Issue4，偶的第2篇issue，吐血了。。。。

cherryliuliliUID: 2634770

The speaker asserts that the effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.In my opinion,I agree that that the youth culture is becoming more and more significant of our contemporary culture.However,we cannot ignore the fact that the youth group only makes up a relatively small fraction of our society and cannot represent the whole society’s culture.

First of all, it is an effective way to understand some parts of the contemporary culture through analyzing the trends of its youth, from which some typical characteristic of the culture will be better revealed.Young people are often more attuned to contemporary trends in thought,fashion,music and new technology.They are more open-minded and more receivable to new ideas and less constrained by tradition.For example,whenever new technology came up,according to research companies that the majority of users are always people who aged between 18-30,and it is this group who help technologies like email , instant messaging and podcast become popular and widespread in whole society.Another example is television shows,which is the most contemporary of culture phenomenon.With china’s 30 years of opening up and economic reform,our society has been so much
more open than ever before and we have a phase to describe our comtemporary culture“grassroots entertainment culture”,which was initiated by various young people appeared on the internet imitated pop stars and this internet buzz quickly spreaded to all corners of china.As a reslut,a lot of talent shows have sprang up with people at different ages and from all walks of life expressing their individualities on those shows.Therefore,through careful study of youth culture can help us better understand the era in which we live and our contemporary culture.

Secondly,if we look back on world history, we will probably find that it is the young people who play very active roles in leading the currents of social progress .For example, in china the year of 1919’s May Forth Movement ,which led by college students and young influential thinkers and writers to protest against imperialism and feudalism to help china move towards much stronger and more democratic path.In addition,in the 1960s the antiwar sentiment was swept across America,which became one of the most important parts of American culture.Those who formed the vanguard of the antiwar movement in that period were mostly young people.Thus,study the thoughts ,activities and beliefs of youth,we can discover an abundance of information about contemporary culture.

In addition,however, the trends and thoughts of youth is far from representing the traits of the whole society.There is no doubt that today’s world is still dominated by the middle aged group ,they still hold powers in politics,business,education ,which means they have vital influence on contemporary culture .However apparently they have different thoughts ,beliefs and have different life styles than the youth.Thus,it is not reasonable to say that by studying the youth culture can we understand the whole contemporary culture.



In sum,in order to have a better understanding of contemporary culture,we not only have to study the youth culture,but also the culture of all age groups.

pirate_007UID: 2626667

Issue4，偶的第2篇issue，吐血了。。。。

The speaker asserts that the effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.In my opinion,I agree that that the youth culture is becoming more and more significant of our contemporary culture.However,we cannot ignore the fact that the youth group only makes up a relatively small fraction of our society and (their culture,其实不改貌似也没什么大问题)cannot represent the whole society’s culture.（个人感觉第一段写得还好，言简意赅） First of all, it is an effective way to understand some parts of the contemporary culture through analyzing the trends of its youth, from which some typical characteristic of the culture will be better revealed.Young people are often more attuned to contemporary trends in thought,fashion,music and new technology.They are more open-minded and more receivable to new ideas and less constrained by tradition.For example,whenever new technology came up,according to research companies that the majority of users are always people who aged between 18-30,and it is this group who help technologies like email , instant messaging and podcast become popular and widespread in whole society.Another example is television shows,which is the most contemporary of culture phenomenon（应该有语法错误吧）.With china’s 30 years of opening up and economic reform,our society has been so much more open than ever before and we have a phase to describe our comtemporary culture“grassroots entertainment culture”（草根文化与当代文化不等同吧，这儿是不是应该加限定词？）,which was initiated by various young people appeared on the internet imitated pop stars and this internet buzz quickly spreaded to all corners of china.As a reslut,a lot of talent shows have sprang up with people at different ages and from all walks of life expressing their individualities on those shows.Therefore,through careful study of youth culture can help us better understand the era in which we live and our contemporary culture.（说句实在话，个人觉得草根文化与后面的talent show 的关系，作为一个中国人我没怎么太明白，我想老外应该会比我更晕吧，呵呵！所以个人觉得这个例子是不是欠缺） Secondly,if we look back on world history, we will probably find that it is the young people who play very active roles in leading the currents of social progress（个人觉得这儿改成文化发展进程应该更好吧，更加切题） .For example, in china the year of 1919’s May Forth Movement ,which led by college students and young influential thinkers and writers to protest against imperialism and feudalism to help china move towards much stronger and more democratic path.In addition,in the 1960s the antiwar sentiment was swept across America,which became one of the most important parts of American culture（把前面作为定语从句是不是更好一些）.Those who formed the vanguard of the antiwar movement in that period were mostly young people.Thus,study the thoughts ,activities and beliefs of youth,we can discover an abundance of information about contemporary culture. In addition,however, the trends and thoughts of youth is far from representing the traits of the whole society.There is no doubt that today’s world is still dominated by the middle aged group ,they still hold powers in politics,business,education ,which means they have vital influence on contemporary culture .However apparently they have different thoughts ,beliefs and have different life styles than（我也不确定这个than用的是否正确，只是感觉不是太好，可以用compared to ） the youth.Thus,it is not reasonable to say that by studying the youth culture can we understand the whole contemporary culture. In sum,in order to have a better understanding of contemporary culture,we not only have to study the youth culture,but also the culture of all age groups 个人觉得这应该是一篇非常不错的作文，条例结构，以及语言感觉都非常不错！读起来让人感到舒服，呵呵！虽然挑了几个问题，但都是小瑕疵，除了草根文化那个例子，可能是我没理解

小小amyUID: 2541111

请问你们组满员了么，我在找作文互改小组

cherryliuliliUID: 2634770

我们是零散型的，你可以加入 3# 小小amy

cherryliuliliUID: 2634770

谢谢你，我今天比较忙现在才上。还没来得及及时给你改，我现在看看你的哈 2# pirate_007

小小amyUID: 2541111

4# cherryliulili
加入哪？我怎么点出来怎么是同一页面额

小小amyUID: 2541111

哦。。。那只要开始写开始改就可以了落？苍天啊。。。什么都不知道可以帮你改的？我现在连题库都没找到

IthakaUID: 2511650

1# cherryliulili
有点仍然是语言很流畅清晰
但全文布局有头重脚轻之嫌。想清楚你的论点如果是半否定＋发展，那么前两段论述就应该简略些，而第三个论述应该大大的加强，举例子，引名言，等等。关于中年文化现在写得干巴巴的，其实你可以把思路再开阔些，联想到艺术家、文学家在什么时候创作的作品最有代表性，传统在社会文化中的作用，等等，写得丰润些。
还是要多研究现实中的好文章是怎么写的。
因为你已经写得不错了，很有机会再上一层楼的。加油！

IthakaUID: 2511650

另外，以后发的时候把题目也贴上吧，放在文章前面

IthakaUID: 2511650

第一，从你的开头看不出来重点，我感觉重点在后半句的观点
第二，你第四段的far from语气很强烈，让人以为你的主要观点在后面
第三，你的结尾主要提的也是后半部分的观点。