TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】1.30号作业 by cmj

ddcmj519UID: 176326

Agree or disagree? It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.
想了想，我写个难写的吧- - facts。结果一想。还一堆可说的 - -   结果。。例子忘写了，完全在说理。。 不过值得庆幸的是这次难得的计时成功~还小检查了一下~
总之，狠狠拍吧。这篇写的不太好。

Students always get themselves confused when dealing with this question, whether to understand ideas important or learn the facts so. Even some students who have studied for many years may sometimes wander on both paths in the way of learning. But as far as I am concerned, learning the facts would be the final goal of understanding. Therefore, I can no longer agree that undertanding the ideas is better.

First of all, facts are things of real life that are easy for students to accept. As it is often the case that the ideas and concepts are theories that abstract from piles of facts. For students, who are learning things that are totally new for them, facts rather than those highly abstractive ideas seem much more intimate. In this way, they can use their own words to conclude out the ideas and concepts for themselves after they have learned the facts. Only via learning the facts can students be spurred to contest their own theories in life, and thus make the knowledge absolutely theirs and even motivate them to create new theories.

What's more, ideas and concepts are not perfectly concluded at times. As they are abstract from facts, they sometimes may miss some tiny aspects of facts while which is of great importance. Then if students take these ideas and concepts as the Bible, they will, for one thing feel not right when applied to facts, and for another, block up their own way to innovate on the ideas. Above all, theories are renewed time after time but facts never changed. That is to say, following the milestone of facts will never get lost.

In shrink of the learning method, definitely, my choice is to learning facts. Learning facts is just as we to recite words. Tired of remembering the sequence of letters? Then just think it over. Why should we remember? Use it. How should we remember? Make out meaning of ourselves. Then, an excellent article is composed, with the knowing of the facts-like, words.

ibt9.12UID: 2581152

Students always get themselves confused when dealing with this question, whether to understand ideas important or learn the facts so. Even some students who have studied for many years may sometimes wander on both paths in the way of learning. But as far as I am concerned, learning the facts would be the final goal of understanding. Therefore, I can no longer agree that undertanding the ideas is better.

First of all, facts are things of real life that are easy for students to accept. As it is often the case that the ideas and concepts are theories that abstract from piles of facts. For students, who are learning things that are totally new for them, facts rather than those highly abstractive ideas seem much more intimate. In this way, they can use their own words to conclude out the ideas and concepts for themselves after they have learned the facts. Only via learning the facts can students be spurred to contest their own theories in life, and thus make the knowledge absolutely theirs and even motivate them to create new theories.

What's more, ideas and concepts are not perfectly concluded at times. As they are abstract from facts, they sometimes may miss some tiny aspects of facts while which is of great importance. Then if students take these ideas and concepts as the Bible, they will, for one thing feel not right when applied to facts, and for another, block up their own way to innovate on the ideas. Above all, theories are renewed time after time but facts never changed. That is to say, following the milestone of facts will never get lost.

In shrink of the learning method, definitely, my choice is to learning facts. Learning facts is just as we to recite words. Tired of remembering the sequence of letters? Then just think it over. Why should we remember? Use it. How should we remember? Make out meaning of ourselves. Then, an excellent article is composed, with the knowing of the facts-like, words.

ibt9.12UID: 2581152

关于language:
1.themselves此处不需要吧~另外，第一句话question后面应该是一个同位语,可是whether引导的那部分是构不成一句话的，缺谓语动词，还有important用比较级更合适~所以我建议lz换结构，不要用whether.
2.我喜欢wander这个词~不过后面的both path in the way of learning是不是赘余了？一般只用learning method的，当然如果你一定要跟wander搭配，直接用way也行的。
3.abstract本身就是adj.没有abstractive这个词；intimate一般用于指关系亲密~话说LZ用在这好像不太哒；contest用得也不太合适；make应该用making~
4.第三段偶还是觉得milestone用的不合适，感觉像在故意找词用
5.最后一段shrink是V.而此处应该用N.;is just as有这用法？最好换成is the same as~
总体感觉Lz的语言还要加油~fighting~

关于结构：
三段式，不用说了~lz,开头和结尾还要仔细雕琢一下,中间的分论点的topic sentence也要仔细雕琢

关于logic:
有几个地方我觉得说的不够solid:
1.fact的定义，fact不是thing吧？还有那个of最好用from吧
facts are things of real life that are easy for students to accept
2.facts never changed.呃，事物是变化发展的
3.最后一段的比较，背书？confused~

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

ibt9.12
真是认真负责的好童鞋
赞一个

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

ibt9.12
真是认真负责的好童鞋
赞一个

woaichixiguaUID: 2450470

1# ddcmj519

Students always get themselves confused//students were always confused when dealing with this question, whether to understand ideas important or to learn the facts so//这里用whether感觉有点别扭,用which会好一点吧. Even some students who have studied for many years may sometimes wander on both paths in the way of learning. But as far as I am concerned, learning the facts would be the final goal of understanding. Therefore, I can no longer agree that undertanding the ideas is better.

First of all, facts are things of real life that are easy for students to accept. As it is often the case that the ideas and concepts are theories that abstract from piles of facts. For students, who are learning things that are totally new for them, facts rather than those highly abstractive ideas seem much more intimate//这里intelligible会好一点吧. In this way, they can use their own words to conclude out the ideas and concepts for themselves after they have learned the facts. Only via learning the facts can students be spurred to contest their own theories in life, and thus make the knowledge absolutely theirs and even motivate them to create new theories." B# U$ T6 K- P. i9 ~5 W3 v' A7 v

What's more, ideas and concepts are not perfectly concluded at times. As they are abstract from facts, they sometimes may miss some tiny aspects of facts while which is of great importance. Then if students take these ideas and concepts as the Bible, they will, for one thing feel not right when applied to facts, and for another, block up their own way to innovate on the ideas. Above all, theories are renewed time after time but facts never changed. That is to say, following the milestone of facts will never get lost.这个观点挺好的，我觉得可以再加个例子补充一下就perfect了，比如一些以前以为正确，后来被否定的concepts啦/ n0 W/ Y% V& |
" k6 a. ?8 U/ S) A

In shrink of the learning method, definitely, my choice is to learning facts. Learning facts is just as we to recite words. Tired of remembering the sequence of letters? Then just think it over. Why should we remember? Use it. How should we remember? Make out meaning of ourselves. Then, an excellent article is composed, with the knowing of the facts-like, words.

这个结尾不错...学习了

感觉LZ的观点和论证还是蛮到位的，但是行文感觉有点怪怪的，我也不确定到底这些用法是不是对的，比如第二段，" as is often the case"这样的句子，完全可以用简单一点usually...

共勉哦~~~

ddcmj519UID: 176326

6# woaichixigua
（弱声）那个句子是引用NC3第某课的。。应该不会错吧。。除非我背错了。。
行文怪。。嗯嗯。。估计跟我老是喜欢用怪词有关- -      尤其是形容词。。喜欢找比较过分的词。。有的时候就词不达意了。。

总之，谢谢两位修改~
两位都有值得偶学习的地方嘞~