【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】1.20号作业

ddcmj519UID: 176326

Nowadays, some people say that it is not important any more to eat with families while others hold the opposite opinion that nothing can replace the relationship built when eating together. So far as my own experience, I prefer the later one.

Eating with families, first of all, especially for students like me who study far away from families, maybe one of the most important things during vacation. Usually, soon after I get back to my hometown, I would pay my visit to my grandma and some families and eat meals with them. during the meals, I get information changed more easily both of the seventh cloud and the ninth hell, as they are tend to be more chatty in the interval of eating. and it is just during this process, soul gets it comfort. Besides changing the information of personal life, eating together also improve the relationship. families helping the dishes for me, doing some kiddings, and cheering for me are all their conserning for me. Nobody dislike the feeling of beloved. then how can I reject this banquet of affection from families?

However, my story may only be my story. But according to what I observe during this reunion meals, everyone shares their comedy and tragedy, everyone shows their joy to attend and everyone expects the next meal eating together. Thus, my knowledge take family meals as a holy thing, it is more like a ablution which washes off the huanting dreams and brings new hope for the future.

Things are never usaully doing your favor, then. families tend to have more personal things to do and resturuants and fast foods spring up like bamboo shoots after a spring rain with tastes from places and low prices , it seems that eating outside alone is more and more regular than before. My family now have less and less time eating together. that why I now feel more and more estranged from them. Only during the Festival can we have a meals together. I hope there are more reunion meals that makes us feel more like a firm united family that overcome storms.

In conclusion, my own experience tell me that the more regular we eating with families the more benifitial it is.

ddcmj519UID: 176326

这次换了思路了，原来老是议论文老三段的。这次想了想，T不是要追求自么。。那就自己经验瞎编乱造吧。。写的可能比较混乱。初次尝试这种“自我”的写作方式，也不知道能不能行~~

还靠大家多给点意见啦~

我是笨笨UID: 2593519

........我就写了那么一点点......下次要多写点拉.....

holdingUID: 2285054

Nowadays, some people say that it is not important any more to eat with families while others hold the opposite opinion that nothing can replace the relationship built when eating together. So far as my own experience, I prefer the later one.

Eating with families, first of all, especially for students like me who study far away from families, maybe one of the most important things during vacation. Usually, soon after I get back to my hometown, I would pay my visit to my grandma and some families and eat meals with them. During （大写） the meals, I get information changed more easily both of the seventh cloud and the ninth hell, as they are tend to be more chatty （这个词有贬义含义，可以考虑换成conversational之类的吧～） in the interval of eating. and it is just during this process, soul gets it comfort. Besides changing the information of personal life, eating together also improve the relationship. families helping the dishes for me (Helping the dishes), doing some kiddings (joking), and cheering for me are all their conserning (concern) for me. Nobody dislike （dislikes）the feeling of beloved. （这句没有必要写成双重否定，也不便于理解） then how can I reject this banquet of affection from families?

However, my story may only be my story. But according to what I observe during this reunion meals, everyone shares their comedy and tragedy, everyone shows their joy to attend and everyone expects the next meal eating together. Thus, my knowledge take family meals as a holy thing, it is more like a ablution which washes off the huanting (hanting??) dreams and brings new hope for the future., d1 d/ P' q; u+ U

are never usaully (usually) doing your favor, then. families tend to have more personal things to do and resturuants (restaurants) and fast foods spring up like bamboo shoots after a spring rain with tastes from places and low prices , it seems that eating outside alone is more and more regular than before. My family now have (has) less and less time eating (to eat) together. that why (That is the reason that, 最好和上一句连在一起写成which is just the reason that) I now feel more and more estranged from them. Only during the Festival can we have a meals together. I hope there are more reunion meals that makes us feel more like a firm united family that overcome storms.

conclusion, my own experience tell me that the more regular we eating with families the more benifitial (benefit) it is.

文章整体写的不错，只是有点拼写错误，建议写后放在word里面用自动检查的功能检查一下，还有就是很多句首没有大写。
但是一个比较严重的问题是，题目要求是“Nowdays eating meals with families regularly is not important any more.”而文章的主线却是围绕着放假回家与家人团聚时的meal，所以文章有些跑题，不过没关系，下次认真审题就完全ok啦.
1# ddcmj519

ddcmj519UID: 176326

4# holding
首先感谢批改~~

然后申诉一下、。。
是这样的，我是想通过自身经历外加在中间的叙述来显示重要性，现在想了想好像这样写的话比较有局限性了，因为只是个人经历。

大小写及拼写嘛~   :p
因为用AWP掐时间写的。。所以没改。。。呼呼~
下次我写好先改下再传啦~

还有。。是huanting。噩梦。也是benefitial.
双重否定是加强语气用的。。个人认为很有必要也加强了句子的多样性。。

你觉得呢？

liurui8802UID: 2595045

不知道为什么 读你的几篇文章都觉得有些晦涩 个人觉得还是把句子表达简洁清楚为上 追求句式多样词汇丰富并无错 但是句式过长 词汇晦涩 再加上什么隐喻之类使句子难懂就不太好了

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

u 6# liurui8802 同意 楼上的观点 写得八股点好