cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 happyzhengang的 第17次作业

happyzhengangUID: 2502624

Nowadays,the society puts so much attention on the individual development and freedom.Some people may hold the opinion that they should care about themselves muchmore than others even to the extend families, but I think we should pay moreattention on the people around us because they are so important to us.

Admittedly,as the development of social civilization, science and technology, especiallythe development of transportation, more and more people leave home to pursuetheir dream and personal value, so as to they seldom contact with their extendfamilies. Someone may go out in order to find a good job, others may want toexperience a different life, as for me, the reason why I left home was going tocollege. Becausemy college is far away from my hometown, I seldom have opportunity to go backunless summer and winter holiday. Besides, the others family members have theirown work to do, so we seldom contact with each other.

However,contacting less with each other does not mean the extend family is notimportant for us now. The relationship between family members is connected byblood, whenever we are in difficult, no matter how busy they are, they will trytheir best to help us. Last week, my roommate got an accurate disease, and hehad a surgery, his body was rather weak, because he was alone here, although Ihad looked after him several night, I was so tired and I still had some importantwork to do. When I was wondering who should take care of him, one his cousincame to see him, because his home town is far away from here and his parents’are old and their body were not good either. When his cousin heard he needed tobe taken care, he came here with no hesitate. I was so touched, in this busyworld, although people are busy doing their own things, the relationshipbetween families can not be diminished.

Furthermore, thereare still a lot of instances which can show the extended families are veryimportant for us. When we are working outside, it is our relatives help to takecare of my parents. When we are short of money, they gave money to us tosupport to pass the difficult time, also when they face problems, we can sure wewill try our best to hemp them, because we know we all need each other and therelationship between us are so important.

wangxinfeiUID: 2633557

1# happyzhengang

没检查出语法错误，感觉楼主跟我审题不一样:L

happyzhengangUID: 2502624

楼上这个回复我真的有点无语了……

lingyao1UID: 2467525

刚参加完21号托福没看你的作文，一会就把这个补上

lingyao1UID: 2467525

3# happyzhengang
Nowadays, the society puts so muchattention on the individual development and freedom. Some people may hold theopinion that they should care about themselves much more than others even tothe extend families, but I think we should pay more attention on the peoplearound us because they are so important to us.8 @; o- R: `5 H5 N

9 K9 E) I8 Q  S. {6 z8 E8 SAdmittedly, as the development of social civilization, science andtechnology, especially the development of transportation, more and more peopleleave home to pursue their dream and personal value, so as to they seldomcontact with their extend families. Someone may go out in order to find a goodjob, others may want to experience a different life, as for me, the reason whyI left home was going to college. Because my college is far away from myhometown, I seldom have opportunity to go back unless summer and winterholiday. Besides, the others family members have their own work to do, so weseldom contact with each other.


# z6 n$ Q) V,C( N; v- R0 p2 oHowever, contacting less with eachother does not mean the extend family is not important for us now. Therelationship between family members is connected by blood, whenever we are indifficult, no matter how busy they are, they will try their best to help us.Last week, my roommate got an accurate disease, and he had a surgery, his bodywas rather weak, because he was alone here, although I had looked after himseveral nights, I was so tired and I still hadsome important work to do. When I was wondering who should take care of him,one his cousin came to see him, because(although)his home town is far away from here and his parents’are old and their body werenot good either. When his cousin heard he needed to be taken care, he came herewith no hesitate. I was so touched, in this busy world, although people arebusy doing their own things, the relationship between families can not bediminished.
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) z3 D#\, P% Q: X( {: \* C% H6 U) I
Furthermore, there arestill a lot of instances which can show the extended families are very importantfor us. When we are working outside, it is our relatives help to take care ofmy parents. When we are short of money, they gave money to us to support topass the difficult time, also when they face problems, we can sure we will tryour best to hemp them, because we know we all need each other and therelationship between us are so important.

1.语病和修辞我认为没什么错误，文字很简洁。
2.楼主阐述的不是很直接明确。第一段引出观点否定题目，但第二点重新开始继续引题没有中心句和相照应的例证结论。
3.第三段引入正题，第一句说“联系少是因为这些人离的远，这不代表这些人不相互care。”最后一段结论是”当我或家人需要帮助时，这些人会主动来帮助我们的”。我认为楼主可以说的直接些，直接就阐述这些人在我们需要帮助的时候会第一时间出来，所以根本就没became less important。然后用两个以上的例子证明。要不很容易考官给你个例证不充分的评语。（我就得过这个结果）
4.我的那篇文章你都觉得论述的顺序方法有问题，你应该在多读几遍自己的这篇文章也会有些不舒服吧。昨天和一个T友聊作文，我很支持她的思路，就是考官的要求：观点---》解释---》例证---》结论，每段的结构也是整篇文章的结构。

鞠躬～
一起努力！