1T作文第三期同主题写作。 第一篇，继续加油

dinddind2003UID: 196353

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


From my point of view, since game as a useful tool can make people relax, and adults who are under such a pressure do need rest, I agree that games are important for adults as they are for children.

Admittedly, games are created for fun. No matter games in computers or in other types can help you spend some happy time. For example, in some games, you act in a world created by the games, and in this world you may have much power with which you can achieve big success which is your dream in the real world. Playing these games, you may have a feeling of success and forget the unhappiness in the real world in a short time. Also, there are many kinds of games which can give you many kinds of comfortable feelings. Not only the children but also the adults like these feelings. If you feel tired after working in a whole day, these feelings can throw away the stress in your mind and fill you with happiness.

Furthermore, living in such a busy world, adults work many hours every day, and even in the hours after work, they usually have to keep business of work in their mind. Thus, more and more adults feel tired even they apparently have a lot of time of sleep. And if one feel tired all the time, certainly the efficiency of work will decline. So in order to keep a high efficiency in work, people need proper relax after busy work. Games give a good way.

There are some disadvantages if people play games too much. Not only for children but also for adults, spend too much time in playing a game can cause your brain tired. As I said above, the happiness of games can make your brain feel excited, which last a proper time can drive off your tiredness, but if you play too much, the exited feeling may turn into a tired feeling. And on the other respect, if it takes much time of your life play games, the time you can spend on work will certainly become less. Finally, some kinds of games may help people grow harmful methods because of the bad content in these games.

In sum, I agree that playing game is helpful to adults, but they should control the time in playing and choose proper games to play.

griffinandrocUID: 201471

From my point of view, since game (因为since 是连词，所以我认为这里缺少动词) as a useful tool can make people relax, and adults who are under such a pressure（such a 不恰当，因为没有具体的说明，到底是什么样的压力） do need rest, I agree that games are important for adults as they are（可以去掉） for children.
bbs.gter.net9L'c0J8c T F
Admittedly, games are created for fun（entertainment）. No matter（both… and…/ either … or …） games in computers or in other types can help you spend (enjoy) some happy time. For example, in some games, you act in a world created by the games(them), and in this world you may have much power with which you can achieve (a) big success which is your dream in the real world. Playing these games, you may (我认为这里使用could 或者 can 比较恰当) have a feeling of success （重复，我觉得可以用self-assurance） and forget the unhappiness in the real world in a short time. Also, there are many kinds of games which can give you many (other) kinds of comfortable feelings (…是不是写上具体的感觉更好，不过我自己也不知道该写什么). Not only the children but also the adults like these feelings. If you feel tired after working in a whole day, these feelings can throw away the stress in your mind and fill you with happiness.

Furthermore, living in such a busy world, adults work many hours every day, and even in the hours after work, they usually have to keep business of work in their mind. Thus, more and more adults feel tired even they apparently have a lot of time of sleep （insomnia失眠，）. And if one feels tired all the time, certainly the efficiency of work will decline. So in order to keep a high efficiency in work, people need proper relax after busy work. Games give a good way (看着有点别扭，game could serve as an alternative).

There are some disadvantages if people play games too much. Not only for children but also for adults, spend （spending） too much time in playing a game can cause your brain tired. As I said above, the happiness of games can make your brain feel excited, which last a proper time can drive off your tiredness, but if you play too much, the exited feeling may turn into a tired feeling. And on the other respect, if it takes much time of your life play games, the time you can spend on work will certainly become less. Finally, some kinds of games may help people grow harmful methods because of the bad content in these games.  S ~1E:t%p        R
In sum, I agree that playing game is helpful to adults, but they should control the time in playing and choose proper games to play.

结构上我看不出大问题，不过倒数第二段我觉得可以加一句，如果适当的控制，这些问题都可以避免，用来突出玩游戏有益的主题。

TIFFANY-YUNUID: 2162727

From my point of view, since game as a useful tool（建议：provide us with an opportunity...）can make（个人偏见：不太喜欢这个词　enable to do如何？）people relax, and adults who are under such a pressure do need rest, I agree that games are important for adults as they are for children.（简洁扼要的开头）

Admittedly, games are created for fun. No matter games in computers or in other types can help you spend some happy time(不知道是我理解错还是怎样，觉得有点怪). For example, in some games, you act in a world created by the games, and in this world you may have much power with which you can achieve big success which is your dream in the real world. Playing these games, you may have a feeling of success and forget the unhappiness in the real world in a short time. Also, there are many kinds of games which can give you many kinds of comfortable feelings. Not only the children but also the adults like these feelings. If you feel tired after working in a whole day, these feelings can throw away the stress in your mind and fill you with happiness.
Furthermore, living in such a busy world, adults work many hours every day, and even in the hours after work, they usually have to keep business of work in their mind. Thus, more and more adults feel tired even they apparently have a lot of time of sleep. And if one feel tired all the time, certainly the efficiency of work will decline. So in order to keep a high efficiency in work, people need proper relax after busy work. Games give a good way.(另起一段是想说什么呢？没有独立的观点啊，和上面讲的内容有点重合　建议合并起来说)　　
　（建议前面来句过度，要不这样直接讲ＤＩＳＡＤＶＡＮＴＡＧＥ有点突然和生硬）There are some disadvantages if people play games too much. Not only for children but also for adults, spend too much time in playing a game can（may） cause your brain tired. As I said above, the happiness of games can make your brain feel excited, which last a proper time can drive off your tiredness, but if you play too much, the exited feeling may turn into a tired feeling. And on the other respect, if it takes much time of your life play games(怪怪的，但可能水平有限，又说不出是什么), the time you can spend on work will certainly become less. Finally, some kinds of games may help people grow harmful methods because of the bad content in these games.（觉得这一部分有点长了，一两句带过就好）
In sum, I agree that playing game is helpful to adults, but they should control the time in playing and choose proper games to play.（这句早在你说负面影响时就得摆出来了　结论好象下得不是很好）
觉得楼主的这篇文章好象有点点不太切题　游戏对成人的重要性讲的不全面，支持观点理由不多，但负面影响那段说得太多　而且我个人觉得这个题目是说as important as to children啊，是我的话可能会就着这里去说．还有一点就是这篇文章的条理得好象不是很清楚，ＬＺ在写的时候可能思维发散出去想，论述得有点乱，建议先把提纲定好再就着写，各段开头就有提纲中之前想到的观点或理由然后再从这句来展开论述，就很清楚拉．
最后一点，词和句型上的变化好象有点少．

dinddind2003UID: 196353

正在修改中，前几天上不了网，没有及时回复，对不起，今天看了版主的分析，和你们的意见，回去改改，再帮别人改几篇。