Issue 13 @@ A Dream@@ 小组第一次作业 by houlmes

houlmesUID：2595866

[B]13. "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
  
世界上很多的小语种都快要消失了，因为越来越少的人在使用这些语言。使用这些小语种的国家应该采取行动以防止这样的语言逐渐销声匿迹。

This is my first issue.
借鉴了很多xdjm的，什么时候我可以自己完全限时写完啊……希望有那一天。
字数：515

In the Bible, Jehovah confounded the language of all the earth, and from there Jehovah scattered them over the surface of all the earth, which name was Babel. In spite of the different kinds of languages lead to the misunderstanding of different races, the diversity of languages also bring about diversity of cultures, which constitute our gorgeous human civilization. Many people argue that the governments of countries in which their languages on the edge of extinction should take measures to prevent such less-known languages becoming extinct. I endorse that the less-known languages should not be ignored and thrown away, owing to the language is the orgin of culture's circulating. Simultaneously, I advocate that the other organizations related to this area also should take responsible for raising the status of less-known languages.

To begin with, we should research the reasons why less-known languages are becoming extinct. The main reason of the less-known languages being extinct is the ignorance of native speakers caused by the globalization impending. Also the phenomena may be the result of external forces such as military, religious and so on.

The disappearance of a language results in the death of a culture, an irreversible loss for human civilization. Every invader which conquered other nations always assimilates native residents by eradicating the native languages. In a famous novel which name is ‘The Last Lesson’ written by Daudet, the invader, German soldiers prevented the native Frenchmen to learn French any longer. Just for language is not only the transmission medium of culture, but also the symbol of culture. No matter the language is well-known or less-known, it play the important role in cultures’ circuiting.

Since languages are very valuable resources which can never regenerate and be copied once destroyed, human has the compelling responsibility to prevent these languages from being lost. So there comes the ultimate and paramount question-who should undertake this responsibility?

The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should take measures to protect the subsistence of which. Not only the relevant government but also UNESCO should take action to preserve the world's lesser-known languages that are facing extinction. On the one hand, although a non-government organization such as UNESCO has taken action to rescue the wealth; their methods are negative because the native’s decision to protect languages depends on the funding and support from the organizations. The citizens’ motives would be gone and the languages would be still at stake if the appropriation from international assistance stops. It implies that non-government organizations just act as a subsidiary force. On the other hand, only the governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic, psychology, culture, politics. Obviously, the government is the leading force to protect the less-known languages form extinct.

In sum, the world's lesser-known languages are so precious cultural treasures that we can’t afford to ignore. Thus, the governments in which the languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization. Furthermore, only can the government assume the heavy responsibility.

akongworldUID：2607594

首先说两句废话哈.....很不好意思这么晚才来改啊...最近时间的确是比较紧张

还有就是.....我也拜托不了狂查的困惑啊~~~哎.....限时那整个一奢望.....

嗯嗯，废话说完了，开始进入正题.......

akongworldUID：2607594

In the Bible, 专业啊......Jehovah confounded the language of all the earth, and from there Jehovah scattered them over the surface of all the earth, which name was Babel. In spite of the different kinds of languages lead to the misunderstanding of different races, the diversity of languages also bring about diversity of cultures, which constitute our gorgeous human civilization. Many people argue that the governments of countries in which their languages on the edge of extinction should take measures to prevent such less-known languages becoming extinct.这句话读者很别扭....语言不是很流畅的说 I endorse that the less-known languages should not be ignored and thrown away, owing to the language is the orgin of culture's circulating. Simultaneously, I advocate that the other organizations related to this area also should take responsible for raising the status of less-known languages.第一段写的太长了....

To begin with, we should research the reasons why less-known languages are becoming extinct. The main reason of the less-known languages being extinct is the ignorance of native speakers caused by the globalization impending. Also the phenomena may be the result of external forces such as military, religious and so on.太啰嗦了，完全可以缩起来写...

The disappearance of a language results in the death of a culture, an irreversible loss for human civilization. Every invader which conquered other nations always assimilates native residents by eradicating the native languages. In a famous novel which name is ‘The Last Lesson’ written by Daudet, the invader, German soldiers prevented the native Frenchmen to learn French any longer. Just for language is not only the transmission medium of culture, but also the symbol of culture. 前后两句话关系有点跳跃~No matter the language is well-known or less-known, it play the important role in cultures’ circuiting.这一段出发点是对的，但是写的不是很强力

Since languages are very valuable resources which can never regenerate and be copied once destroyed, human has the compelling responsibility to prevent these languages from being lost. So there comes the ultimate and paramount question-who should undertake this responsibility?

The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should take measures to protect the subsistence of which.有两个which读起来不是很顺 Not only the relevant government but also UNESCO should take action to preserve the world's lesser-known languages that are facing extinction. On the one hand, although a non-government organization such as UNESCO has taken action to rescue the wealth; their methods are negative because the native’s decision to protect languages depends on the funding and support from the organizations. The citizens’ motives would be gone and the languages would be still at stake if the appropriation from international assistance stops. It implies that non-government organizations just act as a subsidiary force. On the other hand, only the governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic, psychology, culture, politics. Obviously, the government is the leading force to protect the less-known languages form extinct.题目强调的是government，虽然可以说其他的organization但是政府的action一定要突出，这里写得不是很切题

In sum, the world's lesser-known languages are so precious cultural treasures that we can’t afford to ignore 感觉怪怪的呢~Thus, the governments in which the languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization. Furthermore, only can the government assume the heavy responsibility.

感觉lz一直在强调政府应该采取措施保护语言，但就像篮球老是在那个边边上晃悠就是进进不去一样，没有说到点子上，没有确切的说明政府应该怎么做以保护~~~还有就是有些地方的语言太罗嗦了，很多次重复的用，希望以后能多多注意下~~O(∩_∩)O~个人意见仅供参考.....什么地方不对的也请多多指点...

qtangtangsUID：2630008

橘色  好的
红色  拼写语法错误
绿色 我的看法



In the Bible, Jehovah confounded the language of all the earth, and from there Jehovah scattered them over the surface of all the earth, which name was Babel. In spite of the different kinds of languages lead(leading, 记得In spite of后面不能跟句子的) to the misunderstanding of different races, the diversity of languages also bring(s) about(bring about感觉带有负面的意思吧.. 我觉得这里一个brings就够了) (the) diversity of cultures, which constitute(s) our gorgeous human civilization. Many people argue that the governments of countries in which their languages on the edge of extinction should take measures to prevent such less-known languages becoming extinct. I endorse(我认为这个词用在这不妥，题目里并没有提出以下的观点，即lesser-known languages不能被忽视，所以这里也就没有支不支持或者认不认同一说了) that the less-known languages should not be ignored and thrown away, owing to the language is the orgin(origin) of culture's circulating. Simultaneously, I advocate that the other organizations related to this area also should take responsible for raising the status of less-known languages.

To begin with, we should research the reasons why less-known languages are becoming extinct. The main reason of the less-known languages being extinct is the ignorance of native speakers caused by the globalization impending. Also the phenomena(为什么要用复数呢? 不是仅指lesser-known消失这一种现象吗?) may be the result of external forces such as military, religious and so on.

The disappearance of a language results in the death of a culture, an irreversible loss for human civilization. Every invader which conquered other nations always assimilates native residents by eradicating the native languages. In a famous novel which name is ‘The Last Lesson’ written by Daudet, the invader, German soldiers prevented the native Frenchmen to learn French any longer. Just for language is not only the transmission medium of culture, but also the symbol of culture. No matter the language is well-known or less-known, it play the important role in cultures’ circuiting.

Since languages are very valuable resources which can never regenerate and be copied once destroyed, human has the compelling responsibility to prevent these languages from being lost. So there comes the ultimate and paramount question-who should undertake this responsibility?

The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should take measures to protect the subsistence of which(sorry 我google了也没找到这种用法..). Not only the relevant government but also UNESCO should take action to preserve the world's lesser-known languages that are facing extinction. On the one hand(the去掉，on one hand… on the other hand…), although a non-government organization such as UNESCO has taken action to rescue the wealth; their methods are negative(感觉语气有点太过了..
改为less-expected会不会更好些?) because the native’s decision to protect languages depends on the funding(应该是fund吧，funding是债券的意思) and support from the organizations(why why why? 为什么国民保护语言的决定depends on组织的钱和支持？另外就是算是depend也是depend on组织投入人力和物力的程度才对..). The citizens’ motives would be gone and the languages would be still at stake if the appropriation from international assistance stops. It implies that non-government organizations just act as a subsidiary force. On the other hand, only the governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic, psychology, culture, politics. Obviously, the government is the leading force to protect the less-known languages form extinct.

In sum, the world's lesser-known languages are so precious cultural treasures that we can’t afford to ignore. Thus, the governments in which the languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization. Furthermore, only can the government assume the heavy responsibility.(是想表达“也就只有政府才能承担这样重大责任”的意思吗? 恕我直言.. 这个结尾绝对是一个很大败笔….我来稍微改一下：Only the government assume the heavy responsibility, can their language have the probability to be far more valued than ever. 感觉改的也不是很好..总之这句话首先语法就不对，而且有点chinglish..)


OK, 首先 能看出楼主的词汇功底还是很好的  
我先来列个提纲：
一段：给出了一个圣经的例子，引出了语言的多样性带来文化多样性。之后给出了自己的观点
二段：lesser-known language消失的原因
三段：language的消失导致了一种文化的消失
四段：属于承上启下段?
五段：政府应该承担主要责任来保护lesser-known languages from being extinct.另外像UNESCO也应该参与保护。但又说到非官方的组织保护效果不理想，所以还是政府其leading force来保护
六段：再次申明语言要保护 ， 由政府来保护

好，接着我来说我认为的问题：
第一段，撇开例子不谈(说实话我真没怎么看懂这例子是个什么究竟..)，抛出观点的时候文字写的很重复，先是many people argue that..
接着又I endorse…
关键是 people argue的和楼主你 endorse的都是一个观点， 所以这就显得很累赘了.. 我建议是可以把many people… 这句删掉
然后作者又提出了 其他跟语言有关的组织也应该做出相应的保护措施(先打个伏笔)

第二段：第二段其实可以很充分的展开，为什么globalization让小语种不能活拉， 为什么宗教，军事也打击 小语种的生存拉
blablabla..
但是作者也就抛出两个观点就完了..
下面就转笔锋了…


第三段：其实这段也的有点突兀， 基于上段和下段的问题，楼主的意思是想论证因为语言的多样性带来文化的多样性，所以语言的消失即导致文化的消失。是这个意思吧？但是该段第二句和后面的例子又写到了每个侵略者在同化当地人的同时会消灭当地语言，这个其实也是属于语言消失原因的一种阿…
感觉跟你本段一开头想要论证的东西没对起来..

所以我这里觉得，要不然就第二段充分展开，然后政府对症下药的保护； 要不然就第二段不要了， 直接第三段 后面接着写语言消失后面继续的后果…

第五段：其实这段篇幅这么多就是反反复复再用不同的句式说一句话：政府要保护. 其实可以更详细的说说政府应该怎么保护阿 从哪几方面做起阿 之类的..
而且 前面第一段提倡非官方组织要参与， 这里又说 这种组织的办法是negative
这不是很矛盾吗？
另外，我真的很不明白为什么国民的保护自己语言的信心跟组织投入的人和钱又那么大的联系？如果楼主就是认为有联系的话，那是否应该举个例子出来说服一下呢？

最后一段： 继续重申自己的观点， 其实我觉得最后一段要升华，  虽然我也不知道该怎么升华，不过，要是楼主最后一句写好了应该也还行..
but…

总之， 感觉这个思路真的是乱..
太跳跃了..
而且说实话我觉得实质性的东西写的不是特别多..
所以  继续加油咯～～

qtangtangsUID：2630008

那个有几段字弄不大...  我也不知道是为什么..  楼主将就着看吧..

112810asUID：2646494

In the Bible, Jehovah confounded the language of all the earth, and from there Jehovah scattered them over the surface of all the earth, which name was Babel. In spite of the different kinds of languages lead to the misunderstanding of different races, the diversity of languages also bring about diversity of cultures, which constitute our gorgeous human civilization. Many people argue that the governments of countries in which their languages on the edge of extinction should take measures to prevent such less-known languages becoming extinct. I endorse that the less-known languages should not be ignored and thrown away, owing to the language is the orgin of culture's circulating. Simultaneously, I advocate that the other organizations related to this area also should take responsible for raising the status of less-known languages.

To begin with, we should research the reasons why less-known languages are becoming extinct. The main reason of the less-known languages being extinct is the ignorance of native speakers caused by the globalization impending. Also the phenomena may be the result of external forces such as military, religious and so on.（感觉太笼统，是不是应该细化一下）

The disappearance of a language results in the death of a culture, an irreversible loss for human civilization. Every invader which conquered other nations always assimilates native residents by eradicating the native languages. In a famous novel which name is ‘The Last Lesson’ written by Daudet, the invader, German soldiers prevented the native Frenchmen to learn French any longer. Just for language is not only the transmission medium of culture, but also the symbol of culture. No matter the language is well-known or less-known, it play the important role in cultures’ circuiting.

Since languages are very valuable resources which can never regenerate and be copied once destroyed, human has the compelling responsibility to prevent these languages from being lost. So there comes the ultimate and paramount question-who should undertake this responsibility?

The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should take measures to protect the subsistence of which. Not only the relevant government but also UNESCO should take action to preserve the world's lesser-known languages that are facing extinction. On the one hand, although a non-government organization such as UNESCO has taken action to rescue the wealth; their methods are negative because the native’s decision to protect languages depends on the funding and support from the organizations. The citizens’ motives would be gone and the languages would be still at stake if the appropriation from international assistance stops. It implies that non-government organizations just act as a subsidiary force. On the other hand, only the governments can provide the strong support to effectively prevent the extinct languages for the issue of language relates to many factors such as society, economic, psychology, culture, politics. Obviously, the government is the leading force to protect the less-known languages form extinct.（是不是应该具体说说怎么保护。不能总是说应该保护）

In sum, the world's lesser-known languages are so precious cultural treasures that we can’t afford to ignore. Thus, the governments in which the languages are spoken have the duty to protect the form of civilization. Furthermore, only can the government assume the heavy responsibility.

感觉你强调政府太多了，忽略了前面的语言内容。

houlmesUID：2595866

感谢楼上的各位xdjm~