1月20日作文

wangmj888UID: 2591134

I do agree with the statement that said in the passage. I think people should have the method they want, sometime they may have some other things to do and do have time to go home, so eating meals with families seem not so important as it before.
Firstly, as normal individuals, some people will have a lot of affairs, especially the businessman. They will have to attend some important dinners and there is no time for them to go home eat meals with families. At that time, it is hard to say that they are wrong, because what they do is all for the family. As family members, they should considerate their relatives.
Additionally, the young people now want to have a new style of life. They want to live in freedom. You see, many young people don want to eat at home, they prefer to choose some special restaurants, since they think they will get more fresh in this way. This often find among the young people who are fall in love with each other.
Finally, we should break up from tradition. In the past, eating with families seems it is a symbol that the family is harmonious. However, in the modern time, things have been changed. We have more excuses to explain why we eat outside, and most people understand it. So if we want to achieve some goal and do not have time to go home eat with family members, we abandon this tradition, since it is not so important.

candyrealmeUID: 2368154

题目呢？

candyrealmeUID: 2368154

I do agree with the statement that (said in the passage题目不能说passage,如果你想充字数的话可以把题目复述一下). I think people should have the method they want, （我认为人们应该有他们想要的方法？你想表达什么？）sometime they may have some other things to do and do have time to go home, so eating meals with families seem not so important as it before.（你的三个逗号用的很不合理，这是三个简单句，不可以用逗号连接起来）（我给的示范There is no doubt that I totally agree with the statement. Since people are busy doing a great deal of things, they have perfect reasons for not going home for dinners. In modern society, eating meals with families is not as significance as before.）
Firstly, as normal individuals, some people will have a lot of affairs（这个词指重大事件，你确定你要表达的使这个意思？个人认为trivial things更好）, especially the businessman. They will have to attend some important dinners and there is no time for them to go home eat（EATING） meals with families. At that time, it is hard to say that they are wrong, (这里不需要逗号)because what they do is all for the family. （这个理由有点牵强，商人做生意为赚钱说得过去，为了家庭可不见得）As family members, they should considerate their relatives.（考虑他们的亲戚？）
Additionally,（你前面用了FIRSTLY,这里就该用SECONDLY，而不是一下子就跳到ADDITIONALLY） the young people now want to have a new style of life. They want to live in freedom. You see,（口语化的词不要出现在写作里面） many young people don want to eat at home, they prefer to choose some special restaurants, （AGAIN，不要逗号）since they think they will get more fresh（FRESH？fresh what?） in this way. This often find among the young people who are fall in love with each other.
Finally, we should break up from tradition. In the past, eating with families seems it is(你可以说eating with families was a symbol或者说eating with families symbolized 什么) a symbol that the family is harmonious. However, in the（不要定冠词） modern time, things have been changed. We have more excuses to explain why we eat outside, and most people understand it. So if we want to achieve some goal（加S） and do not have time to go home eat with family members, we abandon this tradition, since it is not so important.
恕我直言，楼主的文章问题还是很多哦~要多努力才行呢！

wangmj888UID: 2591134

恩,谢谢,我会改进的

wangmj888UID: 2591134

3# candyrealme
请下次不用留情面,尽管严厉拍文,我的基础差,望今后多拍我的文章,不胜感激!

roinyouUID: 2447501

总体层次和思路还是清晰的，观点也比价明确。
最后一段可以更加详细阐述一下，感觉跟第二个论证有点相似。
如果能把论据develop更详细些，就更具备说服力了。
总归多练习几篇，应该会写得更好一些！！祝你好运！！

I do agree with the statement that said in the passage. I think people should have the method they want, sometime they may have some other things to do and donot have time to go home, so eating meals with families seems not so important as it before.

Firstly, as normal individuals, some people will have a lot of affairs, especially the businessman. They will have to attend some important dinners and there is no time for them to go home eat meals with families. At that time, it is hard to say that they are wrong, because what they do is all for the family. As family members, they should considerate//understand or consider much of their relatives

Additionally, the young people now want to have a new style of life. They want to live in freedom. You see, many young people don want to eat at home, they prefer to choose some special restaurants, since they think they will get more fresh?? in this way. This often find among the young people who are fall in love with each other

Finally, we should break up from tradition. In the past, eating with families seems it is a symbol that the family is harmonious. However, in the modern time, things have been changed. We have more excuses to explain why we eat outside, and most people understand it. So if we want to achieve some goals and do not have time to go home eat with family members, we abandon this tradition, since it is not so important.