【辉太郎杀G大队】7/8作业by Applemango

ApplemangoUID: 2661244

M.235./36 "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty—whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution—is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."


字数：510

The speaker asserts that the loyalty we believe in, comparing with its positive site, plays a more destructive role in our life. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that the quality of remaining faithful to a person, principles, or a country is always blind. However, the speaker overlooks certain incentives the loyalty may bring to the advancement of social development and in human spirit.

I concede that the speaker is on the correct social and historical side of this issue on the basis that loyalty is sometimes unnecessary and destructive. Firstly, loyalty is not indispensable in people’s life, economy and science can work more effectively to benefit people’s life. Again, casting back to the past 100 years, loyalty sometimes does act destructively. It is said that love is blind, so is loyalty. A blind and misguided loyalty will result in disasters. During the WWII, dazzled by the glory of nation and the emperor, countless Japanese youth took part in aggressive war, inroad neighboring countries. Likely, fueled by the nationalism in the Viet Nam Civil War, young Americans fight wars without questioning whether just. Accordingly, the abuse of loyalty will hinder human development and even cause needless sacrifice and death.

While we must admit that loyalty is often destructive, we shouldn’t ignore the merit loyalty has brought. Loyalty is a particular good character based on the premise of not violating fundamental values, and it accelerates the development of society. Martin Luther King consist his loyalty and chasing his dream of freedom even at the cost of sacrificing his live. Famous French writer Romain Rolland said: “my goal is not to success, but to be loyal to my beliefs.” These are all the respected live idols with loyalty. And also thanks to the loyalty to change the US, Barak Obama achieves his goal of becoming the president and reform a trustworthy and sober new American. Yet if loyalty encroach the common values or the natural rules, the terrible outcome can be anticipated. Regarding to the communism in North Korea, people are forced to believe and sacrifice. And this has greatly obstructed the country’s progress both in economic and civilization. ()

On the other hand, it is a long time respected moral principle that we must be loyalty to our family members, friends and even company. Loyalty has enriched people’s spirit and it is fundamental to the morality of the whole society. Without loyalty, there can be no moral norms to regulate people and the society corrupt while the numbers of adultery, betray, and perjure rise.

In the final analysis, the role of loyalty is not limited to destructive as the speaker asserted. It is true that the loyalty as a blind obedience to others is unwise and rush which will generate unexpected bad effect. At the meanwhile, it is also the loyalty as an excellence to heal the rotten society. As the famous saying by Hayek and Keynes goes, critical and honest, not blind agreement. A wisely followed loyalty will bring unbelievable merits to people’s life.


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15 The following appeared in a newsletter offering advice to investors.

"Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease. We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company."

字数 413

In this argument, the editor tries to convincing the stock investors that it is smart not to possess the OD stocks. To substantial this argument, the editor cites the evidence that consumers are much likely to but foods containing lower fats and cholesterol, and that may seriously disappoint the sales and profit of OD whose many current launching products are high in fat and cholesterol. Plausible as it may seem, I am afraid that the argument can hardly bear further examination since there are several flaws in it.



To begin with, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusion about the overall consumers where OD products are sold based on statistics about the some of the consumers. First of all, there’s no evidence about whether the sample is randomly selected or the quantity of the sample is big enough to represent the whole consumer’s desire. Furthermore, we cannot get the conclusion that the respondents are the heavy user and target consumers of products of OD or its competitors. Last but not the least, according to the consumer insight, majority of the people will make quick irrational decision regardless the contents or price of the products.

Next, the editor fails to convince us that the low-fat products are flourishing in food stores there means a diminishing consumer request of high-fat products. It is highly possible that, people buy products of different fat content for different purpose. The over anticipated of the popularity of the low-fat product result in the storage of them in the food store.


Finally, the editor assumes that the changing demand of consumers will result in a decline in OD profits while provides little evidence to support this assumption. We are in the absence of how many percent products of OD are high-fat, and thus have good reason to imagine other aspects which may profit OD when selling such high-fat products. Perhaps those new products are classical traditional with reasonable high price and can have high popularity among those conventional premier consumers. In any events, it will be too hasty for editor to conclude that investors should not hold OD stocks as its profit will decline.

To sum up, the excerpt is not persuasive as it stands. To better convincing the investor, the editor must provide more compelling evidence that it is wise to sell shares of OD. In order to better evaluate the advice, we need more information about the methodology of the statistics, the demographic profiles of the respondents,  the detailed information of the launched high-fat products of OD.

AliciaSunUID: 2660743

1# Applemango

怎么上传附件阿。。。。队长告诉我你得email我发到你的信箱里面去。。。。

General comments:
well-done job……much better than mine….

可以看出来是比我用心多了写出来的，提纲跟我得差不多但是文章组织/上下句衔接看起来很顺当，非常的好。向你学习！有些句子我背下来了。嘿嘿。发现队长你非常擅长写开头和结尾段落，学习。

改的不一定对，多多讨论吧。



The speaker asserts that the loyalty we believe in, comparing with its positive site(side or site?), plays a more destructive role in our life. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that the quality of remaining faithful to a person, principles, or a country is always blind. However, the speaker overlooks certain incentives the loyalty may bring to the advancement of social development and in human spirit(这句写得很好啊，背了，不过advancenment in human spirit?或者加一个别的词在in 前面？完善的？完美的？偶不知道用什么。。。。).


I concede that the speaker is on the correct social and historical side of this issue on the basis that loyalty is sometimes unnecessary and destructive. Firstly, loyalty is not indispensable in people’s life, economy and science can work more effectively to benefit people’s life(the loyalty seems not parallel with the words - economy and science, how about: hardheaded in economy and proficiency in science can contribute more effectively to benefit people’s life?). Again, casting back to the past 100 years, loyalty sometimes does(does or did?) act destructively. It is said that love is blind, so is loyalty. A blind and misguided loyalty will(will or can?) result in disasters. During the WWII, dazzled by the glory of(how about adding
“loyalty to the”) nation and the emperor, countless Japanese youth took part in aggressive war, (and inroad or inroading)inroad neighboring countries. Likely, fueled by the nationalism in the Viet Nam Civil War(cival war?国内的？), young Americans fight(fighted) wars without questioning whether just(
非常好的例子，收藏了). Accordingly, the abuse of loyalty will hinder human development and even cause needless sacrifice and death.



While we must admit that loyalty is often destructive, we shouldn’t ignore the merit loyalty has brought. Loyalty is a particular good character based on the premise of not violating fundamental values, and it accelerates the development of society. Martin Luther King consist his loyalty and chasing his dream of freedom even at the cost of sacrificing his live. Famous French writer Romain Rolland said: “my goal is not to success, but to be loyal to my beliefs.” These are all the respected live idols with loyalty. And also thanks to the loyalty to change the US, Barak Obama achieves his goal of becoming the president and reform a trustworthy and sober new American(U.S, not American. 有一个问题啊，。。Obama上台其实刚刚半年，我觉得不足以说reform a trustworthy 什么的，要不换个例子？华盛顿什么的?),. Yet if loyalty encroach the common values or the natural rules, the terrible outcome can be anticipated. Regarding to the communism in North Korea, people are forced to believe and sacrifice. And this has greatly obstructed the country’s progress both in economic and civilization. (这里为什么又开始反了呢，，，每一段不是应该坚持一个主题意思么。。。不太明白地说。。。)



On the other hand, it is a long time respected moral principle that we must be loyalty to our family members, friends and even company. Loyalty has enriched people’s spirit and it is fundamental to the morality of the whole society. Without loyalty, there can be no moral norms to regulate(
这个词很好啊，收藏了)people and the society corrupt (regulate the society corrupt? 很奇怪啊，是不是可以说limit or reduce the society corrupt?)while (以前看过一本英文书，while这样用是个错误的理解，while用在从句只能用作尽管，但是这个意思，不可以用作当什么什么时候，建议改成when)the numbers of adultery, betray, and perjure rise. (这段觉得不是很充分，再写几句吧。。)



In the final analysis, the role of loyalty is not limited to destructive as the speaker asserted. It is true that the loyalty as a blind obedience to others is unwise and rush which will generate unexpected bad effect. At the meanwhile, it is also the loyalty as an excellence to heal the rotten society（这句很好，学习). As the famous saying by Hayek and Keynes goes, critical and honest, not blind agreement. A wisely followed loyalty will bring unbelievable merits to people’s life. （结尾段非常赞！！！！！！).


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15 The following appeared in a newsletter offering advice to investors.

"Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease. We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company."
字数 413

In this argument, the editor tries to convincing（convince) the stock investors that it is smart not to possess the OD stocks. To substantial (substantial???) this argument, the editor cites the evidence that consumers are much likely to but (buy..)foods containing lower fats and cholesterol, and that may seriously disappoint (disappoint…?)
the sales and profit of OD whose many current launching (launching??) products are high in fat and cholesterol. Plausible as it may seem, (学习！！！！！！！). I am afraid that the argument can hardly bear further examination since there are several flaws in
(in this argument? Or in the reasoning of the argument?)it.



To begin with, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusion about the overall consumers where OD products are sold based on statistics about the some of the consumers (statistics involved in this surver?). First of all, there’s no evidence about whether the sample is randomly selected or the quantity of the sample is big enough to represent the whole consumer’s desire. Furthermore, we cannot get the conclusion that the respondents are the heavy user(heavy user?)and target consumers of products of OD or its competitors. Last but not the least, according to the consumer insight, majority of the people will make quick irrational decision regardless the contents or price of the products.

Next, the editor fails to convince us that the low-fat products are flourishing in food stores there means a diminishing consumer request of high-fat products. It is highly possible that, people buy products of different fat content for different purpose. The over anticipated of the popularity of the low-fat product result in the storage of them in the food store. (好像没说完?)


Finally, the editor assumes that the changing demand of consumers will result in a decline in OD profits while provides(while的意思？provides? )little evidence to support this assumption. We are in the absence of (in the lack of the information) how many percent products of OD are high-fat(我经常在口语里面说how many percentages,,,,但是ms自己听起来好别扭啊，，，可以不可以说，how many products of OD are high fat and what is the percentage?), and thus have good reason(s) to imagine other aspects which may profit OD when selling such high-fat products. Perhaps those new products are classical traditional with reasonable high price and can have high popularity among those conventional premier consumers. In any events, it will be too hasty for editor to conclude that investors should not hold OD stocks as its profit will decline.

To sum up, the excerpt is not persuasive as it stands.To better convincing the investors, the editor must provide more compelling evidence that it is wise to sell shares of OD. In order to better evaluate the advice, we need more information about the methodology of the statistics, the demographic profiles of the respondents, (and) the detailed information of the launched (launched again….Is that correct?) high-fat products of OD.

hdsf2003UID: 2351462

Issue 评语
能够在短短的45分钟写出510字不容易。文中采用了许多短语，但是有些不是很简练。语法部分，有些明显的错误，使文章的可读性受到影响。
词语丰富，语句变化复杂。有明显的联结词，同语义词汇的替换使用得很好。
结构上层次分明，不过on the other hand那段貌似结束得太早，就是说要多花一点语言，让文章更加平衡。
Argument 评语
靶子树的明显，非常有力。文章结构成递进关系，很好的得到组织。语言习惯非常符合Argument文章。
如同Issue，语法上有些不恰当，不过不是特别影响如阅读。



【辉太郎杀G大队】7/8作业by Applemango
M.235./36 "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty—whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution—is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."


字数：510

The speaker asserts that the loyalty we believe in, compared with its positive site, plays a more destructive role in our life. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that the quality of remaining faithful to a person, principles, or a country is always blind. However, the speaker overlooks certain incentives the loyalty may bring to the advancement of social development and in human spirit.

I concede that the speaker is on the correct social and historical side of this issue on the basis that loyalty is sometimes unnecessary and destructive. Firstly, loyalty is not indispensable in people’s life. Economy and science can work more effectively to benefit people’s life. Again, casting back to the past 100 years, loyalty sometimes did act destructively. It is said that love is blind, so is loyalty. A blind and misguided loyalty will result in disasters. During the WWII, dazzled by the glory of nation and the emperor, countless Japanese youth took part in the aggressive war, inroading neighboring countries. Likely, fueled by the nationalism in the Viet Nam Civil War, young Americans fought wars without questioning whether just. Accordingly, the abuse of loyalty will hinder human development and even cause needless sacrifice and death.

While we must admit that loyalty is often destructive, we shouldn’t ignore the merit loyalty has brought. Loyalty is a particular good character based on the premise of not violating fundamental values, and it accelerates the development of society. Martin Luther King insisted his loyalty and chased his dream of freedom even in the sacrifice of his life. Famous French writer Romain Rolland said: “my goal is not to success, but to be loyal to my beliefs.” These are all the respected live idols with loyalty. And also thanks to the loyalty to change the US, Barak Obama achieves his goal of becoming the president and reforming a trustworthy and sober new America. Yet if loyalty encroaches the common values or the natural rules, the terrible outcome can be anticipated. Regarding to the communism in North Korea, people are forced to believe and sacrifice. And this has greatly obstructed the country’s progress both in economy and civilization.

On the other hand, it is a long time respected moral principle that we must be loyalty to our family members, friends and even company. Loyalty has enriched people’s spirit and it is fundamental to the morality of the whole society. Without loyalty, there can be no moral norms to regulate people and the society while the numbers of adultery, betray, and perjure rise.

In the final analysis, the role of loyalty is not limited to destructive as the speaker asserts. It is true that the loyalty as a blind obedience to others is unwise and rush which will generate unexpected negative effect. Meanwhile, it is also the loyalty as an excellence to heal the rotten society. As the famous saying by Hayek and Keynes goes, critical and honest, not blind agreement. A wisely followed loyalty will bring unbelievable merits to people’s life.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



15 The following appeared in a newsletter offering advice to investors.

"Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease. We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company."

字数 413

In this argument, the editor tries to convincing the stock investors that it is smart not to possess the OD stocks. To substantiate this argument, the editor cites the evidence that consumers are much likely to foods containing lower fats and cholesterol, which may seriously disappoint the sales and profit of OD whose many current launching products are high in fat and cholesterol. Plausible as it may seem, I am afraid that the argument can hardly bear further examination since there are several flaws in it.



To begin with, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusion about the overall consumers to whom OD products are sold based on statistics about the some of the consumers. First of all, there’s no evidence whether the sample is randomly selected or the quantity of the sample is big enough to represent the whole consumers’ desire. Furthermore, we cannot get the conclusion that the respondents are the main users and target consumers of products of OD or its competitors. Last but not the least, according to the consumer insight, majority of people will make quick irrational decision regardless the contents or price of the products.

Next, the editor fails to convince us that the low-fat products are actually flourishing in food stores which means a diminishing consumer request of high-fat products. It is highly possible that people buy products of different fat contents for different purposes. The over anticipation of the popularity of the low-fat product results in the storage of them in the food stores.


Finally, the editor assumes that the changing demand of consumers will result in a decline in OD profit while providing little evidence to support this assumption. We are in the absence of how many percent products of OD are high-fat, and thus have good reason to imagine other aspects which may profit OD. Perhaps those new products are classical and traditional commodities with reasonable high price and can have high popularity among those conventional premier consumers. In any events, it will be too hasty for editor to conclude that investors should not hold OD stocks as its profit will decline.

To sum up, the excerpt is not persuasive as it stands. To better convince the investor, the editor must provide more compelling evidence that it is wise to sell shares of OD. In order to better evaluate the advice, we need more information about the method of the statistics, the demographic profiles of the respondents and the detailed information of the launched high-fat products of OD.

hdsf2003UID: 2351462

我们还是应该把邮箱附在后面，这样方便一点，word的修订，显示很明显，这里都看不出来了

iambigstarUID: 173848

一个建议吧,  在举例子的时候, 不要只从我们的新闻,认知的角度出发, 评卷的老师是美国的文学老师, 显然关于美国的任何事件, 最好看一下美国主流媒体的观点, 以免弄巧成拙.