【辉太郎杀G大队】7/13作业by sindytt (Argument237)

sindyttUID: 2661721

Grounding on the study in Dilton, the author supposes that two manufacturing companies moves to Dilton because of the decrease of its corporate tax rate, relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities, and then assumes that employing 300 people has a positive impact on Dilton's economy. Synthesizing the two hyopthesizes and ruling out other possibilites to the economic development and the reduction of unemployment, the author accordingly suggests that Beauvile will also benefit by following the similar strategy in Dilton. Apparently, however, there are several fallacies in this argument.

In the first place, the author fails to provide sufficient evidence to support the assumption that the two businesses moving to Dillton did so because of Dilton's new incentives-rather than for some other reasons. Perhaps the two companies had planned to do so before Dilton took the new policies. Or perhaps the labour cost in Dilton is low, which attracts the two businesses to the town. As a matter of fact, the author is engaged in "after this, therefore, because of this" reasoning.

Secondly, even assuming that it was Dilton's new incentives that attracted the two manufacturers to Dilton, the mere fact that the two manufacturers now employ 300 people is not sufficient to substantiate the further assumption that the two firms' relocation to Dilton had a beneficial impact on the city's economy. If their relocation causes more people to lose their jobs, or causes other companies' sales to decrease, it will be unwarrented to draw the conclsion that their relocation benefit Dilton's economy.

Finally, even if Dillton's new incentives did in fact serve to help Dillton's economy, the author fails to convince us that similar incentives will bring about success in Beauville. Difference between Dilton and Beauville might outweigh the similarities, the application of the same policy in another distinct field or condition with distinct background is doomed to imcompatibility and failure.
What if Beauville is famous for its beautiful natural scenery, and the relocation damages the scenery and has a destructive impact on its tourism, the economy in Beauville may suffers from that. So the author commits a fallacy of "false analogy".

To sum up, the author's suggestion to follow the same incentives adpoted by
Dillton is not well illustrated and supported as it stands. To bolster it, the author must provide the relation between the policy and the growth in economy. To strengthen it, the author should also have a thorough investigation to prove that Beauville can also benefit from the similar strategies.

ApplemangoUID: 2661244

Grounding on the study in Dilton, the author supposes that two manufacturing companies moves to Dilton because of the decrease of its corporate tax rate, relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities, and then assumes that employing 300 people has a positive impact on Dilton's economy. Synthesizing the two hyopthesizes and ruling out other possibilites to the economic development and the reduction of unemployment, the author accordingly suggests that Beauvile will also benefit by following the similar strategy in Dilton. Apparently, however, there are several fallacies in this argument. (个人认为，首先点出作者的观点——就是在B镇实施和D镇相同的政策，然后再说作者的论据比较好。)

In the first place, the author fails to provide sufficient evidence to support the assumption that the two businesses moving to Dillton did so
moved to Dillton because of Dilton's new incentives-rather than for some other reasons. Perhaps the two companies had planned to do so before Dilton took the new policies. Or perhaps the labor cost in Dilton is low, which attracts the two businesses
companies to relocate at the town. As a matter of fact, the author is engaged in "after this, therefore, because of this" reasoning. (这句话不妥，不符合AW的语言习惯，你可以直接点出来作者这样的观点不对，和首句相呼应，多踩几脚)


Secondly, even assuming that it was Dilton's new incentives that attracted the two manufacturers to Dilton, the mere fact that the two manufacturers now employ 300 people is not sufficient to substantiate the further assumption that the two firms' relocation to Dilton had a beneficial impact on the city's economy. If their relocation causes more people to lose their jobs(不太合乎逻辑，之前已经说了带来了300人的就业机会), or causes other companies' sales to decrease, it will be unwarranted to draw the conclsion that their relocation benefits Dilton's economy.
Finally, even if Dillton's new incentives did, in fact, serve to help
stimulate Dillton's economy, the author fails to convince us that similar incentives will also bring about success in Beauville. Difference between Dilton and Beauville might outweigh the similarities, the application of the same policy in another distinct field or condition with distinct background different place is doomed to incompatibility and failure. What if Beauville is famous for its beautiful natural scenery and the relocation damages the scenery and has
with a destructive impact on its tourism,
the economy in Beauville may suffer from that. So the author commits a fallacy of "false analogy".(我好像没有在范文上看到这种写法耶)

To sum up, the author's suggestion to follow the same incentives adopted by
Dillton is not well illustrated and supported as it stands. To bolster it, the author must provide the relation between the policy and the growth in economy. To strengthen it, the author should also have a thorough investigation to prove that Beauville can also benefit from the similar strategies.


整个推导逻辑比较严密，除了一些小缺点
语言简洁水平请继续提高
Argument的结构已经基本出来了，请继续加油。


嘿嘿

sindyttUID: 2661721

这篇I写到吐血了。。。队长狠拍吧，辛苦啦~~~
TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
WORDS: 534

The issue on whether to be idealistic and pragmatic, so complicated as it sounds, has been regarded as a subject of great moment. In the current aggressive society, it is fashionable to emphasize productivity and results. Most people worship that adopting a pragmatic point of view is the only way to succeed and believe that simpler, more immediate options can replace idealistic views. While I agree that pragmatic behavior is a good choice for survival and a path to realize idealistic vision and dreams, idealism is also a must in reaching achievement in academic, social, business or political fields.

To begin with, the steadiness, the nature of being practical, manifesting in the dealing with matters is helpful to solve problems. In business, for example, people aimed at profits and margin are pressed to do things fast and well, so that they always take a practical and pragmatic policy to finish their work. In this roaring developed modern society with fierce competitions, all of us must face some urgent problems. At this time, the pragmatism will help a lot in guaranteeing our success in short term.

Nevertheless, the chief weakness of pragmatic approach lies in its overemphasis on the immediate effects. What is practical is defined by what works. What works is defined by the results we see right now. Apparently, however, what works does not necessarily mean that it is right. Consider, for instance, a student who gains a high score by cheating. Obviously, cheating is wrong although it works. Another example is that hiring child labor is illegal, although it might reduce the labor cost and increase the profit.

Moreover, pragmatism accomplishes little without a sense of mission, a vision, or a dream. Idealism, as human spiritual pillar, has a great impact mainly in three fields-attaining a new realm in noble spirit, appealing to people's sense of duty and stimulating human precious spirit of hard struggling and fighting.
There is a saying that a nation full of fantasy is stupid, while a nation full of fantasy is stupid. In academic field, people who hold the love for life and ideality for society create the most beautiful, touching, moving artwork for us.

The author's assumption might be revised that the best way to succeed is to achieve a balance between pragmatism and idealism. An ideal is a principle or value that one actively pursues as a goal. Ideals are particularly important in ethics, as the order in which one places them tends to determine the degree to which one reveals them as real and sincere. In politic field, every president must hold and advocate a ideal society he want to build for his civilians. While when he is in office, he can't do whatever he thinks good for his ideal. He might compromise to the reality and choose not to do it. However, whatever he does, the goal of his behavior is to bring benefit to his country. He is just finding a way to keep the balance between pragmatism and idealism.

To sum up, it is too hasty to conclude that pragmatism is superior to idealism. The best approach to succeed, in my point of view is to find a balance between both of them.

ApplemangoUID: 2661244

TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
WORDS: 534

The issue on whether to be idealistic and
or pragmatic, so complicated as it sounds, has been regarded as a subject of great moment. In the current aggressive society, it is fashionable to emphasize productivity and results. Most people worship that adopting a pragmatic point of view is the only way to succeed and believe that simpler, more immediate options can replace idealistic views. While I agree that pragmatic behavior is a good choice for survival and a path to realize idealistic vision and dreams, idealism is also a must in reaching achievement in academic, social, business or political fields.

To begin with, the steadiness, the nature of being practical, manifesting in the dealing with matters is helpful to solve problems. In business, for example, people aimed
aiming at profits and margins are pressed to do things fast and well, so that they always take a practical and pragmatic policy to finish their work. In this roaring developed modern society with fierce competitions, all of us must face some urgent problems. At this time, the pragmatism will help a lot in guaranteeing our success in short term.

Nevertheless, the chief weakness of pragmatic approach lies in its overemphasis on the immediate effects. What is practical is defined by what works. (What works这里是什么意思？是结果的意思吗。如果是的话可以替换一下用其他的词)What works is defined by the results we see right now. Apparently, however, what works does not necessarily mean that it is right. Consider, for instance, a student who gains a high score by cheating. Obviously, cheating is wrong although it works. Another example is that hiring child labor is illegal, although it might reduce the labor cost and increase the profit.

Moreover, pragmatism accomplishes little without a sense of mission, a vision, or a dream. Idealism, as human spiritual pillar, has a great impact mainly in three fields-attaining a new realm in noble spirit, appealing to people's sense of duty and stimulating human precious spirit of hard struggling and fighting.
There is a saying that a nation full of fantasy is stupid, while a nation full of fantasy is stupid.（两句重复？） In academic field, people who hold the love for life and ideality for society create the most beautiful, touching, moving artwork for us.

The author's assumption might be revised that the best way to succeed is to achieve a balance between pragmatism and idealism. An ideal is a principle or value that one actively pursues as a goal. Ideals are particularly important in ethics, as the order in which one places them tends to determine the degree to which one reveals them as real and sincere. In politic field, every president must hold and advocate an ideal society he want to build for his civilians. While when he is in office, he can't do whatever he thinks good for his ideal. He might compromise to the reality and choose not to do it. However, whatever he does, the goal of his behavior is to bring benefit to his country. He is just finding a way to keep the balance between pragmatism and idealism.（这一段例子有点牵强，稍微改改应该说是总统带有理想的做某些事情，但是真正上台之后从实际出发，修改了达到他的目标的行动方式，而不是放弃了什么，然后达到了这个目标。How did he find a way to keep the balance? How compromise?）

To sum up, it is too hasty to conclude that pragmatism is superior to idealism. (最好在后面加上一些对于前面那句话的解释，和中间段向呼应，显得结尾更加完整)The best approach to succeed, in my point of view is to find a balance between both of them.


总的来说，Issue写得已经不错了，各个论点找得也不错，上下文也比较流畅。
我只是觉得你找的例子可以更有说服力一点。然后结尾不要太仓促。