argument147 实实在在的第一次

tomatopotatoUID：129913

题目：Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months

提纲：
1 无效调查
2言行不一
3因果不一致

正文
In this argument, the arguer holds the opinion that the sales of video games will be on the sharp increase in the next month. To support this conclusion the arguer cites the result of a resent survey that the downing trend of video games sale would be reversed and that players like the games with lifelike graphics. Moreover the arguer points out that whirlwind video games has just introduce several games to cater the customers need. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.

To begin with, the arguer provides no assurance that the survey on which statement depends on is not statistically reliable. In the first place , the statement does not provide the information as to the question who conduct the survey. Are they expert in this area? If so, are they serious in this survey? These are totally unknown in this statement. In this sense, the result of survey is largely doubtful. Second, lacking information about the number of employees surveyed and the number of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results. Too small number of respondents can not guarantee the valid of the result. Also we find no sign of procedures for random samplings, and thus have good reasons to doubt if the sample is representative enough to reflect the general altitude of video-game as a whole. They may conduct the survey in one video-game club, whose members would, to a large extent, provide with the same answers because of common hobby. They may not send the questionnaire to people whose ages beyond 25 or below 10, or send very few questionnaire. Because the argument offers no evidence that would rule out these interpretations, the results of the survey are insufficient to support the conclusion.

What is more, the author appreciates younker’s strong commitment to life graphics games to some extent. However, we know the fact that to make a commitment is one thing, to keep it is far more difficult. There is no indication that they might fulfill their promise. Because this kind of video game must require the most up-to-date computers, the economic reason would largely undermine their enthusiasm on the games. As a consequence, the author could not make such optimistic prediction.

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that undermines the argument. The author believes a causal relationship between the extensive campaign and the sale success. However, this is too problemic. Just imagine that if its competitors introduce more compelling games and more extensive advertisement campaign, the result would be quite opposite.

To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should provide more information concerning the survey to better evaluate the argument, we need more concrete evidence about the advertisement otherwise the argument is logically unacceptable.

[ Last edited by tomatopotato on 2005-12-15 at 10:32 ]

11yaoyaoUID：177037

实实在在的格式不正确......

看一下置顶精华里的发贴格式扫吧

leedgenUID：160823

给出提纲，段落分清，这么看着头都大了

staralwaysUID：193479

把题号给出来好吗，谢谢！

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-12-14 at 21:55 ]

tomatopotatoUID：129913

哈哈，对不起拉

gaojiehahaUID：2149729

Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months
      In this argument, the arguer holds the opinion that the sales of video games will be on the sharp increase in the next month. To support this conclusion the arguer cites the result of a resent survey that the downing trend of video games sale would be reversed and that players like the games with lifelike graphics. Moreover the arguer points out that whirlwind video games has just introduce several games to cater the customers need. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.（一二两段的内容差不多，显得罗嗦，建议两段合一段）
      To begin with, the arguer provides no assurance that the survey on which statement depends on （on置前，这个on删掉） is not statistically reliable（再就是你这里用的是双重否定，双重否定表肯定，你是想表达否定的意思吧）. In the first place, the statement does not provide the information as to the question about who conduct the survey. Are they expert in this area? If so, are they serious in this survey? These are totally unknown in this statement. In this sense, the result of survey is largely doubtful. Second, lacking information about the number of employees surveyed and the number of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results. Too small number of respondents cannot guarantee the valid of the result. Also we find no sign of procedures for random samplings, and thus have good reasons to doubt if the sample is representative enough to reflect the general altitude of video game as a whole. They may conduct the survey in one video-game club, whose members would, to a large extent, provide with the same answers because of common hobby. They may not send the questionnaire to people whose ages beyond 25 or below 10, or send very few questionnaires. Because the argument offers no evidence that would rule out these interpretations, the results of the survey are insufficient to support the conclusion.
       What is more, the author appreciates younker(这个词好，不太常见)’s strong commitment to life graphics games to some extent. However, we know the fact that to make a commitment is one thing, to keep it is far more difficult. There is no indication that they might fulfill their promise. Because this kind of video game must require the most up-to-date computers, the economic reason would largely undermine their enthusiasm on the games. As a consequence, the author could not make such optimistic prediction.
        Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that undermines the argument. The author believes a causal relationship between the extensive campaign and the sale success. However, this is too problematic. Just imagine that if its competitors introduce more compelling games and more extensive advertisement campaign, the result would be quite opposite.(这个论证比较牵强)
       To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should provide more information concerning the survey to better evaluate the argument, we need more concrete evidence about the advertisement otherwise the argument is logically unacceptable.

tomatopotato（名字好长，打的我累:p）写的挺好啊！很多地方值得我学习！
就是有些细节要注意
加油:victory::victory::handshake

[ Last edited by gaojiehaha on 2005-12-15 at 10:50 ]

tomatopotatoUID：129913

呵呵，我的实在都是模板给拔下来的

Evangeline123UID：2271654

Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months
      In this argument, the arguer holds the opinion that the sales of video games will be on(应该是in吧) the sharp increase in the next month. To support this conclusion the arguer cites the result of a resent survey that the downing trend of video games sale would be reversed and that players like the games with lifelike graphics. Moreover the arguer points out that whirlwind video games has just introduce(小错误，少了d) several games to cater(固定组合cater to) the customers 'need. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.
      To begin with, the arguer provides no assurance that the survey on which statement depends on (on不用) is not statistically reliable(not不用). In the first place(呵呵，to begin with是不是与 in the first place重复了啊), the statement does not provide the information as(好像不用as) to the question about who conduct(ed) the survey. Are they expert(s) in this area? If so, are they serious in this survey? These are totally unknown in this statement. (个人意见：Neither of these are provided in the statement.)In this sense, the result of survey is largely doubtful. Second(ly), lacking information about the number of employees surveyed and the number of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results. Too small number of respondents cannot guarantee the valid of the result. Also we find no sign of procedures for random samplings, and thus have good reasons to doubt if the sample is representative enough to reflect the general altitude of video game as a whole. They may conduct the survey in one video-game club, whose members would, to a large extent, provide with the same answers because of common hobby. They may not send the questionnaire to people whose ages beyond 25 or below 10, or send very few questionnaires. Because the argument offers no evidence that would rule out these interpretations, the results of the survey are insufficient to support the conclusion. (都是一些好句式模版!但是一段写了这么长都是关于的sample选取的不太适合)
       What is more, the author appreciates younker’s strong commitment to life graphics games to some extent. However, we know the fact that to make a commitment is one thing, to keep it is far more difficult(还是another吧，不好随便拆). There is no indication that they might fulfill their promise. Because this kind of video game must require the most up-to-date computers, the economic reason would largely undermine their enthusiasm on the games. As a consequence, the author could not make such optimistic prediction.
        Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that undermines the argument. The author believes a causal relationship between the extensive campaign and the sale success. However, this is too problematic.(多余了) Just imagine that(前面这些可以省略) if its competitors introduce more compelling games and more extensive advertisement campaign, the result would be quite opposite.(的确有些不通)
       To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should provide more information concerning the survey to better evaluate the argument, we need more concrete evidence about the advertisement otherwise the argument is logically unacceptable.
还不错，但第二段有些可以缩减，其他段再修改修改就可以了。