0910AW 同主题写作第三期 Argument65 by galloper A31小培

xiang427UID: 2649178

In this argument, the author attempts to convince us that the chain store should discontinue stocking imported cheeses and focus on demotic cheeses in order to increase profit. To justify this claim, the arguer points out that the five best-selling cheeses in the new store last year are all demotic products, and a recent survey indicates that citizens are more interested in demotic cheeses than before. But the evident presented throughout the argument, however, is insufficient and hence does not offer strong support to what the arguer claims.

In the first place, he or she asserts that all stores should focus on demotic cheeses because demotic cheddar cheeses are popular in the new store but gives no reason for such an assertion. Maybe local citizens prefer this brand of cheese, but dislike other demotic cheeses. In addition, perhaps people are more interested in imported cheeses, but the new store only provides the demotic ones. Furthermore, maybe demotic cheeses are favored by local citizens, but it does mean demotic cheeses are popular all over the country. Without any proof that people from different parts of the country like demotic cheeses, there is no support for the arguer to draw a conclusion that the company ought to concentrate on demotic cheeses.

Secondly, the arguer assumes that a recent survey indicates that people show an increasing of interest on demotic cheeses. But he or she offers no reasons for such an assumption. Maybe all respondents prefer demotic cheeses to the imported ones, so they can not represent the preference of a majority of people. In addition, perhaps respondents still prefer imported cheeses, although this survey indicates people show an increasing preference for demotic cheeses. Moreover, even people like demotic cheeses more, there is no reason to prove that people are likelihood to buy them.

Thirdly, the author assumes that they can reduce expense by limiting inventory, and the profit will improve. Although the expense might decline after limiting inventory, it is possible the profits might not enhance, even be decreased. For that matter, the profit is a function of both revenues and expenses. Since discontinue stocking imported cheeses might reduce expenses, the revenues might be reduced while concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses, whose price may be far lower than imported ones. Thus, the evidence lends little support to the assumption.


In sum, the evidences that the author provides in this argument is not sufficient to support what she or he claims. In order to convince us, the author also need to provide the actual price of the demotic cheese and imported cheese. Only this, we can know if the selling of demotic cheese makes more money than the imported ones.

DoDoLooUID: 2609921

B27来改啦~只是个人意见啊~
In this argument, the author attempts to convince us that the chain store should discontinue stocking imported cheeses and focus on demotic cheeses in order to increase profit. To justify this claim, the arguer points out that the five best-selling cheeses in the new store last year are all demotic products, and a recent survey indicates that citizens are more interested in demotic cheeses than before. But the evident (evidence)presented throughout the argument, however, is insufficient and hence does not offer strong support to what the arguer claims.

In the first place, he or she asserts that all stores should focus on demotic cheeses because demotic cheddar cheeses are popular in the new store but gives no reason for such an assertion(前面的那个because 不是reason吗？也许可以说是without more better evidence). Maybe local citizens prefer this brand of cheese, but dislike other demotic cheeses. In addition, perhaps people are more interested in imported cheeses, but the new store only provides the demotic ones. Furthermore, maybe (even) demotic cheeses are favored by local citizens, but it does mean demotic cheeses are popular all over the country. Without any proof that people from different parts of the country like demotic cheeses, there is no support for the arguer to draw a conclusion that the company ought to concentrate on demotic cheeses.

Secondly, the arguer assumes that a recent survey indicates that people show an increasing of(去掉of） interest on demotic cheeses. But he or she offers no reasons for such an assumption. （欠缺怎样的原因呢？私以为应该先指出survey的一些问题，比如欠缺科学性啊，有无代表性啊，然后再maybe, 从而使论证更加清晰）Maybe  respondents prefer demotic cheeses to the imported ones, so they can not represent the preference of a majority of people. In addition, perhaps respondents still prefer imported cheeses, although this survey indicates people show an increasing preference for demotic cheeses. Moreover, even people like demotic cheeses more, there is no reason to prove that people are likelihood to buy them.

Thirdly, the author assumes that they can reduce expense by limiting inventory, and the profit will improve. Although the expense might decline after limiting inventory, it is possible the profits might not enhance (be enhanced), even be decreased. For that matter(总觉得这个短语用在此处不妥）, the profit is a function of both revenues and expenses. Since discontinue stocking imported cheeses might reduce expenses, the revenues might be reduced while concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses, whose price may be far lower than imported ones. Thus, the evidence lends little support to the assumption.


In sum, the evidences that the author provides in this argument is not sufficient to support what she or he claims. In order to convince us, the author also need to provide the actual price of the demotic cheese and imported cheese. Only (+by this )  we can(can we )    know if the selling of demotic cheese makes more money than the imported ones     

总体而言,条理清楚。但感觉每段的论证都不够清楚。比如offer no reason, reason 具体指的是什么。在每段首句重复作者的观点，却没有明确指出flaw是什么。