0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by akong

akongworldUID: 2607594

Argument173
This statement seems reasonable at the first glance, the author show the truth through comparison with the competitor and the survey that magazines featured international news stories are the main reason of poor selling performance. But there are still many circumstances that the author has never concerned.

Firstly, the author claims that we should decrease the emphasis on international news because poor selling performance in past three years is quite ungrounded. As everybody knows, when the peaceful atmosphere dominates the world, people will pay more attention on the development of economy and social establishment rather than the monotony news about world peace. What if the three years on which the survey depends are the very harmonious period during which people focus on their own self-fulfillment and pursue a happier personal life rather than a happier society? But last year, when the economic crisis came around, the whole world has been involved in a depressive surrounding and a rapid slide of economy. People began to pay close attention on international affairs. Many large magazines also choose timely news to feature it on their front covers, most of which are international news, and the profit is improving and optimistic. Therefore, people fail to notice the international news at a short period of time does not mean it is not attractive and should be replaced. Another example is US Presidential Election, which always attracts the world’s attention. What an American do everyday is to know the present situation mainly by reading newspaper and magazine. If the magazine chooses to feature such news of this topic, the performance may far better than ever. Therefore, it may be the mistimed cover result the poor performance rather than the news itself.

What’s more, the magazine should consider that what leads to a poor selling performance. Whether the unattractive cover is the ultimate reason? Can a cover decide the whole magazine? If the buyer who is lured by the cover, but notice it is the only value of the magazine, will he still want to buy it? In this case, the author should give the general evaluation of the magazine, about its content and organization to determine whether the international news poor causes a poor sell.

On the other hand, the reason of eliminating emphasis of international news because of the increasing cost is not reasonable. The fees to maintain foreign bureaus to report is inevitable, under the soaring cost pressure in the general situation, one can not expect the same level of budget, and any other departments are also facing a budget soaring status quo. The reason that those departments gained a higher profit during past three years is not rounded because no body can insure the situation will always be the same. People care about popular stars not because the real appreciation but purely treat it as a method of entertainment. When the news loses its freshness, then it loses its value. Dislike the unstable entertainment news, international affair effects people’s life all the time.A peaceful world is the insurance of a society, and a harmonious society is the prerequisite of a stable life. People pay attention on them because it is always significant to their life no matter how high the cost is.
In sum, this is a statement sounds reasonable but actually ungrounded. The author should offer more detail information to testify that it is the international news cover results a poor sell performance, such as a custom survey or recent news trend helps to determine which cover would be a timely and attractive one at present.

akongworldUID: 2607594

Argument173
This statement seems reasonable at the first glance, the author show the truth through comparison with the competitor and the survey that magazines featured international news stories are the main reason of poor selling performance. But there are still many circumstances that the author has never concerned.

Firstly, the author claims that we should decrease the emphasis on international news because poor selling performance in past three years is quite ungrounded. As everybody knows, when the peaceful atmosphere dominates the world, people will pay more attention on the development of economy and social establishment rather than the monotony news about world peace. What if the three years on which the survey depends are the very harmonious period during which people focus on their own self-fulfillment and pursue a happier personal life rather than a happier society? But last year, when the economic crisis came around, the whole world has been involved in a depressive surrounding and a rapid slide of economy. People began to pay close attention on international affairs. Many large magazines also choose timely news to feature it on their front covers, most of which are international news, and the profit is improving and optimistic. Therefore, people fail to notice the international news at a short period of time does not mean it is not attractive and should be replaced. Another example is US Presidential Election, which always attracts the world’s attention. What an American do everyday is to know the present situation mainly by reading newspaper and magazine. If the magazine chooses to feature such news of this topic, the performance may far better than ever. Therefore, it may be the mistimed cover result the poor performance rather than the news itself.

What’s more, the magazine should consider that what leads to a poor selling performance. Whether the unattractive cover is the ultimate reason? Can a cover decide the whole magazine? If the buyer who is lured by the cover, but notice it is the only value of the magazine, will he still want to buy it? In this case, the author should give the general evaluation of the magazine, about its content and organization to determine whether the international news poor causes a poor sell.

On the other hand, the reason of eliminating emphasis of international news because of the increasing cost is not reasonable. The fees to maintain foreign bureaus to report is inevitable, under the soaring cost pressure in the general situation, one can not expect the same level of budget, and any other departments are also facing a budget soaring status quo. The reason that those departments gained a higher profit during past three years is not rounded because no body can insure the situation will always be the same. People care about popular stars not because the real appreciation but purely treat it as a method of entertainment. When the news loses its freshness, then it loses its value. Dislike the unstable entertainment news, international affair effects people’s life all the time.A peaceful world is the insurance of a society, and a harmonious society is the prerequisite of a stable life. People pay attention on them because it is always significant to their life no matter how high the cost is.
In sum, this is a statement sounds reasonable but actually ungrounded. The author should offer more detail information to testify that it is the international news cover results a poor sell performance, such as a custom survey or recent news trend helps to determine which cover would be a timely and attractive one at present.

akongworldUID: 2607594

下面的看着眼睛比较不那么累的说......

米丽水UID: 2637300

对不住 改得晚多了。
This statement seems reasonable at the first glance, the author shows the truth that magazines featured international news stories are the main reason of poor selling performance 是truth的同位语应该紧跟，不然就成了survey的同位语
through comparison with the competitor and the survey. But there are still many circumstances（这个情况是除了对比和调查以外的情况吗，最好限定一下，我知道你要说的是对比和调查的情况没有考虑充分） that have never concerned the author.注意concern的用法
文章第一段对题目进行逻辑概括，提出不足。逻辑思路明确。
Firstly, the author claims that we should decrease the emphasis on international news because poor selling performance in past three years is quite
ungrounded（怎么有两个谓语？）.怎么没有根据？且看下文 As everybody knows, when the peaceful atmosphere dominates the world, people will pay more attention on->to the development of economy and social establishment rather than the monotony news about world peace. What if the three years on which the survey depends( 这个不搭配，应该是the three years when the survey is conducted) are the very harmonious period during which people focus on their own self-fulfillment and pursue a happier personal life rather than a happier society? But last year, when the economic crisis came around, the whole world has been involved in a depressive surrounding and a rapid slide of economy. People began to pay close attention on->to international affairs. Many large magazines also choose timely news to feature it on their front covers, most of which are international news, and the profit is improving and optimistic. Therefore, people fail to notice the international news at a short period of time does not mean it is not attractive and should be replaced. Another example is US Presidential election, which always attracts the world’s attention. What an American do everyday is to know the present situation mainly by reading newspaper and magazine(貌似不合理吧，好像网络的消息更早，很多人也通过网络阅读的). If the magazine chooses to feature such news of this topic, the performance may far better than ever. Therefore, it may be the mistimed cover result the poor performance rather than the news itself.这段主要分析是报道的时机不对而不是新闻本事导致销量减少。

What’s more, the magazine should consider that what leads to a poor selling performance.（前面一大段已经说了报道时机不对导致销量下滑，已经有一个原因了。这段是不是应该说还有很多原因导致销量下滑？） Whether the unattractive cover is the ultimate reason? Can a cover decide the whole magazine? If the buyer who is lured by the cover, but notice it is the only value of the magazine, will he still want to buy it? In this case, the author should give the general evaluation of the magazine, about its content and organization to determine whether the international news poor causes a poor sell.
第二段，第三段写了销量下滑的原因。是不是应该放在同一段，而把第二段缩一下呢？
On the other hand, the reason of eliminating emphasis of international news because of the increasing cost is not reasonable. The fees to maintain foreign bureaus to report is inevitable, under the soaring cost pressure in the general situation, one can not expect the same level of budget, and any other departments are also facing a budget soaring status quo. The reason that those departments gained a higher profit during past three years is not rounded because no body can insure-->ensure the situation will always be the same. People care about popular stars not because the real appreciation but purely treat it as a method of entertainment. When the news loses its freshness, then it loses its value. Dislike the unstable（这个词修饰好吗？） entertainment news( 这句话主语是国家事务，整个读起来就是国家事务不喜欢不稳定的娱乐新闻), international affair effects people’s life all the time. A peaceful world is the insurance of a society, and a harmonious society is the prerequisite of a stable life. People pay attention on->to them because it is always significant to their life no matter how high the cost is. 关注国家事务是必须的，是关系每个人生存的，即使花费大也不能取消国际新闻报道。
对于同行竞争没有说明吗？
In sum, this is a（删去） statement sounds reasonable but actually ungrounded. The author should offer more detailed information to testify that it is the international news cover that (强调句)results in a poor sell performance, such as a custom survey（就是顾客习惯的调查不是这么表达的） or recent news trend
that helps to determine which cover would be a timely and attractive one at present.
文章用词变化多，表达流利，虽然有一些小错误，但是仍不掩盖它的优秀。要是行文中加入一些转折的标志词，会使读者更快找到方向。

akongworldUID: 2607594

呃~~那个有两个谓语的地方~~~ungrounded是个形容词，没有根据的意思~~~其他的都对我很有启发呢~~~好好改进改进....谢谢..... 4# 米丽水