toefl2009_cracking ibt essay 写作小组_wangxinfei_33#

wangxinfeiUID: 2633557

Family has especial important position in our society and also extremely precious to individuals. but in last decades there are some subtle changes happened on the society status of family and also the relationships between family members, some ones says that extended family is losing their importance rather than before, but personally i don not support this standpoint,and i will argue my opinion as following details:

fist of all,the members among the family have a more stable and closer affection than ever before ,this is because in nowdays most people are living in a rapid pace of life ,as result there produces more emotion relying on family and often a depressed person in work will firtstly find own family members ,such as parents,sisters,or brothers, for release uncomfortable feelings.this can obviously be explained that family members are who we most trust in and get favor from in hard times.


the second is that members among the family all are actually easier to get together because of the convenience of transportation tha ever before. this progress benifit from the developing of technology, for instance, as the society moving forward,there more and more people go out of small villiage and reside in cities. in before,it's very hard of difficult for family members living apart from a long distance to gatherround,but this condition are great changed better as technology develops ,in nowdays ,it is cheap and easy to pay a visit to a family faraway.


all come in conclusion,i deeply believe that as sociey developing fast ,it is not harder and harder for family members but more stable and precious relations are established.

lingyao1UID: 2467525

1# wangxinfei
Family has especial important position in our society and also extremely precious to individuals. but in last decades there are some subtle changes happened on the society(social) status of family and also the relationships between family members(relationship of family member). Consequently, someone says that extended family is losing their importance rather than before. But personally, I don not support this standpoint, and I will argue(explain/demonstrate/show) my opinion as following details: (不要对自己观点argue。也不好从头到尾用逗号连到底，可以用一些过度词进行转折或链接。)

First of all, the members among the family have a more stable and closer affection than ever before, this is because in now days most people are living in a rapid pace of life, as result there produces more emotion relying on family and often a depressed person in work will firstly find own family members, such as parents, sisters, or brothers, for releasing uncomfortable feelings. This can obviously be explained that family members are who(whom) we most trust in and get favor from in hard times.

The second(second什么？opinion/idea/issue…) is that members among the family all are actually easier to get together because of the convenience of transportation than ever before.(你这句要说的是什么意思？“家庭成员都很容易被团聚在一起因为他们比以前更容易运输方便”) This progress benefits from the developing of technology(developing technology). For instance, as the society moving(moves) forward, there more and more people go out of small village and reside in cities.(There are numerous people going out of small villages and residing in cities.) In before(In the past), it's very hard of difficult for family members living apart from a long distance to gather round, but this condition(phenomenon) are(is) great changed better as(in that) technology develops(developing), in(去掉) now days, it is cheap and easy to pay a visit to a family faraway.（pay for a ticket to visit family is very reasonable and convenient.）

All come in conclusion, I deeply believe that as society developing fast, it is not harder and harder for family members(harder and harder 什么，是关系的建立还是聚在一起还是什么别的) but more stable and precious relations are established.

1.第一段应该是很认真的写完，但到后来好像是不耐放词汇语法错误层出不穷，到最后两段基本就是想一句中文然后硬翻译成英文写下来。

2. 不要五六句话一个逗号点下来，很多内容没有任何的并列和递进关系。完全可以用转折词和连词变换阐述。

3.我知道你是故意不区分大小写和写完后没在乎拼写就不检查粘贴作业了，如果你不注意这点你考试的时候百分之百会出现拼写和未大写的错误，而且再出现了三次这样的错误后，你的作文一定会被评“差”。别不当回事。

总之，我最早的作文很差，差到极点，也是中式写作，现在一直在逼自己练习正规的英文语句写作，练习方法见论坛里的经验贴，关于写作的。

happyzhengangUID: 2502624

Family has especial important position in our society and alsoextremely precious to individuals. but in last decades there are(were) somesubtle changes happened on the society status of family and also (add on)therelationships between family members, some ones(s?) says that extendedfamily is losing their importance rather than before, but personally idon not support this standpoint,and i will argue my opinion asfollowing details:

fist of all,the members among the family have a more stable and closeraffection than ever before ,this is because in(去掉in) nowdays most people areliving in a rapid pace of life ,as result(改成consequently比较好) there (用there不太恰当吧)produces more emotionrelying on family and often a depressed person in work will firtstlyfind own family members ,such as parents,sisters,or brothers, forrelease uncomfortable feelings.（作者的表述实在是不地道啊，典型的中国式英语，句式也太随意了，完全是直译过来的）this can obviously be explained thatfamily members are who（whom） we most trust in and get favor from in hardtimes.

the second is that members among the family all are actually easier toget together because of the convenience of transportation tha（n） everbefore. this progress benifit from the developing of technology, forinstance, as the society moving forward,there more and more people goout of small villiage and reside in cities. in before,it's very hard ofdifficult for family members living apart from a long distance togatherround,but this condition are(has been) great changed better(better 去掉) as technologydevelops（the development of technology） ,in(去掉) nowdays ,it is cheap and easy to pay a visit to a familyfaraway.

all come in conclusion,i deeply believe that as sociey developing fast,it is not harder and harder for family members（家庭成员越来越难？难啥啊？） but more stable andprecious relations are established.（句式很不对应啊）

先说好的吧，作者的整体结构还是可以的，从两个角度出发也不错，】
但是, 作者的表述能力实在是不敢恭维，文章中出现很多基本的语法错误，甚至有些完全是按照中文思想直译过来的，还有句式的组织上面显得很不灵活，希望作者在这几个方面努力努力。

加油啊！

happyzhengangUID: 2502624

LZ赶快去改我的帖子啊
90#
抱歉修改的晚了