Argument1[快刀杀鸡]7/17 作业 by wjin3

wjin3UID: 2617582

ARGUEMENT
1The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."

outlines:
1no sufficient evidence could prove that the NW will earn a good profit from a store in PL证据不足
A, strong sales in exercising equipments does not follows that people are interested in exercises or leading health lives and therefore tend to buy NW products.买运动产品不一定爱运动，不一定生活健康
B, the popularity of the health club is not sufficient evidence to judge that the residents of PL would buy health food or other health-related products of NW.
C, the author is trying to inferring a future condition from a past condition. The argument fails to persuade that the interest in exercises and health will continue in a foreseeable future.
D. the fact that the fitness program is mandatory for school children in PL is little indication that the residents are living healthier. It just reflect the will of the school leaders or the government.

2 the author fails to consider the risk of building a new store in PL, PL need to pay the rents and other costs at first. It is not wise to take the risk without sufficient evidence that people in PL are interested in health food and other products of PL or reasons that they will choose NW’s the brand.

body:

The vice president made a conclusion that Nature’s Way should build a new store in Plainsville which he judge has many residents being highly concerned with leading healthy lives. In the memorandum, the president tries to persuade readers that residents of Plainsville are leading healthy lives by providing the facts of the high sales of exercising apparel, the popularity of the healthy clubs, and the schoolchildren’s fitness program, which can not be reliable evidence to judge that a new store can bring high profit for Plainsvill.

Firstly, the president equates the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing with their interest in doing exercise. Perhaps people in Plainsville just feel cool to wear running shoes and exercise clothing. Even if residents in Plainsville are enthusiastic on sports, that does not necessarily follows that they are leading healthy lives in all aspects and will buy healthy food and other related products of Nature’s Way. People who tend to  exercise themselves  may do that just because they love sports rather than the will to lead healthy lives.  

Secondly, the popularity of health club may reflects that residents in Plainsvile are concerning about health nowadays than ever. Nobody can promise that the people would continue their interest to leading healthy lives in foreseeable future. The president fails to consider the possibility that the popularity may just be a short-time fad, and therefore he or she is trying to inferring a future condition from a past condition, which is not persuadable at all.

Finally, the fitness for life’ program emphasizing the benefits of regular exercise at early age can only reflect the attitude towards health of the government or the leaders of the school who made the decision to carry out the program. It lend weak support to the assumption that many residents are leading healthy lives.

In addition, the presidents forget to consider the condition of their competitors. Whether there are other companies producing health food and related products or not and if the market of health food and related products in Plainsvile is saturated are not mentioned in the memorandum. There may have been a lot of successful stores selling healthy food and other related products. And the residents usually tend to buy products producted by the factories they believe in and from the stores they are familiar with in common sense.

What’s more, it is necessary to point out another flaw in the argument that the president does not mention the investment Nature’s Way has to make at first and the possibility to recover the cost of rents and other fees.

In sum, the vice president provides no believable evidence showing that a new store will bring more profit for Nature’s Way and does not consider the risk of failing to recover the investment to a new store. It is not wise to make a decision to build a new store without further investigation and sufficient evidence showing that people in Plainsville are interested in health food and other products of Nature’s Way or they will choose Nature’s Way the brand.

ajohnaresUID: 2661147

1no sufficient evidence could prove that the NW will earn a good profit from a store in PL证据不足
A, strong sales in exercising equipments does not follows that people are interested in exercises or leading health lives and therefore tend to buy NW products.买运动产品不一定爱运动，不一定生活健康
B, the popularity of the health club is not sufficient evidence to judge that the residents of PL would buy health food or other health-related products of NW.
C, the author is trying to inferring a future condition from a past condition. The argument fails to persuade that the interest in exercises and health will continue in a foreseeable future.
D. the fact that the fitness program is mandatory for school children in PL is little indication that the residents are living healthier. It just reflect the will of the school leaders or the government.

2 the author fails to consider the risk of building a new store in PL, PL need to pay the rents and other costs at first. It is not wise to take the risk without sufficient evidence that people in PL are interested in health food and other products of PL or reasons that they will choose NW’s the brand.

body:

The vice president made(主体用一般现在时，个别引述可用一般过去时) a conclusion that Nature’s Way should build a new store in Plainsville which he judge(s) has many residents being highly concerned with leading healthy lives. In the memorandum, the president tries to persuade readers that residents of Plainsville are leading healthy lives by providing the facts of the high sales of exercising apparel, the popularity of the healthy clubs, and the schoolchildren’s fitness program, which can not be（serve as：充当） reliable evidence to judge （别扭）that a new store can bring high profit（s） for Plainsvill.

Firstly, the president equates the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing with their interest in doing exercise. Perhaps people in Plainsville just feel cool(过于口语，可以用fashionable, in vogue等) to wear running shoes and exercise clothing. Even if residents in Plainsville are enthusiastic on sports, that does not necessarily follows that they are leading healthy lives in all aspects and will buy healthy food and other related products of Nature’s Way. People who tend to exercise themselves may do that just because they love sports rather than the will to lead healthy lives.  (不太地道的说……但我也不知道怎么改好)

Secondly, the popularity of health club may reflects that residents in Plainsvile are concerning about health nowadays than ever. Nobody can promise that the people would continue their interest to leading healthy lives in foreseeable future（好词）. The president fails to consider the possibility that the popularity may just be a short-time fad, and therefore he or she is trying to inferring a future condition from a past condition, which is not persuadable at all.（这一点值得攻击的没错，但不如其他错误突出，可以选择性攻击，关键是考虑30分钟不见得可以写的面面俱到，所以不如在其他错误上更有针对性的攻击。以上，个人意见）

Finally, the fitness for life’ program emphasizing the benefits of regular exercise at early age can only reflect the attitude towards health （语序不当，towards health放后面吧）of the government or the leaders of the school who made the decision to carry out the program. It lend（s） weak support to the assumption that many residents are leading healthy lives.（这一段其实还可以再充实些）

In addition, the presidents forget to consider the condition of their competitors. Whether there are other companies producing health（y） food and related products or not and if the market of health food and related products in Plainsvile is saturated（我觉得市场饱和更合理一些，用market） are not mentioned in the memorandum. There may have been a lot of successful stores selling healthy food and other related products. And the residents usually tend to buy products producted （produced）by the factories they believe in and from the stores they are familiar with in common sense.

What’s more, it is necessary to point out another flaw in the argument that the president does not mention the investment Nature’s Way has to make at first and the possibility to recover the cost of rents and other fees.

In sum, the vice president provides no believable evidence showing that a new store will bring more profit for Nature’s Way and does not consider the risk of failing to recover the investment to a new store. It is not wise to make a decision to build a new store without further investigation and sufficient evidence showing that people in Plainsville are interested in health food and other products of Nature’s Way or they will choose Nature’s Way the brand.

总之，攻击点找的很全面，可见逻辑思维之缜密。
美中不足的是文中多处表达或不够严谨，或有些生硬，难为我的是我也很难写出规范的语言作为指正，加强语言功力还需你我共勉。
可以提出一点是，不必每句话都尽量凑成长句。感觉有些从句套的有些生硬，不如另起一句来的突出。