【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】1.20号作业by zhouwujie

zhouwujieUID：2529250

　　Nowadays more and more people is very busy in their cause so they usually eat fast food and think having a meal with family regularly is not important any more.But some people still think it’s crucial.
　　Of course,people really is very busy recently.They have to eat fast food,instead having a meal with family.They think the career is the first thing to do,and have fast food can save time.Sure,the fast food can save time for them,and it’s very important in today’s society,which is in a disagreeable economic situation.But in my own　opinion,eating a meal with family regularly is more impotant than saving only that time.
　　I　think,of course,having meal with family can let a family harmonious and children have a good situation to gorw up.It’s more important for a man,a harmonious family can let one feel happy and relaxed.Thus they can be diligent an do well in their career.A suceesful man can’t without a good family to help him.
　　A man who is very busy every day can not do well in their job ordinarily.So,they may ues more time to work,but they are so tired.Many people don’t know how to do then.I think,they should have a meal with family,that can help them feel relaxed and funny.Though it may waste they time,a man who is happy and airy can be better at their career than a man who have much time but who is very busy and tired.
　　Finally,I think one’s family is more important than his job.One’s career can give him money and honor but can’t give him the other more important things,such as forever happiness,relaxed and warm,but a harmonious and warm family can do.Eating meal with family regularly is a good way to let a family consonant and gently.
　　To sum up,based on these reasons,I think it’s still imprtant to have meals with families regularly not only nowadays but also forever which is good to someone in many ways.
作文水平不行，大家狠拍

ddcmj519UID：176326

Nowadays more and more people are very busy in their course so they usually eat fast food and think having a meal with family regularly (is) not important any more.But some people still take 不然think就太高频了 it’s crucial.

Of course,people really is very busy recently.They have to eat fast food,instead having a meal with family.They think the career 有点问题is the first thing to do【they put their career on the first place thus somehow ignore family meals】,and have fast food can save timefast food太高频率，可以考虑换个词/句.Sure,the fast food can save time for them,and it’s very important in today’s society,which is now in a disagreeable economic situation.But in my own opinion,eating a meal with family regularly is more impotant than saving only (that) time.

I think,of course,having meal with family can make a family harmonious and children gorwing up in a relatively good environment.It’s more important for a man我不理解你这句是要表达什么意思。还有前后两个半句没有连词。,a harmonious family can let one feel happy and relaxed.Thus they can be diligent an do well in their career.A suceesful man can’t （be made）without a harmonious这样前后有照应 family to help him.

A man who is very busy every day can not do well in their job ordinarily.这句话太绝对了吧。。So,they may ues more time to work,but they are so tired.Many people don’t know how to do then.I think,they should have a meal with family,that can help them feel relaxed and funny.Though it may waste they time,a man who is happy and airy can be better at their career than a man who have much time but who is very busy and tired.此段内容及语言都和上段重复。

Finally,I think one’s family is more important than his job.One’s career can earn him money and honor but can’t give him some other more important things,such as forever happiness,relaxation and warmth,which a harmonious and warm family can bring .Eating meal with family regularly is a good way to let a family consonant and gently.

To sum up,based on these reasons,I think it’s still imprtant to have meals with families regularly not only nowadays but also forever as itis good to everyone in many ways.

ddcmj519UID：176326

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总结一下。。

你的基本功貌似不太扎实，很多语法错误。
单词重复率太高，显得内容比较单调。
连词用的实在太少，很想写长句，但是写到后面又缺乏连词于是就变成了错句。

以上都是语言问题。但我觉得你最严重的是结构上的问题，建议多看模板和满分作文。掌握议论文的 总分总结构 主要要注意的是内容上的分段。发现你虽然分了段，但是内容还是基本单调的。（也就是说分段要有不同的意思，观点要明晰，这两点你还需要改进）

总之~再加油咯~多写多练多看就容易提高了~加油~

zhouwujieUID：2529250

多谢指导，我作文水平不行（理科生，语文作文也不行，内容可能就单调了），我会加油的

ddcmj519UID：176326

4# zhouwujie

诶诶。。我也是理科生。。。

呵呵，你可以去看下这篇，一个组的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=911028&page=1#pid1772227259

文采及结构上就比较强了.虽然字数有些多~~
主要注意ta 的开头段文采，词汇的多样，及整体的结构分明。很值得学习嘞~

加油咯~
：）