【INTO THE FIRE】Issue7 by chenqiyan

chenqiyanUID: 2195033

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."


In this issue, the author put it that video camera has played an more important form of documentation than written records since it can provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life. In my point of view, I can slightly figure that both the ways of video camera and written records are of significant to conserving the contemporary life.

In the beginning, I would like to point it out that when referring to the popularity of the method of recording, the written records count more for the reason that it is more economical to record things by writing on papers or other kinds of stuff. This is to say that when comparing with video records, people can spend less money on written records because you need not buy the precious video camera and at the same time in the majority of the developing countries, millions of people even can not afford to buy a camera. Moreover, writing as a form of recording essential events is always regarded as the most frequent used way of recording.

Although writing is one of the most traditional methods to record things, it does expose some disadvantages in documentation. Just ask one question, can we assure ourselves that such written paper can survived without any worms biting them as time goes by? While come up with video camera, we can both capture the accurate record of contemporary life and without the need of worrying about that will be destroyed by worms. However, when comes to describing the inner state of human beings, the video could not of help because there are some kinds of feelings and thoughts of human being can only be expressed by writing down on papers.

In sum, as I said in the first paragraph that both the ways of video camera and written records are of significant to conserving the contemporary life. In other words, each would have its advantages and disadvantages, its benefits and drawbacks which have already been discussed above. If we need the contemporary life be preserved vividly and completely, the two should better be applied together.
  

zyp8756UID: 2594775

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."


  In this issue, the author put it（put it放在这里怎么理解？个人认为有些别扭 用suggest maintain怎么样呢？） that video camera has played an（a） more important form of documentation than written records since it can provides such an accurate and convincing（此处可进行同义词代换 或至少这两个词调换位置 避免与题干重复 如：a precise and believable） record of contemporary life. In my point of view, I can slightly figure（slightly figure这里如何理解？轻微的描述？恐怕容易引起歧义） that both the ways of video camera and written records are of(删除of) significant to conserving(conserve即可) the contemporary life.

  In the beginning, I would like to point it out that when referring to the popularity of the method of recording, the written records count more for the reason that it is more economical to record things by writing on papers or other kinds of stuff(the written records count more for the reason这句逻辑有些问题，不明白表达的意思). This is to say that when comparing with video records, people can spend less money on written records because you need not（do not need在这里有错吗？） buy the precious（此词为珍爱的意思，属于主观性形容词，而本句要标明的是它客观的昂贵，应该用dear 或者 expensive） video camera and at the same time in the majority of the developing countries, millions of people even can not afford to buy(afford是买得起的意思,与后面的buy意思重复,可以将to buy删除) a camera（可否采用夸张假设表达用a piece of bread代替摄影，正好对应了前文的even）. Moreover, writing as a form of recording essential events is always regarded as the most frequent used way of recording.（整句这样表达个人认为会更连贯些Moreover, writing ，an essential recording event，is always regarded as the most frequent used way后一个record去掉 避免重复）.本段感觉论证不足，而且说到发展中国家有些牵强，更多谈到了video camera的不足，而对于书写的优点仅仅it is more economical to record things by writing on papers or other kinds of stuff一笔带过，可以从文化传承中书写起到的不可替代的作用进一步表达下。

   Although writing is one of the most traditional methods to record things, it does expose some disadvantages in documentation. Just ask one question, can we assure ourselves that such written paper can survived without any worms biting them as time goes by? （I这种严谨的文章用反问句感觉不是很合适，“Just ask one question, can we assure ourselves that such written paper can survived without any worms biting them as time goes by?”用“It is hard to assure that such written paper can avoid
oxygenation and eroded by worms.
”）While come up with video camera, we can both capture the accurate record of contemporary life and（and去掉） without the need of(the need of去掉) worrying about that will be destroying by worms （“that will be destroyed by worms ”用“destroying by worms or oxygen”）.However, when comes to describing（comes to describing换成describe就行） the inner（内在的可以使用intrinsic） state of human beings, the video could not of(of 删除) help（不能帮助太绝对 后面加a lot应该会含蓄些） because there are some kinds of feelings and thoughts of human being can only be expressed（后面加generally至少也要加个well，否则让人感觉摄影一点也无法表达人类内心思想感情，语言过于绝对） by writing down on papers.

  In sum, as I said（say） in the first paragraph that both the ways of video camera and written records are of（去掉） significant to conserving（conserve） the contemporary life. In other words, each（读起来有些愣 后面加of them） would（would去掉） have（has） its（加particular adj.独有的） advantages and disadvantages, its benefits and drawbacks which have already been discussed above（“its benefits and drawbacks which have already been discussed above”啰嗦了，删除好些）. If we need the contemporary life be preserved vividly and completely, the two（both of them） should better be applied together（should be combined better）.

总：逻辑结构完整，but第二段论证尤其不足，缺乏说服力，连词使用不错，但存在些逻辑问题，可以积累实例和适当联想增加说服力，谨慎使用绝对化词语 如only 以及语言表达的含蓄程度 如倒数第二段最后部分。
第一次评作文，不知道做的怎么样，感觉用“（）”在文章上面改影响流畅度和视觉效果，可以商量下其他方法。
一般来讲
我的点评蓝色字体关于逻辑，红色关于语言，绿色强烈需要探讨。可以约下时间一起研究进步。That is all today!

zyp8756UID: 2594775

这个上去颜色了 哈哈