Issue 130 求高手指点

wuliangjieericUID: 2539458

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

There lies dual claims in the author's statement that the degree of the children been socialized determines the prosperity of the society, and we have not learned the method of cultivating our children to guarantee a better society.
When it comes to the first claim, I want to say that it sounds correct to some extent, but it is not sound enough; and as to the second claim, I want to say that may be the author is too negative.
Firstly, I concede that the socialization of the children is necessary, it will give the children a lot of experiences on how to treat somebody else properly, how to organize an activity, how to respect others and to tolerant the people who hold a different opinion. When you look around on the playground of a elementary school, and pay attention to the details of the way the children play with each other, you will draw a conclusion that how children are socialized during their childhood will largely determine the ability of communicating with others when they become adult, and it is right the key to one person's success and the contribution to the society to some extent in modern society which characterized by cooperation, especially to the people whose occupation needs a lot of collaboration such as political leaders, social activists, and the architects, etc.
Nevertheless, beside the ability of communicating with others, there are amount of merits leading to one's success and contribution to the society, such as intelligence, diligence, the belief to one's own occupation, and the long-term interest and pursuit to goal. The history saw a lot of examples which can illustrate it, Take Albert Einstein for instance: it is just his devotion to the theory of relative but not his social skills which he lacked during his early life that make him a great hit in the field of Theory Physics, and so is Bill Gates. It must be paid enough attention that if one lays a lot of emphasizes on the social activities it will impede his further progress. Come bake to Einstein' instance, after he made great contribution to the Physics and became a celebrity, he could hardly calm down to probe his loved theory anymore, just because of a lot of social activities, the same experience occurred to the great composer Bernstein. So it is self-determination, long-term pursuit to the goal along with proper social skills that lead to one's contribution to the society.
When it comes to the problem of whether we have learned to raise our children properly to guarantee a better society, one can just retrospect the history. After the World War II, almost every country allocates a lot of money to the development of the education, and its effect is tremendous. Education is gradually become a propeller of the prosperity of society. More and more children become effective leaders, outstanding scientists, prominent artists, and excellent engineers. All of that due to our education system which is more and more developed and sound, although it is not good enough, but we should believe that it will progress continuously, because of a large amount devotion made by thousands of educators.
In sum, how children are socialized is not the only factors lead the contribution to society they will make when they grow up, it must be cultivated along with some other key merits, and we should keep up a optimistic attitude to our education system and give it sound advice continuously to revise its defects, and at last, we human beings will gain an better and better society.

wuliangjieericUID: 2539458

重发一个，这个看得清楚点。
TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

There lies dual claims in the author's statement that the degree of the children been socialized determines the prosperity of the society, and we have not learned the method of cultivating our children to guarantee a better society.

When it comes to the first claim, I want to say that it sounds correct to some extent, but it is not sound enough; and as to the second claim, I want to say that may be the author is too negative.

Firstly, I concede that the socialization of the children is necessary, it will give the children a lot of experiences on how to treat somebody else properly, how to organize an activity, how to respect others and to tolerant the people who hold a different opinion. When you look around on the playground of a elementary school, and pay attention to the details of the way the children play with each other, you will draw a conclusion that how children are socialized during their childhood will largely determine the ability of communicating with others when they become adult, and it is right the key to one person's success and the contribution to the society to some extent in modern society which characterized by cooperation, especially to the people whose occupation needs a lot of collaboration such as political leaders, social activists, and the architects, etc.

Nevertheless, beside the ability of communicating with others, there are amount of merits leading to one's success and contribution to the society, such as intelligence, diligence, the belief to one's own occupation, and the long-term interest and pursuit to goal. The history saw a lot of examples which can illustrate it, Take Albert Einstein for instance: it is just his devotion to the theory of relative but not his social skills which he lacked during his early life that make him a great hit in the field of Theory Physics, and so is Bill Gates. It must be paid enough attention that if one lays a lot of emphasizes on the social activities it will impede his further progress. Come bake to Einstein' instance, after he made great contribution to the Physics and became a celebrity, he could hardly calm down to probe his loved theory anymore, just because of a lot of social activities, the same experience occurred to the great composer Bernstein. So it is self-determination, long-term pursuit to the goal along with proper social skills that lead to one's contribution to the society.

When it comes to the problem of whether we have learned to raise our children properly to guarantee a better society, one can just retrospect the history. After the World War II, almost every country allocates a lot of money to the development of the education, and its effect is tremendous. Education is gradually become a propeller of the prosperity of society. More and more children become effective leaders, outstanding scientists, prominent artists, and excellent engineers. All of that due to our education system which is more and more developed and sound, although it is not good enough, but we should believe that it will progress continuously, because of a large amount devotion made by thousands of educators.

In sum, how children are socialized is not the only factors lead the contribution to society they will make when they grow up, it must be cultivated along with some other key merits, and we should keep up a optimistic attitude to our education system and give it sound advice continuously to revise its defects, and at last, we human beings will gain an better and better society.

pirate_007UID: 2626667

先声明一下，本人不是高手，仅仅只是个人的意见，有什么问题请包涵 There lies dual claims in the author's statement that the degree of the children been socialized （been 应该要改成being吧，不然这里应该有语法错误）determines the prosperity of the society, and we have not learned the method of cultivating our children to guarantee a better society. When it comes to the first claim, I want to say that it sounds correct to some extent, but it is not sound enough; and as to the second claim, I want to say that may be the author is too negative.（没啥问题，但是感觉不是太地道，看北美范文里面以及英文文章很少看到这样说的，太口语化啦） Firstly, I concede that the socialization of the children is necessary, it will give the children a lot of experiences on how to treat somebody else properly, how to organize an activity, how to respect others and to tolerant（tolerate） the people who hold a different opinion. When you look around on the playground of a elementary school, and pay attention to the details of the way the children play with each other, you will draw a conclusion that how children are socialized during their childhood will largely determine the ability of communicating with others when they become adult, and it is right the key to one person's success and the contribution to the society to some extent in modern society which characterized by cooperation, especially to the people whose occupation needs a lot of collaboration such as political leaders, social activists, and the architects, etc.（好长的一句话，个人感觉前面逻辑不是太顺畅，看小学生在操场如何玩啥就能得出结论吗？有点困惑，你的意思我能猜出来，但是感觉这里表达的不是太好） Nevertheless, beside the ability of communicating with others, there are amount of （other）merits leading to one's success and contribution to the society, such as intelligence, diligence, the belief to one's own occupation(没太明白这是啥，对职业的信仰？), and the long-term interest and pursuit to goal. The history saw a lot of examples which can illustrate it, Take Albert Einstein for instance: it is just his devotion to the theory of relative but not his social skills which he lacked during his early life that make him a great hit in the field of Theory Physics, and so is Bill Gates.（这后面应该是意思递进吧，改成what's more，overemphasizing the function of socialization can even impede a person's further progress.是不是更好一些，这样这一段的逻辑结构更清晰） It must be paid enough attention that if one lays a lot of emphasizes on the social activities it will impede his further progress. Come bake to Einstein' instance, after he made great contribution to the Physics and became a celebrity, he could hardly calm down to probe his loved theory anymore, just because of a lot of social activities, the same experience occurred to the great composer Bernstein. So it is self-determination, long-term pursuit to the goal along with proper social skills that lead to one's contribution to the society. When it comes to the problem of whether we have learned to raise our children properly to guarantee a better society, one can just retrospect the history. After the World War II, almost every country allocates a lot of money to the development of the education, and its effect is tremendous. Education is gradually become a propeller of the prosperity of society. More and more children become effective leaders, outstanding scientists, prominent artists, and excellent engineers. All of that due to our education system which is more and more developed and sound, although it is not good enough, but we should believe that it will progress continuously, because of a large amount devotion made by thousands of educators.（感觉这一段的论证不是太好，需要论证的是家长是否学会了how to teach children the skill of socialization，但是这里都是在讲教育方面的事情，逻辑有点散） In sum, （it is  not only the education of socialization that will determine what contribution children can make to society when they grow up,  other key merits like *** also works.  ）how children are socialized is not the only factors lead the contribution to society they will make when they grow up, it must be cultivated along with some other key merits, and we should keep up a optimistic attitude to our education system and give it sound advice continuously to revise its defects, and at last, we human beings will gain an better and better society

wuliangjieericUID: 2539458

"需要论证的是家长是否学会了how to teach children the skill of socialization"为什么要论证家长呢，这个地方不明白，其他的建议都很不错的，谢谢：）

pirate_007UID: 2626667

4# wuliangjieeric
我的失策，我以为题目是说的是家长。不过我其实我想说的是education系统跟孩子是否学会socialization还是有差别的，所以你在论证时候不应该只是说教育问题，也许教育系统在其他方面提高了，而在教育小孩怎么socialize方面没什么改进呢