[5.6月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 smile 第1次作业]

zhuyongchaochaoUID: 2616114

题目:' Y$ @% j8 k0 D/ Z" n/ J Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?   U2 \/ K; E8 x3 [  o; l+ c. i5 A It is better to finish a project and then start another than to finish two projects at the same time. : p4 r2 {7 m9 q9 g+ G9 e8 VUse specific reasons and examples to support your answer.（06/24/07） 3 @1 i" B! T& @3 v* p9 E/ i0 T! r! K2 t& R *************************************" ~$ Q"

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that
we ‘d better finish a project and then start another. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.

The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant of the basic fact that we have little time to deal a lot of things. We have come to an era , ever-pacing and high-speed. What matters now is to be efficient in accomplishing things. A famous saying goes the efficient will prosper and the unefficient will be eliminated. We are designed to arrange a great deal of events in such a short time, which means we can achiev glamrous achievement shortly. It also means that we are great capable in multiple-aspects.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that we must pay attention to many things and focus on multiple matters since we are facing a fierce competition nowdays. There is no doubt that people prefer the one who show various abilities. Also, there is no need to waste our precious time and energy to one minor odds. The one who can meet many requirements are popular and well-accepted.


What is more, some students are interested in becoming multi-hands instead to become a sterotype devoting to one things. It is their pride to proclaim they can facing two projects at a same time.
In a word, it is better to finish two projects at the same time.


尽情拍吧~, a( [- n, Y% g' L0 y! x
     先谢过了~

刷牙小灰猫UID: 2513544

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that we ‘d better finish a project and then start another. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore（不肯定是不是恰当） only a few primary ones here.

The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant of the basic fact that (可以改成the ignorance of a basic fact that) we have little time to deal a lot of things. We have come to an era, ever-pacing and high-speed. What matters now is to be efficient in accomplishing things. (加As) A famous saying goes, the efficient will prosper and the unefficient(ineficient) will be eliminated. We are designed to arrange a great deal of events in such a short time, which means we can achiev(achieve可以改成attain) glamrous(glamorous) achievement shortly(quickly). It also means that we are great capable in multiple-aspects.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that 去掉we must pay attention to many things and focus on multiple matters since we are facing a fierce competition nowdays（nowadays）. There is no doubt that people prefer the one who show various abilities. Also, there is no need to waste our precious time and energy to one minor odds. The one who can meet many requirements are popular and well-accepted. （也可以写成The more requirements you meet the more popular and better-accepted you are!）
9 L- x% L/ ^7 _" g  N$ ?0 z

What is more, some students are interested in becoming multi-hands instead to become a sterotype（stenotype）devoting to one things. (可以改成some students are interested in becoming multi-hands and devoting to the surge of innovation, which is much more better than become a stenotype )It is their pride to proclaim (加that)they can facing two projects at a same time.6 D  J9 S4 c8 B2 u( n5 a) b4 u/ M
In a word, it is better to finish two projects at the same time(加than to finish them one by one).



1# zhuyongchaochao

zhuyongchaochaoUID: 2616114

很好的修改，小野猫，谢谢
第一句应该是正确的。

rong0816UID: 2612194

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that we‘d better finish a project and then start another. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore(是想说“列举”吗？Maybe “list”) only a few primary ones here.

The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant of the basic fact that we have little time to deal a lot of things. We have come to an era, ever-pacing and high-speed. What matters(不准确，matter意为“有关系，要紧”时用于疑问句于否定句) now is to be efficient in accomplishing things. A famous saying goes the efficient will prosper and the unefficient(inefficient) will be eliminated. We are designed to arrange a great deal of events in such a short time, which means we can achieve glamorous achievement shortly. It also means that we are great capable in multiple-aspects.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that we must pay attention to many things and focus on multiple matters since we are facing a fierce competition nowadays. There is no doubt that people prefer the one who show various abilities. Also, there is no need to waste our precious time and energy to one minor odds. The one who can meet many requirements are popular and well-accepted. (这段写的不好，感觉方向错了。to finish two projects at the same time不等于the one who show various abilities)


What is more, some students are interested in becoming multi-hands instead to become a stereotype devoting to one things. It is their pride to proclaim they can facing(face) two projects at a same time.
In a word, it is better to finish two projects at the same time.（这个属于“观点”的句子应在文章开头体现）


Smile看过我的文章，应该可以感觉到我们的思路有很大出路。以我的思路说几点
1.
to finish a project and then start another 是一个很重要的提示，说明是一共有多件事，是做完一件再做另一件，还是同时开始几件事，最后一起结束。Smile好像不是抓这个点
2.
从能同时完成几件事想到“能力强”挺好的，只是用一整段写过于累赘
3.
To tell the truth，文章没有出彩的地方，就是没有让人看了眼前一亮的感觉

Ps. 第一次拍文，具体的地方没能改的很详细，只能从整体上看，以后慢慢提高自己改作文的能力.

melody106UID: 2559573

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that we ‘d (不要缩写we would )better finish a project and then start another. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.
The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant of（ignores多用动词好些，又比较简洁） the basic fact that we have little time to deal （with）a lot of things. We have come to an era , ever-pacing and high-speed（有这样的表达吗？）. What matters now is to be efficient in accomplishing things. A famous saying goes the efficient will prosper and the unefficient （inefficient）will be eliminated. We are designed (换成supposed) to arrange a great deal of events in such a short time, which means we can（换成must，并非所有人can，但是所有人must） achiev glamrous achievement shortly. It also means that we are great capable in multiple-aspects.（are换成 should become）

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that we must pay attention to many things and focus on multiple matters since we are facing a fierce competition nowdays. There is no doubt that people prefer the one who show various abilities. Also, there is no need to waste our precious time and energy to one minor odds(minor odd ones). The one who can meet many requirements are popular and well-accepted.

What is more, some students are interested in becoming multi-hands instead to become a sterotype devoting to one things. It is their pride to proclaim they can facing( 换成handling ) two projects at a same time.
In a word, it is better to finish two projects at the same time."
似乎没有例子支持，
第二个观点如果充实一下：因为竞争激烈，所以我们需要尽早培养同时做几件事情的能力，以备将来工作生活应付多种事务之需。找工作时，具备这样能力的人也更容易被雇佣。这样就看起来就比较自圆其说。另外，also那句one minor odds有离题之嫌，不要这样写。
我快考试了，希望smile也抽空给我改改，我在21楼，谢谢。

zhuyongchaochaoUID: 2616114

谢谢大家的修改，受益很多！
助人者自助。

yievenUID: 2324451

抱歉我忘了每人要看两篇的，所以拖到现在，真不好意思。
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Some people argue as if it is a general truth that(take it for granted that [as if句读着怪，而且这里应当用虚拟语气，即as if it was…]) we‘d better finish a project and then start another. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.(本句稍有凑字数嫌疑。)

The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant(ignores [不是常用的形容词，就尽量用动词形式]) of the basic fact that we have little time to deal(deal with [不过从要表达的意思来看，用handle更好]) a lot of things. We have come to an era , ever-pacing and high-speed. What matters now is to be efficient in accomplishing things. A famous saying goes the efficient will prosper and the unefficient(inefficient) will be eliminated. We are designed(expected/required) to arrange a great deal of events in such a short time, which means we can achiev glamrous achievement shortly([which指代什么？achieve和ahcievement一起用显得重复，拖沓]thus glamorous achievements in the same short time(这句话我也不知道该怎么说)). It also means that we are great capable in multiple-aspects.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement(the statement above) is that I believe that we must pay attention to many things and focus on multiple matters since we are facing a fierce competition nowdays(nowadays). There is no doubt that people prefer the one who shows various abilities(最好用被动。the one who shows various abilities is always the first choice). Also, there is no need to waste our precious time and energy to one minor odds. The one who can meet many requirements are(is [主语是the one]) popular and well-accepted.

What is more, some students are interested in becoming multi-hands instead to(instead of (becoming)，或者是rather than) become a sterotype (stereptype，但是用在这是指……？) devoting to one things. It is their pride to proclaim they can facing(face) two projects at a(the)[/color=Red] same time.
In a word, it is better to finish two projects at the same time (than…).

出发点和理由不错，比较与时俱进。
不过我觉得说理太多，通篇都是纯说理。

zhuyongchaochaoUID: 2616114

恩，自己的例证过少，说理太多
下次注意改正
谢谢~~