【辉太郎杀G大队】7/15 作业by hdsf2003

hdsf2003UID: 2351462

07-15---------------------------------------
Issue 207

As the rapid development of society and tremendous revolution of technology, we have quickened our pace much more than ever before and ignored some meaningful rituals and ceremonies. Though the efficiency of work or study has been improved obviously, we to some extent get lost in this world. Who are we and what in the hell do we want to do？ Sometimes, we find that these questions are difficult to be given a definite answer. Therefore, I quite agree with the speaker that our society or people have the stronger sense of lost without rituals and ceremonies.

First of all, it is the prevailing phenomenon that culture has been severely affected by international economy. To begin with, some cultures have disappeared for we regard them obsolete and useless in term of economy. Taking some local folk art of remote places for example, people used to celebrate their fruitful harvest and hold a party together. But few people would like to do so now for they prefer to do some work to earn more money. Because of that, some art such as folk dance disappeared. Furthermore, some culture has been eroded by others and lost its original meanings. When I was still only ten, people in my hometown would perform dragon dance during the Spring Festival free for us and we could be allowed to take part in as well. The current situation changes a lot, for the free performance is substituted by rewardful one. They demand money or cigarette after the dragon dance. In these cases, few of us have the chance to enjoy the leisure life.

In addition, the heavy work and quick life pace forces us to give up some rituals. The society we live is not the one several decades before. Our employers arrange us work which can cost you the whole day and even half of the night may be taken away from your normal life. In this sense, we are obliged to quicken our pace to catch the first and the last run bus or subway. It seems that what the work leaves to us is only to walk in a big stride. It is forgivable when we make a complaint that we have no time to do some rituals even when we get married. Hence, to some extent, once coming to this world, we don’t have too many choices to lead the life we expect.

If we continue to ignore the culture which had brought us happiness, no one can make sure we are still leading a real life. An integrity society should not only offer us jobs but entertainment as well. On the contrary, if we cannot get mental relax all time, the society is a distorted one which needs thorough revolution, for the simple reason that we are human and we need rest and time to accompany our families. A ritual or ceremony usually offers us such a right time when we can bring happiness back to our parents on their birthdays. All of us cherish the hope that we possess a harmony family and could frequently share the pleasure other members bring to us.

To sum up, the globalization and increasingly coherent economic combination has taken a negative effect on traditional culture. We are obliged to follow the currency of social development and lost ourselves. Only keeping ourselves from the economic erosion can we find that the life we will lead is much more beautiful than we do at present.


Argument 20

The arguer comes to a conclusion that the accidents caused by moped can be reduced by 50% when council of Balmer limits its moped rentals. At first glance, it is easy to be tempting to believe what the arguer presents. However, after careful scrutiny, we can find several flaws in his reasoning.

To begin with, there is no evidence that the accidents will rise because of the increasing population. Though the population increases to 100000, no information about whether it will exert a big pressure on transportation is mentioned. Perhaps this population is only slightly bigger than other times and will not induce more accidents. Hence, it is too early to carry out such a limit.

In addition, the limit of moped rentals may cause extremely negative impact. Provided that the increasing population will tremendously affect the transportation, there is a possibility that reducing the moped rents to 30% will arouse chaos or even local violence for the lack of moped. If some horrible or bloody events happen, it is too late for the council to modify measurement again.

Furthermore, the arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the limit may take no effect for Balmer. True is that Torseau got a satisfying result after limiting the moped rentals. But for Balmer, this strategy may loss its effect for its quite different situation from Torseau. Here mere information about the comparison of two towns is given. Therefore, it is reasonable for us to be suspicious of the weak effect.

To sum up, the arguer gives an unwarranted suggestion that limiting the moped rentals helps to reducing the accidents in Balmer. To bolster his statement, he has to do further work as follow: checking whether the limit is necessary; excluding the potential violence or chaos after carrying out the limit; reevaluating the feasibility and effect of limit.

lmcdragonflyUID: 2601914

Issue 207

As the rapid development of society and tremendous revolution of technology, we have quickened our pace much more than ever before and ignored some meaningful rituals and ceremonies. Though the efficiency of work or study has been improved obviously, we to some extent get lost in this world. Who are we and what in the hell do we want to do？ Sometimes, we find that these questions are difficult to be given a definite answer. Therefore, I quite agree with the speaker that our society or people have the stronger sense of lost without rituals and ceremonies.(背景式的复杂开头，很不错。但这个论点从题目“削弱我们的归属感”推到“加剧我们的迷失”，也没有体现仪式帮助定义我们的文化，类推有合理性，然后就容易导致跑题。)

First of all, it is the prevailing phenomenon that culture has been severely affected by international economy. To begin with, some cultures have disappeared for we regard them obsolete and useless in term of economy. Taking some local folk art of remote places for example, people used to celebrate their fruitful harvest and hold a party together. But few people would like to do so now for they prefer to do some work to earn more money. Because of that, some art such as folk dance disappeared. Furthermore, some culture has been eroded by others and lost its original meanings. When I was still only ten, people in my hometown would perform dragon dance during the Spring Festival free for us and we could be allowed to take part in as well. The current situation changes a lot, for the free performance is substituted by rewardful one. They demand money or cigarette after the dragon dance. In these cases, few of us have the chance to enjoy the leisure life.（这一段整个没有出现rituals and ceremonies..不能不说是个问题，作者从迷失，开始谈经济发展导致文化有跑题的嫌疑。）

In addition, the heavy work and quick life pace forces us to give up some rituals. The society we live is not the one several decades before. Our employers arrange us work which can cost you the whole day and even half of the night may be taken away from your normal life. In this sense, we are obliged to quicken our pace to catch the first and the last run bus or subway. It seems that what the work leaves to us is only to walk in a big stride. It is forgivable when we make a complaint that we have no time to do some rituals even when we get married. Hence, to some extent, once coming to this world, we don’t have too many choices to lead the life we expect. （有了rituals，但重点还是在heavy work，导致了迷失。）

If we continue to ignore the culture which had brought us happiness, no one can make sure we are still leading a real life. An integrity society should not only offer us jobs but entertainment as well. On the contrary, if we cannot get mental relax all time, the society is a distorted one which needs thorough revolution, for the simple reason that we are human and we need rest and time to accompany our families. A ritual or ceremony usually offers us such a right time when we can bring happiness back to our parents on their birthdays. All of us cherish the hope that we possess a harmony family and could frequently share the pleasure other members bring to us.

To sum up, the globalization and increasingly coherent economic combination has taken a negative effect on traditional culture.（到这里总结的时候，彻底背离了题目的意思。） We are obliged to follow the currency of social development and lost ourselves. Only keeping ourselves from the economic erosion can we find that the life we will lead is much more beautiful than we do at present.
评语：文章的语言感觉还不错，但感觉跑题了。issue 关键在立论。作者动笔之前应该深思熟虑。


Argument 20

The arguer comes to a conclusion that the accidents caused by moped can be reduced by 50% when council of Balmer limits its moped rentals. At first glance, it is easy to be tempting to believe（直接it is tempting to believe..可能好一点） what the arguer presents. However, after careful scrutiny, we can find several flaws in his reasoning.

To begin with, there is no evidence that the accidents will rise because of the increasing population. Though the population increases to 100000, no information about whether it will exert a big pressure on transportation is mentioned. Perhaps this population is only slightly bigger than other times and will not induce more accidents. Hence, it is too early to carry out such a limit.

In addition, the limit of moped rentals may cause extremely negative impact. Provided that the increasing population will tremendously affect the transportation, there is a possibility that reducing the moped rents to 30% will arouse chaos or even local violence for the lack of moped. If some horrible or bloody events happen, it is too late for the council to modify measurement again.（作者这个观点很新，我觉得还是比较合理的。）

Furthermore,（改为Finally） the arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the limit may take no effect for Balmer. True is that Torseau got a satisfying result after limiting the moped rentals. But for Balmer, this strategy may loss its effect for its quite different situation from Torseau. Here mere information about the comparison of two towns is given. Therefore, it is reasonable for us to be suspicious of the weak effect.

To sum up, the arguer gives an unwarranted suggestion that limiting the moped rentals helps to reducing the accidents in Balmer. To bolster his statement, he has to do further work as follow: checking whether the limit is necessary; excluding the potential violence or chaos after carrying out the limit; reevaluating the feasibility and effect of limit.
评语：结构都出来了，但问题还是字数问题307怎么都嫌少了点，导致论证的力度不够。加油加油