issue154( 第一篇欢迎大家来狠狠拍！）

xuehuihopeUID: 2154365

The speaker contends that educations is very important in our lift, so, not only a group of professional educators, but the parents and communities should attend to the local schools. I  strongly agree with this contention ,for three reason. First ,educations is so important that it is not enough only rely on a group of professional educator to educate children; secondly ,as a proverb says “the parents are first teacher to their children”, consequently, educations which parents give their children play a very essential role in their children’s education; at last , children live in this rapid and complex society , the communities will be indispensable to influence these young children’s life.
To begin with, the contention emphasize on the importance of education, when we are little children ,the parents send us to kindergarten in the morning and get us back in the afternoon ,let us to get preschool education ,along with we growing up ,we got middle school education, college education early or late ,if we have capability to get the further education, we can going on .in our different age-stage, we can meet different professional educators bring us diverse knowledge, but, professional educators only can give us new intellectual ,and make our mind open and flexible. therefore, education had better not to excessive rely on these educators, there have something else determined our education ,not all of them get success, some one get failed in their half way, of    course , their natural endowment more or less have diversity, but, in my view, beside the individual diversity ,they have something else affect their education, I think that there have some factors about family and society affect their education.
A second reason why I fundamentally agree with the statement is that, the parents are the first person who can contact and communicate with their children and who stay together with their children in the longest time than anybody can . therefore, the parents’ deeds and words will give their children profound and far-reaching affluence, so , the parents give their children education is so indispensable.
In the third place, nowadays, our modern life has melt with diversiform culture, they present themselves with a array of different situations, such as photograph ,advertise, median. It affect our thought and idea all the time, including the adult ,leave alone the young children ,who have acute ability to accept new things and idea. If our society is full filled with unhealthy and foul information and culture, it will not conducive to children to grow up. They will find what their teacher has told them is contrast with what has happened in reality society, it will be the worse thing.
In sum, the speaker correctly asserts that it is very important to educate the children ,they need health ,justice and positive growing circumstance ,moreover ,they need their parents give them  enlighten to unknown world, and society give them good surrendering ,meanwhile ,they also need professional educator make them open mind.

pioneercpuUID: 2139317

The speaker contends that educations is very important in our lift(在这里想表达什么含义?), so, not only a group of professional educators, but the parents and communities should attend to the local schools. I  strongly agree with this contention ,for three reason(s). First ,educations is so important that it is not enough only rely on a group of professional educator to educate children; secondly ,as a proverb says “the parents are first teacher to their children”, consequently, educations which parents give their children play a very essential role in their children’s education; at last , children live in this rapid and complex society , the communities will be indispensable to influence these young children’s life.(第一段是不是太常了,有必要一定要把三个原因说出来吗?考试的时候还有时间写body吗?)
To begin with, the contention emphasize on the importance of education, when we are(were) little children ,the parents send us to kindergarten in the morning and get(太口语化了吧) us back in the afternoon ,let us to get preschool education ,along with we growing up ,we got middle school education, college education early or late ,if we have capability to get the further education, we can going on .in our different age-stage, we can meet different professional educators (who can)bring us diverse knowledge, but, professional educators only can give us new intellectual ,and make our mind open and flexible. therefore, education had better not to excessive rely on these educators, there have something else determined our education ,not all of them get success, some one get failed in their half way, of    course , their natural endowment more or less have diversity, but, in my view, beside the individual diversity ,they have something else affect their education, I think that there have some factors about family and society affect their education.
A second reason why I fundamentally agree with the statement is that, the parents are the first person who can contact and communicate with their children and who stay together with their children in the longest time than anybody can . therefore, the parents’ deeds and words will give their children profound and far-reaching affluence, so , the parents give their children education(没有主语了) is so indispensable.
In the third place, nowadays, our modern life has melt with diversiform culture, they present themselves with a array of different situations, such as photograph ,advertise, median. It affect our thought and idea all the time, including the adult ,leave alone the young children ,who have acute ability to accept new things and idea. If our society is full filled with unhealthy and foul information and culture, it will not conducive to children to grow up. They will find what their teacher has told them is contrast with what has happened in reality society, it will be the worse thing.
In sum, the speaker correctly asserts that it is very important to educate the children ,they need health ,justice and positive growing circumstance ,moreover ,they need their parents give them  enlighten to unknown world, and society give them good surrendering(可以借鉴,好句子) ,meanwhile ,they also need professional educator make them open mind.

happy_shirleyUID: 2155516

The speaker contends that educations （education）is very important in our lift(是life吗？), so not only a group of professional educators, but the parents and communities should attend to the local schools （这句话的意思有问题，是说家长要到学校工作吗？）. I  strongly agree with this contention ,for three reason. First ,educations is so important that it is not enough only rely on a group of professional educator to educate children; secondly ,as a proverb says “the parents are first teacher to their children”, consequently, educations which parents give their children play a very essential role in their children’s education; at last , children live in this rapid and complex society , the communities will be indispensable to influence these young children’s life. (在第一段不必展开说这么多，和后面的也重复了)

To begin with,（第一句话最好是中心句，否则不太容易理解你这段要写什么） the contention emphasizes （注意单复数问题）on the importance of education,（句号吧？） when we are little children ,the parents send us to kindergarten in the morning and get us back in the afternoon ,let us to get preschool education ,along with we growing up ,we got middle school education, college education early or late ,if we have capability to get the further education, we can going on .in our different age-stage, we can meet different professional educators bring us diverse knowledge, but, professional educators only can give us new intellectual （这句话要表达什么意思，什么叫”新的智力“）,and make our mind open and flexible. therefore, education had better not to excessive rely on these educators,  （这个结论怎么得到的，从你上面的论证来看并不能得到这样的结论呀！）there have something else determined our education（这句话结构不对） ,not all of them get success, some one get failed in their half way, of    course , their natural endowment more or less have diversity, but, in my view(in my opinion), beside (except)the individual diversity（difference） ,they have (there are many other factors) something else affect their education, I think that there have some factors about family and society affect their education.(为什么其他的影响因素是来自家庭和社会的呢？你的观点同样只是假设，不能用一个假设去论证结论)

A second reason why I fundamentally（只是基本同意?那就有不同意的地方？） agree with the statement is that, the parents are the first person who can contact and communicate with their children and who stay together with their children in the longest time than anybody can (基本语法错误) . therefore, the parents’ deeds and words will give their children profound and far-reaching affluence, so , the parents give their children education is so indispensable.
In the third place（三段的连接词请保持一致）, nowadays, our modern life has melt with diversiform culture, they present themselves with a array of different situations, such as photograph ,advertise, median. It affect our thought and idea all the time, including the adult ,leave alone the young children ,who have acute ability to accept new things and idea. If our society is full filled with unhealthy and foul information and culture, it will not conducive to children to grow up. They will find what their teacher has told them is contrast with what has happened in reality society, it will be the worse thing. (请注意，题目说的是community而不是society。这两者并不等同！所以这段的论证有点偏题了！)

In a sum, the speaker correctly asserts that it is very important to educate(cultivate) the(应删除) children ,they need health ,justice and positive growing circumstance ,moreover ,they need their parents give them  enlighten to unknown world, and society give them good surrendering ,meanwhile ,they also need professional educator make them open mind. 这句话有点chi-English，建议参考一下别人的文章

个人意见：
1、看的出来楼主的文章完全是自己写的，没有引用模板的痕迹。先鼓励一下！
2、楼主对于如何写issue还没有自己的套路。建议先看一本作文方面的书，在置顶贴里面有电子书下载的。主要是学会如何分析论点。
3、写作之前要列出提纲，既便于你自己整理思路，也是我们小组的要求。帮你改的人也容易把握你的思路。
4、文章里面语法错误较多，很多比较口语的用法，一些句式有名显的错误，希望楼主以后先自己检查一下然后再上传！
5、建议楼主再看看别人写得比较好的文章，再改一次，用一些精彩的句子和论证点缀一下，这篇文章就会更好了！
P.S. 请楼主注意一下发文章的格式，每段之间空一行，句首空两个，不要直接从word粘过来就不管了。这样便于修改的人阅读。:)