0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by [ni]xjerry

xjerryUID：158049

Issue 13 费劲周折,Issue 处女作终于出炉了,模仿了一些,请大家拍砖~~

TOPIC: ISSUE13 - "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."




I basically agree with the assertion that the government should take measures to protect the lesser-known languages that are being lost as fewer and fewer people
speak them to avoid that they will become extinct. And of all the measures, to make the civilian positively take part in the language preservation shall not be neglected and probably is an important approach.
同意由政府采取措施,其中重要一点就是要使人民大众参与其中.
To begin with, no one can deny that the languages play a critical role in the human society and the world. Without the languages, we can not imagine what our life would be and we can not imagine, the civilization and the achievements of the society could not be recorded or handed down generation by generation. As a famous linguist in Harvard once said ( and I paraphrase),"A language, which has witnessed the growing of a nation, is the soul of a country and a key to open the gate of the history.” Language is a significant ingredient of each culture, through language, we can obtain the information about each side of the society and understand more comprehensively of a country.
语言很重要,人类文明的精髓,以及文化历史的传承都会在语言中体现.
To minimize the process or to avoid that the lesser-known languages becomes extinct, many measures shall be established. The foremost and official action definitely shall be born by the government. First of all, with the sufficient financial support and manpower dedicated to the dying languages, a special project aimed at keeping and researching the documents concerning traditional culture and languages can be launched, and the linguists will be able carry on the extensive and profound research, the result of which could help the historian and the archaeologist gain access to the core of the culture. Then the fruit of the research and findings could contribute to the government to introduce some guidelines to enlarge the scope that the languages are spoken. Also, apart from the funds, the special attention to protect the dying languages from the government is strongly needed and shall draw the practical policies for the preservation. For example, the Education department could design the curriculum that encourages the youths to learn and communicate with their local language as the preferred, and teachers could instruct the students how to dig out and appreciate the potential values of the language, and make them take pride in the preciousness of the local language. Moreover, the government should propagandize through all kinds approaches to increase the consciousness of civilian about the preservation of the languages that are being extinct and make all levels of people aware of the uniqueness and unreplaceableness of the language that their ancestor have been using day and night. Thus the dying language is preserved radically.
一政府给资金,二政府还应特别关注,在政策上鼓励,比如教育部门给出专门的课程;三政府做好宣传,扩大广大群众的认同
To sum up, language is one of the pearl in the culture necklace. It is the responsibility of the government to prevent the lesser-known and lesser-spoken language from being extinct and of which the obligation of civilian to engage in the preservation shall be encouraged and strengthened.
总结

nlhustUID：2404239

以下修改全凭个人感觉，有什么不对指还望指出。大家共同进步！
我是觉得要多找缺点，改正缺点才能更好的进步，所以改的时候指出的大部分是有瑕疵的地方，希望作者能理解。

TOPIC: ISSUE13 -"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer andfewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languagesare spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

I basically agreewith the assertion that the government should take measures to protect thelesser-known languages that are being lost as fewer and fewer people
speak them toavoid that they will become extinct 首先，to avoid与前文的结构关系不明确，读起来有点费劲，建议把句子分开来写。其次，avoid能够这样接从句用吗？.And of all the measures, to make the civilian positively take part inthe language preservation shall not be neglected and probably is animportant approach. （of换成among吧，还有and后面的那半句这样写着读起来很不舒服，可改成插入语试试）

第一段表明作者态度，提出了让全民参与的想法，简洁。但是就我的风格来看的话，还是觉得单薄了点，可以添加一点背景描述。还有就是从你后文看，紧接着的一段是写Language is important，这个主题可以在首段先点一下。


To begin with, noone can deny that the languages play a critical role in the human societyand the world（感觉有点啰嗦）.Without the languages, we can not （cannot）imaginewhat our life would be and we can not imagine, the civilization and theachievements of the society could not be recorded or handed down generation bygeneration（前面的we cannotimagine 是怎么回事？）. As a famous linguist inHarvard once said ( and I paraphrase),"A language, which has witnessed thegrowing of a nation, is the soul of a country and a key to open the gate of thehistory.” （我有个疑问，paraphrase的句子究竟需不需要打引号？）Languageis a significant ingredient of each culture, through language, we can obtainthe information about each side of the society and understand morecomprehensively of a country.（这是两句话，中间用句号。另外，这个是跟着前面引用的进一步
阐述吧，可以加个连词使逻辑关系更加清晰。）

这一段对Languages的重要性进行了论证，但是感觉大部分比较抽象，具体说到它怎么重要的时候只有the civilization and achievement 那一句，而且跟在cannot imagine后面还显的有些莫名奇妙。可以举些具体的事例来说明。


To minimize theprocess（which process？表意不清）or to avoid that the lesser-known languages becomes extinct（还是avoid的用法问题）,many measures shall be established（establish和measure搭配感觉不是很恰当）. Theforemost and official action definitely shall be born by the government.（不明白，这里的born是什么意思呢？可以用这个词吗？）First of all, with the sufficient financialsupport and manpower dedicated to the dying languages, a special project aimedat keeping and researching the documents concerning traditional culture andlanguages can be launched, and the linguists will be able（be able to） carry on the extensive and profound research, the result ofwhich could help the historian and the archaeologist gain access to the core ofthe culture. （这一句话中很多表达都很好。学习！）Then the fruit of the research and findings could contribute to the governmentto introduce some guidelines to enlarge the scope that the languages arespoken（这个从句有点问题吧？）. Also, apart fromthe funds, the special attention to protect the dying languages from thegovernment is strongly needed （这个太概括了，用来做这三个措施的总起句都可以了）andshall draw the practical policies for the preservation（主语是什么？）.For example, the Education department could design the curriculum thatencourages the youths（youths/the youth） tolearn and communicate with their local language as the preferred（不明白）,and teachers could instruct the students how to dig out and appreciate thepotential values of the language, and make them take pride in the preciousnessof the local language. Moreover, the government should propagandize through allkinds approaches to increase the consciousness of civilian about thepreservation of the languages that are being extinct and make all levels ofpeople aware of the uniqueness and unreplaceableness（自己造的词吗？irreplaceable）of the language that their ancestor have been using day and night. Thus the dyinglanguage is preserved radically.

To sum up, languageis one of the pearl in the culture necklace. It is the responsibility of thegovernment to prevent the lesser-known and lesser-spoken language from beingextinct and of which the obligation of civilian to engage in thepreservation shall be encouraged and strengthened.（到底是and 还是of which？）

对全文做出总结，总结很到位，要是能升华一下更好



作者在这篇文章中花大量笔墨描写政府保护小语种的可行措施，而仅有一小段对语言的重要性作出了说明，这样写似乎有点偏题了。对于这道题目，有一个关键词是should，它表明了整个题目是一道逻辑倾向题，因此感觉对题目作出回应时应该紧扣should才是，这个推荐作者看一下imong的追星剑特训，或者可以再好好研读一下同主题前面的分析部分。总的来说，作者这篇文章逻辑还是比较清晰，如果能扣题更准会很好的。

xjerryUID：158049

nlhust, thank you so much for your detailed and profound commets and I have revised the Issue accordingly.
再次欢迎狂拍~~~

TOPIC: ISSUE13 -"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer andfewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languagesare spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

As we all know, languages are the every person’s principle tools for interacting and for expressing ideas, emotions, knowledge, memories and values and the language is an intangible vehicle around us everywhere. The extinction of each knowledge results in the irrecoverable loss of unique cultural, historical and ecological knowledge. Therefore, I basically agree with the assertion that the government should take measures to protect the lesser-known languages that are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them in order to avoid that they will become extinct. And among all the measures, making the civilian positively take part in the language preservation shall not be neglected and is probably an important approach.


To begin with, no one can deny that the languages play a critical role in the human society and the world. All intangible cultural heritage domains depend on language for day-to-day practice and inter-generational transmission and the language is the very essence in the domain of oral traditions and expressions. Without the languages, we cannot imagine what our life would be and we cannot imagine how the civilization and the achievements of the society could not be recorded or handed down generation by generation. As a famous linguist in Harvard once said (and I paraphrase), a language, which has witnessed the growing of a nation, is the soul of a country and a key to open the gate of the history. Moreover, the language is a significant ingredient of each culture, through language, we can obtain the information about each side of the society and understand more comprehensively of a country.


However, if some languages disappear, the result would be detrimental to the human society and it would result in the irrecoverable loss of unique cultural, historical, and ecological knowledge. As we know, each language is a unique expression of human experience in this world and the knowledge of any single language may be the key to answer the fundamental questions of the future. Therefore, every time the language dies, we have less evidence to understand the actual life and experience of human prehistory and the maintenance of the diverse ecosystem, and what’s more, the original ethnic and cultural identity is partially lost..


Therefore, the government shall establish the effective measures to minimize the lesser spoken  languages-dying process or to avoid that the lesser-known languages becomes extinct. First of all, with the sufficient financialsupport and manpower dedicated to the dying languages, a special project aimedat keeping and researching the documents concerning traditional culture andlanguages can be launched, and the linguists will be able to carry on the extensive and profound research, the result of which could help the historian and the archaeologist gain access to the core of the culture. So the fruit of the research and findings could contribute to the government to introduce some guidelines to enlarge the scope that the languages are spoken. Also, apart from the funds, special attention to drawing the practical policies for the preservation of the dying languages from the government is strongly needed .For example, the Education department could design the curriculum that encourages the youth（youths/the youth） to learn and communicate with their local language as the preferred tongue, the teachers could instruct the students how to dig out and appreciate the potential values of the language, and make them take pride in the preciousness of the local language. Moreover, the government should propagandize through all kinds approaches (for example, to explore the webset in the lesser spoken languages) to increase the consciousness of civilian about the preservation of the languages that are being extinct and make all levels of people aware of the uniqueness and irreplaceableness of the language that their ancestor have been using day and night. Thus the dying language is preserved radically.

To sum up, language is one of the pearl in the culture necklace. The government should take all the appropriate measures to prevent the lesser-known and lesser-spoken language from  being extinct the obligation of civilian to actively engage in the preservation shall be encouraged and strengthened.

echo0805UID：2646075

As we all know, languages are the（在这有点多余吧） every person’s principle tools for interacting and for（同上）expressing ideas, emotions, knowledge, memories and values and the language is an intangible vehicle around us everywhere. The extinction of each knowledge results in the irrecoverable loss of unique cultural, historical and ecological knowledge. Therefore, I basically agree with the assertion that the government should take measures to protect the lesser-known languages that are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them in order to avoid （being extinct个人觉得这样比较好）that they will become extinct. And among all the measures, making the civilian positively take part in the language preservation shall not be neglected and is probably an important approach.


To begin with, no one can deny that the languages play a critical role in the human society and the world. All intangible cultural heritage domains depend on language for day-to-day practice and inter-generational transmission and the language is the very essence in the domain of oral traditions and expressions. （这个句子比较长，但是是用and连结的，建议两个不同意思的就分开写好。假如想写长句的话就换个句式）Without the languages, we cannot imagine what our life would be and we cannot imagine （有点---简洁点好些）how the civilization and the achievements of the society could not be recorded or handed down generation by generation.（这个句子有问题吧,语义不通。不知道你是不是这个意思。how the civilization and the achievements of the society would be if they can’t be recorded or handed down generation by generation.） As a famous linguist in Harvard once said (and I paraphrase), a language, which has witnessed the growing of a nation, is the soul of a country and a key to open the gate of the history. Moreover, the language is a significant ingredient of each culture, through language, we can obtain the information about each side of the society and understand more comprehensively of a country.


However, if some languages disappear, the result would be detrimental to the human society and it would result in the irrecoverable loss of unique cultural, historical, and ecological knowledge. As we know, each language is a unique expression of human experience in this world and the knowledge of any single language may be the key to answer the fundamental questions of the future. Therefore, every time the language dies, we have less evidence to understand the actual life and experience of human prehistory and the maintenance of the diverse ecosystem, and what’s more, the original ethnic and cultural identity is partially lost.. （以上两段共同的问题都是，缺乏具体的东西，多点抽象变具体会显得有血有肉。还有就是论证的不够深入）


Therefore, the government shall establish the effective measures to minimize the lesser spoken  languages-dying process or to avoid that the lesser-known languages becomes extinct. First of all, with the sufficient financial support and manpower dedicated to the dying languages, a special project aimedat (?)keeping and researching the documents concerning traditional culture and languages can be launched, and the linguists will be able to carry on the extensive and profound research, the result of which could help the historian and the archaeologist gain access to the core of the culture. So the fruit of the research and findings could contribute to the government to introduce some guidelines to enlarge the scope that the languages are spoken. Also, apart from the funds, special attention to drawing the practical policies for the preservation of the dying languages from the government is strongly needed .For example, the Education department could design the curriculum that encourages the youth（youths/the youth） to learn and communicate with their local language as the preferred tongue, the teachers could instruct the students how to dig out and appreciate the potential values of the language, and make them take pride in the preciousness of the local language. Moreover, the government should propagandize through all kinds approaches (for example, to explore the webset in the lesser spoken languages) to increase the consciousness of civilian about the preservation of the languages that are being extinct and make all levels of people aware of the uniqueness and irreplaceableness (irreplaceability)of the language that their ancestor have been using day and night. Thus the dying language is preserved radically.（这部分写得是不错，但是有点多哦，个人认为这一段内容其实只要简单地提一提，相反，上面两段可以深入一点。所以建议把这一段删减一点）

To sum up, language is one of the pearl in the culture necklace. The government should take all the appropriate measures to prevent the lesser-known and lesser-spoken language from  being extinct the obligation of civilian to actively engage in the preservation shall be encouraged and strengthened.
（总的来说，语言是不错的，条理也很清晰。有很多值得我学习的地方。但是我还是给你提点建议：1、如果要写长句的话，要增加句式的多样性，不要单纯用and 连在一起。多用连词造句，有点用的。2、把二三段写多点，第四段删减些，虽然写的很好。这样才不会觉得你没抓住重点。3、多一点抽象变具体的句子。水平有限，不当之处，多多见谅。加油！）