cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 sjtupeeler 的 第1次作业 Issue 18

sjtupeelerUID：2425202

新手首次参加，知道自己语句，组织各方面尚有很大问题，请各位指点了

The purpose of higher education is to develop abilities and skills of students and offer them accesses to deeper knowledge in broad ranges compared with high school. It covers a great many disciplines. So from my personal point of view, I argue that everyone should be given the access to higher education to develop their overall qualities.

Before accepting higher education, one has limited opportunities to specialize. So it's not surprising for an average student to become an expert in a specific area after obtaining a diploma in university. For example, Qian Zhongshu, a very renowned writer in the modern history of China, scored nearly zero in math examination for college entrance. Once the higher education were only open to those elite students, who scored higher in standardized test, Mr.Qian would not have chance to attend college, never to mention that he became a famous writer and translator finally.

Moreover, the information revolution has changed the traditional way of teaching and learning. In the past, the higher education audience had been constrained to be elite students because of lack of teachers, textbooks as well as universities. But nowadays, one can accept higher education without going to university personally. He or she can listen to or even watch the videos of the classes online. So via the modern technology of computer and Internet, everyone, no matter with high or low score in test, can get access to higher education.

In addition, higher education will not only equip one with specific knowledge, such as physics, mathematics, chemistry and computer science, but also shape one's quality, enrich one's life and broaden one's sight. Some people argue that only elite students should go to university because they have larger potential to be a scientist or an engineer. It is a reason of the existence of university, but not all. Everyone could also gain exposure to a more delicate and gorgeous world via accepting higher education. That's another reason why university is established.

In short, I think higher education should not be the privileges of elite students but the fundamental rights of everyone regardless of background.


多谢各位啦！

goback211UID：2419259

I think your paper is so perfect. Compared with your article, mine is so poor...

Amy_shineUID：2655186

The purpose(我个人觉得main responsibility比较好，呵呵) of higher education is to develop abilities and skills of students and offer them accesses to deeper knowledge in broad（我觉得boarder会不会好一点？因为前面用的是比较级） ranges compared with high school. It covers a great many disciplines.（Besides，it covers so many disciplines that everyone can find the suitable one to meet his/her interest and ability我觉得这样写可以更加切题） So from my personal point of view, I argue that everyone should be given the access to higher education to develop their overall qualities.
Before accepting higher education, one has limited opportunities to specialize. So it's not surprising for an average（用ecumenic会不会好一些？） student to become an expert in a specific area after （their special talent being explored in university,这样写会不会和第一句更和拍一点，个人意见，呵呵 ）obtaining a diploma in university. For example, Qian Zhongshu, a very renowned writer in the modern history of China, scored nearly zero in math examination for college entrance. Once（觉得用suppose好） the higher education were only open to those elite students, who scored higher in standardized test, Mr.Qian would not have（have no） chance to attend college, never to mention（我记得好像是not to mention?或者用say nothing of） that he became a famous writer and translator finally.
Moreover, the information revolution has changed the traditional way of teaching and learning. In the past, the higher education audience(accepters) had been constrained to be(去掉) elite students because of lack of teachers, textbooks as well as universities（缺少大学？我觉得说成是大学的规模更好，你觉得呢？）. But nowadays, one can accept higher education without going to university personally（without the request of presence in campus）. He or she can listen to or(只写watch就可以了，明白的) even watch the videos of the classes online. So via the modern technology of computer and Internet, everyone, no matter with high or low score in test, can get access to higher education.

In addition, higher education will not only equip one with specific knowledge, such as physics, mathematics, chemistry and computer science, but also shape one's quality, enrich one's life and broaden one's sight.（写得很好！个人觉得放第三段更合适，这样更第二段可衔接起来） Some people argue that only elite students should go to university because they have larger potential to be a scientist or an engineer. It is a reason（meaning） of the existence of university, but not all. Everyone could also gain exposure to a more delicate and gorgeous world via accepting higher education. That's another reason why university is established（我觉得这句话对主题句的解释不够，你可以说说大学不仅教知识，还教学生怎样做人，how to behave properly, reconstruct their morality system as well as fulfill individual’s duty, so on so forth    ）.
In short, I think (accepting)higher education should not be the privileges of elite students but the fundamental rights of everyone regardless of background.
我觉得你写得不错呢，就是还有一个问题，你第二三个理由在开头段似乎没有涉及，还有建议你在结尾时再总结一下，我上戴云老师课的时候他这么建议的，而且这样字数也比较多，老师说，the longer,the better,呵呵
我修改的不好，请楼主多见谅啊~~

sjtupeelerUID：2425202

多谢多谢啦，还是问题有很多的说，语句方面也需要比较大的进步才行，多谢你啦！