0910AW 同主题写作第十期 ISSUE48 by cixitom

cixitomUID: 2610506

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

I don’t see eye to eye with the author'sassertion that it is the groups of people that make the important events and trend in human history rather than the famous few. Because, the famous few are internal powers that boost the steps of development of human history, and
they are the prior alternative result from the importance and feasibility.

Admittedly, people play an important roles in the significant events and trends in history .In realms of policy, the finial achievement of civil rights movement, for instance, which is a struggle far more just civil rights under law and issues of respect, dignity and social equality was based on the efforts of the mass.

However, the celebrated individuals play a more crucial role on the most important events and trend in history .There are respects can illustrate my maintained. First, the famous few as the most essential elements serve as the internal power to lead the mass to sailing on right direction. we can also take no further look at the civil rights movement. It is the Martin Luther King who is lead of the African-American civil rights movement, and it is his powerful speech---- "I have a dream", that raised the consciousness of pursuit their dignity and freedom. Hypothetically, if without the emerging of the King as the catalyze and the core of the leading forces, who can ensure people would have been so united to fight for their equal rights. Similarly, the Hidalgo, hailed as the "Father of the Nation", gave the courage to the people of entire Mexico and became the pillar strength of the rest of the heroes of Mexican War of independence. Therefore the famous few usually as the original power to motivate the potential energies of the mass and lead them to adhered to resist tyranny to achieve final equality. Secondly, the history of physical science is replete with stories about a few famous individuals. Darwin's theory of evolution is based on his inspiration of different species on the Galapagos rather than joint efforts of a group of people. So is the invention of the steam engine, which is invented by Watt. Hence, it is the endeavors of a few noted famous individuals that bolster the development of human civilizations.

In the second place, it is proper to place more emphasis on individuals than groups of people in terms of importance and feasibility. To attain the detail information about an individuals, especially a household one are much more possible than about groups of people who may are various in several respects such as background, gender, age, experience and so forth. Imagine that a historian want to learn about the role of black people in the civil right movement. Can any one show the whole materials about the black people in the movement. Even if the materials are available ,who can complete the tough mission to research the millions of black people? Obviously, both the unavailability of resource and the difficulties in research compel the historians to pay attention to the famous few.

In sum, although the function of the mass as can not be ignored, famous individuals as the internal power play much more important role in making the significant events and trends possible and it is proper to place more emphasis on individuals for the feasibility.

fake2009UID: 2631119

生病了...明早一定来改哈~~

fake2009UID: 2631119

I don’t see eye to eye with the author's assertion that it is the groups of people that make the important events and trend in human history rather than the famous few. Because, the famous few are internal powers that boost the steps of development of human history, and they are the prior alternative result from the importance and feasibility.
论点：重要历史事件不是一群人make的，因为有名的某几个是促成人类发展的内部因素。就论点其本身来讲，这个因果关系并不构成合理的因果关系。精英而否定common people的努力合理吗？

Admittedly, people play an important role in the significant events and trends in history .In realms of policy, the finial achievement of civil rights movement, for instance, which is a struggle far more just civil rights under law and issues of respect, dignity and social equality was based on the efforts of the mass.
论证：1.让步，承认大众是很重要的。例子，民权运动。（这边不是跟论点矛盾吗？修改一下论点的表述会更好，其实不是论证思维的问题，是表述。）

However, the celebrated individuals play a more crucial role on the most important events and trend in history .There are respects can illustrate my maintained. First, the famous few as the most essential elements serve as the internal power to lead the mass to sailing on right direction. we can also take no further look at the civil rights movement. It is the Martin Luther King who is lead of the African-American civil rights movement, and it is his powerful speech---- "I have a dream", that raised the consciousness of pursuit their dignity and freedom. Hypothetically, if without the emerging of the King as the catalyze and the core of the leading forces, who can ensure people would have been so united to fight for their equal rights. Similarly, the Hidalgo, hailed as the "Father of the Nation", gave the courage to the people of entire Mexico and became the pillar strength of the rest of the heroes of Mexican War of independence. Therefore the famous few usually as the original power to motivate the potential energies of the mass and lead them to adhered to resist tyranny to achieve final equality. Secondly, the history of physical science is replete with stories about a few famous individuals. Darwin's theory of evolution is based on his inspiration of different species on the Galapagos rather than joint efforts of a group of people. So is the invention of the steam engine, which is invented by Watt. Hence, it is the endeavors of a few noted famous individuals that bolster the development of human civilizations.
2.精英更重要---a)领导作用；b)在physical science这个领域，充斥着很多出色的个人。在b)的论述上完全是事实的推积，并不能说明为什么精英更重要，与a)的论述不平行。如果按你这样的表述，又出现了分领域套路的思路，显得比较乱。本身的逻辑线是在探究精英更重要的原因，a说的不错，b偏掉了。

In the second place, it is proper to place more emphasis on individuals than groups of people in terms of importance and feasibility. To attain the detail information about an individuals, especially a household one are much more possible than about groups of people who may are various in several respects such as background, gender, age, experience and so forth. Imagine that a historian want to learn about the role of black people in the civil right movement. Can any one show the whole materials about the black people in the movement. Even if the materials are available ,who can complete the tough mission to research the millions of black people? Obviously, both the unavailability of resource and the difficulties in research compel the historians to pay attention to the famous few.
3.强调个人更合理更可行。

In sum, although the function of the mass as can not be ignored, famous individuals as the internal power play much more important role in making the significant events and trends possible and it is proper to place more emphasis on individuals for the feasibility.
结论。

论点与论证之间的树杈关系要更明显一点。

cixitomUID: 2610506

3# fake2009

谢谢啊谢谢啊谢谢啊
确实好多问题！！