0910AW 同主题写作第九期 ISSUE185 by 家家 修改by cmj

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

185 “Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. ”

Scandal, which is a ambivalent existence in our social life, plays more and more influential role in contemporary society as the result of the increasingly development of communicate technology. Some argue scandals can be useful in every area they referred to, such like politics, academia and etc. because they focus our attention on problems in a special way. This conclusion is partial correct and we need ponder on this issue more comprehensively and more circumspectly.

Fundamentally, we should recognize that the scandals definitely have some positive effects. According to the widespread definition, we all clear a scandal is a widely publicized allegation or set of allegations that damages the reputation of an institution, individual or creed, thus, we can easily find out its supervisory role in the social life. Generally speaking, those prestigious groups, either individuals or institutions, always stand in authority class which lead the orientation of their specific area, that means those groups are always representative and mighty, consequently, it would be futile when ordinary persons want to blame their ill-considered behaviors or decisions in all probability. However, the scandal can fulfill the function of monitoring those outstanding persons and plays as an alarm bell. Let’s retrospect the “Watergate scandal”, one of the most far-reaching influent political scandal in American history, which revealed the despicable means, detectaphones and furtive shoot, that Republican used for its counterpart Democratic under the purpose of prevailing in presidential election. This important event in the history severely alerts the following American Presidents after Nixon, and draws more public attention to the fairness of presidential election.

Nevertheless, we cannot deny that the scandals have some inevitable negative effects. A political scandal may cause severe economic crisis, make those politicians losing public support, and bring unfavorable effect to the whole society, all these above can evoke bad social influence and damage to the harmoniousness and stability of the whole society. Cite the “Watergate scandal” as we mentioned above, this scandal resulted in the indictment and conviction of several of Nixon's closest advisors, and ultimately in the resignation of the President himself, it caused an extremely bad social impact in the United States at that time. People even consequently suspected the president’s character and gave less credit to the president, no matter he was Nixon or not. An academic scandal probably scathe even destroy a college or a university’s academic atmosphere, harm the credibility of the institution, and loss those talents who potentially attended. Adduce Jan Hendrik Schon, a German physicist who briefly rose to prominence after a series of apparent breakthroughs that were later discovered to be fraudulent, as a typical example, which almost to subvert the status of all scientists and the credibility of experimental data in public mind.

In addition, we should clear that the decisive factor which affect scandal’s effects is people. As the communication technologies developed, both the speed and the scope of spreading the scandal are much faster than the past, thus, after the media reports, the negative effects always be huge. It is urgent need for people with the correct attitude towards scandal and plays up strengths and avoids weaknesses. The privy who involves in scandal should be sincere and then cooperates with necessary information disclosure, never attempt to cover up the scandal and even deteriorate the bad event. On the other hand, the public should treat scandals in a more circumspect and comprehensive attitude, admit the problem but never aggravate it and hasty generalize the similar issues.

In short, scandal is a double-edged sword which has both of pros and cons simultaneously. The key is people how to deal with the scandal, and to maximize the benefits from it.

ddcmj519UID: 176326

185 “Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. ”

我认为有问题滴
我的建议

Scandal, which is an ambivalent existence 这个表达有争议。这样的话是想承认scandals的正面效应？不是特别理解 in our social life, plays more and more influential role in contemporary society 与前面social life 内容重叠 as the result of the increasingly development of communicate technology这句话没啥用. Some argue scandals can be useful in every area they referred to, such like politics, academia and etc. because they focus our attention on problems in a special way. 这句话就是变相的重复题目，一点实质性内容都木有。。 This conclusion is partial correct and we need ponder on this issue more comprehensively and more circumspectly.
声明一下吧，我个人喜欢独特一点的开头，所以对重复题目然后不痛不痒的给个评价这种写法不是很感冒。。这个楼主自己商榷下要不要采纳我的意见吧。在开头风格上我个人比较“偏激”。形式不是关键问题，最根本是要深入点题，或者提出一定的东西，做出一定分析等。单纯的复述，我个人觉得，就是在浪费字数。。

Fundamentally, we should recognize that the scandals definitely have some positive effects.TS要主旨明确，此句就本可以扼要说明p effects 在什么地方怎样的效果。 According to the widespread definition, we all clear a scandal is a widely publicized allegation or set of allegations that damages the reputation of an institution, individual or creed,直接抄wiki打pp。。 thus, we can easily find out its supervisory role in the social life自己体会下，前面这个句子由于抄袭导致逻辑紊乱、its指代不明，find out用词不当&对象不明. Generally speaking, those prestigious groups, either individuals or institutions, always stand in authority class这个搭配木有的说。。 which lead the orientation of their specific area,这个表达有待商榷。。 that means those groups are always representative and mighty,断句。。 consequently, it would be futile when ordinary persons want to blame their ill-considered behaviors or decisions in all probability. //感觉之前都在说scandal的定义，产生原因？没有涉及TS，使文章看上去不是很紧密 However, the scandal can fulfill the function of monitoring those outstanding persons and plays as an alarm bell这个比喻个人觉得不是很贴切。alarm bell的意思是提醒不要超线。而你前面说了是monitor的作用，突然多出来这个意思的话连接词的and建议换下。. Let’s retrospect the “Watergate scandal”, one of the most far-reaching influent political scandal in American history, which revealed the despicable means, detectaphones and furtive shoot, that Republican used for its counterpart Democratic under the purpose of prevailing in presidential election. 典型的头重脚轻句。定语+定语从句套定义从句。而且整个事例的描述过于详尽，对于这种耳熟能详的例子考虑缩减字数，重点是如何运用此例子陈述你的观点而非对例子如何陈述。This important event in the history severely alerts the following American Presidents after Nixon, and draws more public attention to the fairness of presidential election.这句我到觉得应该展开，甚至可以联系Clinton的那个丑闻说下。     整的来说，这个段落扣紧本段TS的就这句话了。但是还写得那么简略。。对所谓的positive effects 也没用具体形象的说明。此段有待修改。嗯。
in all 最大的问题是， 此段貌似应该说下in a way that 所表现的useful，而非单纯的useful不做in a way的分析。（这就暴露了某同学题目分析时候对题目理解的不深刻~）

Nevertheless, we cannot deny that the scandals have some inevitable negative effects. //这个，丑闻这个字眼本身就是个贬义词，这样的TS显得力度不够。而且我个人理解其实并不怎么扣题。A political scandal may cause severe economic crisis, make those politicians losing public support, and bring unfavorable effect to the whole society, 断句！all these above can evoke bad social influence and damage to the harmony and stability of the whole society.//前面几个may如果搭配例子说明则更有力，同时可以就此精简下后面长长的例子 Citing the “Watergate scandal” as we mentioned above可以删了, this scandal resulted in the indictment and conviction of several of Nixon's closest advisors, and ultimately in the resignation of the President himself, 和主题相关不明显而且其实那么详细的例子说明不是很必要。 it caused an extremely bad social impact in the United States at that time后面那句似乎是要对这句解释的，但是差了连接词。。总觉得衔接上有点小问题. People even consequently suspected the president’s character我不是很理解这个词放在这儿的作用？ and gave less credit to the president, no matter he was Nixon or not不妥，还不如把上面的the president 换成following之类有时间顺序感的词.   /// 这个。。话锋转的太突然了An academic scandal probably scathe even destroy a college or a university’s academic atmosphere, harm the credibility of the institution, and loss those talents who potentially attended. Adduce Jan Hendrik Schon, a German physicist who briefly rose to prominence after a series of apparent breakthroughs that were later discovered to be fraudulent, as a typical example, which almost to subvert the status of all scientists and the credibility of experimental data in public mind.//最后这个学术问题的例子我在后面写分析
//两个例子都是确实的scandal负面影响没错，但是怎么能都只是着重论述在个人上的负面效应呢？政治的还稍微提了下社会影响之政治不信任。学术的那个社会效应有点夸张了吧~ 而且，scandal的负面效应人尽皆知，在这里要论述的话是否应该深入的对比下其所带来的正面效应，从而给scandal在社会上定义一个正确位置？  个人觉得这段内容相当冗余，基本可以两句话概述而深入挖掘其他内涵。

In addition, we should clear that the decisive factor which affect scandal’s effects is people. As the communication technologies developed, both the speed and the scope of spreading the scandal are much faster than the past, thus, after the media reports, the negative effects always be huge.这一长句讲的都是科技的作用，而非people。。同时点出在科技发展同时人的思维发展，对scandal的认识则更好（我是指一个句子里面，否则效果还是一样。。） It is urgent need for people with the correct什么才是correct？没有定义过的内容 attitude towards scandal and plays up strengths and avoids weaknesses HOW TO ACHEIVE THIS?. The privy who involves in scandal should be sincere and then cooperates with necessary information disclosure, never attempt to cover up the scandal and even deteriorate the bad event.感觉这句就把内容限定在水门上了？还有子虚乌有的丑闻呢？MJ的娈童案，比如。 On the other hand, the public should treat scandals in a more circumspect and comprehensive attitude, admit the problem but never aggravate it and hasty generalize the similar issues.
//让我见识了我在同主题里面写ideas只写一半的结果。。people的意思。大众认识的发展？scandal产生的原因？挖掘scandal人的心理？……论述很泛，很不深入哇。 issue就是宁缺勿滥的活儿。宁可一个方面说到极致也不要所有都是松垮垮的。体现思维深度为上~切记。

In short, scandal is a double-edged sword which has both of pros and cons simultaneously. The key is people how to deal with the scandal, and to maximize the benefits from it.
//这个。。有点小偏题了。。。后半句的They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could完全没有论述。。

ddcmj519UID: 176326

未完成。。明儿我再继续。。

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

谢谢小D~ 辛苦辛苦~

我惨不忍睹滴I啊。。。┭┮﹏┭┮。。。俺对不住乃。。。

ddcmj519UID: 176326

ok，done。。

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

in all 最大的问题是， 此段貌似应该说下in a way that 所表现的useful，而非单纯的useful不做in a way的分析。（这就暴露了某同学题目分析时候对题目理解的不深刻~）

亲爱哒~ 乃HLL滴拆穿闹本质。。。=3= 辛苦辛苦 >.<
晚上偶重写。。要对得起乃滴劳动，抱住啃啃