5.6月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 annazjy 第2次作业

annazjyUID: 2630173

谢谢大家，来拍我吧:loveliness:

作业题目：teacher should be paid according to their students' performs

In the past few decades, the system of education has been changing around the world. The way of instruction is significantly different from before, we can not only learn from face- to- face but also through internet which called distance learning. In the past, the main responsibility of instructor is teaching, and the only task students charging is accepting what teacher told them. Nowadays, the instruction is an interactive activity. Both of teacher and student should take part in this activity. So my argument with standpoint is that students’ performs is not inevitably related to teacher’s payment.

Firstly, each student has different personality and social background. Some students have higher self-discipline and are very care about their performances and grades in school, so they study much harder than others and do their utmost on every subject. Some students, because their parents have higher social status and successful career, have to perform well in school otherwise their parents could fire tutor to assist them to have good performs. Other students may have low self -discipline or do not like the school lives, they may fall behind. However, teachers should not take responsibility for them.

Secondly, each subject is significantly divergent. Some subjects such as mathematics and physics are abstract and complex. It is difficult for some students to understand and absorb. Some subjects are much easier. Due to this, students may have contrary performs on different subjects. Moreover, according to students’ distinct inclinations, someone likes chemistry and geography and does well in these subjects, but they would fail in Chinese and history. Someone, on the other hand, may have opposite grades.

Consequently, many factors could influence students’ performs and instructor is only one of them.Teachers with good communicational skills and more teaching experiences may help their students have better performs in the subjects they teaching. I think, however, well performs depend on students themselves, teachers’ salaries should not be connected with students’ performs.

请问各位大侠，我对题目的理解对吗?逻辑性如何？please help me

rong0816UID: 2612194

In the past few decades, the system of education has been changing around the world. The way of instruction is significantly different from before, we can not only learn from face- to- face but also through internet which called distance learning. In the past, the main responsibility of instructor is teaching, and the only task students charging is accepting what teacher told them. Nowadays, the instruction is an interactive activity. Both of teacher and student should take part in this activity. So my argument with standpoint is that students’ performs is not inevitably related to teacher’s payment.（好像说的太长了，而且有点扯的远。如果可以简练一点会更好。呵呵）

Firstly, each student has different personality and social background. Some students have higher self-discipline and are very care about their performances and grades in school, so they study much harder than others and do their utmost on every subject. Some students, because their parents have higher social status and successful career, have to perform well in school otherwise their parents could fire tutor to assist them to have good performs（performance）. Other students may have low self -discipline or do not like the school lives, they may fall behind. However, teachers should not take responsibility for them.（这段说的好，有理又不累赘。值得学习）


Secondly, each subject is significantly divergent. Some subjects such as mathematics and physics are abstract and complex. It is difficult for some students to understand and absorb. Some subjects are much easier. Due to this, students may have contrary performs on different subjects. Moreover, according to students’ distinct inclinations, someone likes chemistry and geography and does well in these subjects, but they would fail in Chinese and history. Someone, on the other hand, may have opposite grades.（戛然而止，完全可以总结一句在这里。给句我的：So, it’s unwise to pay teachers by their students’ performance.）



Consequently, many factors could influence students’ performs and instructor is only one of them. Teachers with good communicational skills and more teaching experiences may help their students have better performs in the subjects they teaching. I think, however, well performs depend on students themselves, teachers’ salaries should not be connected with students’ performs.

文章大体上都没有问题，就是缺少例证，使得文章的说服力欠缺。
By the way, 你的英语很强啊，用句，用词方面都很出色，这点要好好向你学习才是。

melody106UID: 2559573

In the past few decades, the system of education has been changing around the world. The way of instruction is significantly different from before, (.该分句了吧)we （We）can not only learn from face- to- face but also through internet which called distance learning. In the past, the main responsibility of instructor is teaching, and the only task students charging is accepting what teacher told them. Nowadays, the instruction is an interactive activity. Both of teacher and student should take part in this activity. So my argument with standpoint is that students’ performs is not inevitably related to teacher’s payment.(这句不是很顺，而且第一段我觉得你切入主题有点慢了，可以缩减一下。)
Firstly, each student has different personality （复数ies）and social background（s）. Some students have higher self-discipline and are very care about their performances and grades in school, so they study much harder than others and do their utmost on every subject. Some students, because their parents have higher social status and successful career, have to perform well in school otherwise their parents could fire (hire a)tutor to assist them to have good performs. (On the contrary,)Other students may have low self -discipline or do not like the school lives, they may fall behind. However, （这里不是转折关系，前面论证完了，这里该阐述结论了）teachers should not take responsibility for them.

Secondly, each subject is significantly divergent. Some subjects such as mathematics and physics are abstract and complex. It is （they are）difficult for some students to understand and absorb. Some subjects are much easier. Due to this, students may have contrary performs on different subjects. Moreover, according to students’ distinct inclinations, someone likes chemistry and geography and does well in these subjects, but they would (would 去掉比较好，因为不是前半句的原因导致其fail的结果)fail in Chinese and history. Someone, on the other hand, may have opposite grades.（用opposite来修饰grade不大好，可以把grade换成situations）

Consequently, many factors could influence students’ performs and instructor is only one of them. Teachers with good communicational skills and more teaching experiences may help their students have better performs in the subjects they teaching（容易有歧义）. I think, however, well performs depend on students themselves, teachers’ salaries should not be connected with students’ performs
请问各位大侠，我对题目的理解对吗?逻辑性如何？please help me

wmc861113UID: 2630091

In the past few decades, the system of education has been changing around the world. The way of instruction is significantly different from before, we can not only learn from face- to- face(去掉from，这里face-to-face是副词) but also through internet(Internet) which is called distance learning. In the past, the main responsibility of instructor is teaching, and the only task students charging is accepting what teacher told them. Nowadays, the instruction is an interactive activity. Both of teacher and student should take part in this activity. So my argument with standpoint is that students’ performs is not inevitably related to teacher’s payment. (最后一句直接点明你的观点更好一点。第一段有点过长，第一句直接提出本文论题更好) ^1 ~6 _$ W$ _第
  Firstly, each student has different personality and social background. Some students have higher self-discipline and are very care about their performances and grades in school, so they study much harder than others and do their utmost on (词语用的很好) every subject. Some students, because their parents have higher social status and successful career（careers）, have to perform well in school otherwise their parents could fire tutor to assist them to have good performs. Other students may have low self -discipline or do not like the school lives, they may fall behind. However, teachers should not take responsibility for them（这段的论点是：学生有各自的性格和家庭背景 论据：应分别从这两方面（自律性好坏以及家庭状况的情况）来比较一下  你的第二个论据在因果关系上不清楚，让人看不懂）.3 D6 I, [2 ]: _9 A" m! D7 n& @$ K5 K7 C% r" {3 T- [
Secondly, each subject is significantly divergent. Some subjects such as mathematics and physics are abstract and complex(abstruse 深奥的)，and it is difficult for some students to understand and absorb. Some subjects are much easier. Due to this, students may have contrary performs on different subjects. Moreover, according to students’ distinct（various） inclinations, someone likes chemistry and geography and does well in these subjects（把these subjects改成 them）, but they would（might）fail in Chinese and history. Someone, on the other hand, may have opposite grades.（这段的论点：学科的多样性 论据：先是根据学科的难以程度，再是根据个人对学科的喜好不同。 第一个论据和第二个有点重合，比如有的人逻辑思维能力强，就喜欢数理之类的学科；而有的人喜欢形象思维的学科如艺术、音乐。      这段如果按照这种对比给出论据我感觉更好一些。）
Consequently, many factors could influence students’ performs and instructor is only one of them. Teachers with good communicational skills and more teaching experiences may help their students have better performs in the subjects they teaching (teach). I think, however, well performs depend on students themselves, teachers’ salaries should not be connected (in accordance with /in conformity to) with students’ performs.! {$ Mben4
本文前两个论据很明确，分别从学生本身和学科本身来论证，论点应该再深入一些；如果能加一段从老师的方面来论述我感觉能好一些。

annazjyUID: 2630173

谢谢楼上的同学们，你们给的意见非常好。