寄托天下
查看: 1398|回复: 9
打印 上一主题 下一主题

issue13 【dies in flames】 task by winning1030 [复制链接]

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
16
寄托币
949
注册时间
2008-8-28
精华
0
帖子
16

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖

跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2009-5-28 01:44:23 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct.

In this era of globalization, we’re faced with the fact that the diversity and the nationalization of politics and cultures in the world today are suffering seriously from strong cultures, which pose a threat to the coexistence and the development of multiculturalism by the explicit and implicit oppression of other cultures. As a result, the weakening of cultural diversity will lead to the loss of human’s political and cultural resources irrecoverably.

Confronted with culture shock, languages of vulnerable groups are the very link which are influenced at the earliest and suffer the loss at the soonest. Language, as a means of the most convenient and primary communication tool to connect the outside world, is the first one to be considered when backward areas make efforts to integrate into the globalization. Thus, learning and mastering the all-purposed language is their most urgent desire. The worldwide dissemination of the all-purposed language, by broadcast, TV, internet and mobile communication, is strengthened increasingly and go deep into ordinary people’s lives. Successively, the functions of aboriginal languages have been weakened so that the phenomena of displacement of native languages appear, which in turn precipitate the disappearance of the mother tongue. According to statistics, 50% of languages in the world will fade at the speed of one language every two week on average at least in next century. No doubt, the situation of many of the world’s languages on the verge of extinction is tense.

Despite the irreversible subject tendency toward the decline of endangered languages, protection is worthy based on reasons in ethnology and science.

In terms of ethnology, languages are not only the carriers and the crystallizations of culture but also the manifestation mode of human’s society and history. Every language has its huge connotation as a tool for transmitting historical stories about the migration, the war, the alignment , legends, heroes in the past and so forth from one generation to another. Meanwhile, as the main expression of its group’s rituals, it plays the vital role in propagating its nation’s spiritual belief. So it’s not difficult to find a language is an archives of history, which means if a language dies, a distinct culture would be lost simultaneously with the result that the connection with a race’s foretime would also end, That is to say, actually the generation today is isolated with shortage of identification , whose key is the language. Therefore, we can’t deprive people of the rights to gain their ancestors’s languages, whose essence stands for the culture.

As for scientific reason, just like species diversity, languages need diversity too. A language is the embodiment of a kind of thought, which contains astronomy, geography, geometry, world outlook, philosophy of life and the cognitive system of objective world. The knowledge was refined constantly as races evolved so that the profound mankind’s knowledge system was formed. It points out that languages are significant component of man’s wit, and what’s more, the whole wisdom of human can never be only included in one language. Therefore, the serious simplification of languages will end with the decline and absolutization of the mode of thought of man. If no measurements are taken to prevent lesser-known languages, it must be a tragedy for the whole mankind that our offspring fail to gain knowledge in every respect.

Since languages are very valuable resources which can never regenerate and be copied once destroyed, human has the compelling obligation to prevent these languages. So there comes the ultimate and paramount question-who should undertake this responsibility?

The answer is the governments of countries in which the endangered languages are spoken. On one hand, although non-government organizations such as UNESCO and the British Library have
taken action to rescue the wealth, their methods are negative because the native’s decision to protect languages despends on the funding from the organizations. The citizens’ motives will be gone and the languages will be still at stake once the appropriation from international assistance stops. It implies that non-government organizations just work as a subsidiary force. On the other hand, only the governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic, psychology, culture, politics. As is known, the key to save the lesser-known languages is to change the groups’ attitude and motivation. If the user groups lack passion and confidence in their own languages, just relying on the efforts outside will still be in vain. It is the governments who can promote the heritage of languages by vigorous publicizing the link between the languages and the culture via media, via education, for instance, adding the learning the endangered languages to course, via law, such as making the lesser-known languages as the second, the third, and even the forth official languages. However, the most important factor to limit the use of the language is the backward economic, which cries for the development of the countries’ economic construction. Clearly, to fundamentally protect the languages is up to the governments.

In sum, the world's lesser-known languages are so precious cultural treasures that we can’t afford to ignore. Thus, the governments in which the languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization. Furthermore, only can the government assume the heavy responsibility.

觉得纯粹的是翻译了。。。写得很恶心,纯粹没例子。。。
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
jessicalulu + 2 发给牛儿的小红包~哞哞~

总评分: 声望 + 2   查看全部投币

回应
0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 6Rank: 6

声望
303
寄托币
9420
注册时间
2008-3-16
精华
4
帖子
549

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖 IBT Smart

沙发
发表于 2009-5-28 02:22:00 |只看该作者
呃,光着篇幅已经把我镇住了。亲爱的,俺改你的捏,明儿个起来再看了哈~迅速扫了一眼,强大啊!
有doraemon在,就什么都不怕~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
16
寄托币
949
注册时间
2008-8-28
精华
0
帖子
16

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖

板凳
发表于 2009-5-28 16:41:14 |只看该作者
辛苦Lulu~
这篇完全照着资料翻译的,看了斑斑推荐的牛人姐姐的文章,哎,望尘莫及。果然文化类还是一块难啃的地方。。。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 6Rank: 6

声望
303
寄托币
9420
注册时间
2008-3-16
精华
4
帖子
549

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖 IBT Smart

地板
发表于 2009-5-29 01:09:29 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 jessicalulu 于 2009-5-29 13:21 编辑

写在前面:呃,879的字数说明一切了。我折服了。。。颤颤巍巍得看下去。。。牛人

橙色--学习学习,赞赞
紫色--批注
红色--有问题或者不解的地方

In this era of globalization, we’re faced with the fact that the diversity and the nationalization of politics and cultures in the world today are suffering seriously from strong cultures, which pose a threat to the coexistence and the development of multiculturalism by the explicit and implicit oppression of other cultures. As a result, the weakening of cultural diversity will lead to the loss of human’s political and cultural resources irrecoverably.(我觉得把politics扯进文章里来不甚合适,再者,强势文化的冲击会对人们的政治资源造成什么影响呢?不解。或者我尚未理解你其下的行文思路,waiting for that~)


Confronted with culture shock, languages of vulnerable groups are the very link which are influenced at the earliest and suffer the loss at the soonest. Language, as a means of the most convenient and primary communication tool to connect the outside world, is the first one to be considered when backward areas make efforts to integrate into the globalization. Thus, learning and mastering the all-purposed language is their most urgent desire. The worldwide dissemination of the all-purposed language, by broadcast, TV, internet and mobile communication, is strengthened increasingly and go deep into ordinary people’s lives. Successively, the functions of aboriginal languages have been weakened so that the phenomena of displacement of native languages appear, which in turn precipitate the disappearance of the mother tongue. According to statistics, 50% of languages in the world will fade at the speed of one language every two week on average at least in next century. No doubt, the situation of many of the world’s languages on the verge of extinction is tense.这一段里,w的S, in turn, fade三个词用得超好,很连贯的告诉读者,语言的extinct是一个逐步消失的动态变化,这个概念在我之前的文章和改过的文章里是没有见过的。相当好哈。例子也好。

Despite the irreversible subject tendency toward the decline of endangered languages, protection is worthy based on reasons in ethnology and science. 呃,但是觉得这段出现得很突兀哇。可能没有连接词的缘故。

In terms of ethnology, languages are not only the carriers and the crystallizations of culture but also the manifestation mode of human’s society and history. Every language has its huge connotation as a tool for transmitting historical stories about the migration, the war, the alignment(?没看懂,这个词什么意思呢), legends, heroes in the past and so forth from one generation to another. Meanwhile, as the main expression of its group’s rituals, it plays the vital role in propagating its nation’s spiritual belief. So it’s not difficult to find a language is an archives of history, which means if a language dies, a distinct culture would be lost simultaneously with the result that the connection with a race’s foretime would also end(超爱这句,太有才了!). That is to say, actually the generation today is isolated with shortage of identification , whose key is the language. Therefore, we can’t deprive people of the rights to gain their ancestors’s languages, whose essence stands for the culture. 呃,可是我觉着最后这句总结有点怪怪的哇,前面再说,每一种语言都重要性和不可替代性,后面说,我们不能deprive这种权利,到底是deprive了人们获得语言的权利呢?迷惑~

As for scientific reason,嗯,我觉得w还是该在两段之间加一些承接词,看起来会更流畅 just like species diversity, languages need diversity too. A language is the embodiment of a kind of thought, which contains astronomy, geography, geometry, world outlook, philosophy of life and the cognitive system of objective world. The knowledge was refined constantly as races evolved so that the profound mankind’s knowledge system was formed. It points out that languages are significant component of man’s wit, and what’s more, the whole wisdom of human can never be only included in one language. Therefore, the serious simplification of languages will end with the decline and absolutization of the mode of thought of man. If no measurements are taken to prevent lesser-known languages, it must be a tragedy for the whole mankind that our offspring fail to gain knowledge in every respect.(every respect会不会夸大了一点?)


Since languages are very valuable resources which can never regenerate and be copied once destroyed, human has the compelling obligation to prevent these languages (extinct?). So there comes the ultimate and paramount question-who should undertake this responsibility? 这段问题提出还是比较合理和流畅的

The answer is the governments of countries in which the endangered languages are spoken. On one hand, although non-government organizations such as UNESCO and the British Library have taken action to rescue the wealth, their methods are negative because the native’s decision to protect languages despends on the funding from the organizations. The citizens’ motives will be gone and the languages will be still at stake once the appropriation from international assistance stops. It implies that non-government organizations just work as a subsidiary force. On the other hand, only the governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic(economics), psychology, culture, politics. As is known, the key to save the lesser-known languages is to change the groups’ attitude and motivation. If the user groups lack passion and confidence in their own languages, just relying on the efforts outside will still be in vain. It is the governments who can promote the heritage of languages by vigorous publicizing the link between the languages and the culture via media, via education, for instance, adding the learning the endangered languages to course, via law, such as making the lesser-known languages as the second, the third, and even the forth official languages. However, the most important factor to limit the use of the language is the backward economic, which cries for the development of the countries’ economic construction. Clearly, to fundamentally protect the languages is up to the governments.这段没有什么好说的,语言流畅,分析也是到位的。

In sum, the world's lesser-known languages are so(such) precious cultural treasures that we can’t afford to ignore. Thus, the governments in which the languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization. Furthermore, only can the government assume the heavy responsibility.

w这篇文,从语言的产生,extinct的原因,语言的重要性,谈到了为什么我们要保护每一种语言,然后说,这份保护的责任由且只能由政府来完成。
我有一点小看法,整篇文章有点头重脚轻的感觉。在我看来,语言为什么会extinct和是怎么extinct的,相当于背景材料,是一种保护必要性的体现。在这上面花了大量的笔墨来讲述,但是与后文的联系我以为是不紧密的。你可以一来就说,从ethnology和scientics角度来说,每一种语言都是很重要且不可或缺的,所以我们要保护他们,而且这种责任有且只能有政府来完成。发现了么?文章结构依然是完整的。那么,砍之,也未必需要心痛吧。
当然,我承认那一大段写得相当好,文字流畅,用词精准,动态变化的过程很传神。
此外,段与段之间的承接可能需要再斟酌一下,如何让段落之间的逻辑关系更紧密。
从我的理解来看,W这篇文应该有5分以上了~膜拜个~牛饮啊~~~
关于我提到的这些意见,我们下来再BS下?O(∩_∩)O~~

最后是表扬了,语言没话说,语法错误我基本没看出来(当然我很菜的),文字功底很强,表达完全没有问题了,w需要的,大概就是怎样写出美美的文了吧~
膜拜膜拜!!!
有doraemon在,就什么都不怕~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 6Rank: 6

声望
303
寄托币
9420
注册时间
2008-3-16
精华
4
帖子
549

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖 IBT Smart

5
发表于 2009-5-29 13:23:13 |只看该作者
我终于活着把W这篇文看完了~~~~~(>_<)~~~~ 太牛了,要好好BS一下下次~~~~~(>_<)~~~~
牛人牛人牛人牛人牛人~~不准再说你不牛,不准说没例子,我看到好几个例子~~~~~~(>_<)~~~~
W是坏人~~~~~(>_<)~~~~
有doraemon在,就什么都不怕~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 6Rank: 6

声望
303
寄托币
9420
注册时间
2008-3-16
精华
4
帖子
549

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖 IBT Smart

6
发表于 2009-5-29 13:28:55 |只看该作者
哦,另外亲爱的把标题格式改一下吧,老大那天说,以后发文都不要用中文括号【】哈,要用[]。免得版面视觉混乱~嘿嘿~
有doraemon在,就什么都不怕~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
16
寄托币
949
注册时间
2008-8-28
精华
0
帖子
16

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖

7
发表于 2009-5-29 18:26:10 |只看该作者
呵呵,首先感谢Lulu童鞋的夸奖~
但是偶的问题是,这篇文章花了偶N长的时间,N小时,字典也用了不少,资料也查了好半天。照这种进度,考试不需要参加鸟。。。。。。
其实,还是还是对例子的使用有点迷惑。老实说我觉得这篇文章确实没啥例子,因为看了米饭和牛人姐姐的文章,都用了具体的例子,如XX国家XX部落XXXX的事例,而我这篇有点像纯说理。。。
关于那个头重脚轻的问题,我又把题目读了一遍。因为它是1+1型的,题目里也没有明显暗示要重点阐释后面,所以我就把前面扯多了。话说回来,似乎评判者也会更看重后者哦(要是我是出题人我就这么想)。所以感谢Lulu, 我下次会注意详略得当,前面略一点。其实前面也蛮啰嗦的。
至于第一段,我是想把第二段和第一段自然联系上的。其实就是照资料翻译的,但是没有考虑把没有的去掉,觉得加入politic显得比较高深。。。(鄙视偶吧。。。)其实应该有关系,但是不知道怎么阐述,也觉得阐述 反而有点偏,所以觉得把那个删掉好了。
我现在想做的就是把字数精简,600-700是我想达到的字数。
lulu,俺真的不是牛人。。。为了明鉴,下次偶发篇誓死写作期间不查字典的文章上来。
以后BSLulu叫偶哈,上次BS那次还是收获不少滴~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 6Rank: 6

声望
303
寄托币
9420
注册时间
2008-3-16
精华
4
帖子
549

GRE梦想之帆 AW小组活动奖 IBT Smart

8
发表于 2009-5-29 22:34:41 |只看该作者
其实,还是还是对例子的使用有点迷惑。老实说我觉 ...
winning1030 发表于 2009-5-29 18:26 [/quote]

关于例子,66以前说过,并不一定是必须的,只要你能把自个儿的道理讲明白了就成,所以我觉得你不用特别纠结这个问题。
此外,我想问你要这篇东东的原版资料来着,嘻嘻~
已有 1 人评分寄托币 收起 理由
ddcmj519 + 5 同要。。

总评分: 寄托币 + 5   查看全部投币

有doraemon在,就什么都不怕~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
8
寄托币
398
注册时间
2009-5-25
精华
0
帖子
4
9
发表于 2009-6-8 01:45:28 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 大洋彼岸之风 于 2009-6-8 01:49 编辑

姐姐你看我写的同主题就知道什么水平了 真的不敢改你的。

13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct.

In this era of globalization, we’re faced with the fact that the diversity and the nationalization of politics and cultures in the world today are suffering seriously from strong cultures, which pose a threat to the coexistence and the development of multiculturalism by the explicit and implicit oppression of other cultures.
这句子
我觉得我可以背背HOHO
As a result, the weakening of cultural diversity will lead to the loss of human’s political and cultural resources irrecoverably.

Confronted with culture shock, languages of vulnerable groups are the very link which are influenced at the earliest and suffer the loss at the soonest. Language, as a means of the most convenient and primary communication tool to connect the outside world, is the first one to be considered when backward areas make efforts to integrate into the globalization. Thus, learning and mastering the all-purposed language is their most urgent desire. The worldwide dissemination of the all-purposed language, by broadcast, TV, internet and mobile communication, is strengthened increasingly and go deep into ordinary people’s lives. Successively,
很有逻辑的说,,,想想我的习作
。。呕。。。
the functions of aboriginal languages have been weakened so that the phenomena of displacement of native languages appear, which in turn precipitate the disappearance of the mother tongue. According to statistics, 50% of languages in the world will fade at the speed of one language every two week on average at least in next century. No doubt, the situation of many of the world’s languages on the verge of extinction is tense.

Despite the irreversible subject tendency toward the decline of endangered languages, protection is worthy based on reasons in ethnology and science.
简洁的一小段,表达自己的观点了哈
不是一团团的三段式啥的

In terms of ethnology, languages are not only the carriers and the crystallizations of culture but also the manifestation mode of human’s society and history.
恩恩语言的重要性啊 Every language has its huge connotation as a tool for transmitting historical stories about the migration, the war, the alignment , legends, heroes in the past and so forth from one generation to another. “瞧瞧wo不是乱说哈~Meanwhile, as the main expression of its group’s rituals, it plays the vital role in propagating its nation’s spiritual belief. So it’s not difficult to find a language is an archives of history, which means if a language dies, a distinct culture would be lost simultaneously with the result that the connection with a race’s foretime would also end,” COWa~~。。“ That is to say, actually the generation today is isolated with shortage of identification , whose key is the language. Therefore, we can’t deprive people of the rights to gain their ancestors’s languages, whose essence stands for the culture.

As for scientific reason,
用事实说话哈 just like species diversity, languages need diversity too. A language is the embodiment of a kind of thought, which contains astronomy, geography, geometry, world outlook, philosophy of life and the cognitive system of objective world. The knowledge was refined constantly as races evolved so that the profound mankind’s knowledge system was formed. It points out that languages are significant component of man’s wit, and what’s more, the whole wisdom of human can never be only included in one language. Therefore, the serious simplification of languages will end with the decline and absolutization of the mode of thought of man. 没有语言我们会怎样。。。If no measurements are taken to prevent lesser-known languages, it must be a tragedy for the whole mankind that our offspring fail to gain knowledge in every respect.我也觉得有点夸大了

Since languages are very valuable resources which can never regenerate and be copied once destroyed, human has the compelling obligation to prevent these languages. So there comes the ultimate and paramount question-who should undertake this responsibility?”whowhowho~~hehe好文呀背背你的句句肯定有提高哈

The answer is the governments “ai
呀我就忽略了”of countries in which the endangered languages are spoken. On one hand, although non-government organizations such as UNESCO and the British Library have
taken action to rescue the wealth, their methods are negative because the native’s decision to protect languages despends on the funding from the organizations. The citizens’ motives will be gone and the languages will be still at stake once the appropriation from international assistance stops. It implies that non-government organizations just work as a subsidiary force. On the other hand, only the governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic, psychology, culture, politics. As is known, the key to save the lesser-known languages is to change the groups’ attitude and motivation. If the user groups lack passion and confidence in their own languages, just relying on the efforts outside will still be in vain. It is the governments who can promote the heritage of languages by vigorous publicizing the link between the languages and the culture via media, via education, for instance, adding the learning the endangered languages to course, via law, such as making the lesser-known languages as the second, the third, and even the forth official languages. However, the most important factor to limit the use of the language is the backward economic, which cries for the development of the countries’ economic construction. Clearly, to fundamentally protect the languages is up to the governments.

In sum, the world's lesser-known languages are so precious cultural treasures that we can’t afford to ignore. Thus, the governments in which the languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization. Furthermore, only can the government assume the heavy responsibility.
真的不好改
我们就是天壤之别
一个天上一个水中啊~,,有想背你文章的冲动~~~HH
I believe I can fly

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
8
寄托币
398
注册时间
2009-5-25
精华
0
帖子
4
10
发表于 2009-6-8 01:51:29 |只看该作者
学习。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
I believe I can fly

使用道具 举报

RE: issue13 【dies in flames】 task by winning1030 [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
issue13 【dies in flames】 task by winning1030
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-958023-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部