Issue40

jhr_hitUID: 2540810

TOPIC: ISSUE40 - "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."
WORDS: 625
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009-2-13 22:02:31

The speaker asserts that scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work will make a contribution to the large society. For the reason that the speaker think it is more important that for them to pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interest may seem. I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion, however, sometimes it is not feasible in the real world.

To begin with, as the old saying goes, interest is the best teacher. Interest plays a very significant role in scientific fields. Scholars and researchers who is interest in his research will be full of passion and enthusiasm, persisting in the research no matter what kind of difficulties they will meet. Most of the scientific achievements and creations are due to the impetus depriving from the interest. For example, without interest Thomas Edison can not try 1000 times in order to find the appropriate material for the bulb; without interest Marie Curie can not persist working for 45 months without sleep, as result refining 0.1 gram uranium from scoria; without interest there will not Newton's law of motion, Einstein's theory of relativity, or Copernicus' heliocentric theory. Those great scientists devoted all their lives to the scientific career. Why? I think, the best answer is interest which is their spiritual power.

However, with the development and advancement of modern science and technology, we are suffering from a rapid pace of progress, the scholars and researchers should learn to confront the real world. To better develop the modern we need more pragmatic matters, we need to put the scientific achievements into practice as many as possible, not letting them laying in the lab. So far as I know, scholars and researchers in most of colleges in China merely do scientific research in the lab but not apply them in the industry, which is not only a waste of money but also a loss of the whole society. However, Hong Kong do it rarely well, in Hong Kong Technology University, the scholars and researchers can expend some money to buy their achievements in the lab and change them into products by opening a enterprise. Through this way, they can apply more fruits of their research into the industries, which is also why Hong Kong develops with a stable and fast pace. Moreover, though each country has finance for the scientific research, but it always not enough for the expenses of the expensive experimental instruments and other costs needed by the research. So the scholars and researchers should ask some enterprise or some financial organization for help, however, what they are pursuing is the profit, if the scholars and researchers' research can not bring them profit, they will certainly not give them financial support.

Besides, except the pragmatic matters, the scholars and researchers should the affect caused by their research, they should not beyond the boundaries of the law and the morality. For example, with the interest in cloning is good, because it may save people from pain, but they should not clone human; with the interest in nuclear is praised since it can bring people a new energy, but they should not use it for the war in the form of nuclear weapon, so does the chemical and biological weapons. Another the scholars and researchers should concern about is that they should concern more about whether their fruits will damage the environment of our society, especially in the industry.

In sum, the scholars and researchers should not only pursue their individual interests, but also concern whether their research can take some profitability to the whole nation and whether they many cause some moral and pollution problems that may deteriorate the society's stable and living condition, if so, they should give up their interest and put the society's welfare at first.


TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 492
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-2-13 22:02:31

In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores recommends that the company should discontinue stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheese in order to reduce expenses by limiting inventory. To support this recommendation, the president points out that last year's five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. He or she also cites a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. The memo may seem reasonable at the first glance; however, after clear examining the recommendation, I find it logically unconvincing in several respects.

First of all, the author does not provide any evidence that the selling conditions in other stores of the company expect the newest one. Perhaps, the location of the store is very unique, where lives many people who are from Wisconsin so the cheeses satisfied their tastes, or perhaps the do some activities for the domestic cheddar cheeses, which make people think it is a bargain to buy these ones, or perhaps the imported cheeses selling by the store is too expensive but the domestic cheeses are very fair. Without ruling these possibilities the president can not convince me that domestic cheeses will be favor in all the stores of the company.

Secondly, the president cites a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. However, the president fails to illustrate the ages, gender, or occupation of the responders. It is entirely possible that the responders are all senior who might be more favor about domestic things, or they may be all housewives who are always want to save daily costs. It is also possible magazine may tend to protect domestic materials. Since the president cannot provide evidence about any of these matters, he or she can not persuade me that there is indeed a increasing preference for domestic cheeses.

Thirdly, the president unfairly concludes that the company can reduce expenses only by limiting inventory and improve profits by concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses. Since profit is a function of expense and revenue, it is possible the profit of the imported cheeses is much more than the domestic ones, so reducing the imported cheeses can reduce the expenses but also short the revenue, if so the company can not improve the profits. Besides, there is may be other factors that can also influence the profit, such as the demand of the market, the potential customers, and the labor cost. Without ruling out these possible alternatives, the president can not convince me that the profit will be improved.
  
In sum, the recommendation is logically in several respects. To better support the recommendation, the president should also provide evidence to prove that the preference for domestic cheeses is really increase and the profit for domestic cheeses is far more than the imported ones.

yanxin19UID: 2254573

TOPIC: ISSUE40 - "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."
WORDS: 625
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009-2-13 22:02:31

The speaker asserts that scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work will make a contribution to the large society. For the reason that the speaker think it is more important that for them to pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interest may seem. I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion, however, sometimes it is not feasible in the real world.
（觉得作者观点有点引得太长了，你的观点是赞成还是反对单从第一段末句的这个让步句看不出来）
To begin with, as the old saying goes, interest is the best teacher. Interest plays a very significant role in scientific fields. Scholars and researchers who is interest in his research will be full of passion and enthusiasm, persisting in the research no matter what kind of（kind of 可删掉） difficulties they will meet. Most of the scientific achievements and creations are due to the impetus depriving from the（去掉） interest. For example, without interest Thomas Edison can not try 1000 times in order to find the appropriate material for the bulb; without interest Marie Curie can not persist working for 45 months without sleeping, as result refining 0.1 gram uranium from scoria; without interest there will not Newton's law of motion, Einstein's theory of relativity, or Copernicus' heliocentric theory. Those great scientists devoted all their lives to the scientific career. Why? I think, the best answer is interest which is their spiritual power.
（完全赞成内在动力 ）
However, with the development and advancement of modern science and technology, we are suffering from a rapid pace of progress, the scholars and researchers should learn to confront the real world. To better develop the modern we need more pragmatic matters, we（可以用they 客观些） need to put the scientific achievements into practice as many as possible, not letting them laying in the lab. （这句很好 很透彻）So far as I know, scholars and researchers in most of colleges in China merely do scientific research in the lab but not apply them in the industry, which is not only a waste of money but also a loss of the whole society. However, Hong Kong do it rarely well, in Hong Kong Technology University, the scholars and researchers can expend some money to buy their achievements in the lab and change them into products by opening an enterprise. Through this way, they can apply more fruits of their research into the industries, which is also why Hong Kong develops with a stable and fast pace. Moreover, though each country has finance for the scientific research, but it is always not enough for the expenses of the expensive experimental instruments and other costs needed by the research. So the scholars and researchers should ask some enterprise or some financial organization for help, however, what they are pursuing is the profit, if the scholars and researchers' research can not bring them profit, they will certainly not give them financial support.
（科学研究需要一些现实的外界帮助）
Besides, except for the pragmatic matters, the scholars and researchers should the affect caused by their research, they should not beyond（这个词是否地道有争议） the boundaries of the law and the morality. For example, with the interest in cloning is good, because it may save people from pain, but they（who？） should not clone human; with the interest in nuclear is praised since it can bring people a new energy, but they should not use it for the war in the form of nuclear weapon, so does the chemical and biological weapons. Another（这里得加一个主语） the scholars and researchers should concern about is that they should concern （可以换个词consider）more about whether their fruits will damage the environment of our society, especially in the industry.
(研究还需要符合其他条件：不要跨越boundaries of the law and the morality.)
In sum, the scholars and researchers should not only pursue their individual interests, but also concern whether their research can take some profitability to the whole nation and whether they many cause some moral and pollution problems that may deteriorate the society's stable and living condition, if so, they should give up their interest and put the society's welfare at first.
结构明晰 + — —
观点中肯，尤其是符合道德限制这一点加入了自己的观点，如果语言再加以点缀（比如关键词重复时 要小转换一下）会更好

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 492
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-2-13 22:02:31

In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores recommends that the company should discontinue stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheese in order to reduce expenses by limiting inventory. To support this recommendation, the president points out that last year's five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. He or she（我总觉得这样用不够正式 是这样吗） also cites a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. The memo may seem reasonable at the first glance; however, after clear examining the recommendation, I find it logically unconvincing in several respects.

First of all, the author does not provide any evidence that（about） the selling conditions in other stores of the company expect the newest one. Perhaps, the location of the store is very unique, where lives  many people who are from Wisconsin so the cheeses satisfied their tastes, or perhaps the do some activities for the domestic cheddar cheeses, which make people think it is a bargain to buy these ones, or perhaps the imported cheeses selling by the store is too expensive but the domestic cheeses are very fair. Without ruling these possibilities the president can not convince me that domestic cheeses will be favor in all the stores of the company.
（perhaps 后面的例子举得非常恰当）
Secondly, the president cites a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. However, the president fails to illustrate the ages, gender, or occupation of the responders. It is entirely possible that the responders are all senior who might be more favor about domestic things, or they may be all housewives who are always want to save daily costs. It is also possible magazine may tend to protect domestic materials. Since the president cannot provide evidence about any of these matters, he or she can not persuade me that there is indeed a increasing preference for domestic cheeses.
（第二点和第一点的结构一摸一样 稍微变动一下比较好吧）
Thirdly, the president unfairly concludes that the company can reduce expenses only by limiting inventory and improve profits by concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses. Since profit is a function of expense and revenue, it is possible the profit of the imported cheeses is much more than the domestic ones, so reducing the imported cheeses can reduce the expenses but also short the revenue, if so the company can not improve the profits. Besides, there is may be other factors（respects） that can also influence the profit, such as the demand of the market, the potential customers, and the labor cost. Without ruling out these possible alternatives, the president can not convince me that the profit will be improved.
  
In sum, the recommendation is logically in several respects. To better support the recommendation, the president should also provide evidence to prove that the preference for domestic cheeses is really increase and the profit for domestic cheeses is far more than the imported ones.

语言流利 举出的错误也正确
倒数第二段整理很好看来你的模板已经成型了
要注意变换使每段之间的结构不同，以及变换句式。