【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】第六次作业 by genius_east

genius_eastUID: 2185742

        In this set of materials, the lecturer discusses some disadvantages of privatized spaceflight. He believes private space travel will not bring benefits to both science and the public, which denies the reading that states privatization of space travel will benefit serious space exploration, accelerate the rate of scientific discoveries and ease the financial burden on taxpayers.      
        First, the lecturer argues that privatization of space technology will increase technological costs because the expense of systems which prevent collision and protect passengers' safety should be taken into consideration. In contrast, the reading believes that the competition will result in cutting costs.        
        Second, the privatization will delay the rate of scientific discoveries. In the lecturer's opinion, it has no scientific value. On the contrary, the reading notes that private space travel will enlarge the aerospace industry and increase the opportunities of discoveries.     
        Finally, taxpayers will pay more as the lecturer's argument. However, the reading says that funds through ticket sales will ease the financial burden on taxpayers.
        To sum up, the points asserted by the professor are totally different from what the reading notes.

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

SORRY啊..这两天整别的事情去了..帮你改晚了..真是不好意思...现在就来...

开头结尾和第一点阐述的都很棒.不过第二点和第三点没有说清楚啊.. 只是单纯地把文章内容陈述出来,然后说lecturer说的是反面,但是具体内容没有讲出来.建议可以把开头缩减些,把篇幅留下来详细说明后面的不同之处比较好.

个人拙见,第一次评改作文,自己也不是那么清楚评分标准,还在研究OG中,参考参考吧~

加油!^_^

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

PS:很喜欢你的措辞造句，看来语法功底不错！