【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】02.28号作业 by woaichixigua

woaichixiguaUID: 2450470

第十次作业：young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term

Should young people try different job before they make the decision which one to do in the long term? I tend to agree.

Firstly, there are some lucky people who can locate their real talents and interests at the very beginning of their career development, however, larger part of people, especially young, have no idea what to do at the very beginning. What if they find a job that they do not like at all? Then, they may hold a negative attitude towards it and will not thrive for it. However, if they can, after unhappy experiences with many previous, finally get one that they really like, they by all means to work for accomplishments in it. For instance, in traditional Japanese concept, it is not good to quit the job because it represents un-royalty. And companies tend not to hire those "unstable" and "unreliable" job-hoppers. So, many employees contribute quite little to their companies. What they do, is just never arrive office late, never leave off early and avoid making mistakes. For companies, they lost employee's positiveness and commitment. For employees, they lost their treasure golden time in life and precious propulsion to succeed. So, people, especially young should brave enough to quit the job as long as he or she find it unsuitable, while the public, should really hold a more open-minded attitude towards job-hoppers.

Secondly, previous job experiences will not be useless when one chooses to start another career, however, these experiences together will benefit his future development. The lessons he learned, the people he met, or even the money he gained from previous jobs can contributes to his future development. I have a friend who after 5 years working as a sales, account, human resource, finally made a important decision in his life to run his own company. He used the salary he saved as first sum of investment. His experience as human resource helps him in screening employees and find out real helpful persons. His 2 years spent on selling made him sensitive to market and possess a customer-oriented mind. While the position as an accountant allows him to comprehend company's financial situation.

In summary, people, especially young people, should really experience various jobs before making the decision which one to take as a life-long career. Be braver, after all, the more you tried, the more you gained.

好久没有写了,不知道是这个题目不好写，还是我又没什么感觉了
最近都在攻口语,可是结果口语没上去,作文又下来了,5555555555555
下周六就考了，着急...
大家帮我狠狠批吧
谢谢了

roinyouUID: 2447501

同学 别灰心，的确是这次题目有点难！ 马上就要考试了，要对自己充满信心啊，祝你成功，回来记得分享机经！

我看到的你练习很多次，也看到你的确是长足的进步，即使很久没有写，即使题目有点难，还是写得不错的。
特别是development，比较仔细，针对观点展开，分两点论证，每点都有事例和推理论证。
语言方面，语法我就不指正了，因为短时间内也不是你关心的重点。不过语言上面，我觉得还可以有更多的变化，不过其实这个和题目难易是有关系的，这篇语言表达我写的更烂。不过按照高分要求，还是可以尝试更多不同主语和结构的句子。
主要要提出的是，你的开头和结尾不是很好，开头太简单了，都没有让人关心到你有开头，如果开头简单扼要，如果结尾能总结一下就好，可惜结尾也就是把题目从选择语句改成肯定语句，所以觉得开头结尾希望能下点功夫。
anyway,还是不错的，千万要加油哦！ 祝你成功！