. The desire for power，strength and wealth made the local or worldwide war happen from time to time. Take the World War II for supporting the example.
Many advanced technologies are applied in the most large-scale war in the whole human history, and bring about the un史无前例的 unprecedented destroy to whole world and lives of people. The increasing use of chemical weapons for human slaughters points out that so-called advances in biochemistry can amount to net losses for humanity. 量子理论Quantum Theory, which is called one of the most important innovations in physics during the last century, make it possible to manufacture nuclear weapons that lead to the hundreds of thousands of innocent people murdered and maimed by atomic bombs. Because the greedy lust of some warmonger for the power and strength can never be satisfied by technology innovation, the war cannot be 消除removed forever. On the contrary, some advanced technology that can be used for some immoral and unreasonable purposes can bring about serious damage to the whole society.

In addition, the different level in technology development betweens the developing country and developed country can lead to the great unbalance among the different areas in the world. The developed country take the advantage of the technology dominances to make the native people living rich, but the developing country is still in the poverty status. And these unbalance will be existed all the time and may be enhanced because developed country based on advanced technology advantages will made rapider progress than developing country. So the poverty will not disappear, even will be enhanced in the developing country. Take the some Africa country for supporting examples, most of people are in the poor conditions and the fundamental living condition could not be ensured. Have no education opportunity and may be troubled by the war and poverty. Even in the developed country, some people who have low social status and poor education are still in the poverty status because of the society unequal.

To sum up, the technology have improved overall the living condition from the economic aspects, however, the technology seem to be powerless to reduce the war, poverty and violent.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-9-7 at 12:54 ]

hilucyUID: 209731

我们合作互改吧,我的qq8281538

Have technological innovations changed the overall condition of humanity over the past century or so? As far as I am concerned, technology has the significant positive impact that modern industrial and computer revolutions have had on the quality of life, however, there is no technological solution to the enduring problems, such as war, violence and poverty.(开头很好,立论跟干脆.但是最好能提到humanity,因为文章说的技术发展改变不了humanity的状态,例如说"科技发展促进了现代文明的发展,一定程度上改进了人性, 但是战争,暴力等等却不是技术所能简单决定的,,,,另外我个人观点认为贫穷也是可以通过技术来改变的.)

Admittedly, many technology developments during the last century greatly helped reduce human suffering, enhanced the overall standard of living and comfort level, and provides more choices for people to enjoy the lives. (这是该段的主题句,我觉得还是应该强调,这些改进确实改进了humanity. 当然可能我在这个地方有点偏激,你的文章写的真的非常好.我比较罗嗦,另外,我觉得不应该说最近的100年,而应该是自文艺复兴之后, 科技的发展对人性的正面作用在文艺复兴时期也就是13至15世纪是最明显,人们摆脱了中世纪的阴霾,强调个人主义. 从某种意义上说是人性的进步,至于过去的100年,世界大战以及各种冲突,,,我认为放在后面几段支撑你的观点,即科技解决不了战争等2顽疾比较好.这是我的一点愚见:), )For instances, the invention of electricity make the large-scale production possible and bring about great conveniences to people’s ordinary lives. The advent of assembly-line manufacturing makes work more specialized, greatly improves the efficiency, creates the countless jobs, stimulate economic growth and supply a plethora of innovative conveniences. Computers and Internet technology have helped free up our time by performing repetitive tasks, and have made possible universal access to information. Advancements in the medicine extend the life expectancy and make the 疑难病症irremediable diseases curable. Few could disagree that humanity is the beneficial of myriad of twentieth-century innovations in medicine and medical technology—from organ transplants to vaccines and lasers. In a word, all these technology innovation improve the condition of living and comfort level.

However, no technological solution can solve such enduring problems, (我个人倾向于写,No technological solution, however, can solve such persistent social problesms)such as the poverty, war and violence, for the reason that they stem from certain aspects of human nature – such as aggression, greed, desires and so on. (写得真好,如果能在human nature后面加上定语修饰就跟好了,例如:human nature that cannot be easily improved by teechnology advancement)The desire for power，strength and wealth made the local or worldwide war happen from time to time. (The technological development under the desire for power，strength and wealth even cause outbreak of local or even worldwide war from time to time.)Take the World War II for supporting the example.
Many advanced technologies are applied in the most large-scale war in the whole human history, and bring about the un史无前例的 unprecedented destroy to whole world and lives of people. The increasing use of chemical weapons for human slaughters points out that so-called advances in biochemistry can amount to net losses for humanity. 量子理论Quantum Theory, which is called one of the most important innovations in physics during the last century, make it possible to manufacture nuclear weapons that lead to the hundreds of thousands of innocent people murdered and maimed by atomic bombs. Because the greedy lust of some warmonger for the power and strength can never be satisfied by technology innovation, the war cannot be 消除removed forever. On the contrary, some advanced technology that can be used for some immoral and unreasonable purposes can bring about serious damage to the whole society.(我觉得最后这句如果不能展开就不用了,前面地论述已经比较充分了)
In addition, the different level in technology development betweens the developing country and developed country can lead to the great unbalance among the different areas in the world. The developed country take the advantage of the technology dominances to make the native people living rich, but the developing country is still in the poverty status. And these unbalance will be existed all the time and may be enhanced because developed country based on advanced technology advantages will made rapider progress than developing country. So the poverty will not disappear, even will be enhanced in the developing country. Take the some Africa country for supporting examples, most of people are in the poor conditions and the fundamental living condition could not be ensured. Have no education opportunity and may be troubled by the war and poverty. Even in the developed country, some people who have low social status and poor education are still in the poverty status because of the society unequal.(这个例子可能时间不够没有展开,例子只能说明这些地方科技落后而且贫穷,例子本身没有支撑你的观点,它只是一种现象,所以最好总结一下. 我觉得应该侧重于列强用利用科技加强自己地优势而不是帮助这些地区,使得这些地区一直处于赤贫.所以人性的进步不能纯粹的依靠科技的发展)

To sum up, the technology have improved overall the living condition from the economic aspects, however, the technology seem to be powerless to reduce the war, poverty and violent.(可能时间不够所以没有充分展开,我觉得结尾重在延伸而不是总结)

我的废话这么多,其实我根本就达不到你的水平,我觉得你的词汇量很大,例如unprecedented,还有很丰富的例子,多多向你学习啦

[ Last edited by hilucy on 2005-9-7 at 12:25 ]

win-szUID: 2113066

Have technological innovations changed the overall condition of humanity over the past century or so? As far as I am concerned, technology has the significant positive impact that modern industrial and computer revolutions have had on the quality of life, however, there is no technological solution to the enduring problems, such as war, violence and poverty.

Admittedly, many technology developments during the last century greatly helped reduce human suffering, enhanced the overall standard of living and comfort level, and provides more choices for people to enjoy the lives. For instances, the invention of electricity make the large-scale production possible and(加个thus,表明其的推动力) bring about great conveniences to people’s ordinary lives. The advent of assembly-line manufacturing makes work more specialized(工作专业化与提高人们的生活水平有何关系？感觉这个多余，你觉得哪？), greatly improves the efficiency, creates the countless jobs, stimulate economic growth and supply a plethora of innovative conveniences. Computers and Internet technology have helped free up our time by performing repetitive tasks, and have made possible universal access to information(人们可以访问信息与人们的生活水平什么关系？改成人们更方便、快捷的访问需要的信息更好些). Advancements in the medicine extend the life expectancy and make the 疑难病症irremediable diseases curable. Few could disagree that humanity is the beneficial of myriad of twentieth-century innovations in medicine and medical technology—from organ transplants to vaccines and lasers. In a word, all these technology innovation improve the condition of living and comfort level.(这一段内容太多了，尤其是例子，因为你的论点是技术不能解决社会问题：贫穷，战争，所以技术的正面作用简要提提就可以了，重点是负面影响。否则给人头重脚轻的感觉)
However, no technological solution can solve such enduring problems, such as the poverty, war and violence, for the reason that they stem from certain aspects of human nature – such as aggression, greed, desires and so on. The desire for power，strength and wealth made the local or worldwide war happen from time to time. Take the World War II for supporting the example.
Many advanced technologies are applied in the most large-scale war in the whole human history, and bring about the un史无前例的 unprecedented destroy to whole world and lives of people. The increasing use of chemical weapons for human slaughters points out that so-called advances in biochemistry can amount to net losses for humanity. 量子理论Quantum Theory, which is called one of the most important innovations in physics during the last century, make it possible to manufacture nuclear weapons that lead to the hundreds of thousands of innocent people murdered and maimed by atomic bombs. Because the greedy lust of some warmonger for the power and strength can never be satisfied by technology innovation, the war cannot be 消除removed forever. On the contrary, some advanced technology that can be used for some immoral and unreasonable purposes can bring about serious damage to the whole society.(这句话应提到本段的例子前，说明技术不但解决不了这些问题，反而加重了它们，更好些。否则感觉只说了一半)

In addition, the different level in technology development betweens the developing country and developed country can lead to the great unbalance among the different areas in the world. The developed country take the advantage of the technology dominances to make the native people living rich, but the developing country is still in the poverty status.(技术不平衡导致贫穷这个论点，后面的论证不充分哦。后面只提到现象，深层次的理由怎么没有呀？？？那么发达国家内部的贫穷怎么解释？？难道也是技术不平衡引起的？这个论点可以改成：技术领先进一步膨胀了某些人的财富，统治欲望会不会更好些？) And these unbalance will be existed all the time and may be enhanced because developed country based on advanced technology advantages will made rapider progress than developing country. So the poverty will not disappear, even will be enhanced in the developing country. Take the some Africa country for supporting examples, most of people are in the poor conditions and the fundamental living condition could not be ensured. Have no education opportunity and may be troubled by the war and poverty. Even in the developed country, some people who have low social status and poor education are still in the poverty status because of the society unequal(最后一句说明发达国家贫穷由于不公平，怎么跟你前面技术不平衡的论点不一致了?而且这里没有转折词，但是论点却变了。)

To sum up, the technology have improved overall the living condition from the economic aspects, however, the technology seem to be powerless to reduce the war, poverty and violent

[ Last edited by win-sz on 2005-9-7 at 16:28 ]

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

to hilucy:

看到有人看我的烂文，又高兴又兴奋
我将按照你和win-sz的意见，重新修改文章，可能需要花点时间，改后在贴上来
有需要改的文章发个连接给我

很高我们能合作互改, 给你发了悄悄话，收收看

有几个问题与你讨论

1）对题目的理解：

humanity：Human beings considered as a group; the human race. 我觉得在此的意思是指人类，而不是人性，

另外本题有个限定：Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so，所以我重点讨论了上个世纪的事情。

2）对你提出的No 1,

因为humanity理解成了人类，所以没有特别强调humanity，开头阐明：技术改善了人们的生活水平，但持久的问题没有改善

3）对你提出的No2,

同样是对题目理解上的差异

4）对你提出的No3, 接收ing :lol

5) 对你提出的No4, 5,6  接收ing :lol

非常感谢

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

to win-sz:

首先非常感谢，你提出的意见对我很有启发，一针见血，
意见全部接收:lol

写完文章后，自己还改了改，以为没有什么问题了，才发上来，

经你拍拍:lol，才知道有这么多问题，

我将根据你和hilucy的意见重新修改论文

有要改的文章发个连接给我

hilucyUID: 209731

好的,我也跟你回信了

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

按照二楼和三楼意见又修改了一遍

Have technological innovations changed the overall condition of humanity over the past century or so? As far as I am concerned, technology has the significant positive impact that modern industrial and computer revolutions have had on the quality of life, however, there is no technological solution to the enduring problems, such as war, violence and poverty.

Admittedly, many technology developments during the last century greatly helped reduce human suffering, enhanced the overall standard of living and comfort level, and provides more choices for people to enjoy the lives. For instances, the invention of electricity make the large-scale production possible and thus bring about great conveniences to people’s ordinary lives. Computers and Internet technology have helped free up our time by performing repetitive tasks, and have made people more convenient and quick to access to universal information. Advancements in the medicine extend the life expectancy and make the 疑难病症irremediable diseases curable. Few could disagree that humanity is the beneficial of myriad of innovations in medicine and medical technology—from organ transplants to vaccines and lasers. In a word, all these technology innovation improve the condition of living and comfort level.

However, no technological solution can solve such persistent social problems, such as the poverty, war and violence, for the reason that they stem from certain aspects of human nature, such as aggression, greed, desires and so on, which cannot be easily improved by technology advancement. The technology innovation under the control of desire for power，strength and wealth cause outbreak of local or even worldwide war from time to time. And some advanced technology that can be used for some immoral and unreasonable purposes can bring about serious damage to the whole society.
Take the World War II for supporting the example. Many advanced technologies are applied in the most large-scale war in the whole human history, and bring about the un史无前例的 unprecedented destroy to whole world and lives of people. The increasing use of chemical weapons for human slaughters points out that so-called advances in biochemistry can amount to net losses for humanity. 量子理论Quantum Theory, which is called one of the most important innovations in physics during the last century, make it possible to manufacture nuclear weapons that lead to the hundreds of thousands of innocent people murdered and maimed by atomic bombs. Because the greedy lust of some warmonger for the power and strength can never be satisfied by technology innovation, the war cannot be 消除removed forever.

In addition, the unbalance in technology development among the different areas in the world amounts to enhance the gap between the rich and the poor, and make the poverty never disappear. Because of the appetite for the wealth and strength, some countries take the advantage of the advanced technology and economic dominances to cheaply use the resource and workforce from the lag countries that are in the low level in technology and economic. The countries with high technology level will gather more wealth and make rapider development rate in technology and economic. In the competition between the advanced-technology countries and lag ones, the latter almost always are in the inferior status in such conditions as resource, energy, development rate and so on. As a result, the latter become poorer compared with the former. In a word, as along as the appetite for wealth and strength exist, the poverty will be removed whatever advanced the technology arrive at. (技术不平衡增大贫富差距)

To sum up, the technology have improved overall the living condition from the economic aspects, however, the technology seem to be powerless to reduce the war, poverty and violent.

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

to hilucy

请收消息

win-szUID: 2113066

Originally posted by zhaoll99 at 2005-9-7 17:18
to win-sz:

首先非常感谢，你提出的意见对我很有启发，一针见血，
意见全部接收:lol

写完文章后，自己还改了改，以为没有什么问题了，才发上来，

经你拍拍:lol，才知道有这么多问题，

我将根据你和h ...

其实我是用挑剔的眼光修改的，不过你的文章还是不错的。。。。，不要介意哦/////

大家共同努力！！！！