Issue16 [快刀杀鸡]7/14 作业by wjin3

wjin3UID: 2617582

      第一次写Issue 写完之后觉得完全没法看，改了改还是很别扭，帮我批改的同学请多包涵了。谢谢，鞠个躬先，汗；
话说本组的这个批改顺序真让我觉得别扭，不过既然写完了还是发上来吧，学校的网很抽风，一天之内断无数次，要是最后交不上作业就麻烦了。

ISSUE
16
"Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."

中文提纲:
态度：基本同意，但并不绝对。

1，现代社会奢华和便利的生活能够给与人们舒适的物质享受，这本身对人并没有害处。但我们仍然发现很多人由于现代奢华便利的生活而堕落。

2，易发现如果习惯了奢华便利的生活，大多数人会对这种生活产生依赖性，变得无法再适应艰苦的生活。能够适应艰苦条件是be strong和independent的重要部分。

3，其次，人们的奋斗大多是为了追求优越的生活，奢华便利会使人们得到满足，从而失去奋斗目标，产生惰性，失去积极向上的精神状态。

4，然而，仍有少部分人不会因为奢侈便利而不再坚强和独立。他们有着比优越生活更高尚的人生追求，从而不会由于奢侈便利而满足。在这种条件下，他们仍然能鉴定自身的追求，并使奢侈便利成为他们实现自己目标的条件和助力。

5，由此看，奢侈便利的确容易影响腐蚀人们的精神，但却并不是人们是否能够坚强独立的决定性因素。一个人能否坚强和独立，关键在于自身是否有坚定远大的目标追求。


English lines:


1,luxuries and conveniences of contemporary don’t do harm to people by themselves. However we see the depravation of many people leading luxurious and convenient lives.
2,it’s not difficult to find that luxury and convenience cause most people’s dependence on them, and they made people lose the ability to apply toughness and to overcome difficulties.
3,then in any era, most people struggle for a better life for themselves, so they needn’t to struggle any more due to the luxury and convenience of contemporary life, which makes them lose their goals and ideals and therefore, they needn’t to and no longer be strong and independent.
4,however there are still some people who keep strong and independent in luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life, most of who have lofty ideals and keep to pursue their ideals in luxurious and convenient life. It’s human’s spirits and ideals makes them strong and independent ,but not the external conditions.
5,therefore luxuries and convenience may effect people ‘s spirits to some degree, but they are not decisive facts.








正文:
   Continuing development of productivity makes contemporary life luxurious and convenient.  Although many people believe that luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, we can see the depravation of many people leading luxurious and convenient lives. In fact I believe that the point that they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals is true, especially when viewed from the aspect of spirit, although luxuries and conveniences of contemporary may not be harm to people by themselves.


   First，it’s not difficult to find that luxury and convenience cause most people’s dependence on them. If one has lead a luxurious and convenient life for some time, he or she will feel really hard to apply a tough and inconvenient life anymore. Take the ancient emperors of China for example, the strong and powerful emperors who built a new dynasty mostly lead a tough and poor life from their childhood and most who lose their state power and was killed by enemy were luxurious and corrupt. Then most modern people are losing their strong ability of athletics after the invention of a great many convenient transport tools like automobiles, trains and planes. I believe that human beings usually develop their power of both spirit and body to response to the toughness or poverty. That is to say they may not develop into strong and independent if the environment of life doesn’t ask them to. One could lose the ability to apply toughness and to overcome difficulties in luxuries and convenience. Furthermore those who have developed strong and individual in toughness and poverty may also lose their power in luxuries and conveniences of life. Therefore, we can say that luxuries and convenience actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals to some degree.


   Then,to explore the reason of the phenomenon, we need to find out the reason for which people become strong and independent. I believe that in most cases, people struggle in order to earn a better life for themselves or their families, like the great number of students who study hard to find a better job, the employees who work hard for promotion an raise, the merchants who take every opportunity to pursue benefits. However, if people had already lead luxurious and convenient life , they needn’t to struggle anymore , which would make them lose their goals and ideals. One who has lost his or her goals and ideals can not be defined truly strong and independent.


   We can not refuse to admit there are still some people who keep to be strong and independent in luxurious and convenient contemporary life, most of who have lofty ideals and reject to give up to pursue their ideals. Like Federer the tennis star who continue working hard for his career after winning all the four cup of open tennis including The French Open not long ago. He is not only rich but also famous and successful on his career field. However he doesn’t give up struggling. I believe that it’s human’s spirits and ideals makes them strong and independent, but not the external conditions or other things. In another way of saying, it’s poverty of goals and ideals that stops people to develop into truly strong and independent individuals, but not the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life themselves.


   To sum up, luxuries and conveniences of contemporary lif may effect people ‘ spirits to some degree, but they are not decisive facts which could determine whether one could be truly strong and independent.   Nothing can stop a person to be truly strong and individual in spirit if only he or she has what deserve to struggle for, I believe.




写的过程中想法变化了很多次，可能中英文提纲，正文有差异……还是请多包涵，谢谢帮我批改的大大……

daisyhhhUID: 2477386

Continuing[MSOffice1]development of productivity[MSOffice2]makes contemporary life luxurious and convenient.  Although[MSOffice3]many people believe that luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, we can see[MSOffice4]the depravation[MSOffice5]of many people leading luxurious and convenient lives. In fact I believe that [url=]the point that they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals is true[MSOffice6], especially when viewed from the aspect of spirit, although [url=]luxuries and conveniences of contemporary may not be harm to people by themselves.[MSOffice7]

First[MSOffice8]，it’s not difficult to find that luxury and convenience cause most people’s dependence on them. If one has lead a luxurious and convenient life for some time, he or she will feel really hard to apply a tough and inconvenient life anymore. [MSOffice9]Take the ancient emperors of China for example, the strong and powerful emperors who built a new dynasty mostly lead a tough and poor life from their childhood and most who lose their state power and was killed by enemy were luxurious and corrupt. Then most modern people are losing their strong ability of athletics after the invention of a great many convenient transport tools like automobiles, trains and planes. I believe that human beings usually develop their power of both spirit and body to response to the toughness or poverty. That is to say they may not develop into strong and independent if the environment of life doesn’t ask them to. One could lose the ability to apply toughness and to overcome difficulties in luxuries and convenience. Furthermore those who have developed strong and individual[MSOffice10]
in toughness and poverty may also lose their power in luxuries and conveniences of life. Therefore, we can say that luxuries and convenience actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals to some degree.

Then, to explore the reason of the phenomenon, we need to find out the reason for which people become strong and independent. I believe that in most cases, people struggle in order to earn a better life for themselves or their families, like the great number of students who study hard to find a better job, the employees who work hard for promotion an raise[MSOffice11]
, the merchants who take every opportunity to pursue benefits. However, if people had already lead luxurious and convenient life , they needn’t to struggle anymore , which would make them lose their goals and ideals. One who has lost his or her goals and ideals cannot be defined truly strong and independent.

We can not refuse to admit there are still some people who keep to be strong and independent in luxurious and convenient contemporary life, most of who have lofty ideals and reject to give up to pursue their ideals. Like Federer the tennis star who continue working hard for his career after winning all the four cup of open tennis including The French Open not long ago. He is not only[MSOffice12]rich but also famous and successful on his career field. However he doesn’t give up struggling. I believe that it’s human’s spirits and ideals makes them strong and independent, but not the external conditions or other things. In another way of saying, it’s poverty of goals and ideals that stops people to develop into truly strong and independent individuals,but not[MSOffice13]the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life themselves.

To sum up, luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life may affect people ‘ spirits to some degree, but they are not decisive facts which could determinewhether[MSOffice14]one could be truly strong and independent.   Nothing can stop a person to be[MSOffice15]truly strong and individual in spirit if only he or she has what deserve to struggle for[MSOffice16]
, I believe.

[MSOffice1]continuous



[MSOffice2]我觉得只需用society 或者technology就好



[MSOffice3]这句话是在改写题目，但是我觉得你是想强调后半句，不如在后半句用however转折，效果好一些



[MSOffice4]Too often can we see这个句子可以倒装



[MSOffice5]感觉比较泛，我觉得可以详细一点比如失去生活目标或者能力退化



[MSOffice6]I believe it is true that…



[MSOffice7]L and C themselves might not be harmful to individuals.



[MSOffice8]firstly 或者是



[MSOffice9]Imagine that one
has led a L and C life, hardly can he get used to a t and I life anymore



[MSOffice10]这里不能用形容词



[MSOffice11]可删去，promotion就够了



[MSOffice12]建议倒装



[MSOffice13]建议改成rather than



[MSOffice14]if



[MSOffice15]stop one from being



[MSOffice16]to him or her, there is an lifelong objective which deserves struggling for, I believe.






我觉得思想已经不错了~例子也很生动
但是语言问题比较大，建议多看范文背一些好的句子
重复的单词，词组，用法太多，需要替换
用红字标出来的是表达过于中国化的，建议修改，最好改成词组，这样比较地道。语言简单句比较多，可以试着把短剧连成长句，建议加入插入语，倒装等修饰

水平有限，改的不好~请不要介意

daisyhhhUID: 2477386

红字基本上都没有显示出来。。。。我晚上把word文档发给你吧

wjin3UID: 2617582

3# daisyhhh
好的，谢谢你的精心批改，辛苦了~~