0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】第二期 Argument173 by wildrose800331

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

09.6.16 6：08 a.m. 40mins
The author proposes that the publisher of Newsbeat should focus less on international news and avoid putting such stories on their magazine covers. To solidify this proposal, the arguer points out three prerequisite facts: first, the poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat are those with international news stories on their front covers; second, other competing news-magazines have greatly reduced the number of cover stories as to international news; third, it is an increasing cost to report on international news. These three factual data can not warrant the conclusion in this argument, anyhow.
In the first place, poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat may not have any links with international news stories on their front covers. International news stories on the front covers were part of the magazine issues, but these had no persuasive relations with the poorest sales, let alone caused the poorest selling. The potential possibilities may also ascribe to domestic news stories or advertisements covered in those issues.
During the same past three years have other competing news-magazines significantly decreased the number of international news as their cover stories, which accounts nothing for the causal relations between the portion of international news and sales, since this fact itself did not mention the sales of these competing news-magazines. Suppose they faced the decreasing plight of their sales, decreasing the number of international news or not mattered little in this case.
When the cost is mentioned, it merely refers to the increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news. It does not mention whether other costs, such as that of domestic news or local news, increasing or not. Since Newsbeat is a news-magazine in the country of Dinn, it is devoted to current events in and abroad to meet the target readers’ needs. Increasing cost of international news alone can not prove the due decreasing emphasis on them, or further stopping displaying them on covers.
In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and cursory. To strengthen its argument, the author must pinpoint the causal relationship of those listed evidence and the conclusion. In addition, to achieve the maturity of the recommendation, the author should mention other key factors, for example, the cost of domestic news or local news as well. Otherwise, the arguer was just begging the argument all the time.



偶来晚鸟。。 这样看来是属于第二批的 也就是偶要改上一篇和下一篇 是么？楼主？

水岩663UID: 2538544

The author proposes that the publisher of Newsbeat should focus less on international news and avoid putting such stories on their magazine covers. To solidify this proposal, the arguer points out three prerequisite facts: first, the poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat are those with international news stories on their front covers; second, other competing news-magazines have greatly reduced the number of cover stories as to international news; third, it is an increasing cost to report on international news. These three factual data can not warrant the conclusion in this argument, anyhow.
In the first place, poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat may not have any links with international news stories on their front covers. International news stories on the front covers were part of the magazine issues, but these had no persuasive relations with the poorest sales, let alone caused the poorest selling. The potential possibilities may also ascribe to domestic news stories or advertisements covered in those issues.
During the same past three years have other competing news-magazines significantly decreased the number of international news as their cover stories, which accounts nothing for the causal relations between the portion of international news and sales, since this fact itself did not mention the sales of these competing news-magazines. Suppose they faced the decreasing plight of their sales, decreasing the number of international news or not mattered little in this case.
When the cost is mentioned, it merely refers to the increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news. It does not mention whether other costs, such as that of domestic news or local news, increasing or not. Since Newsbeat is a news-magazine in the country of Dinn, it is devoted to current events in and abroad to meet the target readers’ needs. Increasing cost of international news alone cannot prove the due decreasing emphasis on them, or further stopping displaying them on covers.
In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and cursory. To strengthen its argument, the author must pinpoint the causal relationship of those listed evidence and the conclusion. In addition, to achieve the maturity of the recommendation, the author should mention other key factors, for example, the cost of domestic news or local news as well. Otherwise, the arguer was just begging the argument all the time.

偶似乎遇到高人了，中间三段虽然只有224个字，但是质量很高，没有那种结论性的套话，这点很是值得偶学习学习！
不是偶不想改，实在是偶水平有限，汗一个~看了一个多小时了，找出的几处错误又被自己否定了，而且好多好句子还得再仔细研读一下的
再次汗一个，早上六点就写argu了，偶佩服佩服！！

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

额 偶看了别人的 觉得自己写的很差劲哦 绝不是谦虚 偶就是一百灵鸟9点睡 5点过就醒了的那种

xdjtfUID: 2615699

The author proposes that the publisher of Newsbeat should focus less on international news and avoid putting such stories on their magazine covers. To solidify this proposal, the arguer points out three prerequisite(好词，赞） facts: first, the poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat are those with international news stories on their front covers; second, other competing news-magazines have greatly reduced the number of cover stories as to international news; third, it is an increasing cost to report on international news. These three factual data can not warrant the conclusion in this argument, anyhow.（好段，赞）

In the first place, poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat may not have any links with international news stories on their front covers. International news stories on（累赘） the front covers were part of the magazine issues, but these had no persuasive relations（什么叫有说服力的关系？因果还是相关？） with the poorest sales, let alone caused the poorest selling（前后有问题，前面已经交代与糟糕的销售没有因果关系，后面的递进是同一层次的意思）. The potential possibilities may also ascribe to domestic news stories or advertisements covered in those issues.（感觉你的论证应该在重点论证其不具有因果关系上，然后列举他因，而你的论证有点乏力）

During the same past three years there had other competing news-magazines which significantly decreased the number of international news taken as their cover stories, which accounts nothing for the causal relations between the portion of international news and sales, since this fact itself did not mention the sales of these competing news-magazines. Suppose they faced the decreasing plight of their sales, decreasing the number of international news or not mattered little in this case.(你这一段我也不是很懂，感觉你是在说国际新闻的报道与销售没有关系，但是我感觉作者给出这个论据的原因是想说明其它企业减少是因为将国际新闻作封面已经没有市场了，你反驳就应该说明其它企业减少可能受到其它因素的影响而不是说明报道国际新闻没前途了）

When the cost is mentioned, it merely refers to the increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news. It does not mention whether other costs, such as that of domestic news or local news, increasing or not. Since Newsbeat is a news-magazine in the country of Dinn, it is devoted to current events in and abroad to meet the target readers’ needs. Increasing cost of international news alone can not prove the due decreasing emphasis on them, or further stopping displaying them on covers.（你在文中说没有提报道国内新闻和当地新闻的成本，然后下面呢？下面没有了。。然后就给出了结论成本的增加不能证明应该减少报到国际新闻，感觉你的逻辑应该为可能其它新闻的成本也增加了，在对比下这个的增加不是个例而又有国际新闻可能还有大量读者的需求，所以成本的增加不应成为减少报到的理由。）

In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and cursory. To strengthen its argument, the author must pinpoint the causal relationship of those listed evidence and the conclusion. In addition, to achieve the maturity of the recommendation, the author should mention other key factors, for example, the cost of domestic news or local news as well. Otherwise, the arguer was just begging the argument all the time.（我的结尾都借鉴了你的结尾，赞一个，但是我不是很明白你的begging the argument的具体含义）
语言还不错，但是论证逻辑不是很persuasive, 你应该更注重前后句子间的因果性的推导方面，很多时候你给出的结论性的语言并没有很强的反驳的论据去支持:victory:

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

The author proposes that the publisher of Newsbeat should focus less on international news and avoid putting such stories on their magazine covers. To solidify this proposal, the arguer points out three prerequisite(好词，赞） facts: first, the poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat are those with international news stories on their front covers; second, other competing news-magazines have greatly reduced the number of cover stories as to international news; third, it is an increasing cost to report on international news. These three factual data can not warrant the conclusion in this argument, anyhow.（好段，赞） In the first place, poorest-selling magazine issues of Newsbeat may not have any links with international news stories on their front covers. These two happend simultaneously and coincidentally in the past three years, while this conincidence does not necessarily deduce cause-and-effect relations between them. The potential possibilities may also ascribe to domestic news stories or advertisements covered in those issues as well.（看这样行不？） During the same past three years other competing news-magazines significantly decreased the number of international news taken as their cover stories, which accounts nothing for the causal relations between the portion of international news and sales, since this fact itself did not mention the sales of these competing news-magazines. Suppose they faced the  plight of decreasing sales, decreasing the number of international news later turned out to speed up the rate of shrinking  and worsen sales, which is an evident proof to argue against the conclusion forcefully .( 偶想说的是列举同行竞争者减少国际新闻的措施而没有说明他们的销售业绩，就不能证明二者有联系，说不定销售一败涂地的同时在减少， 越减少还越销量不好） When the cost is mentioned, it merely refers to the increasing cost of maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news. It does not mention whether other costs, such as that of domestic news or local news, increasing or not; if the latter two demanded more cost to report, there is no need to decreasing the portion of international news. Since Newsbeat is a news-magazine in the country of Dinn, it is devoted to current events in and abroad to meet the target readers’ needs. If target readers tend to buy Newsbeat with international news on covers, Newsbeat should at all costs to be tailored for the needs to further recover its sales. In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and cursory. To strengthen its argument, the author must pinpoint the causal relationship of those listed evidence and the conclusion. In addition, to achieve the maturity of the recommendation, the author should mention other key factors, for example, the cost of domestic news or local news. and target audience's needs as well. Otherwise, the arguer was just begging the question all the time.（看我改后的行不？你改了3篇 都很好的 吸取很多教训 。begging the question 也是在范文里学到的 查了一下 指以尚未解决的问题作为论据(回避问题的实质) 加油

xdjtfUID: 2615699

5# wildrose800331
不错，看来每个人对于攻击点的考虑果然不一样哈，你说就是可能他减少国际新闻封面所以销售减少然后越减少这类封面销售越差，弱弱的想了一下哈，你觉得真有这样的企业看见减少了封面销售下降了然后还继续减少这类封面。。。。还有一个问题，那个decreasing plight of sales 是不是应该改成plight pf decreasing sales

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

狂笑不止 现实中是没有这么傻如我的人哦 呵呵 被自己的傻作傻笑到快噎住了。。。

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

偶稍微小改了一下 看成不？ 偶生活中就是没有逻辑和经济头脑滴。。。