6.7月份cracking ibt essay 有风吹过 第16次作业

有风吹过UID: 2199075

In my opinion, I disagree that the extend family (grandparents, cousins, uncles and antes) becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past.
Now days, the number of family had a tendency that extend family become less than before, and some people believe that the small family had more advantages than the family who had more people, which mean it not treat sophistic relation with relatives and could concentrate energy on his work and educate of children. However, they didn’t realize that the bigger family had lots of advantage. If you were a children in a extend family, you would gain more love with your parents and grandparents. Some brother and sister who you can play study with you and enjoying more pleasure, and you would not fell lonely.
In general, the adult had more responsibility in the extend family. Their children who should had been good education and enough money to make them healthy grow, additionally, adult should look after his parents and try to them good health and a long life. In that case, some people would believe that living in the extend room is very tired and more duty. But did you realized that their parents had lots of experience with living and working, which can give them some precise advices of position of career in the company or superior quality of life.
With the grandparents, they had more time than the adults and children, in that case, they can help parents to look after their children and had the high prestige which can adjust the relation of relative. If they had good health, they would prepare the food for the family.
In conclusion, living in the extend family had more advantages than the nuclear family.

Chelsea_ChoiUID: 2437362

In my opinion, I disagree that the extend family (grandparents, cousins, uncles and antes) becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past.（……这么快~o(∩_∩)o…不用完全照着打一遍吧~可以换下句式什么的）

Now days, the number of family had a tendency(->the number of family had……怪怪的，there is a tendency that) that extend family become less than before, and(cause & effect?变少因为有些人觉得这样好？) some people believe that the small family（the nuclear family） had more advantages than the family who(who? Had? ->the extended one) had more people, (差不多了吧，which是要代替前面的全部吗？我的话o(∩_∩)o…就分到下一句写)which mean it not treat sophistic（这个……是不是有点尔虞我诈的意思，people with different habits complex……） relation with relatives and could concentrate energy on his work and educate of children. However, they didn’t realize that the bigger family had lots of advantage（感觉在凑字数~o(∩_∩)o…还有单复数问题~）. If you were a children in a extend family, you would gain more love with your parents and grandparents. Some brother and sister who you can play study with you and enjoying more pleasure, and you would not fell lonely.（nursery~不是也很好，sorry~我不是在和你argue 哈~只是觉得前后对比的很牵强~）

In general（->和上面的关系是……）, the adult had（你是不是想说parents in nuclear family have to take more responsibilities than ever） more responsibility in the extend family. Their children who should had been good education and (你写的主语是their children也~建议在从句上下工夫，还有标点上~)enough money to make them healthy grow（->growth）, additionally, adult should look after his parents and try to them good health and a long life. In that case, some people would believe that living in the extend room is very tired and more duty. But did you realized that their parents had lots of experience with living and working, which can give them some precise advices of position of career in the company or superior quality of life.（没看懂~活在大家庭很累？自己挣钱也很累？o(∩_∩)o…我写的DD也有没被看懂，总结了下觉得应该用直线型的思维来写……比如你想说现在父母承担更多责任，生活压力大，税务繁重，小孩子事多，大家庭里就可以分担，自杀也少点~）
With the grandparents,（感觉太中文了~with 用的很……比如grandparents, free from jobs, could share more time to deal with all stuffs in family） they had more time than the adults and children, in that case, they can help parents to look after their children and had the high prestige which can adjust(调整的意思多一些吧？reconcile~)the relation of relative. If they had good health, they would prepare the food for the family.

In conclusion, living in the extend family had more advantages than the nuclear family. (需要饱满一下~)

Conclusion:
1. 语法结构还要下功夫
2. 段落没有明确的中心（我也是，我有点逻辑混乱让人看不到中心）建议先写大纲~再写文章
3. 材料上就要为TS多想想了
仅供参考~~~fighting~~~

有风吹过UID: 2199075

非常感谢楼上的，我6，27就考了，这种水平是不是没啥希望了:mad:

junhuimaoUID: 2445798

其实作文 不是最关键的地方 把握好口语 听力 阅读 加油