0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by cooljcq 评by cmj

cooljcqUID: 2498528

TOPIC: ISSUE13 - "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
WORDS: 545

TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009-5-13 21:15:32

I fundamentally agree with the proposition that the government should take measures to protect some of the languages extinction because of fewer and fewer people speak them. To some extent, the government pay its attention on the languages that few people speak in their range, on another, it doesn't plunge its whole effort on them without considering every aspect.
It will be accepted to most of us that the government should take action to keep the languages which is spoken by small people from disappearing. In the process of our history, the role that lesser-known languages play should not be neglected. Everything existing has its own part and self-meaning to the whole society. It is collected and accumulated into a widely accepted language through the great efforts and hardship. It is also the soul and concentrate of the predecessors' witness and intelligence and some experiences. Certainly, it represents the greatest fruits of the tribe or nation. No one can deny the significant part the lesser-known languages take, and conspicuously, to protect the lasting value and influential lesser-known languages from lost, not only the government should try their best to do it, the common civilians also should take their great effort to help the value and influential lesser-languages into better development. The government can organize some of special experts on these languages to investigate and explore the value and some other significant meanings from them, and make some efforts to hand down some of the priceless and perish languages which will be extinguished forever without impossible survival, if the languages disappear.
However, although the efforts we take to conserve and keep on some lesser-known languages are less than that take to restore and survive the lost languages, the government and civilian communities can not prevent every lesser-known language from extinction without balancing the disadvantages and advantages between them. To everyone known, the extinction of some languages even the majority of languages in the world is absolutely happen and never evade to some extent. Everything has it rules during their existence and development. The development of the lesser-known languages can also not escape from the nature regulation. After all, the nature and the society only select the best things who can more easily survive in the nature or the society.
The corresponding things we should do that we can only contribute to the right and value languages which is beneficial and impressive to our current or later development when researching and investigating the relative culture and convention, while let go the less value languages in their own circumstances surviving or not. For the one hand, too much fund and human resources will be put on keeping languages and too energy also exhausted on it. The energy and finance of the government and communities is limited, so only the selective languages can own. On the other hand, some of them may be less influence and less impressive on our society whenever it is.
In a final analysis, the government should try their best efforts to strike the balance between selecting or not, what languages should be chosen to keep. One hand, the government should take measures to keep some of lasting value and perish language from extinction, on the other hand, it should obey the nature and society rules.

ddcmj519UID: 176326

楼主很强大。。
我现在都没胆子限时写。。

先赞一个。
饭后回来改。

ddcmj519UID: 176326

楼主的英文和中文行文水平都应该不错，但是有以下几点问题
1.段落主题不明确，段内思路跳跃性太大。段间缺乏逻辑联系。
2.用词比较多变，但是！不能乱用，语言是有背景文化的，请注意。宁缺毋滥！
3.对于题目的思考还不够，深度上有很大的欠缺。

希望作者先去把imong的追星剑好好读一读再来写。题目偏题问题严重，深度严重欠缺。


I fundamentally agree with the proposition that the government should take measures to protect some of the languages extinction because of fewer and fewer people speak them删. To some extent, the government pay its attention on the languages that few people speak in their range用词不当, on another,这里的句子关系很莫名it doesn't plunge its whole effort on them without considering every aspect.而且词句的前一分句和后一分句单独看都是很好的中心句，连起来看就不知道作者到底所谓何物了。

It will be accepted to most of us that the government should take action to keep the languages which is spoken by small people from disappearing.和文章开头第一句完全重复。 In the process of our history, the role that lesser-known languages play should not be neglected.这句话很不地道而且很不通。Through out our history, the role of less-known languages plays such an important role that should not be ignored by any. Everything existing has its own part and self-meaning to the whole society.我个人十分反对这种假大空的理论。完全只用即时的观点看问题，而且根本不给出一个深层次的原因。可以算作无效之论。It is collected and accumulated into a widely accepted language through the great efforts and hardship.请注意题目，是因为越来越少人使用而濒临灭亡，而非发展过程中逐渐使用人数增多的状况。 It is also the soul and concentrate of the predecessors' witness and intelligence and some experiences. 我看不懂你的这句话。Certainly, it represents the greatest fruits of the tribe or nation. 表意不明，什么叫fruits of tribe or nation... No one can deny the significant part the lesser-known languages take,我没能从你的行文中看出来.. and conspicuously, to protect the lasting value and influential lesser-known languages 没看出来哪里有对应..from being lost,请注意断句.. not only the government should try their best to do it, the common civilians also should take their great effort to help the value and influential lesser-languages into better development（我还以为是我不知道的搭配，结果google上查不到..）. why government一定要去努力？只是之前的俩点论述就能如此轻易下结论了吗？The government can organize some of special experts on these languages to investigate and explore the value and some other significant meanings from them, and make some efforts to hand down some of the priceless and perish languages which will be extinguished forever without impossible survival, if the languages disappear. 偏题。题目是要论述该还是不该，而非how to protect it，如果非要说的话，考虑放在最后作为升华的部分。(虽然我觉得你提的意见不可行..)


However, although the efforts we take to conserve and keep on some lesser-known languages are less than that take to restore and survive the lost languages,越偏越远..你在前文中并没有比较being 和 be lost的language的区别，此刻蹦出来这么个概念先是偏题后是上下文不统一。请 读追星剑专题后 仔细读题 再回来审视此内容。 the government and civilian communities can not prevent every lesser-known language from extinction without balancing the disadvantages and advantages between them.长句效应之一，整体不统一表意不明。而且句中重复内容本可以用代词代替，全写上怎么能不累赘？而且个人觉得后半句所要传达的与楼主所要表达的意思有着极大的差距。 To everyone known,Be Known to everyone...请不要乱用。。 the extinction of some languages even the majority of languages in the world is absolutely happen and never evade to some extent确实，多数语言也会灭绝，但是，难道不经历一个由少变多的量变怎么可能引起如此深重的质变？？ and 下划线的句子实在不知所谓何物 . Everything has it rules during their existence and development. 这种话说了跟没说一样不影响你表达。。推荐删了，缺乏深层次思考。 The development of the lesser-known languages can also not escape from the nature regulation.what is it? u never mention it before...this term includes too many meanings.   After all, the nature and the society only select the best things who can more easily survive in the nature or the society.
总结一下吧。这段就是两个字。偏题。加个程度副词，严重。就算按照你首句的主题句，到了最后怎么又变成了natural rule让其消失？并没有从根本上来解释这个语言消失的具体原因。缺乏思考。。
The corresponding things we should do that 原谅我，我真的看不懂你这几个长长的定语从句是怎么套在一起的。更看不懂楼主什么意思。。we can only contribute to the right and value languages which is beneficial and impressive to our current or later development when researching and investigating the relative culture and convention, while let go the less value languages in their own circumstances surviving or not. 请楼主自行修改，语法错误+表意不明。For the one hand,on one hand 或者for one thing.. too much fund 不晓得这个意思从哪里来的。and human resources will be put on keeping languages and too energy also exhausted on it. The energy and finance of the government and communities is limited, so only the selective languages can own. On the other hand, some of them may be less influence and less impressive on our society whenever it is. 我再次莫名了，前一段那么坚决的支持拥护态度怎么到了这里就不见了，就妥协了？其中原因请楼主务必深思！！

In a final analysis, the government should try their best efforts to strike the balance between selecting or not, what languages should be chosen to keep. One hand, the government should take measures to keep some of lasting value and perish language from extinction, on the other hand, 同一个句式不要用的那么高频it should obey the nature and society rules.


楼主只从语言的角度去分析问题，导致问题的分析显得十分浅薄。这题之所以放在国际类里，就说明其与社会问题相关性极大。在你的分析中，你只是运用自然理论去辩驳，而不从社会发展的方面来看待这个问题，势必导致分析不具时效性，与社会发展脱节。其次，题目的主体，我个人认为是government。他们为什么该这样做而不该那样做，这是值得楼主再三思考的问题。


希望批改能有所帮助。
言辞不当之处，还望指出~

fingshangUID: 2469559

谢谢你 学到了很多

cooljcqUID: 2498528

非常感谢你的指点，感慨涕零，我一定好好的体会你的批改，谢谢！

追忆2009UID: 2629509

修改的真牛~长知识，谢谢啦！