0910AW 同主题写作第九期 ISSUE185 by wildrose800331

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 491
TIME: 00:43:52+2 (checking time)

DATE: 2009-7-1 11:28:53

It seems that public are curious about scandal but the parties involved are uneasy even collapse due to it. Scandal, a kind of negative allegation, is a double-edged sword in my eyes. On one hand, it can be useful owing to easily drawing public attention, given enough focuses and learning lessons from it, where scandal itself is a symbolic process of democracy; on the other hand, it can be harmful if people's attention just meets their curious ends and cynical attitude toward those alleged events, without positive consciousness of avoiding or improving.
The widespread of scandals is done or even plotted by people themselves. Parties engaged in, mainly public big names in the fields of politics, arts, sports and so forth, may consciously or unconsciously have committed a wrongdoing. When discovered, these public figures can not help regretting what they have done or acting for the spreading plague. The spreading process itself is a democratic demonstration of mess media and public themselves, which verifies their rights to speak in public. Subsequent attention may be beneficial or harmful to the parties as well as to the public.
It is people that make good use of scandals for the better. This upward trend depends on speakers, reformers or other social undertakers. Based on overall picture and rational guide of the wrong events by speakers, the events may give public such an impartial and unbiased impression that people will make their judgment and give their responses to both the public images and the events. Reformers or other radical crusaders may advocate the change-worthy value of the negative side in those events and make conscious and feasible efforts in this direction. Under this circumstance, it can be useful once closely linked with efforts of social members including speakers and reformers.
It is also people that in essence deteriorate the side-effects or negative impacts of scandals on both those parties and society. Perhaps for the sake of business or media bombing or even political partisan struggle, some of people take advantage of those allegations intentionally, in order to get what they are longing for. In this case, scandals may be useful for those plotters or conspirators but not for the general public and society. People's emotion in response to those allegations, ranging from suspicion, anger, hatred, to disbelief, all of which are irrational and detrimental to the development of society without controlled time span and limits. As a matter of fact, the downward tide of alleged wrongdoings gets faster and deeper to the public than the positive trend, which seems no speaker or reformer could interfere and turn around.
In conclusion, scandals are admitted to be useful to society with positive efforts of many social roles including speakers and reformers. It may not be useful associated with other human agencies as it stands. Furthermore, it should be pointed out that drawing attention itself can not necessarily deduce the usefulness and benefits of scandals in all fields.

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 491
TIME: 00:43:52+2 (checking time)

DATE: 2009-7-1 11:28:53

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首先格式有误，齐头式，每段顶格，段间空行
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It seems that public are curious about scandal but the parties involved are uneasy even collapses to due to it. Scandal, a kind of negative allegation, is a double-edged sword in my eyes. On one hand, it can be useful owing to easily drawing public attention, given enough focuses and learning lessons from it, where scandal itself is a symbolic process of democracy; on the other hand, it can be harmful if people's attention just meets their curious ends and cynical attitude toward those alleged events, without positive consciousness of avoiding or improving.【开头开门见山直抒胸臆，鼓掌^^】

The widespread of scandals is done or even plotted by people themselves. （这是你的topic sentence么？如果是，你想说明什么呢？AW写作事实上是一种英文议论文写作，每一段都应该有TS，起总括本段主旨的作用，这句话我看不到这个作用 >.<）Parties engaged in, mainly public big names in the fields of politics, arts, sports and so forth, may consciously or unconsciously have committed a wrongdoing. When discovered, these public figures can not help regretting what they have done or acting for the spreading plague. （这里两句说的貌似是scandal的产生过程？）The spreading process itself is a democratic demonstration of mess media and public themselves, which verifies their rights to speak in public. Subsequent attention may be beneficial or harmful to the parties as well as to the public.（这两句说的是scandal的作用，但是论述得太单薄了，beneficial跟harmful在哪儿呢？为什么会产生两种截然相反的effects呢？这些问题totally没有回答）

It is people that make good use of scandals for the better. This upward trend depends on speakers, reformers or other social undertakers. （这句话有待商榷，更多时候丑闻爆发的时候跟speakers还有social undertakers的确有关系，但是reformers我不能认同，=-=，楼主有故意去靠题的嫌疑，而这显然是没有必要的，反而会让你的论述出现问题）Based on an overall picture and rational guide of the wrong events by speakers, the events may give public such an impartial and unbiased impression that people will make their judgment and give their responses to both the public images and the events. （这句话的思路有点中式，你想表达的应该是speakers给予scandal公正评价然后让人们自己去判断。。。(⊙o⊙)…既然要强调由scandal引申出来的正确的舆论引导，你表达“引导”就可以了。。。）Reformers or other radical crusaders may advocate the change-worthy value of the negative side in those events and make conscious and feasible efforts in this direction. Under this circumstance, it can be useful once closely linked with efforts of social members including speakers and reformers.【这整一段我都持怀疑态度，=-=，我觉得scandal是通过media暴露的一个negative news，通过speakers甚至是你所说的reformers论述的，必然是经过二次加工的，这是一个后期整合的过程，你甚少点到scandal本身，思路似乎有失偏颇】

It is also people that, in essence, deteriorate into the side-effects or negative impacts of scandals on both those parties and society. Perhaps for the sake of business or media bombing or even political partisan struggle, some of the people take advantage of those allegations intentionally, in order to get what they are longing for. （我觉得这句话好像有表明故意制造scandal的嫌疑。。）In this case, scandals may be useful for those plotters or conspirators but not for the general public and society. People's emotion in response to those allegations, ranging from suspicion, anger, hatred, to disbelief, all of which are irrational and detrimental to the development of society without controlled time span and limits. As a matter of fact, the downward tide of alleged wrongdoings gets faster and deeper to the public than the positive trend, which seems no speaker or reformer could interfere and turn around.（看到这里觉得更明显了，似乎是说故意制造或者利用scandal来引导人们的负面情绪，在上一段强调正面引导的时候提及了speakers跟reformers出面正面引导，我明白你是强调人的作用，可是总觉得这个表达有点不大好，为什么一部分丑闻被正确引导而另一部分则被故意扭曲呢？你的依据是什么？=。=，总觉得你不能说服我。。）

In conclusion, scandals are admitted to being useful to society with positive efforts of many social roles including speakers and reformers. It may not be useful associated with other human agencies as it stands. Furthermore, it should be pointed out that drawing attention itself cannot necessarily deduce the usefulness and benefits of scandals in all fields.

我觉得我跟楼主对于scandal的理解有些不同的，要知道scandal是不管当事人的意志的。。我觉得scandal爆发的当时public的反应才是最真实的，经过二次加工的信息疏导，又能起到多大的作用哪？高度怀疑。。。=-= 至少我觉得你这样的论述不能说服我。。。
还有，楼楼你的致命伤是。。。没有实例支撑。。。论述很浅。。。甚至简化一下就是几句的。。额。。。严重需要充实内容。。。

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

Okay， done.
橘色字体是语法问题，红色是我觉得有问题的部分，蓝色是我的个人建议
还有就是，楼主有个很明显的问题，你甚少用到逻辑连接词。。这样rater会觉得你的文章非常散，没有逻辑，不要觉得惊讶，他们就是这样的。。。对外国人来说逻辑词就是体现逻辑的标志。。。不要叫他们自己想。。那很囧的

P.S下下，楼楼是限时成功滴，大大滴赞一下，加油哈~~ ^^

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

先打打赞扬一下啊 马上回去加工 谢谢：）