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[活动] 5.6月份 作文散户 互改作文cracking ibt essay! 小组piaolingzhong第四次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-4-29 23:50:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

When asked about children growing up in the countryside better than pullulating in a big city, the majority of people think that growing up in the countryside is beneficial to them because of the beautiful environment, but the others consider the children living in the city can obtain more conditions such as education, and more chance to develop their interesting, benefiting their life. As far as I am concerned, I agree that it is better for children to grow up in a big city than in the countryside.

First of all, the children living in the city can obtain more comprehensive education than growing up in the countryside. There are several reasons for this conclusion. First, generally the government invests the money on the education in the city more than in the countryside. Second, the people living in the city are more care about the education equipment and the quality of education that the children obtained. Finally, the child living in the city can easily access to the advanced technology and entertainment machine depending on the high technology every day and so it can integer the children interesting. Obviously, from the government to the people and even the environment, the child growing up in the city is far better than which living in the countryside.

On the other hand, because in the city the child are more chance to access to the fresh things and also have more mature mechanism to develop the child interesting, and so they have more opportunities to developing their interesting even became the notable man. For example, Yao who born and live in the Shanghai city that is the one of the biggest city in the china, now is the famous basketball player in the NBA. When he was young, he was very interesting to play the basketball and he also has the genius and advantages to play the basketball. Except that he lives in the Shanghai that has more opportunities to help the Yao developing his interesting. Supposed that Yao live in the countryside in the western of the Chinacan we now see the wonderful game in NBA of Yao?

Admittedly, the children growing up in the countryside can live more happy because the beautiful environment and less pressure. So the children in the countryside can spent their enjoying childhood, and it can be the most beautiful memory of the life.

In a word, considerable though the advantages that the child living in the countryside leads to are, it can not compete with benefits that the children growing up in the city, when if the government takes more about the environment of city and the parents relax the children appropriately taken into consideration.
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沙发
发表于 2009-4-30 21:44:30 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 刷牙小灰猫 于 2009-5-1 00:11 编辑


When asked about children growing up in the countryside better than pullulating in a big city改成When asked about whether growing up in countryside is better than in the city for children, the majority of people think that growing up in the countryside is beneficial to 改成for them because of the beautiful environment, but the others consider the children living in the city can obtain more conditions such as education, and more去掉 chance to develop their interesting 改成 interests, 加which will benefiting 改成benefit their life. As far as I am concerned, I agree that it is better for children to grow up in a big city than in the countryside.


First of all, the children living in the city can obtain more comprehensive education than (加 those) growing up in the countryside. There are several reasons for this conclusion. Firstly, generally the government invests 去掉the加more money on the education in the city 去掉more than in the countryside. Secondly, the people living in the city are more care about the education equipment and the quality of education that the children obtained改成for the children. Finally, the child living in the city can easily access to the advanced technology and entertainment machine 加which depending on改成developed by (the去掉) high technology every day and so it can去掉 integer(我猜这个词是intrigue) the children's interesting(改成interests). Obviously, from the government to the (people改成civilians更好) people and even the environment改成objective condition,加we can see that the child growing up in the city is far better than which (which 改成who)living in the countryside.

  On the other hand, because in the city the child are(are 改成has) more chance to access to the fresh things and also have(主语仍然是child所以要把have 改成has) more mature mechanism to develop the child interesting(interesting是形容词不能作宾语,child's interests可以), and so they have more opportunities to(to后面要加原型develop) developing their interesting(同上) even became(become) the (the 改成a)notable man.(这句的语法明显有些问题,由于问题比较多,所以不知从何改起,所以意会了一下你的意思,重新写了一个To live in the city brings more chance for children to have access to the newborn things, esspecially those with high technology, which could help children to find their real interests then approach to succeed. ) For example, Yao who 加was born and lived in the Shanghai city that is the one of the biggest city 改成cities in 去掉the china, now is the 改成a famous basketball player in the NBA. When he was young, he was very interesting interested in playing basketball to play the basketball and (he可以省略,因为主语同上句) also has  the genius (只能说was genius ,不能说has genius)and advantages to play the basketball. Except that he lives in the Shanghai that has more opportunities to help the Yao developing his interesting(改成living in Shanghai provide Yao more opportunities to develop his ability of basketball). Supposed that Yao lived in the countryside in the western of the Chinacan we now see the wonderful games in NBA of Yao?

Admittedly, the children growing up in the countryside can live more happy because 加of the beautiful environment and less pressure. So the children in the countryside can spent their enjoying 改成 enjoyable childhood, and it can be the most beautiful memory of the life.



语法错误真是太多了,句子支离破碎,主谓不一致,看的我快疯掉了,后来改的都晕了,如果有改错的地方请你原谅,建议你补补语法,任重道远啊,加油吧




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IBT Zeal

板凳
发表于 2009-4-30 22:50:44 |只看该作者
语法中句子的完整: 主语 谓语 宾语 。一定在写句子时牢记心中
很好,大家加油哦~~

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地板
发表于 2009-5-1 17:22:14 |只看该作者
语法是个问题。但是,文章真的很好,说理很充分,例子也用的恰到好处。值得学习

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发表于 2009-5-4 11:24:18 |只看该作者
五一回家没上网,谢谢小灰猫,谢谢大家的支持鼓励,给自己加油

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RE: 5.6月份 作文散户 互改作文cracking ibt essay! 小组piaolingzhong第四次作业 [修改]

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