0910G 同主题写作第五期 Argument65 WDI小组 By Lucarl

lucarlUID: 2616426

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

WORDS: 353

TIME: 00:27:43

DATE: 2009-6-19 1:49:41

The president of the chain of cheese stores considered stop provide their customers their varieties of imported cheeses and concentrate mainly on domestic ones. His decision was made according to the facts that the top 5 best-selling cheeses are all domestic cheddar cheeses and that a survey of a cheese magazine indicates that their subscribers prefer domestic ones. However, the argument is not a well-reasoned one. The president should reconsider before cutting the supplement of imported cheeses. I will rule out the alternatives the president failed to consider in turns.

First of all, the five best-selling cheeses record came from their newest stores. Maybe those five cheeses are attractive at a relatively short period of time. Maybe the consumers get tired of them just after the chains store significantly increase the supplement. Moreover, we don't know whether these top 5 cheeses are new tastes or old ones. If they are not new developed tastes, we need to know the sale records from stores other than these new stores in Wisconsin.

Secondly, even if these 5 cheeses are long-term attractive ones, it's not safe to say that they are the only choice to improve the profit. What about the top 6 to top 10? Are they imported cheeses? Are they hitting a close record on sale as these 5 best-selling ones? If their sales are close, give up the lower half of the top 10 is not a wise choice.

Is the survey by Cheeses of the World magazine reliable? They just took their subscribers which may be a minority of the whole consumers group. Since the cheese chains store is running business throughout the US, it's fairly possible that the opinions of other customers would be neglected, which is larger in number and therefore more important. If the company really wants to get more profits, they need to survey customers from different regions and different social classes themselves.

To conclude, alternatives mentioned above should be taken into account, and then the president could successfully make his decision in order to get more profits. You could never make a successful decision before making a survey.

附提纲：

第一，那五项销量最好的自产奶酪不过是刚开张一年的店的记录，也许这几种cheeses只是开始吸引人，一段时间后人们会逐渐厌烦它们。人的口味是可以持续一年的。

第二，即使真的这些cheeses能够持久。However, 这top 5和紧随其后的其他种类cheese在销售量上的差距并未给出，也许差距并不大。

第三，CW杂志的订户对于自产cheese的偏好不代表所有消费者的意见。这是一家全国连锁的cheese store，面向的顾客来自全国，部分人不代表大多数人的意思。

p.s. 第一次限时成功，激动啊，这是第三篇A，是个好现象~

飘飘zlyUID: 2200552

1# lucarl

The president of the chain of cheese stores considered stop provide their customers their varieties of imported cheeses（considered stop provide 有误） and concentrate mainly on domestic ones. His decision was made according to the facts that the top 5 best-selling cheeses are all domestic cheddar cheeses and that a survey of a cheese magazine indicates that their subscribers prefer domestic ones. However, the argument is not a well-reasoned one. The president should reconsider before cutting the supplement of imported cheeses. I will rule out the alternatives the president failed to consider in turns.

First of all, the five best-selling cheeses record came from their newest stores. Maybe those five cheeses are attractive at a relatively short period of time. Maybe the consumers get tired of them just after the chains store significantly increase the supplement. Moreover, we don't know whether these top 5 cheeses are new tastes or old ones. If they are not new developed tastes, we need to know the sale records from stores other than these new stores in Wisconsin.

Secondly, even if these 5 cheeses are long-term attractive ones, it's not safe to say that they are the only choice to improve the profit. What about the top 6 to top 10? Are they imported cheeses? Are they hitting a close record on sale as these 5 best-selling ones? If their sales are close, give up the lower half of the top 10 is not a wise choice.
（这段觉得写得可以在深入些。要注意题目中的top 5 是cheddar domestic chesses 与domestic 不一样。个体代表整体的错误。）

Is the survey by Cheeses of the World magazine reliable? They just took their subscribers which may be a minority of the whole consumers group. Since the cheese chains store is running business throughout the US, it's fairly possible that the opinions of other customers would be neglected, which is larger in number and therefore more important. If the company really wants to get more profits, they need to survey customers from different regions and different social classes themselves.
（攻击样本的数量，对survey还可以从调查的结果能够有效的支持recommendation，prefer就是buy 吗？preferance 就能带来很高的profit吗？）

To conclude, alternatives mentioned above should be taken into account, and then the president could successfully make his decision in order to get more profits. You could never make a successful decision before making a survey.


你看看https://bbs.gter.net/thread-962804-1-1.html
对题目分析的深入。

lucarlUID: 2616426

重新写了一下，看了同主题帖子的破题思路，很有启发。
同主题互改的同学请帮忙修改这篇~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

WORDS: 481

TIME: 00:35:00
限时失败。。。
DATE: 2009-6-19 17:33:48

In the memo, the writer suggested that the chain store should focus on the domestic cheeses instead of imported ones. He or she took into account a selling record from the newest store, which indicated that the top 5 best-selling cheeses are domestic CHEDDAR cheeses, and a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine, which showed that there was an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Based on these two fallibilities, the writer is too quick to make the final decision.

Let's have a deeper inspection on the selling record. First, this is a selling record from the newest store. What about the other stores across America, since they are a chain of cheese stores running business throughout the US? If the majority of all the stores are selling more imported cheeses, the writer will be regretted to make such a suggestion.

Moreover, there is only the selling of cheddar cheeses reported in the record. How about other cheeses, both domestic and imported ones? If the cheddar cheese is the only domestic cheeses which is selling better than imported ones, focusing on discontinuing the imported cheeses and stocking more domestic ones would be a disaster.

Even if all the domestic cheeses are selling better than imported ones. There is still a hole of the selling record to support the writer’s suggestion. No comparison between the sales of the domestic cheeses and those of the imported ones. We don't know whether the domestic ones are leading far ahead or not. It's likely that the imported cheeses are just a little behind on sales. It’s likely that the top 6 to 10 are all imported cheeses and their sales are close to the domestic ones, giving up the lower half of the top 10 is not a wise choice. In addition, there are no prices of either of the two kinds of cheese. Maybe the domestic cheeses are selling more at lower prices, while the imported ones less at higher ones. In this situation, it's possible that the profits made by the latter dominated the overall profits.

The writer also rules out a survey to support himself. Unfortunately, it’s likely that the survey is a narrowly spreaded one. In other words, the subscribers of the Cheeses of the World can't represent all the customers throughout the U.S. Maybe the magazine is a newly founded local one. Maybe most of the subscribers come from specific group of people, who like cheddar cheeses.

Even if the magazine is also a dominant one in America, it's still not safe to say that the increasing preference of domestic cheeses will turn into real needs of them. Maybe people would hesitate before they really buy some. Maybe the preference wouldn't last long enough to bring the subscribers into the stores and leave with the domestic cheeses. A complete and convincing survey should provide more information, such as the age, background, gender, etc.

To conclude, the writer fails to convince others with the newest store's selling record and a survey which lacked information to support the point. Misleading judgment is even more dangerous to the profits, while stocking and selling is a long-term project. It’s not as simple as switching the light on and off.

chill_lyUID: 2640200

In the memo, the writer suggested that the chain store should focus on the domestic cheeses instead of imported ones. He or she took into account a selling record from the newest store, which indicated that the top 5 best-selling cheeses are the(定冠词,小问题,下同) domestic CHEDDAR cheeses, and a survey by the Cheeses of the World magazine, which showed that there was an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Based on these two fallibilities, the writer is too quick to make the final decision.

Let's have a deeper inspection on the selling record. First, this is a selling record from the newest store. What about the other stores across America, since they are a chain of cheese stores running business throughout the US? If the majority of all the stores are selling more imported cheeses, the writer will be regretted to make such a suggestion.

Moreover, there is only the selling of cheddar cheeses reported in the record. How about other cheeses, both domestic and imported ones? If the cheddar cheese is the only domestic cheeses which is selling better than imported ones, focusing on discontinuing the imported cheeses and stocking more domestic ones would be a disaster.

Even if all the domestic cheeses are selling better than the imported ones. There is still a hole of (可以这么用么) the selling record to support the writer’s suggestion. No comparison between the sales of the domestic cheeses and those of the imported ones. We don't know whether the domestic ones are leading far ahead or not. It's likely that the imported cheeses are just a little behind on sales. It’s likely that the top 6 to 10 are all imported cheeses and their sales are close to the domestic ones, (这里要补个连词比如so) giving up the lower half of the top 10 is not a wise choice. In addition, there are no prices of either of the two kinds of cheese. Maybe the domestic cheeses are selling more at lower prices, while the imported ones less at higher ones. In this situation, it's possible that the profits made by the latter dominated the overall profits.

The writer also rules out a survey to support him. Unfortunately, it’s likely that the survey is a narrowly spread (形式不变) one. In other words, the subscribers of the Cheeses of the World can't represent all the customers throughout the U.S. Maybe the magazine is a newly founded local one. Maybe most of the subscribers come from specific group of people, who like cheddar cheeses.

Even if the magazine is also a dominant one in America, it's still not safe to say that (这个表达不太好吧) the increasing preference of domestic cheeses will turn into real needs of them. Maybe people would hesitate before they really buy some. Maybe the preference wouldn't last long enough to bring the subscribers into the stores and leave with the domestic cheeses. A complete and convincing survey should provide more information, such as the age, background, gender, etc.

To conclude, the writer fails to convince others with the newest store's selling record and a survey which lacked information to support the point. Misleading judgment is even more dangerous to the profits, while stocking and selling is a long-term project. It’s not as simple as switching the light on and off.(不错!)




2,3,4段,5,6段可以适当合并下,思路会更清晰
分析的不错,不过忽视了一个攻击点就是减少库存是否能有效提高利润
结尾段可以提提如何改善会使A更有说服力,这样会更好
能限时写这样 很不容易了
加油!

ken4huoUID: 2416482

In the memo, the writer suggested (莫非都用过去时)that the chain store should focus on the domestic cheeses instead of imported ones. He or she took into account a selling record from the newest store, which indicated that the top 5 best-selling cheeses are domestic CHEDDAR cheeses, and a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine, which showed that there was an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Based on these two fallibilities, the writer is （又改成现在时？要不就一直用现在时，肯定没问题）too quick（应该是hasty的意思吧） to make the final decision.

Let's （carolfox同学说不要出现第一人称，我也犯了。。。）have a deeper inspection on the selling record. First, this is a selling record from the newest store. What about the （不应该有吧）other stores across America, since they are a chain of cheese stores running business throughout the US? If the majority of all the stores are selling more imported cheeses, the writer will be regretted to make such a suggestion.

Moreover, there is only the selling of cheddar cheeses reported in the record. How about other cheeses, both domestic and imported ones? If the cheddar cheese is the only domestic cheeses （前后不一致）which is selling better than imported ones, focusing on discontinuing the imported cheeses and stocking more domestic ones would be a disaster.

Even if all the domestic cheeses are selling better than imported ones.（，） There is still a hole of the selling record to support the writer’s suggestion. No comparison between the sales of the domestic cheeses and those of the imported ones（is provided by the author，没有谓语；限时写作，时间太紧了，我还没开始限时）. We don't know whether the domestic ones are leading far ahead or not. It's likely that the imported cheeses are just a little behind on sales. It’s likely that the top 6 to 10 are all imported cheeses and their sales are close to the domestic ones, （If it is in this case，分成两句好些吧）giving up the lower half of the top 10 is not a wise choice. In addition, there are no prices （可能有些主谓不一致，都改单数是不是好些。）of either of the two kinds of cheese. Maybe the domestic cheeses are selling more at lower prices, while the imported ones less at higher ones. In this situation, it's possible that the profits made by the latter dominated the overall profits.

（二三四段可以做一下整理，有些乱，我觉得可以把二段的newest store 写一到两句，三段的cheddar和domestic写一到两句，二三段放在一起写；四段可以归为价格、成本、收益问题，可以先指出错误点，然后再具体攻击。我的感觉而已，你再斟酌下）

The writer also rules out （这个的意思是排除的意思）a survey to support himself. Unfortunately, it’s likely that the survey is a narrowly spreaded one（narrowly spreaded 就可以吧；还有不应该是generally spreaded么？把specialized东西给generalize了；再有，我不觉得这是草率推广，我觉得应该是survey典型错误——样本代表性，后面的攻击语句写的都对，前面这句总述应该写样本问题）. In other words, the subscribers of the Cheeses of the World can't represent all the customers throughout the U.S. Maybe the magazine is a newly founded local one. Maybe most of the subscribers come from specific group of people, who like cheddar cheeses（文中说的是domestic）.

感觉只列举可能性，有些乱，是不是在可能性列举之前或之后，论证的语句多写写？

Even if the magazine is also a dominant one in America, it's still not safe to say that the increasing preference of domestic cheeses will turn into real needs of them. Maybe people would hesitate before they really buy some. Maybe the preference wouldn't last long enough to bring the subscribers into the stores and leave with the domestic cheeses. （建议加个连接词）A complete and convincing survey should provide more information, such as the age, background, gender, etc.

To conclude, the writer fails to convince others with the newest store's selling record and a survey which lacked information to support the point. （没看明白，convince others with sth，能明白，后面to support是跟在谁后面的？）Misleading judgment is even more dangerous to the profits, while stocking and selling is a long-term project. It’s not as simple as switching the light on and off.（教材上写，最后一段好像不能再提出新的攻击，否则会很不条理，只需要总述，并写上加强改进的地方就好了）

佩服组长限时的作风，以上是我的一点点意见，你先看看，有问题我们再讨论。

lucarlUID: 2616426

恩，谢谢ken~我认真看看，有问题再讨论~

lucarlUID: 2616426

终于又把这篇拿出来修改了~哈皮~

In the memo, the writer suggested that the chain store should focus on the domestic cheeses instead of imported ones. He or she took into account a selling record from the newest store, which indicated that the top 5 best-selling cheeses are domestic cheddar cheeses, and a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine, which showed that there was an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Based on these two fallibilities, the writer was too hasty to make the final decision.

A deeper inspection on the selling record is unnecessary. First, this is a selling record from the newest store. What about other stores across America, since they are a chain of cheese stores running business throughout the US? Are they selling more domestic cheddar cheeses, too? If the majority of all the stores are selling more imported cheeses, the writer will be regretted to make such a suggestion, because switching all the possibly well-selling imported cheeses to domestic ones, which perhaps only hit the selling record in the newest store, will certainly decrease the profits of the chain store. Moreover, there is only the selling of cheddar cheeses reported in the record. How about other domestic cheeses? If the cheddar cheese is the only domestic cheeses which is selling better than imported ones, focusing on discontinuing the imported cheeses and stocking more domestic ones (especially the ones other than cheddar cheeses) would be a disaster.

Even if all the domestic cheeses are selling better than imported ones; still, the selling record can’t afford to support the suggestion. No comparison between the sales of the domestic cheeses and those of the imported ones is provided. We don't know whether the domestic ones are leading far ahead or not. It's entirely possible that the imported cheeses are just a little behind on sales. If the top 6 to 10 on the selling record are all imported cheeses and their sales are close to the domestic ones, giving up the lower half of the top 10 is not a wise choice. In addition, there is no price given out either imported or domestic cheeses. Maybe the domestic cheeses are selling more at lower prices, while the imported ones less at higher ones. In this situation, it's possible that the profits made by the latter dominated the overall profits.

The writer also quotes a survey to support himself. Unfortunately, it’s likely that the survey doesn’t sell well across the U.S. In other words, the subscribers of the Cheeses of the World can't represent all the customers throughout America. Maybe the magazine is a newly founded local one. Maybe most of the subscribers come from specific group of people, who like domestic cheese. If that is the case, change the tactic won’t bring any extra profits, it’s probable instead for the company to suffer a slump in profits.

Even if the magazine is also a dominant one in America, it's still not safe to say that the increasing preference of domestic cheeses will turn into real needs of them. Maybe people would hesitate before they really buy some. Maybe the preference wouldn't last long enough to bring the subscribers into the stores and leave with the domestic cheeses. Therefore, a complete and convincing survey should provide more information, such as the age, background, gender, etc.

To conclude, the writer fails to convince others with the newest store's selling record and a survey which lacked information. Misleading judgment is even more dangerous to the profits, while stocking and selling is a long-term project. It’s not as simple as switching the light on and off.