toefl2009_cracking ibt essay 写作小组_wangxinfei_第11次作业

wangxinfeiUID: 2633557

in now days, our society is runing fastly as an entire substance, everyone has their own position which maybe  is small and insignificant,but it also is valuable and integrant,because these little jobs consist the big society machine. as we all know, since we engage in our career, we need put a lot of energy on it ,or saying that it nearly occupies half of our daily life,but i don't think all the purpose of living is just to work mechanically, we have more opportunities to  enjoy great fun across our whole life.

firstly,we can travel to beautiful sightseeing district, and we got funny experience of the wonderful world, it is especially effective for us to go out of tired and boring daily work. for example ,our company always organize employees together to visit some famous places of historical interesting, and it really works ,really release us from burden. through these funny experience, it is obviously that we all think life are full of  amazing feeling.

secondly, due to we always working with others, we are in an public work place,so we can enjoy private relax time out of work. for example ,we can develop some hobbies like reading literature, writing poems, playing piano and so on, we can wholely immerse in the happiness of absorbing the knowledge. for instance, in weekend ,i often go to the city centre's library and looking for some valuable and excellent books, borrowing them, then i can enjoy the delight of reading for a long time.since we have books, who can say this is a boring world only with poorly work?

thirdly,work is only a small part of our life since we treat our life in an positive attitude,maybe the work will be one precious resource of happiness, because we have made lot of friends in our daily job, doesn't it?so, work is not the boring and slipslop,but a funny part of life itself.

so ,all in conclusion,as what i have list above, we can honestly say that work can't stop our pace to enjoy the happiness,it's not the whole thing we can do.

hyacinthUID: 2184492

下面的话可能说的有点重 但是也是基于可以提高你的写作的基础上

老实说 我只看了第一段。。。因为看得有点郁闷。。。然后我注意到你这已经是第11次作业了  说明问题比较大

首先 断句是个大问题。 一段只有两个句子。两个都是run on sentence.
其次 句子不是特别符合英语习惯 感觉是中翻英
希望你可以通过大量的阅读来增强英语语感  适当的背一些句型也可以

keppel_tuUID: 2641964

(In now days,) Nowadays, our society is runing fastly as an entire substance, everyone has (their)his own position which maybe  is (small and)insignificant,but it also is valuable and integrant,because these little jobs consist the big society machine. as we all know, since we engage in our career, we need to put a lot of energy on it ,or saying that it nearly occupies half of our daily life,but i don't think all the purpose of living is just to work mechanically, we have more opportunities to  enjoy great fun across our whole life. 不能一逗到底啊

firstly,we can travel to beautiful sightseeing district, and we got funny experience of the wonderful world, it is especially effective for us to go out of tired and boring daily work. （We can relax from tired and boring daily work.）for example ,our company always organize employees together to visit some famous places of historical interesting, and it really works ,really release us from burden. through these funny experience, it is obviously that we all think life are full of  amazing feeling.

secondly, due to we always working with others, we are in an public work place,so we can enjoy private (relax)free time out of work. for example ,we can develop some hobbies like reading literature, writing poems, playing piano and so on, we can wholely immerse in the happiness of absorbing the knowledge. for instance, (in)on weekend ,i often go to the city centre's library and looking for some valuable and excellent books, borrowing them, then i can enjoy the delight of reading for a long time.since we have books, who can say this is a boring world only with poorly work?
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thirdly,work is only a small part of our life since we treat our life in an positive attitude,maybe the work will be one precious resource of happiness, because we have made lot of friends in our daily job, doesn't it?so, work is not the boring and slipslop,but a funny part of life itself.3

so ,all in conclusion,as what i have list above, we can honestly say that work can't stop our pace to enjoy the happiness,it's not the whole thing we can do.
同意楼上的观点，望多多阅读，勤勤写作！一定能有很大的突破

MARC09UID: 2641231

不好意思哈ＬＺ，感觉你写的走题了．这个题目是要写工作的原因，你写的是除了工作能干些别的什么事．有些题目如果不仔细分析，确实比较容易写偏题．或许可以在练习之前花五到十分钟分析一下题目的意思，写个简单的提纲，或者参考一下所有题目的网上写作提纲，更好的把握题意，以及方便之后的谋篇布局．ＬＺ加油！